Malls: Dangers In All Aspects

Yes, you heard right. I’d like to say stuff about my experiences at malls. Malls are fun places to go where shopping is supposedly a pleasure. But malls can be dangerous, and with the recent reports about Al Shabbab and the mall threats, especially, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, I’m going to talk about my life in malls. Yes, here it is. My life in a mall.
I used to go to a place called the Miracle City Mall in Titusville, and I remember shopping there. It used to be that you could walk around the mall and people knew who you were. Malls like this one were not so bad, and the space program was in its heyday. Titusville’s Miracle City Mall had many good memories for me. Since then, it has been torn down, and my memories with it. It was the place where I went to see Santa Claus many times, and the last time I sat on the old man’s lap was some years back before my friend Emily got pregnant with a child at sixteen or so. It was a cool and pleasant day in Florida, and the last time I went to Miracle City, Emily and I went through the mall, and landed at Claire’s. Oh Lord, I remember Claire’s. Claire’s had many things in it: jewels, earrings of all kinds, necklaces, and bags. Claire’s and Icing by Claire’s are both stores I will always cherish, and hopefully my own daughters to be will see the stores when they become fourteen. My ears were pierced at the same Claire’s I speak of.
Anyway, Emily and I found many great things on sale at Claire’s, and that was what we bought. I bought chopsticks and a chopstick rest or some things. I’m not sure what else I bought. Claire’s was the place full of memories, including the memory of me buying a big garland of beaded curtains to put up on my walls. I’d walk around the mall, and sometimes I’d hear a pony carousel singing merrily around in a circle in the hall. Kids would play happily around it, and then it would continue when you put a quarter in it. The kids would ride it too, and I remember days I did this.
Malls had such a great big book of memories for me. Eventually, outdoor malls became the norm, and indoor malls weren’t so much. Titusville lost its growth and vitality, and with it the Miracle City Mall deteriorated into nothingness, and Dave’s hot dog stand died with all the rest of the memories I had. I remember Orange Juliuses and pretzels at the mall. My parents and brothers and I would go and we’d have so much fun at the mall. This was before the dark times, and as Obi Wan Kenobi would put it, before the Empire. Before the Dark Times, before the evil galactic Empire. I can’t forget the malls I went to with others, and one such recent trip was to the Park Meadows Mall. I bought a scarf for my then boyfriend Deq, and then bought me a Christmas CD of Loreena McKenitt. It was a good CD, and I have all the files of it on iTunes. Now, as a full fledged older woman, I am hearing these reports about malls, and it saddens me.
For one, malls have become the lookout spot for perverted men. I’m not saying all men do this, but mall perverts are everywhere. You just can’t walk about the mall in a short skirt, or even in jeans. Some guys just stick cameras up a longer skirt, and they take pictures of women’s stuff right there. Another problem with malls is just about to sprout: the Terrorists in Minnesota are trying to inspire people to kill at malls. There was one or two massacres at Malls before.
Malls are supposed to be a fun and safe hangout for everyone, so here’s what I’d like to see at my local mall:
I’d like to see all of us together, and of course, the DHS would say, “If you see something, say something.” Congress is trying to hold the Department of Homeland Security hostage over the immigration bill, and Obama had this same problem with his healthcare reform law. Well, if you’re a Mexican and wanted to get a job here, but your parents couldn’t get a home legally in the U.S., not your fault, right? Well, we need the Security people to train others to be sensitive to blind people, and if Al Shabbab wants to do some bad work in malls around Minneapolis, they won’t. There’s heightened security at the big Mall of America. Imagine if Titusville had this heightened security due to Terrorists trying to plot massacres at Miracle City. It must be terrible, mind you, if someone tried to do mall massacres. It would kill me if anyone in this country died at the mall, and just for being Christian or otherwise non Muslim, they’d get shot in the head. That and they would hear, as the final resounding words, “Allah O Akbar.” That’s what the Terrorists are trained to say before they kill someone. Supposedly, they go to Paradise with all them virgins if they do this. Well, it’s not going to bring them virgin wives. Nobody gets a virgin wife in Heaven, and Blake would say, “There is no marriage or wives in Heaven.” Blake would quote the book of Revelation and I would add on to it, echoing the whole thing with a resounding, “Amen.” Mall massacres would make malls unsafe and not so much fun for teenagers. Today’s insecure world has reached the Malls of America. Just be careful while at a mall, people. Not only women have to be careful, but men as well. Don’t just wear a veil at the mall because you’re Muslim or trying to protect yourself, and forget about the veil if you’re Christian. We need to be careful of who we are messing with because if we mess with the wrong people, we could get in to big trouble. The dodos in Minnesota, better known as the Al Shabbab contingent and the people who recruit for them, should not think they’re gonna be too safe to perform a massacre at an American mall. What is wrong with Western malls, may I ask? If you are reading this, and you’re a Terror striking man who wants to destroy my country, just close the door of your bedroom, lie down, and think about what I just said. Think about the people who you think you’re gonna mess with. You can’t mess with Americans because we know what you’re doing and going to do. We intercept your videos, we can trace your phone calls, and we won’t let you go further than saying the stuff you say in the videos. I say this because I don’t want to have another incident like 9/11 happen in the Malls here. Malls should be safe hangouts, not fear dropouts or whatever you want to call them.

When you Call 911, … on your cell phone, …

Dear Readers,
A recent NBC investigative report showed that 911 cell phone callers are usually off by certain numbers of feet, miles, and inches away from the actual emergency location. NBC did the investigation, and they found that if you call 911 on your cell phone, you still won’t be found. I have had several experiences with 911. Let me tell you, with the satellite technology with GPS on it, we should be using 911 on cell phones to find the person who needs it. Ok, let’s see, let’s try using a 911 scenario as an example of what NBC was trying to avoid.
In fact, NBC pointed to a scenario where a lady fell into a pond. Shanelle Anderson was delivering papers and she careened in to a pond in her car, and she was panicked. She called 911 on her cell, but guess what? “We can’t find you” was the response the operator gave her. Result? She died.
Let’s say that Blake and I were having a stroll out on the streets of Phoenix. With 911’s old tech, if Blake or myself fell down and seized up, 911 on cell phones would not be able to find either one of us. Results could be tragic. How can we prevent this tragedy like shanelle’s? Let’s try this:
Imagine a 911 app that automatically finds you. Let’s see if the 911 operators with such apps can find you if you call it. With the new tech the FCC is literally forcing the 911 emergency centers to find and use, Blake and I would be able to get to a hospital if one of us fell. Let’s say that I fell while walking to a location. Let’s also pretend that I called 911 while on the way to work because I fell. So I’m totally injured and I call 911 on my cell phone. The goal of new technology is to make 911 operators able to pinpoint your location. So the first thing I would have to say is, “I’m blind, I don’t know where I’m located. I’m dizzy.” What I would also say is that I am injured and in pain, etc. If 911 continues down its deteriorating path, it would ultimately result in tragedy. I would end up dead or delayed in getting to the hospital.
Now, this is part of the NBC investigative report. Jeff, the reporter in the 911 center, used the phone to dial 911. HE asked the operator, “Where are we and what location am I around?” He was wondering if the operator can pinpoint the absolute accurate location, and guess what? No, the operator couldn’t. This post was indeed inspired by the 911 report I just heard. If you or a loved one is in an emergency situation, or god forbid, there’s a dead body in a ditch, you have to call 911. If it’s on your smartphone, then why is there outdated technology being used so much? Denver had some interesting technology used before, so why is 911 becoming unreliable? FCC is already taking action so we can save lives. I don’t know if Congress would have any idea what importance 911 has for saving lives.
Let’s use another scenario as an example. In this example, a fire is raging through a building. There are women and children in the building, and two of the women are pregnant. You have to call 911, right? Well, with the investigation by NBC and the way the FCC is handling this, let’s use two different scenarios in the example I just gave you. First, with the outdated technology, the building people call 911. “911, what’s your emergency?” You answer, “There’s a fire in the building and I don’t know where I’m located. I think it’s a big building near 1313 West Gate Road.” Ok, so we put the address down here, but let’s say the operator says, “I can’t find you on this map.” Tragedy will result if the operator can’t find you.
In the new tech scenario, you say “There’s a fire at 1313 West Gate Road.” Ok, with the 911 app proposed by FCC, the operator says, “We have you right here. 1313 West Gate Road.” The result? Seconds later, you hear sirens and the firemen arrive to stop the fire. There you have it. You may be the one saving over a hundred lives, including the lives of babies and unborn children. This is really important, and I hope all of us may read this post and see how the investigative report can help us all realize that some things in 911 emergency systems are a bit out of date. If anyone has any idea how to improve your city or town’s 911 system, do comment here. IF there are already improvements, you have something to say. Perhaps you can comment and tell me how this is going.

Sex Workers: A Problem With Child Predatry

While going down the road of the topic of sex workers, I just wanted to tell all of you about the problems facing younger sex workers here in the U.S. and abroad. We have a big problem with the sex trade in this world, and it’s beyond what anyone could fathom. Imagine a seventeen-year-old girl from Moldova, fresh from high school, told she had a factory job. Then, suddenly, she’s in a place where she has to have sex with customers. Basically, she is forced into sex work. Yuck.
This happens so many times, and I must say this before I get crazy: sex workers are not sex workers by choice unless they are sex working without nervousness or tensity. There have been hidden nooks and crannies in society where Indian girls and others of different ethnic groups have been locked in “pinjaras”, a word that means … drumroll please … cage. It’s a four by six foot thing that the girl lives in, and most of the time, these “sex workers” are unwanted wives and daughters who fail to marry. The unwanted wives are widows that families don’t need or want in their view. The daughters are people who don’t get married. Maybe the family wants to sell the daughter for money to pay bills. I’ll do a different post on child marriage and why it’s such a big problem and what’s being done about it. But for now, such girls we’re discussing are the ones who are trafficked for sex work. It’s a hard and deadly work experience for girls. Girls have a high risk of getting pregnant at a young age and worse, they could get AIDS. Natasha Beddingfield and other celebrities are working to stop such heinous crimes against humanity. They are talking to girls and helping them come around, and when said girls are rescued by the organization that celebrities fund, the girls will tell stories of being raped daily, being forced to show their bodies, run around in their underwear etc. etc. Sex work is not always met with consent by the worker herself as this post says. The big thing we have to do to combat illegal sex workers is not to blame the victims as so many men do, but there are certain things that must be done:
1. The young girls in high risk areas should be targeted in good ways: they need mentoring like some of the young black boys get in inner urban areas. They need an alternative to sex work. Such alternatives include sports, music, etc. Sports and music or cooking or even carpentry are great alternatives that girls can latch on to. At a young age, high risk girls should do girl scouting. Scouts taught me a lot, and they can teach others that girls are not just nurses, mothers, and sexual objects to be used by men. Girl scouting must be changed to promote the needs of at risk girls, however. This means they must do archery, b b guns, and so on. Why do boys get to shoot guns and not girls? This is an inward stereotype about girls and their incapacity to shoot a gun that must be done away with. Girls who aren’t pregnant should at least have some hunting skills. Why not!
2. Women at work should be given a chance to defend themselves from workplace bullying and offensive comments First and foremost, if a woman is given a sexual taunt and joke, she should report this to the HR department at work. HR people should then be taught to report this to the CEO and then, at some point, if the CEO is responsible, the CEO should be fired. It all depends on the case. IF the executives are making bad sexual jokes about a woman, they need to be fired. Their taunting jokes could trigger bad memories in already trafficked and former trafficked girls. If a former illegal sex worker is working in an office, no man should make faces at her and say, “Oooh, breasts. I don’t mean chicken.” That is an unwanted joke.
3. For the girls who slip through the cracks, there should be something in place all over the nation, not just in Atlanta, where the trafficking problem is prominent. A-town, where I’ve flown to once or twice, has a huge problem of girls being trafficked for sex. How do we stop this? We need to follow the other things I just mentioned, and if they don’t work, we must have men walk in disguised as customers and women as madams. Some men may go in as pimps, purchase the girls, and take them out to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. Also, we could try a special shelter for said girls so they can be rehabilitated. We need to take reports from other men seriously. This may mean that others have to be on their guard and report any suspicious behavior about the place. For the girls who don’t speak English, we need to give them education in that language, skills like the girls in scouting have, and so on. This means that digital business is important. If we give females education, we are ultimately doing society a favor.

Sex workers: the weirdness of it all.

Dear readers, I was impressed by one of my big fans, Kyle Kogan. I think he was talking about something that really made me think. He said something about the idea that is disabled person could simply go to a sex worker for questions about sex. Well, I don’t want to spread it when we started on my blog. However, let me address to.. First and foremost, sex workers only deal in sex. Sex without emotion, sex without any kind of feeling, and sex without responsibility. The sex worker that any foreigner would see at a bar is not the sex worker you will see in the United States. During the World Cup in Europe in different places around, sex workers are most often be able to go there so they can sexually please all of the guys that end up in the complex. But there is a problem, & a huge problem as it is. There were problems with Brazil’s World Cup and I heard this on the 700 club. Something about child predators? Yes. Child predators are a huge problem. Especially in the warmer climates, you will find the child predators enjoy this sort of environment. Anyway, here are the weirdest ideas that people with disabilities may or may not have about sex. 41, parents often shelter the disabled and do not give them the right ideas about sex. Maybe they just don’t give them the ideas about sex as far as what it’s for and what it does.the other. I wanted to make with something kind of weird that I saw somewhere or maybe further back in some article. Guess what? Italy’s health minister wanted to do something incredibly weird. I guess the Ministry of Health in Italy thought it funny to provide sexual assistance that is. Sexual assistance for the disabled. Now, as a disabled female, this may lend itself to a minute myriad of different things. It may lend itself to the possibility that any old male who is assisting need to get over sexual frustration mason please take advantage of that idea about me being a disabled girl and simply have sex with me. You might get a guy kind of like John l’avoir. A guy who might say, I just want to see your titties. It could go further than that. Anyway, I just want to tell you something else. I don’t think this idea is going to pan out well in the United States. Just how many weirdos Citgo Americans off there here in the United States are going to find the sexual assistant thing even helpful? We don’t need assistance having sex. This is just a laughable subject. As disabled people, we have a problem. It’s not that we don’t know how to have sex, it’s just that we are not given the right ideas about the reproductive life cycle. Anyway, I think and I hope anybody’s done something right to address the subject in another blog. But I will say this, I hope I don’t ever have to say a word about sex workers again. That and I hope I don’t see any other weird article about sexual assistance quote really left quote sexual assistant right quotes this is just getting weird.

Frozen Saturdays?

Well, as winter has made its appearance in Colorado, there’s snow and ice everywhere. Wind is howling all over, and church got canceled. I asked my friend Nathan about a possible New England style incidence of cold here in Colorado, but he doubts it. 18 inches of snow though should be on the ground by Monday. Ugh. Ok, where’s the damn plows?
One thing occurred on this day that kind of bothered me, and I posed this question to my friend Nate on the phone since he’s a brother in Christ of mine at a church I attend. I asked him about what a relationship is. This stemmed from something I overheard the men n Blake’s house talking about. Total of two men were talking, just Blake and Joe, but I won’t say what exactly popped into the conversation yet. I’ll say what Nathan told me.
As a Christian, Nathan has some good sense. I like his ideas about women and girls being people, not objects to be tasted everywhere. What I found from Nathan only paved my wisdom about men. Men have always been a problem for me. Well, not so much a friends problem, but until recently, they haven’t. Relationships have always been a huge problem.
Waht I wanted to say to Joe, obviously, was that a lot of Christians in my schools, elementary through high school, were taught that only one person in your life is going to marry you, and they never acted like multiple experiences with multiple girls or boys was a good thing. Nathan says that experience is no required to gain a marriage partner. In fact, God has plenty of wisdom sitting in the Bible for this to be true:
First off, Mary, Jesus’s mother, was given to only one man, and allowed to have only one man. She might have had a crush on someone, but Mary was told she’d only have Joseph, who the books might say she’s known since eight years old. Well, in the old Jewish days, girls and boys met at eight years old only under family supervision, and compatibility was considered. Mary’s marriage to Joseph was a pledge of honor that she took about age eight, and the marriage was probably finalized at the biblical age of fourteen. This is a biblical, but not legal, marriage age. I don’t believe any Christian of that age should marry because right now, girls and boys this young are in school. School is more important because most jobs require some form of school. Another point brought up was that men have to provide for and take care of women. Well, here’s something I know to be true. Joseph provided for Mary in the carpenter’s shop. The problem is that Blake will probably never own his own carpentry business. He can’t do that job unless he is taught, and who is going to teach a blind man to carve wood things? I see nothing wrong with Blake being a carpenter, and in fact this is a good thing to do. However, there are facts and figures to consider. Colorado, for one, has a 42% unemployment rate for visually impaired people. But let’s consider the ones who are employed. Most of them are in the nonprofit industry, and that’s a direct result of Rehab and Team EEI somehow. I only saw shadowing opportunities in nonprofit jobs. Let’s just say that nonprofits don’t pay well, don’t have benefits that fit the normal scheme of things, etc. Since I’m on a medication for mental health issues, and I’m not proud but not afraid to say this, I have to work for a bigger company than Arc Thrift Stores. Even if that’s national, the stores don’t deliver furniture, something blind people like me could use because we don’t drive trucks. We don’t drive cars, can’t fly planes, and can’t go into the military. CDL drivers like Joe are harder to find, and you have to pass a stringent test to get the CDL, commercial driver’s license. It’s all about not only the driving part itself, and a big rig is really big, but keeping cargo like oil and stuff carefully stored.
Blake, for his part, wants to be a dispatcher. But what are the chances of him having such a job? Well, let’s take a look. For every blind person who gets a job on the national scale, 7 more will be unemployed or unemployable. Most of the time, it is a Rehab agency that refuses to help, or it could be that the blind person did not use blindness skills. With Colorado’s 32% unemployment record for blind or visually impaired people, this is better than the national average, but still a lot worse than the regular national average. With this in mind, let’s talk about the crises surrounding this:
With every 9 people who are blind not reading Braille, on the national scale, guess what? Only one person who is blind is literate. You don’t find people like my friend Kesha a lot. She has a skill and passion about Braille, and all she talks about in her advertisements is Braille, which is great stuff. I like how she has recently taken interest in the Hadley course, “Transition to Unified English Braille.” It’s like the doctor who keeps up to date with medicines and prescriptions that reflect new medications that are on the market. The same doctor would read books like the DSM-VI or some other manual so he can keep up to date on the latest in mental health identification. I’m sure the word Asperger’s Syndrome was eliminated from the latest DSM for reasons we know that it could make parents freak out, but the Asperger’s patients may say otherwise because they have become used to it. High functioning autism sounds about right, but still, Hans Asperger is not being given credit for founding such a disorder. Why not maintain both names in the DSM? Wouldn’t that help?
With this in mind, Kesha is updating herself like doctors do in offices all the time. It’s like this: she wants to learn UEB Braille the same way a doctor wants to learn the new medical advances. I’m proud of her.
The big thing that’s bugging me at work is this: ringtones with songs without words. What? No religious songs on a phone used at work. Well, Blake had a thing to say about this. This is offensive to Christians. We’re proud to be Christian, and that’s it. We’re going to voice God’s prominence in the world in our mouths, on our tablets, and in ringtones on our phones. People may start a good conversation around said ringtones. For instance, I’m not going to change the ringtone for Blake and I won’t follow my boss’s directive on cellphone ringtones that don’t have lyrics that are religiously based. Reason? We’ve literally declassified ourselves, taken God out of this country, and forbade religion so to speak. We have churches, but what power do they hold? Now, the government can ban church meetings in schools. For what reason? In true freedom of religion, bosses would not yell at employees about religious ringtones. I understand my boss’s overly PC way of dealing with things, but it’s too darn PC for me. I’m taking no chances and talking to him on Tuesday about the religious ringtone issue. We Christians are told repeatedly to use such things as conversation starters about Christ. We’re told to bring Christ to others. With such a thing in place, Christ can’t come to others. I don’t care if anyone is offended by this post, but Christ is lord and Christ wants to come to other people. Christ said clearly in the Bible, “Make disciples of all nations.” Blake would say this matter of fact. How can you bring Christ to others while doing otherwise? You can’t.
Work is a good place to bring Christ to other people, and is just about the only time that people hang out together. When I get to know my coworkers on a daily basis, that would be a good time when they come to me with a problem, I would ask if they want me to pray for them. What is wrong with this? I would talk to them about the power of prayer and the importance of talking to God about problems. My boss has no clue. The secularist way he’s dealing with religious ringtones, for one, is not cool. Kesha had a question, and he totally made it impossible for me to continue in a work environment with secular things about it. Now, I think it is easier for the groups I work for to persecute me due to faith reasons. I will not take persecution lying down, and because I can’t necessarily be raised from the Dead as Jesus did raise from the Dead via the power of God, I won’t take death threats lying down either.
Now, with all these stories in mind, Blake has a hard road to fight in order to get a job in Arizona. Let’s see what happens when you put a Christian like Blake in an employment setting. With my boss’s thoughts on religious things in work settings, Blake wouldn’t do well. I know that this is a secular team and a secular work environment, but my belief is we need God. Why is this country allowing homosexual tendencies to go unchecked? I’m not saying that gay marriage should not be allowed, but the way some of my friends, or one of them acted with another, it seems one is hitting up on the other. My older friend A. is supposed to get married, so what will happen? Will he leave his girlfriend? I’ wondering this because the other guy in his circle is somewhat homosexual. He won’t sit there and act normal, and demand too much. I’ve seen him act weird in the office at my building, and trust me, it’s weird. “I hope M. (a maintenance worker in my building) gets her ass down here.” I just about froze when I heard that. Ok, but the homosexual tendencies part really bothers me. There are genuinely homosexual individuals who classify themselves as gay, and then the bicurious ones who are accusing people of being bicurious or bicurious with no intention of being heterosexual. Those people should not marry a member of the same sex and gender identity.
Only the real gay couples, like my friends Meg and Laura Coke-Giancone, should probably get married. They have to have a good domestic partnership and they do. I’ve seen it all before my very eyes. They have a great relationship, and they haven’t posted much on Facebook, but they are really cool. Megan Coke-Giancone is sweet, and I’ve seen her work a desk job once. I love her. Megan, if you’re reading this, I hope you find peace with your relationship with your wife Laura and also hope you guys find strength to face anything. Their love is true, and so is Blake’s and mine. However, religion and religious freedom has two edges to it.
We say that gay people should not marry? Well, I would not mind marrying a girl if and only if I felt that way. Gender conversion therapy is not appropriate for transgendered youth. Boys who want to be girls should read They Beat the Girl Out of my Boy, or So They Tried. It’s one of Eve Ensler’s famous Vagina Monologues. The boy turned girl explains that now she has a vagina, she can give, receive, and feel at peace! Who knew it would be great to be a lady? Well, it’s sad when they say that the boyfriend of the transgendered character is beaten up at the end, killed. It’s really sad.
Well, Blake and I have just as valid a relationship, but are often kept from it. What Joe had no clue about was that for one, I heard most of what he said and took it with a grain of salt. This is the reason: dating and relationships are not jobs. I’m not your average lady who wants money and diamonds and special things. At minimum, I expect Blake to offer me some sort of token to show that he cares. He did. A Braille letter means more to me than a diamond ring. Sounds weird, right? No. The ring is too expensive and though it may last forever to some, I hate diamonds. The stone is overrated. I like sapphires, and garnets, and other stones and gems. I like pearls. That’s Blake’s birthstone. What I’d like to say here is that Blake has little chance to get a job in the dispatching sector in Arizona. Even if he gets with this job developer, what is the developer doing? Developing a job is not the job of a developer. HE has to help Blake with the hunt. Most times, you have to make a position open for blind individuals. They don’t get noticed in the application process because they’re blind. You have to think about disclosing your disability. For me, that means telling the employer that I use a cane to travel around my office, and there are some issues I have with big buildings and weird mazes. Like, for instance, the Atlantis building here in Denver. It’s weird. My friend Amy works there as an intern, and she is blind as well. The front desk guy is blind, and he’s cool. However, he says the same thing I’d say, “I know your pain.” I hate the big building and the maze. I hate to disclose this to my boss. However, I think I could get help depending on the architecture of said building.
The biggest problem I’d have is that I’m a person of faith. Persons of faith want to practice their faith. You have employers telling Somali guys they can’t pray during break? They need lots of breaktimes to pray. The prayer has to be between some times, and rules are set up to purify the prayer doer. Muslims have to wake woodoo, the ritual bath that purifies them. They have to go through their beards if they have any, on the hair, in the mouth and nose, etc. Then, they rub their feet in water. Elizabeth and Asha, two people who were once close to me, showed me how to make woodoo. I was told how to pray, and my friend Elizabeth I pray for every day. I don’t want her to come to Christ, just realize that I had to make a decision based on the fact that failed relationships would be a problem, and because I don’t like men who force their will on a woman as some men in Islam do, I seriously considered and did leave Islam. It’s not a really easy decision to make.
I am glad though that religion is a big part of my life. Christ frees people to express themselves. I can’t sing religious hymns on my phone or at work? This is ridiculous. It’s a secularist thing, something to promote the persecution of Christians. I beg to differ with my boss’s comments during my presentation. I should’ve simply left the room, and watched as the boss ruined it for me. Kesha has her rights to be religious, and as Christ says in the Bible, to make disciples of all nations. This means she could travel the world proofing Braille for a company, but she needs to keep her religion. I defend Kesha’s right to do this, and her right to evangelize. Lots of African Americans do this. They have religion as a strong point. Whites have it too, and it might help the disabled overcome oppression. It was ultimately God who won over civil rights for African Americans. It was African American preachers who ushered in a new era where Obama could win the Presidency. Obama would say, if I asked him about a God fearing ringtone, he’d say, “Whatever floats your boat. I’m a God man, and I’m not afraid.” I’m not afraid of the persecution, but having to lose my job over a stupid ringtone about God is a no no. I would sue the employer for taking my job away over the ringtones or religious things I just posted here on WordPress. I have received some heat about this from the Hotel Kid emails, and I’m not afraid to say it, but this young man was knocking on my door saying he had cans he didn’t want. Well, what were they? I didn’t care. I told him that he called me a bully, did things in my email that weren’t appropriate, removed me from Facebook, etc. I swear he doesn’t know the consequences of what he did. The repercussions of this sort of vandalism just go too far. Yeah, I might have gone too far by posting about it, but others might not say this. I’m no stranger to people saying what I write goes too far. However, people need to be punished for wrongdoings, and the wrongdoings don’t include being religious, being Christian, etc. Why should a Somali woman be told she can’t pray during breaktimes? What the hell is wrong with Allah O Akbar? It just means, “God is great.” By the same token, what is wrong with “Jesus, bless those who suffer?” Blake and I would pray this together, and now that some of my other friends aren’t here to see this, I just pray silently. It’s just me, but when Blake gets his butt back here, we’re going to pray.
Prayer at mealtimes must be spontaneous, and we must use that sort of avenue to say grace at lunches. I would try and ask my real bosses at a real job that I obtain if we could pray at mealtimes. IF they’re having a corporate box lunch, that’s one thing. I’d still pray. However, what about when there’s non Christians in the room? Well, Glynn would freak out and kick butt with employers, and not physically either. Well, it’s amazing what people say about Christians.
Ok, my Frozen Saturday ended with a dream that a band played Let It Go. Well, really? I was floored when Blake and I had a talk to each other about Joe’s weirdness. Yes, Blake and Joe have a fatherly and sort of wonderful … well, it’s a good relationship. I wouldn’t rate it super good because Joe’s just not a Christian and a churchgoer. Churchgoing men in Blake’s life would speak differently than Joe did about my relationship with Blake and what is required to get married. Since Blake is Christian, he will choose when it is appropriate, not the family, to get married and start a family. The only thing holding us back is what’s necessary. Jobs are not necessary, and I’ve been told to slow down. Oh really? I will, and at the cost of my ability to birth a child, I will slow down. At what cost am I writing this? At a grave cost. I take risks all the time with this blog, and I’m willing to take more. But the worst thing I see is that the experiences with other women part is growing among secular Americans every day. The average American has six relationships in high school or middle school, and more in college. However, disabled Americans and others have no chance of having a relationship because of disability and the way others view disability. It’s not Blake’s or my fault that he or I don’t have experience necessary. Like, well, ok. If I date a guy, I’m not going to dump him based on experiences with sex. An experienced guy may not necessarily feel that he had fun with other women. HE may run out of taste for one, jump on another, then another, then another. Nathan is right. HE agrees with me. And with the stigma of disability in all parts of America, Blake has almost no chance of getting a relationship in Arizona or with local women.
Here’s a few scenarios that could have played out:
1. Elementary school might pose a problem for the average disabled person. So what if making friends is great? I’ve heard stories about first kisses in that level. Well, if I had a boy I wanted to kiss, my mother would have yelled at me and said, “No. I don’t want you to kiss boys.” My pediatrician said to me once, “Any boys calling you?” When I turned eleven, I started bleeding, and my pediatrician still said the same thing. What I don’t get is why he’s asking this question. My parents knew this doctor all over town, and he and my family had a wonderful relationship, but there’s a problem here. This doctor probably didn’t know that a disabled person must be able to do some self exploration. Self exploration is something I would encourage. IF my daughter or son asked about body parts, I’d have to explain, “Ok, this is your genitals.” Like, then when a girl asks, “Where’s my thing that boys have?” I’d say, “Well, a boy has a penis. Ok?” Even little kids get curious. Scenarios that might prompt curiosity about such things are this: kids see their siblings or cousins in the tub, point at one of the body parts, and say, “Why don’t I have that?” Like a boy would say, “Man, my sister doesn’t have a penis, why?” Funny a boy would ask that question, but I do want to use a disclaimer to say that kids should know the proper names of genitals, so anyone reading this should please understand that kids need to know these things, and this means girls should say Vagina in public.
So anyway, that’s one scenario in elementary school. Pediatric nurses should at least show a disabled person from day one what their body parts are. Like some people learning to drive a car, the body parts are really important to know. Blake would have to know, for instance, what the heck is behind the hood of a car engine before he drives so he knows how that car operates and how to fix it, right? Even as a blind man, he still needs to know. I know. I watched car videos and stuff.
2. Middle school years were difficult for me. Relationships in middle school, according to psych docs and nurses and therapists I have spoken to and taken classes with, say that the relationships are more a status symbol. That would have been the case had I been sighted. As a blind girl, I can’t have relationships in middle school because of societal views of blindness as a breaking of the person. I went to a Catholic school, but that doesn’t matter. Let’s use one of my private schoolmates as an example of this scenario. Say I had a crush on Shannon Khan, one of my old schoolmates. Shannon might say, “Ok.” But the father I had when I was in Florida might say, “No.” Shannon’s parents, if he was the opposite gender might say, “Shannon, this is a broken and crippled individual. Blindness is a tragedy.” It wouldn’t necessarily be spoken in words, but is rendered every time the Khans, for instance, give a blind man a few coins in a tin cup. Remember the tin cup incident in one of my previous posts?
Let’s try a blind boy, a fictionalized blind character named Shawn in the private school. Let’s take one of my old girl mates, Isabel, and put them together. Shawn and Isabel develop a friendship. That is, if the kids don’t tell her he’s broken. Shawn, in the fictionalized scenario, is in a wheelchair and blind and can’t do some things. In Isabel’s parents’ minds, and in her middle school head at this time, Shawn is a broken and crippled individual and should not be so considered for a date. How would he pay? See next item for more on the traditional dating script.
3. High school, tough as it was for both me and Blake, has its heinous crimes. Date rape is becoming a problem in both high school and college because men just don’t get it. See previous post on the distorted view of manhood. Men don’t rape women in college to prove manhood. That might be an excuse a suspect might give for a date rape trial or case where he’s accused of acquaintance rape. IF this occurs in college or high school, he’d say, “Well, I wanted to prove I was a man in front of her. I thought she liked it.” That’s one case. Sexual assault in both school levels is such a problem, and it is so especially for disabled girls. Parents are so afraid to let their daughters explore themselves, but now you think that it’s ok to pierce your daughter’s genitals so she’s not sexually appealing to boys. Well, Moms out there who would do such a horrible thing, it’s stupid. Not all disabled girls are at risk, but it would be better for a disabled girl to learn that she’s at the peak of her fertility and realize that a boy’s awful penis should not be sitting inside her while she’s in high school. Same for all girls.
4. College is the storied situation where you have these frat boys who say, “I’m gonna have a girl for dinner.” Sex for dinner, death for breakfast as Miranda Frost says in James Bond Casino Royale or Die Another Day. I think it’s Die Another Day. I’ve watched Bond before, and he doesn’t have a good example of relationship building.
Maybe that’s another post for another day, one about James Bond and why he’s probably not the best human being to be called a hero. Boys who watch Bond should know that he’s not a hero. He’s more the antihero, playing cards and kissing multiple women. I hate that. What does this say about us women? The Bond girls, so they are called, even include Hale Berry. Well, that’s just the beginning. Disabled people in high schools get the same ideas as Bond does in movies, and this applies mostly to young boys. A girl’s father might say, “I’m not going to let my Doe marry a deer who is crippled.” Well, even if Blake had a date in high school, I’m sure Ashley, his last crush, might say, “I want him.” Father might have had reservations, and even if Blake got to know her on a deep level like that, there are still issues. Parents’ concerns might lead Ashley to choose a sighted and able guy. It’s just the simplest form of oppression for us disabled folks. It dates back to ancient times.
Adulthood and job settings are about the only times adults find mates. Mating as an act is no problem for anyone, but if Blake and I made ourselves available to each other in a job setting, maybe the family issues wouldn’t be so prominent. As I’ve said before, however, experiences with sex are not allowed in the faith. Nathan’s words echo in my mind so much so that I do trust him. A brother in Christ is a better form of counsel, and Joe’s advice is probably not welcome at this time, and that’s because Blake never really asked him. He’s not against me, but I feel Joe’s comments stem from a secular world. It’s worldly and not religiously centered as our relationship is.
My Saturday was basically full of enlightening. Church is canceled because of the snow, so yeah, I’m not going.
Thank you all.
Beth

After Events of the Previous or this Past Week, Whatever

Hello, readers. I got an email or two from some guy with the ID Hotel Kid 9. Sadly, those emails have some lists of accusations in them. For one, I’m being called a hypocrite. I do have a problem with bullying, but most of all, I have a problem with expired food in my fridge. My dear friend Elizabeth, a law school student at the University of Denver, was here, and she goes to my church. We’ve been best buds for, like, ever. But the guy who wrote emails like this is none other than the man responsible for the mass vandalism of my apartment. I’m not kidding. He did this, and I can’t say it was an accident. If it were an accident, he’d say, “Oh, let me pick this up.” Trust me. I watched Elizabeth in my apartment and she almost shattered a bottle of expired somethings on the floor. She, unlike the other guy, said, “Oops.” She picked it up, and it was me who said, “oooh, careful.” That “accident” was indeed attempted vandalism, and it was wrong. I’m not accusing anyone or writing names here, but the Hotel Kid who emailed me used to be a friend, and if he hadn’t thought about what my health has been like for like the last few months, maybe he would’ve asked someone, common sense tells me, to look at all the dates on the brownies and cookies he attempted to put in my fridge. While the brownies were ok, and the cookies were cool, they still had expiration dates beyond what the date had been at the time.
I do want to take a few minutes to say:
1. When going into my apartment, do not bring expired food into it. After the digestive throwing up and barfing and bad tastes I’ve had so many times over, I can’t take chances. That’s the thing.
2. When coming into my apartment, do not purposefully dump things on the floor. I don’t take chances with my floor because I’m not one to mop it. Just because I’m a graduate of CCB, that doesn’t mean you do things like this to me.
3. If you are the men I can’t see anymore, you are not simply going to have soda. You won’t have sodas as of late. You will never see me again, for one, but the other I’m going to give a chance to talk to a priest about this. He has the regrets I’m sure, but A.Y. will need to say to his priest, “I gossiped, possibly broke HIPA laws with care and stuff, had a part in vandalism, etc.” That all did occur. I’m no bully. I don’t appreciate being called names and being made fun of. I am declaring that I am no bully, and any accusations otherwise are false. I don’t bully people, so the emails I got and the removal from Facebook on top of this are obvious signs of insecurity, meanness on the guy’s part, and so on. And there’s another weird twist in the story:
Well, here’s the weirdness. Jason, one reader I wasn’t expecting to be on my side, has said some stuff, but I know him better than this. Blake and I were sitting there reading a hundred message chat. I had said it fully, texts only. Elizabeth was here, literally throwing out half my fridge because it was expired stuff. I let Elizabeth have a chocolate cherry, and I’m tempted to give other cherries to Bethany and other ladies in the church. For A. and M., those guys, well, A. has to realize that M. may have even weirder tendencies that could hurt his marriage to his dear love, one lady I know. Those tendencies are too intimate to discuss here. I cannot talk about the kinds of stuff that M. may have planned to do, things like eroding friendships, stealing others, etc. You think M.P.R. is bad, look at the other guy. Hotel Kid 9 is not only accusatory in his emails, he doesn’t need to write them. He’s absolutely weird. The weirdness is all there. Weirdness that isn’t funny or good.
IF it weren’t for this thing that panned out in my apartment, I swear it’s something I would never talk about. This whole thing is weird. Jason’s being supposedly on my side, well, it’s not true really. I don’t know if Jason realizes that he backslides, and because Blake has told me not to deal with it, I won’t. But I did tell Jason, “You’re a burning hot mess.” No kidding. He is a burning mess. I should’ve left the hot word out. Hot may mean that Jason is hot. No, he’s an ugly weird phantom in disguise as a good guy. OR he thinks he is. Well, he’s not hot. He’s just a burning hot mess. Well, a burning mess of bones and weirdness. Here is what happened after:
Blake and I had a good talk in the morning, and we put the thing we decided to do to practice. I’m not dealing with gossiping Gabby and drama again. Ever! This means anyone who has accused me of doing what have you in the past and has any inclination of bullying me or accusing me of doing so or writing one thing or another, you’re not coming back. Anyone who wants to cause drama or destroy Blake’s relationship with me? Go away. Let it go. Can’t hold it back any more. Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door. You won’t see what I really am, let the storm rage on. The cold seems to bother you anyway.

For the Gentlemen, How Men and Boys Must Act in Society, and What Must Change

In light of the recent offensive comments about Blake’s “boyish” behavior, I’d like to go ahead and say this: he’s a man. He’s more of a man for standing behind his mom. When your parent’s been with you for like seventeen years or more, has had a tragedy occur, and is empty in places, well, when the mother is empty in places I won’t say how, Blake as a man is standing by her and defending her. That is manliness. What is wrong with defending the less able, the women, the children? Isn’t that chivalrous? I like that, and I’m about to talk about what the state of our men in society truly is.
Every gentleman, from President Obama to the littlest boy in the family, should read this. This is a post dedicated to males who’ve dared to cross my line of fire, and males who think manliness is defined by macho manliness, committing acts of violence, etc. This is completely untrue.
As a fighter in the martial arts, Blake learned that respect is key. I love how he takes it seriously. How many boys and men do karate? Well, if your son or brother did karate, read this. I’m about to start defining what society viewed as manhood and relate stories of false definitions of manhood.
It begins here, in the United States, in the Colonial era. Boys were breached at a young age to “break them from the female world.” Men in ancient Greece even had some manliness definitions. Spartan boys had to act like violent warriors, and they were ultimately responsible for going in and fooling around with their women. Women in Sparta were trained to defend themselves, but they defended against violent things the men did. When a Spartan boy graduates from the lifelong boot camp he is subjected to, he must kill or have killed a helot, a slave that passes by, and to the boy’s group, seen as worthless. I’m not saying slaves aren’t worth anything, and slavery is illegal now in the thousands of years later. Anyone watched the movie 300? The definitions of manhood in that movie are completely distorted. I never watched it myself, but it was about 300 Spartan men who had sons, and the way Sparta, the famed warrior city-state, was portrayed was obviously historically accurate. When a boy is born, he is made to do things that are violent and never cry. Men are not supposed to be like this. Anyone born with blindness, birth defects, and other weird issues were left in the hills to die. Sparta was literally the first city or state or civilization to weed out imperfect children. I think that’s accurate.
Today’s Spartan definition of manhood goes beyond just weeding out those who are imperfect since we have abortive technology. Imagine if so many boys who were imperfect weren’t allowed to live because such a person wouldn’t do well in the violent world that Sparta inspires. I don’t like Spartan definitions of manhood because of all this. Men in some other civilizations are told to beat their wives, use them for what they have, etc.
Let me tell you guys, manhood is not supposed to be this way. I will uphold what is known today as a dead art, the code of Chivalry. In the Renaissance days, when knights and ladies roamed the palaces, knights became knights only if they upheld the code of Chivalry. This meant that they had to respect all living things, people, etc. This included, but was not limited to, women and children. He always had the respect in mind. Geez, if Sir john and Lady Rose wanted to get married, Sir John would have to be nice and loving toward his lady. I just used John and Rose as examples here, no real names mentioned.
Now, here’s another definition to consider. In the Oriental countries, the definition of manhood is similar. I wasn’t too pleased in my school days when I read about suicide pilots in Japan who tried to destroy U.S. targets. They used us in bayonet practices as targets. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they are bad today.
The Japanese are today are a great example of respect and the definition of manhood and respect for all living things. Shinto Buddhism promotes this, and there are some Shinto Buddhists who believe that you can’t even kill a cockroach. Well, while I think this is a bit weird as to not killing roaches that are literally overrunning your house, I do think that we should respect all the living things around us that don’t pose a danger. For instance, the big dog we saw in the neighbor’s drive. Cats have a role to play in our society, and so do some forms of insect life. Example: ladybugs eat aphids, which can destroy plant life in our gardens. In the Shinto Buddhist thought, all the living things must be respected, and nature’s way of dealing with problems is used, not poisons. I hope I said it right.
In Korea, things are a tad different. While tai kwon do is a great art and there are the very same respectful things about it as there are in karate and other martial arts, I’ve done this little bit of studying in my Intro to International Studies book, and there was a chapter in the book about Korea and its culture. Korea espouses to Confucianism, which does not really include women much. The Chinese did this in ancient times, and its rich culture lends itself to many different dynasties, and so does Korea. I’m not a fan of North Korea, of course, right, Santiago? I have to laugh because that dude is kind of funny, he kept on and on about North Korea this, North Korea that. It drove me nuts of course.
Well, I tell you what. Korean martial arts, like all others I’ve studied, have the same protocols and respect and all that as European chivalry. One must bow to instructors, superiors, and so on. I wish knights of European lore did this. What a difference that would make in those guys. They did bow to kings and such, but I don’t remember if they bowed to women superiors and such.
The United States has totally done away with a monarch, and while this is good, I do think it has its flaws. America is a breeding ground for cult life as we have banned persecution due to religion and stuff like this. Buddhists, Christians, Jews, and Muslims can all hold hands and live freely. However, the definition of manhood in the U.S. is absolutely distorted. Romance movies, the media, soap operas, etc. all cloud our view of manliness. Manly behaviors are not bullying behaviors. We are just now opening our eyes to this fact. I can’t say it enough, Mrs. Kerry Goldman wrote so many good things about manly things in her book on bullying. I would never condone my son’s bullying behaviors if I saw this happen. IF my son cried, I would tell him, “You’re not an idiot.” My son cries at a funeral? I am not going to say, “You’re worthless because you cry.” It’s ok to do this. I’ve seen grown men cry, including my ex. It was weird, but I saw this man cry because I was leaving him. Well, what happened after I won’t discuss.
Here is society’s true definition of manhood: a man must leave his mother, not interact with girls as a boy, etc. Men do not cry. Men wear manly clothes, do not wear jewelry, and if caught wearing clothes that are deemed unmanly, they are punished and will be punished by the father. Manly men do not clean their rooms, wear sweaty socks, which is evident in the smells of the first floor of a college dorm I explored. Manly men have facial hair, they beat their wives into submission, and if not beat them, they distort the true nature of love. Men do not stay with parents, blind or otherwise, for the rest of their lives. Men do not act so assertive like women, they don’t use soft words, they use hard wordage to talk to each other, their womenfolk, etc. Sadly, this definition is distorted for several reasons: every man is different. Manly things are not bullying behaviors as I said earlier. Now, here’s my definition of manly.
A manly man protects his fellow men, womenfolk, and children, and those less able to protect themselves. Manly men cry and weep with those who mourn. Jesus did this. Manly men care about their own mothers, widowed wives, etc. Manly men care about their daughters and sons, each with the same and equally weird qualities about them. Men who are truly manly are supposed to spot the danger and when they care about their wives and children, they listen when wives say, “This doesn’t look right.” A true manly man stays with his children he adopts or births through his wife, never leaves them, pays up if he does, and if he wants nothing to do with anyone in his life, he can’t say so in the meanest possible way. Real men wear pink. Real men can wear a dress, and some men may wear skirts. Kilts, for heaven’s sake. Men are not only willing to admit their weaknesses but are willing to seek help if needed. Men must admit to their problems, love their problems, and seek help immediately. For instance, my ex should have admitted that he hurts women and girls. Manly men must never under any circumstances lay a hand on a wife or a child, boy or girl. Don’t expect the boy to be a “manly” man in the distorted view. Boys cry, and so do men. Even Fergie would say this, “Big girls don’t cry.” But you wanna know the truth? Big girls do cry. Big girls and big boys must be able to cry so much if they’re feeling bad or sad. It’s a pretty weird situation when boys and men don’t cry. Studies have shown that boys and men who don’t cry so much are more prone to committing violent acts. Crying is good for your health, so if you’re feeling sad at the moment, fine. You may have a good cry.
I’m off my soapbox for now.
Beth

Formal Declaration

Declaration of Disassociation from Friends

I, Elizabeth Ann Taurasi, formally disassociate myself from the following people: A.Y., M.O. M.P.R., and all other folks who’ve caused drama. I will not do anything with these folks for the following reasons:
1. Vandalizing my apartment.
2. Co-conspiring to lie about doing so or not doing so to my apartment.
3. Disrespecting my property by soda popping my floor, walls, and other things in my kitchen.
4. Attempting to undo care services for All State Home Health.
5. Attempting to break up a relationship I’ve worked so damn hard to build.
6. Allowing the vandalized apartment to go unnoticed for a day and some hours.
7. Expecting me to invite them in, or like expired food. That’s in the case of M.O.
8. Slandering me to care companies and on blogs, Twitter, etc. This is in the case if M.P.R. She wants to make things up if I’m nice to her. Well, how do you be nice to someone who harasses a second friend about a certain Facebook chat, then attempts removing me and Blake repeatedly, treating us both like ping pong balls?
9. Tricking me and conspiring to do things and making me so scared my back hurts, my hip hurts, etc.

Because of the disassociation, these people mentioned by initials only will not:\
1. Come to my house.
2. Drink from the fridge.
3. Order food and expect me to pay.
4. Touch my floor with the soles of their shoes.

To get trust back, these people will:
1. Sit apart from me at casual gatherings,
2. Do not call me at all.
3. Do not ask me to go out with them.
4. Respect my wishes and property.
5. Apologize in a written document by email or handwritten Braille or printed letter, something readable, and it should say the following:
Dear Beth,
We, A.Y. and M.O., are sorry we conspired to dirty up your apartment and made fun of your relationship and life. We disrespected the man in your life, disrespected your property which you have waited long and hard for, could have ruined your health and welfare, etc. We will respect any punishment you throw at us. We were childish in doing the actions we did.
Sincerely,
A. and M.

Disclaimer: I wrote this because of the recent events that went down over the last two days. Phew! What an exhausting day. But what a fun day. I talked to catering companies at work, and I feel responsible, more grown up than I ever have before. I talked to Serendipity, and they were really receptive to a little education on screen reading software and stuff. When I got home, oh yeah, the fire started. My back and left hip still kind of irritate me. I was told I’d lose care services, and was blamed for taking care away from someone else. Wrong. I was also told I treated my dear friend Melaina like scum, which is no way in Heck true. I cared for Melaina, but in the most business like manner, I was trying to handle the sicko who stole my underpants. Melaina, I miss you and love you forever. You are like a sister, and I miss you terribly. Somehow, I need to have a real friend, someone who isn’t just paid to walk in my door. Because of the drama, I’ve been asked to just walk away from two friends because they’re hanging out together. Sadly, those two men, one old and one so young, trashed my floor, walls, and stove, and other parts of the kitchen. I’m filing the report, and I’m gonna see where it goes. It’s now in a file with the care company. Now, I have no friends in this building.
I have no good friends that aren’t paid to be friends. Jennifer, my therapist, is a cool lady, but I’m really going to stress my butt off because Jennifer doesn’t seem to get the point that I could lose everything. Maybe I deserve to lose it all: my place to live, my freedom, Blake, food, water, shelter. Maybe I was not meant to have all this stuff, but being content with nothing at all is not good for the community. I think more on a collective level here, and if I am the sorry, pitiful blind person who is collecting money in a tin cup, I’m screwed. No blind man or woman should have to collect money in a tin cup. I refuse to do this, and I won’t. I want a real job, like what I did with the catering companies, and I”m frozen in time now. Maybe I oughta put some things away and say the words of an Amy Grant song:
“True love is frozen in time,
I’ll be your champion and you will be mine,
I will remember you.”
Those lines are so wonderful, and I’m not writing them down for any particular reason, I just think about those words, and it makes me think of times when I heard the song.
I’m a lonely little loser right now, but the only light at the end of the tunnel is my work. I enjoy my work, I feel so responsible and in command of what I’m doing. Like, ok, my boss is cool. He’s blind too, so he understands, but again, I would say he’s wonderful. Well, he doesn’t have the very same makeup I do, but then again, nobody does.
My boss had me look up catering companies, and I really enjoyed talking to those ladies at Biscuits and the Serendipity company. Should I go Three Tomatoes? Well, I don’t know. I would love to book and order stuff and do secretarial work in my own office. That’s the cool thing about my job, no sitting up front in a desk chair area where the public has to view my weirdness. Ugh.
It’s not that the last job I had was bad, but I just feel more relaxed when I’m in control, when nobody’s throwing orders at me all over the place. “Beth, do this.” “Beth, do that.” That’s only in the job setting. Honestly, I’m going to probably do that kind of work. I wouldn’t mind sharing the office with one other person, and if my office mate happens to be a good friend, great.
But here above is a formal declaration of disassociation from two people who have caused a huge amount of stress and drama in my life, and because of this, I have to cut it all out. I don’t know if A.Y. feels bad about what he was doing with M.O., but he better. He should have “the guilties” as Dr. Scott Peck wrote in a book once about evil deeds. The soda pop thing is just the beginning of what people might do to make my life here in Denver Hell. But Honesty is my best policy.
Thank you all, and goodnight from Denver.
Beth

Letter to Another Lost Friend, Or So I Thought Was A Friend

Dear Ms. Sayegh,
As a person, I feel lost and degraded by your comments about my disabilities. It is one thing when a sighted and able and mentally “stable” person says I must have guardianship, and it is quite the same if a judge said this. However, when a blind woman like yourself, prone to the unmarriageability that most of these women are prone to, says the same thing, it is so degrading I just about fell apart. Mary, do you need not see the look on my face? Do you not want to see the tears that cascaded down my face as I write this and before then when Art walked into my apartment building? He walks into my room, only to see me asleep almost. I was exhausted after a rather productive and interesting day at work. Bill, my boss, was out. He went to the field to do various stuff, and I was in with another lady in the office. The business I do work internship for is great, and the way you said that I’m lucky because a blind man is my boss was terribly degrading. For your information, Bill is a good guy, does his stuff, really wants me to change some stuff about me, but he is not going to trash me like, “You need a guardianship. Stop messing with your bottle of pills.” Bill has the good sense to tell it like it is, and he was obviously ok with some of my misses due to illness. Apart from sickness that could have resulted in bad vomiting and so forth and a laundry mishap that All State Home Health is responsible for, I’m floored by your inability to understand and have empathy for people in my position. Blake had to literally educate people on why this all took place. Because of your nasty comments, Mary Sayegh, I literally fell apart. I cried to Art, and this is after having left a message on his phone, his home phone that is, and Art nearly had to call 911. Why? Because he thought I’d overdosed on meds. For everybody’s information, I NEVER OD on medications I have taken for the last ten long years of my life. For your info, Mary, what you did was wrong, and you must pay dearly for this. That means, I am afraid, you owe both me and Blake apologies beyond belief. Not only in words, but in clear and present actions. Actions are required to show that you are a genuine and empathetic person. Empathy is important, and though I was abused emotionally and somewhat physically at a young age, I did not use this as an excuse to not feel empathy for others. I do not use my blindness as an excuse to prey on individuals or make up rumors about Blake’s mom. Kathy is wonderful as a mother, but it is almost her time to put some of her mothering skills to rest. Well, she’s put a lot of them to rest, and those include wiping buttocks, changing diapers, holding babies, etc. Maybe she’ll hold her grand babies, but we don’t know just yet, Blake and I. If you had it your way, however, I would be a single and locked up individual who is bathed much like M.P.R. I would be tossed away in the Devil’s palace which burns daily. I would not be allowed to see Blake because my parents don’t like the idea of their “poor little” daughter getting married. Mary, what you did was a stupid thing. You made many stupid choices while we were friends, I mean WERE friends. You made up lies about Kathy, who is doing her darndest to keep Blake and myself alive. There’s a line from the Phantom of the Opera that might add up to what is going on inside you: it’s in your soul that the true distortion lies. Hard to admit, but you have a distorted personality that needs help and guidance through the rough times you’ve put yourself and others through. I bounced back, but there’s still a fog in my brain right now. Why did you say the things you said? Why didn’t you just look inside, see the beautiful person I truly am, and look inside yourself and say, “Well, why don’t I have as many accolades, blessings, and so on as Beth does?” MS. Sayegh, I have a bone to pick with anyone who would dare question me about my ability to do things. The dishes are a minor issue compared to the degrading … dare I write this … shit that you said about my disability or conditions I suffer on a daily basis. Do you not realize that my parents don’t get it? Yours don’t, but unlike yours, my parents don’t deserve to see their daughter because of the way they handled Jason Lawrence and Orien Henry. I will almost never forgive them, but all I can do is stay at a distance and pray. Blake thought you were friends with him, but because he is with me, you see him as a cursed man by association with me. Mary, that is not fair. Blake is a good man with many good qualities, and the way you treated me with Matt there, and FaceTiming him while he was spending time with … oh yeah, for your information, MY FRIEND, ART YOCHIM! You butted in to Matt and Art’s man time, if you know what I mean. Men must stay men, and be men if that’s what they so choose. I have nothing against transgendered people, but if you choose to be a man, you have to at least hang out with fellow men every so often. Blake does, for some times, hang out with Joe, his stepdad. Kathy has been his lifeline, so he has been hers. What you said about Blake and Kathy was absolutely abominable, and because of this, Mary, here’s your punishment. Take it. This is what you must do:\
1. Write a letter of apology to both me and Blake. IF you come across this, you will find that I am not giving out emails in this post because you’re going to call and ask me about those. You will both call me and Blake and email us as well. You need to show empathy and genuine care and compassion for both of us.
2. You will come to my place and clean dishes for a month. IF I had it my way, at least. You will have to clean the floor properly, do the dishes, and the rest can be left up to the care people at all State Home Health since the mail and laundry machines are both visual in nature.
3. You must write Kathy a printed or emailed letter of apology whether she knows you or not. In this letter, you will confess to Kathy you said the bad things you said about her. I forgot exactly what wordage you used, but in Kathy’s note, please apologize to her and say you won’t do it again.
4. To ensure you do not do this again, you will sit in the back of the church during me and Blake’s wedding, and you will hear the vows that I write for Blake. You will see how much we care about and love each other even in the face of the adversity that you yourself created for us. Since you made such an evil choice for yourself and others, I also ask that you seek counseling and group therapy. I will be talking to Richele, and she won’t be happy with what you did. It’s bad enough when anyone degrades the disabled, but a disabled and destitute person doing it to another equally destitute and disabled person who ought to be in the almshouse is so disgusting it hurts. I’ll say this, if you don’t follow these instructions, Mary, you will regret it. This is not a threat, this is a promise. I promise I will never speak to anyone in cahoots with you and Mr. Orts, the man responsible for the FaceTime call and lying about it.
The aftermath of this incident goes like this: Art literally walks in and sees me like this, has to literally comfort me, which doesn’t take long to do considering Blake was there, whether in the online sphere or not. IF Blake had been with me, though, Mary, I’m sorry, you would have been yelled at. Not necessarily butt kicked, but you would have been confronted. I’ve never been so mad at someone in my whole life until M.P.R. trashed me in her stupid blog and then you run along with this crap about me. Then, you have that Cat lady who doesn’t even want to talk to me and has a weird personality and doesn’t think before she acts. Gillman Gal and M.P.R. and yourself are all examples of people who just plain don’t care for or even like and appreciate who I truly am. I can’t waste my time with any of this, but the words are hard to get rid of. Thanks to you, Mary, I may have to switch medications and go up on one or another. I could’ve been emergency called, and here I was with Art, and he thought I OD dosed on my medications. For one, I never would OD on anything. Overdosing is not good, and I am intelligent enough to not do things like this. Am I stupid? Mary, I would not want someone like the Gillman Gal or M.P.R. bothering me, and here you were, the girl I met in person. Why has this woman left me?
I have a few questions that are ultimately bothering me: why are you evil? Why are you acting as evil when you truly are a good woman? Mary, where was the lady I was so hospitable to? I went with whatever you wanted, and we ordered out. Every time we ordered out, it was great. What happened to the conversations we had? I’d like to watch August Osage County, but find it hard to get started on it. You introduced me to that funny scene, and here you were, sitting in my house. God, I think I’m falling apart once again thinking about the same young woman who said, “I love the D Backs (diamondbacks. Arizona Diamondbacks that is.)” Blake really caught on. This was the same person I thought would never leave. Mary, how dare you think this is funny I’m writing you this letter. How dare you think it funny to watch me fall while you hourself have the same distortions that Christine Daie sings of in the Phantom of the Opera. The Phantom himself has a distorted face, and yet Christine says, well, that he doesn’t. That he has an ugly personality, and he finally sees it and crushes the mirrors while she runs back to her handsome young love, Raoul. Can’t you see this scene as a teaching moment for yourself?
I better stop writing before I fall further down the pits of despair, and count my blessings. To Blake, I will never leave you. Defend your dear mother, and don’t let anything stand in our way. To Kathy, I hope you will see the reason why Blake and I must and will have our independence. I am counting on you to defend me, not throw me out like a lamb for the slaughter. I appreciate your greeting and acknowledgement of my existence, but we must get to know one another more. I thank all my readers for all the love and support you’ve given me so far.
With love,
Beth

Follow Up to the Absolute Slanderous Post, and the Attacks Don’t Look Good

Dear readers,
Just a short post. The girl responsible for the recent attacks has done it again: she has removed me from a message chat. Jessie, my friend in charge of the chat, decided that M.R., the girl responsible for the chat loss, will not be in a certain other chat he’s made. Of course, she keeps disobeying Jessie’s orders and saying she’ll remove me, Blake, Cindy, and others. Ana Cindy is sweet, and it was all about my friend Kee Kee. She refused to add the girl back to Kee Kee’s personal chat thing, and because of this, the girl removes me, Blake, Kee Kee, and others. Then, she adds her ex, Kee Kee’s current other half. This is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. So, in light of this, Jessie changed the rules and decided to go about having people around him in a different way. It’s a way that allows certain people to be admins, and this girl will not be an admin. You call me the unacceptable antisocial person on Social Media? Get out of town, girl. You need to realize you’re too immature to be anywhere near my friends, and my friends are all the friends you supposedly had. You think it’s cute to blow up W.T. and L.W.’s phones because you want it your way. Well, as someone who was also accused of doing so, but let’s say that I wasn’t taking my medications because I was not able to go anywhere and was ashamed of abuse, I can’t say your actions were valid either. M.P.R., leave all of us alone. Do not write about me, do not have anything to do with the Internet. I don’t care about the fact that the family is messed up, I don’t care. My family is holding my rights hostage because of blindness and they made up all kinds of excuses to do it. “Oh, she has severe emotional problems. She has Asperger’s (now known as High Functioning Autism.)” What a poor excuse to have guardianship. Well, take a look at this girl. She needs a guardian, incompetence orders, and thrown in an institution, she shall be. Yes, Master Yoda? I suppose this should happen sooner rather than later. Parents don’t support her being in love, well, Mr. and Mrs. R., I suppose you’re doing the right thing. Your daughter is a Queen Bee, a bully, and doing bad things to get her way. She seeks evil counsel to do evil things. I will not do evil things or seek evil wisdom. Evil is the only way I can describe your daughter. Sadly, you’ll have to beat the evil out of her, do an exorcism, etc. Do something to get her to bathe, dress, and so on. I have the capabilities of doing so much more than that poor little devil, and after she removed me, Ana Cindy, Kee Kee, and others from Jessie’s group, and trust me, it’s Jessie’s, not hers, she will have to be put in another place where no one known to her lives. One of her exes or maybe another one, that makes two, are dating my friends. Kee Kee is not going to put you back in chats, little one. So don’t even think about messing around.
Ok, it wasn’t so short, but I think after what the girl did, M.P.R. that is, we’re going to have to take further action against her. Mr. and Mrs. R., you need an alternate translator if you wish to call and discuss the fate of your daughter. All the abuses she commits against others on the Internet, including in private message chats, are unacceptable. I don’t remove people from Jessie’s chats, and if Jessie says he wants me and Blake in chats, he wants us in chats. There are limits to what will be done, but limits on your daughter’s use of the Internet you refuse to do. Get her off the Internet, Mr. and Mrs. R., and do something about the abusive behaviors. Send her to counseling, send her to an institution if this isn’t working. Don’t send her to CCB. What makes you think Colorado is heaven for the Devil’s daughters? Not for bullies and queen bees, I’m afraid.
Her senseless messages and repeated use of #ReedOnAir hashtags are driving Jessie nuts. Your daughter does not know how to use Twitter in a safe manner, so therefore, she should be off. Make sure she doesn’t say a word to me, or to my friends, and if she even wants to be in Jessie’s chats, she must not remove me, Blake, Ana Cindy, and others. I’m sorry, but this girl, your own daughter, as hard as it is to hear it as a parent, needs mental help. I’m done on my soapbox.
Thanks.
Beth