My Blog on the Magic Keyboard for Mackintosh

Dear readers,

I’m using a wireless keyboard to type on my Mac today. I unplugged the windows keyboard, but yeah, I’ve got my whole mac and all the peripherals out here in this the fair living room of the Denver Queen. I’m sitting in my rolling chair, but if I were to do hands on teaching, piano that is, I probably would not be able to teach such because no piano bench proper. We could of course get the bench to my house or apartment when I get back from Arizona. Yes, you heard right. Going to Arizona to visit my dearly beloved Clayton, and my feelings are just running crazy. We have such deep conversations my brain goes ballistic, and my thinking is turned on, supercharged. I can’t imagine what kind of weirdness awaits me there in Arizona, but I hope it’s nothing serious. Clayton is a sweet and gentle person with a big golden heart who’s been through too damn much. Perhaps I deserved it after much fallout with guys like Jason, Joey, and Blake. It’s much deserved after all the homies there in Arizona and Georgia failed me so bad it wasn’t funny.

About the Arizona trip, though, I’m having fun figuring out what the hell to pack and what not to check in my suitcase. Damn, Southwest doesn’t allow self defense sprays in anything. Ugh. Like how are women supposed to protect themselves? Women are supposed to be able to protect and defend themselves from rape, but that’s a battle I can’t fight right now. What I’m seriously worried about is meeting Clayton for the first time in my whole life and I hope it goes the way he and I both need it to go. I hope he’s happy with me, happy as hell. He’s going to be super happy to see me, and maybe we’ll have a ball, maybe it’ll crumble like beef in a pot. But I don’t know, I will never know for sure but when it comes down to it, Clayton and Trenton both love me to death, and they both need something special to happen. Clay lived because he fought to live, and Trenton thinks he doesn’t deserve me, but I said, love doesn’t deserve anyone, but I’ve always known that love doesn’t care where you live, it finds you and pulls you to a person or people. I think I found my crew, both of them, and I have a really good connection with someone who’s happy to show me stuff. I want to one day make a mountain of cupcakes and such, arrange my home in a big way, and have some parties and such. Trenton and I want a house, but this baby right now is not a real baby human being. I’m here to also say I have a full piano once again, and I hope things go good between me and the piano. I want to lay out some tracks and such, and I’ll even go so far as to email or cloud space those things if there’s a collaborator on it. I want to record something, and maybe Clayton would do a feature on one of my own tracks. I do want to be able to connect my midi stuff to the Mac, do things on it, all that stuff. Now it’s possible because my new piano has midi capability, and it’s awesome. Just plain awesome. Everybody’s happy that I have this, and one of my good friends who’s helping me get this good job says that now I have new toys to play with. Ha ha, I say. Toys? I don’t quite know about that, but toys? Nothing in my apartment so far is a toy, but you wanna see real toys? Check out a Barbie collection of some girl, and you get real toys. What about Hot Wheels for you males and those who identify as the type who likes action and such? What about plushies for those who really like to cuddle and such? Those are good toys, and there’s the wild and weird kind, like dildos and such. I’m not saying I would never have toys, but I might play with one if that means total stimulation. Yeah, I’m a wild child, but I don’t care.

I’m very happy to say that this blog is going to be updated almost every day in Arizona, almost. I want to journal about this trip, and you all will hear different things about this trip. I hope it goes super well, and we click like we do online. Clayton has never indicated he intended to turn his back on me, not once. He knows I’ve been more loyal and fiercely protective of him because I care that much, we’ve both been through shit, we know what it is like. We know what it is to have nobody at your back, nobody having your support and nobody caring a bit about you. I’m serious. I have a big problem with people if they don’t realize that Clayton’s sweet and funny and smart and intelligent, if they continually violate his rights and responsibly tell him they aren’t interested in seeing his rights are acknowledged. His dealings with bad people are just as you’d expect from any human being. The big thing is that people need to quit threatening this guy, making his life hard, and violating his rights. They need to quit. Period. HE deserves freedom from being in the so called sighted world, and I’m ready to embrace anything to make sure my life is full and happy and that my kids’ lives are full and happy. Did I mention kids?

I want to start a family, and that in and of itself isn’t just an act of rebellion, it’s a damn act of revolution in my opinion. Kids with a blind mother and father is a total act of rebellion against years of abuse, neglect, isolation, threats, and other problems. My parents will never know their grandkids by me, but even Trenton’s mom is better than most for the role of grandmother, and she’d make an excellent black elder woman figure in my kids’ lives. She has a few things going, a good job, a good life, two fluffy kitty cats, and a good son. What else could she want? Kids? Grandkids? I figured this would happen, but because I’m helping Clay get the house he wants, I’m helping him with his tracks and albums, I’m helping him with stuff, maybe the whole relationship between us is not suspicious. It’s good, trust me, and Trenton is a good man, and he’ll have the opportunity provided he doesn’t snore too loudly and I think I activated the Snoring Loudly Beta too many times to count.

For those who wonder, Clayton is experienced and wise, strong and true and a loyal friend. What else could I ask for? With him and Trenton on my team, I couldn’t ask for better. Then there’s all my other goofball friends. I have friends who call me funny names, one calls me a goofball and laughs weird. But I’ll intro you guys to him with his consent. Well, okay, you heard him on the Throne Room with Beth Taurasi when he played the harmonica. My buddy Joseph played the harmonica because that’s what he does. He loves playing that instrument, and I’d have him play it for me sometime if he could please get a full on harmonica and not just one of them tiny bars.

Then there’s all my other friends who are just plain weird. I have friends who have terrible senses of humor. Well, not terrible, but dark and dry and wild. Take my buddy Jessie. He’s got this crazy sick sense of humor, and Trenton and Jessie put together in a room would be fatal. I mean fatal. They’d be in the room talking, and Jessie might utter a messy ass sexy joke or two, and Trenton would echo the same joke, and laugh his ass off. That’s how bad Jessie’s humor is, but it’s irresistible. Writing this blog couldn’t be more fun without Jessie to light things up.

So what am I grateful for today? Well, here are five things I am grateful for today:

1. I’m grateful for the weather. As much as I despise talk of weather related subjects, the weather today was actually a lucky strike. Yes, not a cigarette, but a lucky strike in that the sun was shining and the air was cool and comfortable, and it felt awesome.
2. I am grateful for my beloved guys. Both are funny, intelligent, and sweet, and present a good balance of strength and gentleness I cannot imagine life without.
3. I’m also grateful for music, and the ability to play a weighted hammer piano. It’s amazing, and I can’t wait to record my whole life story on this thing.
4. I’m grateful that I have been given the gift of life but moreover, this grateful thought is about the gift of song. And the gift of empathy. I’m grateful for the ability to see the things people need and to be able to meet those needs. Example, Clayton wants to lay down some tracks and have some serious fun. I hope we can eventually use Garage Band to do such.
5. As much as I want to say I’m grateful for books, that’s what I’m grateful for. Books. I love books, and books give me joy and knowledge beyond what can be given elsewhere.

That’s all for now, folks. And if you want to, follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and other places. @throneroomdq on the metaverse, Twitter, and more, and soon you will hear the Throne Room talkspace on Saturdays, so join in.

Beth

Casa Bonita, What Do I Expect?

Dear readers,

There are a million reasons to be excited because Casa Bonita, a very good cultural institution in Colorado, is reopening under the leadership of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the guys who do South Park. I’m thoroughly excited because South Park is the best show ever, and some of you may not like it, but they make fun of all kinds of things, including Mel Gibson, which is well deserved anyway. They make fun of every last news story, and worst for those who don’t like it, well, you know you’re famous when South Park makes fun of you. That’s just the reality of life itself in the modern age.

What do we expect from Casa Bonita? Well, I’m hoping we can see cliff divers, pirates with hot ass dread locks, and better food for all. Food is food, honestly, but I’m getting kinda hungry thinking about it. I love food, all kinds of food. Just that food is going to be a problem for us because we have a week to go and still, six little things on a card isn’t going to do much for us. However, if we could, we’d up our anti and go to Casa Bonita. This place is hot business here, and Trey and Matt know it. They bought the place out of bankruptcy and that’s the cool thing about it. IF you’re a fan of South Park, you’ll understand. Colorado has good Mexican food, I’m not gonna lie, but this Casa Bonita thing is really exciting.

So what do I plan to do about this? Well, it’s opening in December, hopefully before Christmas, so I can take someone over there. It would be awesome to go and experience the place, it will be just plain awesome. Thanks all for reading this bit of good news.

Beth

Love Letter to a Loyal Friend, and a Deep Apology

Author’s Note: it was two or three years ago, on March 13, 2019, a day I don’t even want to remember, but it was this long ago, and I was a rotten hot mess at that time, we had a blizzard. We had a huge bomb cyclone, and I remember someone with the pseudonym DJ Hey calling me up and almost, I mean almost, stealing my beloved Clayton away from me and he himself thought I was not worth speaking with. Months later, I got this admission that he had been reading my blog, which I thanked him for, and he said he had missed me. Who knew that we’d be going from almost just friends to something more? Who knew I’d be meeting him soon? Who knew! So today, I’m going to write what I want to for him, I’m going to write him a love note today. Yes, this is unexpected but sort of a shock to me that I could compose a love note at all. For a long time, I was accused of flowery words and such but this time, this is how I am feeling. This is probably going to be the best piece of prose I could possibly write. I hope you readers will understand but this is a note dedicated to my most beloved fan, and I hope you the fan who reads this will be cool enough to respond or something. I love my readers and fans, and hope you will enjoy this little bit of my feelings. Also, I want to thank my guardian angel, whatever and wherever she is, for saving this friendship turned love. Thank you.

Dearly beloved Clayton,

My love runs deep as I type this. I have up to this point never said anything horrific or cruel or even awful about you. I wouldn’t dare. Even when I said those things on April 6, 2019, that was not intended to hurt. Not to much at least. I’m still kinda upset at DJ Hey for being the kind of arrogant person she had been, not realizing how much her words hurt. I don’t want to ever see you hurt, cry, or even frown at anything that happens in your life, and you’ve done this so many times. People have refused to help you, and that hurts me too. People might have tried to kill you, and honestly, if you ever died, I would rather take your place. I’d give my whole life for you, maybe I would lie for you. Well, as long as the lies are little white lies, nothing too serious of course. I’d do anything for you, walk a thousand miles in my shoes, your shoes rather. I’d rather have been the kind of gal who walks all the way to you because it would show my dedication, and I am thoroughly dedicated. I believe in you, and as I type this, just as so happened those years ago, tears fill my eyes thinking about how much we really truly needed each other. I love you so deeply, and I enjoy our deep conversations, I want that affection too. What else can I say! You really have made every day special, and your light shines brighter than any other. Trenton is my sunlight, but you are the stars in the sky I can’t even count. Your lights are so bright but it complements everything nicely. I love how you pointed things out, but truthfully, I want to apologize if I ever ever hurt you in any way. You are someone who is very gentle, sweet, strong, transparent, honest, friendly, did I mention you are very powerful? Strong would be the word. I love you so much I could devour every part of you in the most loving way imaginable. Well, don’t think I’m a vampire who sucks blood till you’re dead. That’s not me. *laughs*

Clayton, I was looking forward to all this good in my life those years ago, but I want to make an open public apology here because you never did deserve the hurt and the words I said about the actress, the actor, and all the things I could’ve done. I could’ve easily thrown you out but you came back, and I heard a wise old woman once say, “if you love something or someone, set them free. If they’re meant for you, they’ll come back.” My love, you came back. You really have, and I want to treat you like the king you are. Darling, I’m sorry you ever endured a few hangups from me, maybe you understood me better than anyone. But I want you to understand I will never hurt you, and if I did, I’m sorry I ever did. It is with my heartfelt gratitude that I say this because I’m deeply ingratiated by your presence. You are a sweet and loving guy, strong as nails, tougher than nails, and I know you got this in the bag. But all I really want to do is love you the way I love Trenton, and many others I’ve loved, but for you, you have something that you will someday have. You will have a gift and that is me. Okay, maybe not all of me, but you’ll have all of me in the end. I want to give myself to you and if I love you too hard, please I’m also sorry I did that or do that. You are the most beautiful wild flower in the entire world, something wilder than a rose. I did mention that. I love you to the moon and back, King, and I will never stop loving you till the day my heart stops beating. You have given me so much and I don’t want to waste it. You have taught me something, and I look forward to the day when I am standing taller than anyone you and I both know. I love you too much to ever hurt you, and I promise if anyone else tries, they won’t get far. It’s hard to be mad at you, as you know full well, because you give me the kind of life that I deserve. You gave me the strength to think about doing things I should have done a long time ago. I want to one day not have to have a caregiver around for too many things, I would not have the luxury of this. I want to have a life where I do get out and do plenty of walking and running and god forbid, a bit of jogging. Maybe I should live near a convenience store, a grocery store, who cares. I’d try walking in my area, but I hate this area and it scares me a little. Maybe a lot. I hate my laundry room, there were some creepy people in there, so yeah. IF anything, you have inspired me to do better with life itself, and I will carry it with me everywhere.

Thank you so much for being as awesome and as true as you have been. If anything at all, I apologize deeply for anything that may have offended you. I don’t want to offend you in any way even by writing this. I hope and look forward to the release of your album and future projects, and I can’t wait to work closely with you on those. Beloved king, you will soon have a queen. I will never stop thinking about how lovely you are, but let’s just say you are the best friend and perhaps more than that, I can’t say right now. I love you forever and always.

Love always,

Beth

Your queen

An Open Letter

Author’s Note: The following contains some if few or some more spoilers for the Handmaid’s Tale, any season applies. This also contains some sensitive information and I hope you will read carefully.

Dear Jorge,

I’m writing this letter to you as a matter of principle. You said some pretty hurtful things about my beloved Clayton, for whom my life is going to probably revolve, I don’t quite know. Clayton has treated me with nothing but loyalty and respect, but you think you can tell me he’s the fool. Here are a few things that made me cringe when I saw your last messages to me.

1. This is the big thing. You said Clayton gets off on the handmaid hierarchy thing, as though I am not Beth, but ofClayton. That is not true. He does not roll with commander types such as Jason or Wes or anyone else who would reportedly want to hurt me and Clayton altogether. Clayton has been nothing but a friend and a genuine caring person toward me, no hierarchy has been seen in this. What’s weird is that he caught me red handed watching the show, the handmaid’s Tale to be exact, and he asked me why I watch such things. He pointed to my own mental health, I just have to say this. It’s a warning, it’s a foreshadowing of what could be to come if we all don’t stand up and shout back at the commander types, the white supremacists, and the fools who don’t see the truth in all this. I watched a documentary about Atwood, Margaret Atwood, the book’s author, and she did lots of homework before she wrote the first words in the book. As any author should do the same. IF it weren’t for folks like Atwood, I don’t know where we’d be.
2. You say that Clayton is a fool, but he said you were the fool. You dudes better stay away from each other, I guess. My brothers would have killed each other in their bunks, but this kind of fighting is worse. I don’t like a lot of conflict.
3. You say I’ll have a right to die on a hill. Well, at least my name is my name, my body is mine, and if I give this thing a name, the name is assigned at birth and such. My name is Elizabeth Ann Taurasi, it will never become Mrs. Steven Rudy, get the song reference.
4. You ditched my commitment ceremony with Trenton, which makes me so sick. Why you did this, I’ll never fucking understand. Don’t ditch your friends when you say you’re gonna do something for them.
5. You really need to give the Handmaid hierarchy a damn rest, fool. You really don’t get what these women will represent in a future life and Clayton knows this gets me riled up more than anything, he deeply caring about my mental health doesn’t bother me.
6. You also tried to not understand me because of my mental health, and you blamed me for any breakups that could occur. You broke code with me when you were all, I’d rather be single than deal with someone who yells. Bullshit, if I don’t scream at a guy who wants to throw his dick in the wrong direction, I have every right to. I don’t want to have any pain while doing such things, so if a supremacist of any kind comes knocking, I’ll just throw him out the door with a few things. I would force all the white supremacists who want to egg themselves on to parade outside naked, and I’d write their crimes on their chests even with the hair hiding some of it, just wait till I get my hands on tattooing equipment. I should laugh sarcastically because these people don’t think we’re people, and that includes myself, Clayton,and Trenton, my beloved partner.
7. You disgrace humanity with a belief that I am being used. It is my right to be either a sex object or not a sex object, and I’m not a sex object. From what I understand, sex objects can be found in the fictionalized hamlet of Fat Lip, Arizona, blame that on Blake. Fat Lip is a place where you get a big fat swollen lip, probably where you were punched in the face because you violated some rule or something. In other words, don’t mess with me or you’ll take that trip to Fat Lip, Arizona, and you’ll have lips the size of Hollywood girls’ lips and you’ll also have some chapping and maybe a few drops of Jupiter running down your shirt. Just don’t accuse my beloveds of using me, and no, Trenton and Clayton would not dare mistreat me.

If you want me back, here’s what you do:

1. Worship me as your queen. Duh. Well, okay, not that extreme. But you must put a picture of me in your mind, in your living room, and remember that when you fool around, I’m watching. I’m so watching you.
2. Bow to Clayton when you see him and say to him, “I’m sorry I’ve been the fool. I’m the dumbass who decided to accuse you of using the Queen as a maid.” Perhaps he will tell you that you’ve been foolish, you’ve been stupid, or both.
3. Stop making me look bad and get the fuck off of other people’s pages who dislike or hate myself, Trenton, or Clayton. We are done with all the foolishness, and I don’t want my vacations and other things ruined. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Beth

A Job ??? For me?

Dear readers,

It is with excitement that I present to you a proposed thought. I may be getting a job at a remote company that does music lessons, and I’d rather teach the students there for the experience, and then maybe do private music lessons for young ones and adults alike, $25 and under negotiable for kiddos and young adults in college, and furthermore, if I do private lessons, it would mean the students would totally want to learn more. I want to do piano and voice, but with the company I’d like to learn to be a better person, especially with the soft skill of not being critical. I confess I’m critical of myself, very critical of myself because the criticality came with my parental upbringing. I was upbraided for being a so called egotistical diva, and it was bad for me to even hear my mother mock me in front of others, saying things as though she’d written my letters to the Backstreet Boys. Well, I’ve got news for you, Mom, Florida schools so don’t deserve me because of how dangerous they have become. The governor of that state is dangerous, and his white supremacist agenda is obviously flooding everybody with fear, which is what he wants to feed off of. That’s what Conservatives do, and one of those agenda items is getting rid of LGBTQIA+ peoples, which I won’t put up with. The company I wish to work for is pro LGBTQIA+, which that lines up with my values as a person. Yes, I had been bred in a Conservative household, but I shed that kind of skin so fast a snake couldn’t shed it quicker. While I am writing the blog post here, the Handmaid’s Tale is playing. My job would require me to use a webcam, something I’ll prep even if I don’t get this because I wanna do Zoom meetings in the kitchen and living room on my macintosh because hell, I’d love to do that instead of holding the phone and I wanna use a boom arm with my camera so I can clip it to the right level and have it there against my face level area, and I need a wide angle one, and that’s thanks to one of my good buddies for pointing it out.

I want to also furthermore tell you all that my primary care doctor is amazing, and has decided to put in a good word and a referral for me to the women’s care clinic. I can’t wait to have my own little child, and I am thoroughly looking forward to investigating Colorado’s support possibilities but right now, the job has to be part time, and when Baby is on board, I need to know how long it will be before I’m eligible for maternity benefits, including leave and such. Examples of the use case would be if I just had the baby, and between lessons, I could stop to care for this little prospect, but during lessons, I’d have to make sure someone, preferably a father or both the guys, they’d watch the baby while I’m working to support the kid. OF course, when I’m in the hospital, if it’s on a weekday where I would usually do workaday things, I’d have to text the boss and say, “Sorry I’m in labor, damn it, can’t work today. If there’s a sub who can fill in for my students/a way that I can make it up to you later, please let me know but seriously,” I’d say, “I’m in labor.” The boss would also have to understand in any job situation that pregnancy will mess with a woman. Yes, I ID as female, but I’m a staunch ally of transgender folks, and I’ll also want to include that I’ve participated in pride parade in Colorado, made friends with lots of LGBTQIA+ folks, including, I won’t say which ones are lovers or friends or both. I’m seriously considering not using, for example, one of my lovers as a reference, just to avoid biased statements so the boss has a neutral opinion or good professional opinion. I don’t want to use Florida people, no ex boyfriends, and to hell with some of the people in Colorado who worked at CCB. What if they speak ill of me and say I’m too liberal? Well, I do have one lover who insisted I use him as a reference, you can guess who. Trenton lives with me, so whatever. He doesn’t have my last name, so it works fine. He hasn’t known me from babyhood. So there you go. Then I have to get some sort of thing from another friend, and yes, I will also use a girlfriend who’s said I could use her, but still, I’m nervous as hell. A resume needs three references, but I want more than that so I stand out. But the big thing is I don’t want anything weird coming out in the reference page of my resume. I’m going to have to get back into LinkedIn, but I will be deleting folks. I don’t quite know why I even use that darn page.

Now, I hope you guys understand why I love my other guy, and I won’t have you guys guessing any more. But Clayton just wrote this beautiful note to the DA, and I’m being a bit half sarcastic about it, but this letter pretty much spelled out how the Arizona state peoples have been violating his rights, not honoring the auxiliary aids thing in the ADA or Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, furthermore, the date and time were objected to because of my arrival. I want to thank this man for forwarding my flight details to the people in charge. They better not accuse him of lying, or even worse, making it up, because he’s not one to lie about things like this. They can call my phone, they can harass me all they wanna, but I’m not letting them steal a great opportunity to meet with a friend and … well, we’ll just announce this when the time is right.

My history with guys has been so so. Trenton being the best, I’m going to do all it takes to include him even if it meant visiting him in the summer in Colorado, and going to Clayton in the winter. I don’t quite know how to knit things together properly in my heart, but no male god is going to tell me what to do and how to live my life. I’m not saying Clayton is official, he’s not quite official as a primarily committable second partner yet, I have to see him first. HE knows this. HE’s a sweet and nothing but true and genuine and loyal friend, and I can’t wait to see this friendship grow into … again I don’t know where we’ll go.

The big thing is that the women’s clinic will reach me soon. I will do a video appointment if they require it, and I can’t see the facilities so I’ll ask them to give me a private tour, nobody else allowed but staff, in the facility. I want to make sure the facility is safe, has a good safety protocol for what could happen, and I’ll present them a scenario about blindness and disabled parenting and such. They will be either condescending or not. The Colorado law says blind parents can have kids, and can have them placed with them. I will explain about the other things between me and all the other friends and lovers in my life. I will also demand that no custodial disputes be settled in court, but out of court. I want whatever happens to my kid never to be because Mommy and Daddy are fighting and can’t get along. Clayton loves me dearly, and I can’t wait to … well, maybe meet the little one that comes along, I wanted a dark skinned kid because paler skin equals being targeted for a white supremacist indoctrination. I want my baby and child and children to be raised pro black, pro LGBTQIA+, and with lots of gay and trans folks they can look to should they come out that way. They will not have to address relations we pick by title, Aunt or Uncle for example, like they can just call my buddy Christine Christine, and Jennifer the lady in chorus they can just call Jennifer or Jenny. Whatever the kid prefers. Jennifer Wensen, one of my friends, doesn’t have to be Aunt Jennifer either. I don’t want my other buddy Tina to be called Aunt Tina either. No titles required, except for professional folks in teaching, but don’t use Mrs. Example, I’m not Mrs. Matthews, I’m Miss or Ms. Taurasi, so to hell with the titles that denote marital status. I like the governor’s approach to that. the Messrs. Polis, for example, they’re a gay couple, but oh, okay, one of them is a Marlin something or other different last name, but Jared and Marlin have a couple sons, and they’re great. I wanna actually meet the governor, and talk to him a bit about improving blindness services in Colorado, making Colorado the best state for blindness services, bar none. Here are the ways I’d like to do this without being a politician:

1. Blind pension should be instituted that doesn’t ever go away with SSI or jobs.
2. Blindness should be classified as what it is, not sightless, visually impaired, shut up. IF you’re blind, it’s okay to use the word blind. Trenton is so severely visually impaired he’s classifiable as blind, so he’s blind. Clayton and I? Well, we’re born blind, completely, and that means if classified as such and completely blind is both of us, we should be eligible for more services that help, not hinder. I don’t think caregivers hinder, but we need to also do the next item in the list.
3. No guardianship for all Coloradans, especially those who are elders and disabled folks. Natural and foster guardianship would be allowed though for the kiddos, and that is needed to protect the kids from abuse or other things.
4. If a custodial dispute comes up with blind parents involved, if either one or both parents are blind, we need to evaluate what the kid feels with each parent, and the judge will decide who gets some primary custody. Example, let’s say a sighted woman took advantage of Trenton, and had a baby with him. The girl is sighted, but abuses Trenton’s offspring and says, “I don’t like you.” Custody disputes ensue, and in the plan I am thinking about, Trenton would automatically get sole custody if it can be seen by doctors say that the girl is abusing the kid, and they need to also count emotional and sexual abuse of the child as factors of custodial parentage for the kid. This way, according to my plan even Clayton would have sole custody of his child, not an abusive potential other who might kill her because she can’t handle parenting. Most vilicide cases happen because a stupid and ableist and … should I say another word like deranged?, parent decides they can’t handle the kid and regret bringing the child into the world. In the case of one such, the mother said her daughter sounded like a robot, and decided she’d drown or burn the little woman. Not acceptable. I don’t sympathize with vilicide perps. I don’t sympathize with murderers, not on any terms. I’m seriously throwing in scenarios here, but Colorado courts must side with a caring disabled parent, and if the parent is abusive, disability or no disability, that parent does not get custody. So examples, Jason my ex, if he begs me for some time with his own offspring after he abuses the child, I’d say, “Sorry, big shot, but you’re not getting any custody because the doc said you were hitting and beating the kid up. You could have killed my child.” I know Clay would never ever hurt a living soul, not even a fly. Well, I could be exaggerating, but if he squashes a bug for real, I’d be okay with that. Scorpions sting like the dickens, so I’d let him get that thing out. I’d let him kill the damn thing. I don’t want scorpion stings, so there you have it. Spiders too, if I see one, damn, I’m not kidding.
5. We need Braille legislated in to our education. We also need blind kids to learn comprehensive sex education, which would include not only anatomy and familiarization with the terminology and such, but consent, consent, and more consent. Dr. Fridas would be exceedingly proud of me for saying this. Donna Fridas may be Catholic, but she affirms all people, including transgender folks, gay folks, a variety of peoples. It’s thanks to her book on consent, written for everybody of course, that I think consent should be a huge part of all sex ed for all students, including the blind. Clayton and Trenton would benefit had they been under such a plan, and I wouldn’t be hurt so badly, but all blind females especially should be on the lookout for ableist parental guardianship threats, and be taught how to stall and halt such things.
6. Blind people should be learning stuff from each other, but Colorado doesn’t have a huge blind community compared with the sighted. I’d be damned if anyone thought that blind people are stupid. They’re not stupid, but the sighted supremacist community should be put in check, severely. I want people to approach us blind folks with curiosity appropriate for the age of the person, and be curious to know how a blind person lives. Let us all be curious creatures, but blind people are not the zoo animals, we are your friends and neighbors, your daughters and sons, your mom and dad, your aunts and uncles, friends, lovers, and so many other things in life.
7. Finally, I think a blind person should be in charge of Colorado’s blind population, and I totally agree with Clayton’s blind empowerment thing, but the trouble is executing such. I want to take over the CCB and rename it simply as the Blindness Center of Littleton, and I’m sorry, but we need to reverse the ban on one of my friends, give all blind females who survived the NFB’s sexual abuse stuff a chance to put their anger in to action. Anyone who wants a baby can have that baby, and I won’t pay for abortions unless the mother’s life is at stake, or she says please do. If a blind teenager is sexually assaulted, I’m going to kick the perp out faster than a hurricane. I will also institute better supports at the Center in Littleton, maybe we’ll make a slight change and still call it CCB but no longer with the NFB. We’d have an unaffiliated center, and we’d have to pull a George Orwell’s Animal Farm style of co-op with certain sighted businesses and groups, but one way or another, make Littleton a blind friendly town, and honor those who went before us and who will come after. People will no longer see Ray or Diane McGeorge’s names on the places of shelter, but instead, we will rename the apartments to honor someone who’s truly spelling out revolution in action. Blindness and empowering blind people is important, but we need to meet the person where they are, and I’m getting back my confidence in the kitchen, and I’m doing it a little step at a time. Baby steps. I made a green bean casserole, and it turned out delicious. I was shocked that it also had a spice kick.

Thank you all for reading, and I hope to see some good things come from the blog soon. Blindness ought not to be feared, and neither should I as a person.

Beth

My life is about to get better.

Dear readers,

I’m typing this blog post with the aid of my Macintosh. I’m also going to tell you all that life isn’t waht it seems. I’m feeling weird these days. I have 373 gb of stuff I have to remove from an iCloud backup and stuff like this. I’m feeling also that I’m at a precipice on things, including where I’m going to set up shop and have a family. For those who don’t know, blind parents can do things, honestly I’m tired of people saying I have to have excellent cooking skills, stellar cleaning skills, and all of that. Parents should try their hand at those things, sure, but moreover, parents have to have a desire to do this, and they have to be able to attach to a child and love that child. My dearly beloved Trenton says he doesn’t feel the energy necessary to be a biological father, but I’m willing to set it up so that he can help with things, but I also want support in the state of Colorado. So far, my therapist has sent me resources about parenting as a blind person, which is a start, but I have so many friends who are blind, well, I have parent friends, good ones and they are not judgmental, but I also think that UU parents like one of my other buddies I hung out with are very sweet people. I’m truly happy when I’m with my tribe. And I found that tribe, and I’ll tell you it’s not just me, Trenton, and my potentiali other Clayton, and some of you may think this is awfully weird, but it includes sisters like my friends in the UU community, it includes folks in the blindness community of Colorado, it includes folks with comorbid disability who also have been blind a long time. I want to say this journey is not over yet. Before my goddamn mac decides to update, I better shut up. I can’t wait, honestly, to begin new adventures and leaps and bounds. There’s a dog howling outside our window, at least not a damn coyote, and those things are the devil. In Arizona, well, they are the devil for ranchers and such, and the coyotes like to feast on people’s livestock, so I was saying, fight nature with nature, and if coyotes mess with my livestock, I said I would use a guard dog to keep the sheep away from the coyote packs. Moreover, I explained that a certain breed of llama and sheepdog could help out immensely more so than a poison or pesticide. We both love the environment, Clayton and I, and we both believe that playing with DNA and playing God isn’t exactly a good thing.

I just want to make sure the pros and cons are good ones, at least we need to know that 3d tactile ultrasonic images of the children to come are available for Medicaid, and we need the full body because as blind people, we should not have to be dictated about how and who accesses information about things like this. Ultrasound images are intimate parts of a mother’s and father’s life. I’m not dissing you gay folks either, but gay guys and a surrogate who are blind should still have the same equal access and opportunity that heterosexual couples get by being heterosexual. I am for the most part hetero, but I’m willing to try things I couldn’t because of my hellish adolescence. As a young girl, I was stripped of my rights, so now I’m going to see where my straight laced image can be ripped apart. I could say a woman is fine, but I’m not wired for women, and that’s okay. Everybody has natural feelings about things like this. I am affirmative to all persons, after all it is one of the principles that guides my beliefs about things. If anything, I’m going to have a lot to say later on, but I’m going to be in Arizona next month, and can’t wait honestly to be loved and appreciated by someone who truly loves and appreciates me.

What are the pros and cons you may ask? I’ll list them all here.

Pros and cons for Colorado:

1. I have supports that will accept Clayton as a fellow being of humanity, otherwise known as a homo sapien sapien, a la human being.
2. He doesn’t have to worry about badass drivers running him over as many times.
3. We may have better coverage for children and women with Medicaid, and I don’t qualify for Medicare.
4. I get dental benefits.
5. Food stamps are a nonissue.
6. Nicer places abound. I want a bigger place so I can have a few musical opportunities.
7. The mountains are beautiful.
8. The weather in summer is way better than Arizona’s by a long shot.
9. Colorado has wilder weather, but the people here are resilient, and very kind honestly.
10. I have buddies here who would be able to participate without judgment in a baby shower, birthday party, etc etc.

Pros and Cons of being in Arizona:

1. A con is the desert climate, duh.
2. There are enemies in Arizona, particularly those I’ve written about who sent me a deathly threat via a Karen of sorts in my backyard mind you.
3. People are treating Clayton like total shit.
4. At least no snow.
5. Clayton wants a house there, but what if there’s none to be found due to jentification? Jentified, a Netflix show, pronounced “hentified” is a show about Latino families facing gentrification, and Arizona’s gentrification is out of control.
6. Republican run legislation, no need to explain that part.
7. Too many goddamn creedal churches, where are the UU’s there?
8. LGBTQI+ folks aren’t protected as much, trans care could be criminalized as well as sports, Iowa did that already.
9. Access to abortion if my life is in danger is crucial, and if AZ pulls a we don’t like abortion, even if the mother’s life is in danger thing, it should be clear where my family will live.
10. No critical race theory or talk about black people in schools. Also, the. high school Clayton attended would get a big F you from me for trying to institutionalize him for being himself and expressing his actions and feelings through rap music. Colorado schoolkids don’t even get that kind of treatment to my knowledge.

It should be clear, but I’m going to be honest. I hope Clayton and I can work something out where he leaves Arizona and comes here, wink wink. I secretly wish he’d do this, even if gun control is bad for his rights to own one, or if Colorado requires sight to do x and y. I don’t care, and I don’t want anyone to be dumped or left out, but we need to decide where and when I go someplace, to visit Trenton or Clayton, and both of them need to share me gracefully, without incident, no fighting, I know this is weird. But I hate heartbreaks, I’ve been through my share of those. I had the worst sex with my ex, the guy in Georgia we call Jason, but Idk. My adventures will include every leg of my journey. I just hope I don’t die giving birth, or worse, die postpartum like a friend did a while back

Okay, trying my hand at something new

Dear readers,

My brain is on fire. I’m falling hard for someone special. Now, I’m looking at something I shouldn’t. … Who cares? Below, I’m about to write down this poem I’m envisioning in my mind at this hour.

There is no rose in Iowa,

More wild and beautiful than you,

There is no ocean so deep,

Than your beautiful eyes crystal blue,

There is no golden sun the brighter

Than your golden smile is deep,

When you aren’t with me, or in my arms,

I feel as though I should weep.

Come sit beside me, my love,

Let me hold you close by,

As the sound of the mourning dove

Becomes clearer and echoes louder, and I die,

A thousand deaths in your arms, full of passion,

Your kiss being as sweet and cool as the rain,

I hope that one day you will never fall out of fashion,

So as I take off in my desert bound plane,

Remember me, let me remember you,

And let me love you again,

Because there is not a wilder and more beautiful place

Than in your heart, and no mountain or valley

Can erase the space between me and your beautiful face,

And I hope not one thing finds us in an alley,

Alone in the night, I sit here and write,

These words that call out and fall out of me,

Because you are the one I think of each and every night,

And each and every solitary day,

You are on my mind.

Beloved one, as I type this,

This isn’t the first time I will say this,

But believe me you aren’t the only thing I’ve loved so deeply,

But just wait until you kiss me so sweetly,

You are the one I dare to say I wouldn’t live without,

And I love you truly and without a single doubt.