It’s Time to Really Save the Children

Dear readers,

It is apparent that Q-Anon is trying to steal the save the children movement, and they want to make up stories about kids being trafficked without letting other media sources in on it. Here’s the deal: there are still children being sexually abused, and if you truly want to save them from the perils of sex abuse, here’s how you can do this.

Patriarchal behavior must end. Like now. Don’t let your older grandpas and fathers force affection on your young daughters and sons. It is very vital that daughters and sons alike learn boundaries and consent at an early age. Lets be clear: you want to hug your kids when they want to be hugged, especially after toddlerhood and that’s fine. however, the primary caregiver should be at least showing affection in alternative ways to their children. Babies must be held, I’m not arguing with that, and toddlers must be shown praise for good behavior and no praise for bad. The whole thing must be done right so that the kids’ development doesn’t reach a snag or they don’t suffer longterm into adulthood. So what could snag your daughter’s or son’s development? Patriarchal behavior from old men. So that means daughters don’t need to necessarily show affection when prompted, neither should sons. Since daughters have higher risk of getting pregnant at teen age, please, mothers and fathers, make sure you stress the importance of boundaries and consent with the boys and girls alike, but it will be especially helpful for daughters.

Sexual education must cover consent. Even from the youngest children, consent must be taught in school. Preschool kids have the highest risk of being sexually abused because they don’t understand certain things, things like date and time and frequency, and they aren’t fully developed adults, no kidding. These little ones also may not have the language and cognition to understand sexual body parts and the frequency of such parts being touched, and they may have to act it out in front of you in order for you to understand what happened. For example, if a boy is caught swaying his hips in a sexually suggestive manner, wetting his bed, etc., there could be the possibility of sex abuse. Stay calm and ask your kid, did someone touch you in a way you didn’t like? That’s the best way to go about it with a child so young, according to at least one source I’ve stuck with. Teenagers may be able to express frequency and time and all that, but they are still too young to consent to sexual activity, and should not be married off to their abuser. Seventeen-year-olds in my book should never have permission to marry because they won’t be protected in case of abuse. Child marriage I’ve written about, so go check it out.

Empathy and believing kids must happen. One of my friends believes her daughter, so that is a good thing, but so many parents out there are not believing young women and girls when they say someone raped them or told them they were worthless, tried to touch them, etc. Whatever you do, as a parent, believe your child. Yes, children can lie, but this is not something to lie about. I have said over and over again about how my ex was abusive, and how the community as a whole doesn’t believe me. Well, believing women and girls can change the world, can upend the patriarchal bad behavior of old and young men alike. We must do this in order to save our children. The only way to save all our kids is to believe the ones who are abused. This is vitally important. Just as important, believe it when your son says his preschool teacher’s aid has been fondling him. I thank you for reading and supporting this blog.

Beth

Why I Am a Liberal

Dear readers,

Before you open your conservative Christian right lips and try and deface what I’m about to write, please listen with an open mind and open heart and realize that what I’m about to say is not an affront to you all, not exactly an affront to all religious things at all. I am a liberal because of a few things: my experiences as a disabled female, the victim of sexual harassment and revenge porn, albeit audio revenge porn. What was my experience like as a disabled female?

For one, my mother had to have had premarital sex in college, despite a staunch Catholic belief system. Who was her partner? I still do not know, but it is likely that her partner was African American, which explains why she refuses to believe that Michael, one of my long lost friends, was an appropriate match for me. My parents wanted say in who I married, and this is patriarchal at best, and I don’t believe in the idea that a daddy can own his daughter. I believe that a guy or gal has the right to marry anyone they want, and if they want to get married, they don’t even have to have permission from me first. Trenton’s daughters will not be owned by him, and I’m not his property either. What the church people want you to believe is that women are the property of fathers, then husbands. Please refer back to the post on Nathan Larsen, who believes women should be sex slaves and whose accounts have repeatedly been banned from the internet because his beliefs incited violence against women and minorities. I don’t believe a word of what Conservatives call antifeminist thoughts. As a female who’s been revenge porned by an ex, I believe we need to have laws in place to help those victims, and this means that men like my ex, Jason, need to put their audio porn in the garbage. I do not hereby give permission to any Jasons out there to put pictures and audio of female subjects of theirs on the Internet, period, because we are women and the body we own is ours. Women’s bodies are not the property of a male, pure and simple, and if someone like my ex had the guts to rape a woman, she should have the right to obliterate what he put in there because believe me, abortion would not be a regrettable decision at that point. I don’t want to know if that product is a male or female, and if I may use such a cold term to refer to babies at all, the product of a seedy person who just doesn’t give a damn about women and minorities is not my child to raise. IF I had been forced to live in the deep south, and was raped by a man who had sex on his mind, I would indeed give the baby away in the hospital or abort. Those would be my options, and I don’t want someone who is capable of oppression doing more harm to women than good. Because of the experiences I’ve seen, having been an indirect witness to other people’s sufferings and needs, I chose liberalism because it is the only path to equality and justice for all. Let me outline my principles and beliefs, which do resonate with me and with the Universalist Unitarian church.

I believe in all facets of liberty and justice for all. This means what it says. When a woman is unjustly fired from her job because she has had premarital sex, I would say she needs to sue the company and tell them she was raped if indeed that crime was committed. My friend Joy (name has been altered for privacy reasons), was raped by a man in california who was in training at the Colorado Center for the Blind. I have believed her, which is a big first step, but if CCB were to have kicked her out because of premarital sex, this would be a sign of injustice and male privilege. CCB gets federal dollars and grants, so I honestly believe she should at least confront her rapist and tell him that he’s a monster. This man, Brian (name has been altered for privacy reasons) went on to impregnate a girl in New Mexico whose name I don’t know, or someone at convention or someone I don’t know at all. The woman was in Fort Collins, Colorado, and her son, Brian’s son, was adopted out. She might have made the right choice, but I’m afraid for her son who might inherit the seediness of Brian’s DNA or a trait that should bee tempered and tamed through counseling and therapy and some medications. Will the little guy become a sexual offender? I hope not.

I believe that women are equal to men, and that means in all aspects. Minorities and women have been routinely disenfranchised from the system for loving who they love, being who they are, and for having female genitalia. This is grossly unfair, and that’s another reason why I’m a liberal. I write this blog because the disability community has a long way to go to acknowledge that women are equal. joy was taken advantage of because she was someone who had female genitalia, and that is not fair, on top of the fact that she is blind and has other health issues. Brian with his male privilege is a real piece of dirt. He should acknowledge that all women are equal, but by no means should he ever say to me, as he said in one Facebook comment, “I am glad you are not in a position of power.” This man, oddly enough, is in no position to make choices in politics, so let’s keep it that way.

Black and white people should at least be together through all means. Races should be integrated. It took me years to get through this, but part of my blog is devoted to racial justice. It took me a lot of time and thoughts to think about what black and white means. So what if African Americans are different? So their culture is different, what is the point? Trenton is a sweet and caring individual who has a lot of love to give, so I’m staying with him no matter what. trenton is black, I was raised white, but I could be mixed race. See above. The thing to remember is that I started out as the roommate of someone who truly for whatever reason hated my guts. I don’t know if Christy (name has been changed) would ever speak to me again, but she was black. I tried to be friendly with her later on Facebook, but she’s gone. I hate to see her gone, and I thought I’d make up all the time spent not understanding, not in and of her world, to at least say something. Christy is gone, and I don’t know where.

Same sex couples have a right to adopt. Don’t tell me they don’t. I’d like to also acknowledge that there are some poly folks on my page. They are amazing, just plain amazing. I have a poly friend in Texas who has not one, but two husbands. She’s pretty amazing, and I want to acknowledge that women should have a right to polyamorous marriages if they want because trust me, it would prevent a lot of instances of cheating and … well, it would mean harmony for the whole family. Polygamy as practiced in the FLDS is of course a wrong idea, but still I think women should choose what they want, and marry who they want. I chose Trenton, and he chose me. Of course, he begs me very loudly to bring home another girl, but he’s probably kidding around. Yes, it would be nice, but Trenton is weird as all weirdos are. That’s just who he is, and that’s why I love him dearly.

My activism has been restricted to the blog and podcast. However, I want to be able to put the podcast on other means, in other means, and so on. As a podcaster, I want to be able to convey what a lot of liberals need to feel. As a person who is blind and a victim and survivor of revenge porn and sexual harassment, I want to say that being a liberal and not attending a conservative minded church is the best thing I can do at this point. I want to see true freedom while I’m around. And what does that freedom look like? Well, because I can’t marry legally, I want access to the same jobs and things as those who are staunch Christians. Since Trenton and I are on disability, we want the same access to healthcare, and we want any gay or transgender child to get life affirming care because they deserve it. Period. We want to make sure that we’re good parents, and if we adopt, we’ll adopt someone who doesn’t normally get adopted. That’s the thing. And we want that right, married or not. We want the domestic foster system to make sure we are recognized in the adoption papers. I don’t want to have to apply as a single mother, nor does or should Trenton have to play single father in order to get benefits for the children. So what should we do anyway? This is what fighting and freedom looks like from my lens.

For those of you who are wondering, I”m wanting to monetize this blog. I’d also like to use Patreon to get ads out there promoting my blog, promoting the stuff I do and talk about. Why? Bread and butter, of course, but moreover, I want people to see my life as valid, the lives of my friends as valid, and the lives of women and girls and minorities with disabilities and their lives as valid. I could have been Bahai, but religiously I was raised Catholic, converted to islam, left Islam, and then decided that I’d not be practicing any religious faith because of the conservative lynchpins I’ve seen, the whole thing about premarital sex being stupid and unfair. When a woman is raped, premarital sex is not to be considered. Rape victims should be given kindness and care, not thrown out on the streets. When a woman is the victim of revenge porn, it should be duly noted that the men who do this should be put in jail, forced to pay a pension for the woman’s distress, and not allowed to date for a period of time. If I was a judge in Georgia, for example, I’d tell my ex that “Mr. Owens, you put up this revenge porn stuff on Teamtalk. Think about your victim, and since you don’t have empathy for others, why not sit back and ask yourself, will I or my victim have a job after this?” I’d sentence Mr. Owens to life in prison without parole for the distribution of revenge porn around the servers he’s been on. I would hope that someone ketches him stalking women and girls as he has been doing, and stops him before he gets worse. Judges talk like the way I wrote that quote, so you all need to know that, just saying.

I’d like to say also that those of you checking out my blog, you are amazing. Please feel free to read, and let the words I write speak truth to power. That’s what I’m doing.

Beth

The Reality of Being Paralyzed: Dedicated to Jacob Blake

Dear readers,

This post is a follow up to what I stated in my podcast. If you’d like to subscribe to the podcast via Spotify, Apple Music, etc., please go to http://thethroneroom.denverqueen.com and subscribe to the podcast so you can listen to the points I make on the whole Jacob Blake situation. The shooting he endured at the hands of the Kenosha police department has left him a member of the paralyzed disabled community, so here’s a reality check so that the officers understand what care this man will need in the immediate future.

1. Architectural barriers could become a reality for Mr. Blake. Depending on what wheelchair and equipment he gets to move with, Jacob Blake could face buildings without ramps, churches that won’t accommodate him in an elevator, and buildings without grab bars in their toilet stalls. There are a variety of architectural barriers he could face as a disabled man.

2. Careers could be lost. Jacob Blake could lose his job for being in a wheelchair and not walking or dancing could mean that his boss and coworkers would look down on him. Even finding a new job could be horrendously hard for him, just ask activist Clayton Jacobs how many applications he can fill out in a year, and still not get callbacks and interviews. Even I had to fill out applications and no callbacks or interviews. So many blind people are feared, and because of the barriers we face, we don’t get jobs. But paralyzed people could be in greater more dire circumstances. Because of Blake’s high profile shooting and paralysis, nobody will feel in the least sympathetic towards him if they are white, so he’ll need to work in a place that is black friendly. How’s that for hard to find because nobody is safe, even in my Denver metro area backyard.

3. Family barriers. Who knows if Mr. Blake will ever be able to engage in intimacy with his future wife or wives? Who knows if his children will ever have the same dad they saw getting into the car after the dreadful shooting. Will Mr. Blake go to rehab and discover that the family is faithful and will stay by his side? Will his fiance who saw the shooting happen still want to marry him? Even if he can’t dance with his wife? Will she leave him and call off the wedding? I hope not, because it would be a sign of weakness and unfaithfulness and for her, maybe she should get some educational materials about paralysis and wheelchair use.

The reality is that the Kenosha police department will undoubtedly be sued by the family and forced to pay up. Here’s a shopping list of things they will pay for, god willing the lawsuit goes through.

A power wheelchair and charger,

Care and rehabilitative services so he can use the wheelchair and stuff,

A reacher device that lets you reach for something on the floor, and if he can’t bend, he could use the reacher to pick items up,

A service dog trained especially for the purpose of helping paralyzed people,

A specially made car and/or a van that would allow him to get in and out, screw paratransit because he can see to drive, but moreover, he needs his wheels too,

and finally, a barrier free house. the house will need to include ramps, rails, grab bars in the bathing areas, and all kinds of setups that would allow him to cook, sit at table, and perform the tasks he used to do while upright. Now, he’ll have to learn to cook while sitting down.

If anyone thinks they don’t want this reality check, take a look at those who are sufferers of CP, cerebral palsy, and those who go paralyzed as a result of accidents, and so on.Paralysis and CP require almost the same services and so on, but Mr. Blake is going to need extra care and safety because his own town’s police department messed his life up forever.

Beth

Ways to Give While You Search

Dear readers,

Do you know of a search engine that gives while you search? Bing is one such thing that gives when you search. Imagine a world bettered by the searches you do on Bing, and I am hooked. Why? Thanks to Trenton, I’m totally hooked because The Center on Colfax in Colorado, otherwise known as the Gay and Lesbian and Transgender center in Colorado is getting my donations. Yes, I got them a whole dollar, but I have 5000 points earned through quizzes and stuff, but you really can search and give. Here’s how to activate Give mode on Bing.

1. First, open Bing on edge or on your phone, but remember, Bing app is not compatible with iPad. Yet. So use Edge instead. When you open Edge, proceed to the bing home page. Or you can go directly to http://www.bing.com/give, and activate give mode. Remember this little hint: you need to be signed in to your Microsoft account first before activating give mode for searches.

2. Choose a nonprofit from the featured list, or you can filter by category and state, and for you international folks, just search for a nonprofit, but most of these are American and international groups alike I think. You can browse categories of all sorts, including those of civil rights.

3. Hit the select button next to the nonprofit you want. Then make sure you hit the Yes button after it alerts you if you want to change your nonprofit, which by default is something I forgot but it looks to be a national org. Anyway, you have the power to give to any org you choose, from religious orgs to youth orgs to civil rights to community improvement orgs. The possibilities are endless.

When you turn give mode on, every time you do a search on Bing, you get points donated each month while you search during the month to the nonprofit of your choice. Here’s my example: every month I search for stuff, shopping and restaurants, pics and all kinds of mess, and I get all my search points accumulated in a donation each month to the Colorado Gay, Lesbian, Transgender center in Denver, better known as the Center on Colfax to my friends who patronize that area. It’s a great way to empower the groups that make a difference in our communities. IF you have any questions about Bing and the giving thing, just ask on Twitter or Facebook because comments here are disabled for now.

Beth

What Nobody Should Necessarily Have to Tell Their Children

Dear readers,

When I was little and wanted to dream big, there were two things that bothered me. I wanted to be everything but a musician, although I have the best outlook life can give me when I sing or play, and I wanted to contribute to the public. There’s one thing a little kid doesn’t need to tell their parent figures, “Mommy, I want to be an activist.” I’ll tell you why.

There are countries where activism is illegal, countries like Burundi, Hong Kong, and China. Places like that are not safe for disabled activists, but here in America, activism looks brighter. I would have probably been an officer of the law if I were sighted, carrying a badge that meant protect and serve. However, blindness became a barrier by which people could crush that dream. People asked me what I really wanted to do, and I am fascinated with science, but sometimes people are saying science is bunk. However, being a scientist requires some observation. There are blind ones, but what vocational counselor would approve school to be a biologist if I couldn’t see the microscopic crap going on in a habitat? That’s worse than ever.

I have excelled at music, but for what? What sort of career would I take on? Well, first and foremost, I don’t want to have to do this, but I’m considering a run for Governor of Colorado as a longterm goal. Why? Because, well, kiddos, activism sometimes requires you to infiltrate the higher ups. I love our governor, but there’s something really wrong with all the nation’s governors. They’re all able, don’t know what it takes to be good change makers. Some are idiots, but like Polis, Governor Jared Polis, some are smart and have done incredible work to respond to the unprecedented pandemic that swept the earth. But me? I want to reform the guardianship system, take it away from the state, abolish young disabled people’s guardianships so that they can make their own choices throughout their lives, get proper supports, and maybe get the best chance at having a meaningful contribution to society, what by voting and engaging in civics that’s what.

As a politician, I’d be running on a disability rights platform, putting teeth in to the ADA, telling employers they have to hire not based on disability, telling employers that they can’t turn away people based on lack of a college degree, but rather, they should give people apprenticeships and experience so they can have a meaningful career. Example, friends who have told me I couldn’t broadcast are rightfully wrong for their actions. There are some pretty shitty broadcasters on the Internet, but I’d rather work for Colorado Public Radio. I would rather get accommodations for my disability, do internships, and do the right thing and get a career. However, a friend in Kentucky was told he couldn’t have his dream job because of inexperience and no college. No, this guy has plenty of experience in a workaday job and can do things you wouldn’t believe. He also broadcasts regularly on Twitch, and he goes by the username of “blindmetalgamer” all one word, but if you are interested in his gaming stuff, that’s his highlight. However, I think he would sound great on a radio station that promotes heavy metal and or hip hop. Just my thought.

My career, however, is not a career I want to have to take, but nobody is believing that guardians of young disabled people deny them too many meals a day, tell them they’ll be force fed, accuse them of being “crazy” and thus overmedicate them, and nobody believes that guardians are liquidating assets of elders who need the highest respect. I am shocked to learn that so many of our elders who are indeed the windows to our past are being treated like disposable paper plates. This has got to end. My parents have a family member with dementia they have to care for since his wife died, and now my mother in law has to decide whether to get the state involved in her mother’s care. However, the problem and the biggest statistic lies with the race of both these wonderful people. While my grandfather is retired gracefully, and in a good spot, I don’t know what will happen to my grandmother-in-law, she needs to be in a place of refuge for a while, not shut up in her own home. Not even in a nursing home should have anything to do with her care, but day programs are a good way to socialize and at least prevent early death. Early death happens when elders are isolated, and I’ve covered Japan a bunch of times, but they have better mindsets for their centenarians, and they have registered more centenarians than any other country I know. Blame it on the miso, but that stuff according to some I know is really good.

Americans like me should know the consequences of all this stuff, and I don’t want to be the one talking about this all the time at Capitol Hill, but we need to do something about the self determination of others who might be denied chances to marry, have kids, or live quiet lives with friends who actually give a damn. For example, I have a buddy who swears he doesn’t get supports where he had a family, but now he’s on his way to getting married. I don’t know what exactly will happen, but I’m hoping that my friends in the disability community read this carefully. I did not want to initially be an activist. I didn’t have any role models for activism, and disabled ones were few and far between.

As a person living with a sensory disability, I want to also mandate web accessibility of all utility and apps so that we can do a variety of things, including but not limited to, order pizza, date, do school work and homework, buy things we like or want or need, take pictures and so much more. I can imagine a world in which you can as a blind person do photo editing, take selfies with your guide dog at sit position, and so many other things too. What about blind persons having the capacity to drive a car? What about a totally renewable energy transportation for the disabled that makes noise, that tells you they’re waiting outside your driveway and so many other weird and wonderful things? I wouldn’t, however, recommend bubblegum travel like Jimmy Neutron, so please, whatever you do, don’t do that.

Thank you all for a pleasant evening, and yes, I’m super happy. I have found my place as an activist, but moreover, though I didn’t initially want to be one, I know where this world is capable of heading, but it must go forward, not backwards.

Beth

Alternatives to Guardianship: Why It Doesn’t Work, And What We As A Community Can Do About It

Dear readers,

I was the victim and survivor of guardianship abuse as done to me by my own parents. I have been on two shows talking about this thing, this monster that is attacking our elderly and disabled people. Let me explain further why we need to discuss alternatives.

Rod, age 86, is an elderly man who once rode into Bike Week, but now he’s been diagnosed with Dementia. He needs lots of care, twenty-four-seven care, so that he doesn’t wander outside and do various weird and dangerous things to the outside world. Should Rod be guardianized?

Catherine, age 94, has been spilling the beans, gossiping about her own family to some people, wandering outside, forgetting where she is and what she’s doing,, forgetting the big picture. She needs twenty-four-seven care to make sure she has food cooked properly in her kitchen, coffee in her pot, and needs medications to control other physical symptoms. Should Catherine be guardianized?

These vignettes are not the only ones. Take out the names, replace them with younger disabled people and their names and symptoms, and think clearly. Guardianship, as defined by law, is supposed to be a working relationship between a person and their vulnerable family members. However, let’s try a different vignette for this exercise.

Britney, age 21, wants to raise her boys on her own without much help with the day to day things she needs done. She has been on drugs and has gotten a DUI. She was admitted to the hospital twice, was stripped of custody of her two sons, and later put in a conservatorship costing upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars a month. She has become an ATM machine for her father, ex husband, and sons. Should Britney continue in her guardianship conservatorship?

Think about these vignettes. Britney, now aged 36 or thereabouts, or even older, should not be guardianized. Neither should Catherine or Rod. What is the commonality between these vignettes? All of these people are potential victims of guardianship related abuse. Catherine’s daughter is the only thing she has to care for her, and because of the crappy healthcare system we all live with, she doesn’t have the circle of supports necessary to live in her home. However, should there really be talk of nursing homes, assisted living, or anything else? Catherine, a woman of color in her 90s, should not be in any way placed in assisted living or nursing care because of the disproportionate number of abuse cases and the restrictions on visits due to covid 19. Rod, on the other hand, has a circle of support he needs to stay within the boundaries of his being. Britney, as everybody should know, has had her wealth stolen from her, ruined and defiled. Guardianship could also kill someone. See the next paragraph for more.

There is a book called Guardianships and the Elderly: the Perfect Crime, written by Sam J. Sugar, who has been through this dance for years. However, no volumes are available that cover the #freebritney movement or the plight of young and disabled guardianship survivors and victims. What are the results of such a book? Many people are aware of this evil, and they know it attacks our elders and most vulnerable, but it also goes after the healthy and wealthy like Britney.

What can we as a community do to stop this monster from attacking our elders and disabled folks? Here are a few ways we can discuss alternatives.

Let’s take the first step. Who can care for your elderly parent while you’re at work? IF your son or daughter doesn’t live near enough to the elder parent or grandparent, you might want to arrange for a babysitter for elderly people, better known as a caregiver or nurse, to come in and help your disabled or elderly family relative. There are many resources you can use, including a person centered approach. For Rod, he and his elderly counterparts need care that includes memory and other sorts of support and drilling to make sure his brain is working properly. He will also need a place to relax, chosen by him, that allows visitors and doesn’t have a high abuse and turnover rate. Nursing homes have that problem. While there are many dedicated nurses and doctors out there, yes, I’m talking to you front line people, there are still many more people in nursing homes who steal from elderly patients and liquidate their assets. This must be curbed and put in check.

A medical power of attorney is a way to do medical decisions without taking away vital rights, including that of voting, marriage, and social affairs. Elders need to be able to socialize so when Catherine gets isolated, why not take her to a recreational facility for elders or an adult day center? She can do things at the place, eat, hang out, and talk to others in her situation. Easter Seals offers adult day center care for disabled and elderly people, and if she cannot be at home, your elderly grandma or mother could benefit from the dedicated people at Easter Seals. They also have done things for kids, but still check out the benefits of elder socialization, letting your elderly charge take the wheel and have friends, hang out with people, and give others the chance to live. Statistics show that isolation can lead to early death among dementia patients, elderly Alzheimer’s disease patients, and many other elders. Hats off to the Japanese women living together at 95 years of age, not going anywhere, and hanging out with other elders in Japan. Japan has some of the best eldercare options in the world, and the most centenarians registered there. The Japanese respect their elders, as do so many other Asian cultures. However, the Western European principle applies here in North America, dump your elders in a nursing home and forget about them. This is bad not only for the person who does it, but for the elderly person themselves.

Younger people in nursing homes also will face abuse. Let’s take Britney for example. She cannot use her wealth much, and her father has hijacked her assets, and she could end up in a group or nursing home at age 70 or so. Her father will have been dead by then, and Britney will have no supports except her sons, who are young and want to live their own lives. What we need here is a cultural shift in attitude about the elders and disabled people. Even the Japanese have deemed blindness a curse from the gods, but what’s odd and ironic is that they put Braille on soda cans and guide strips on all the concrete floors of subway stations. I wonder if there is a possible cultural liberation of blind and disabled people in Japan going on. Elders in Japan, like I said, get the best treatments and care. Family is always around and the elders are a source of wisdom.

We as a community must learn to treasure our elders, even if they do have dementia symptoms and Alzheimer’s Disease. One thing we must do for our elders is reminisce with them about growing up. For example, I worked in a nursing home surrounded by elderly and infirmed or vulnerable people. I was able to play songs they all loved, and I was in charge of playing a lot of songs. My piano skills were pushed to the limits, but these people loved music, and some of the Alzheimer’s patients were ballroom dancers, so if you took their hand, they’d dance with you. Glenn Campbell is a famous example of a musician with Alzheimer’s Disease who died recently a couple years back. Mr. Campbell was so incoherent at speaking and remembering things, but he had it all in his head how to play the guitar, and he still played his guitar even after he was almost to death’s door. Music has that power to heal and make people feel good. If there is such a thing in Denver, I’d recommend the Good Memories Choirs. It’s a bunch of elders who sing in a choir, mostly old songs of course, but it helps them remember things. Catherine, for example, grew up in a time when lots of swing and big band jazz was played. The Great Depression and the years after that were full of great music, but most younger people would be darned if they had to learn Come Josephine In My Flying Machine, In the Good Old Summertime, and many other old favorites. So many younger kids aren’t learning music, just singing that annoying Baby Shark song that gets into everybody’s heads. That isn’t appropriate for a few reasons: it’s too repetitive and it uses the same words, even sometimes children’s songs don’t use words these days. Another way to bring back the liveliness of a discussion with an elderly grandparent and or parent, try singing songs they remember. Helen, age 72, from Florida, for example, might hear a song she remembers hearing from church at a nursing home, and it lifts her spirits up. My great grandmother, who I never even met, had many hymns she remembered from her church days, but I played many other songs on the piano that would get these people singing, remembering, all that stuff. If not that, try cooking a popular dish from that period of time.

Leaving our elders isolated and alone is not the answer, but what if your elder is deemed crotchety and frankly negative? There are ways to combat negative energy I could focus on in another blog post, but here’s something to remember: it is frustrating to adjust to any change when you’re older, finding out you can’t even cook for yourself, finding that you burn things, do things differently, can’t remember your grandchild’s name. Put yourself in your elder’s shoes. Rose, who died at age 93, could not remember whether I could do my hair on my own. I called her my Mimi. She was the only relative I could truly be myself with, and I looked forrward to her $5 gifts every birthday, and she would say, “Get whatever you want with that money.” I’d save it for lunch, as $5 would not get you much monetary things to begin with, except for lunch at school. Rose Gravina was the only relative I ever thought would even answer me when I was alone, and I gave her that opportunity to be herself. We had many a fine day together, but I wish I had asked her questions about her married life, when she got married, and her life in the roaring twenties. The 1920s was pretty much the teenage years and beyond for Rose, and she did end up getting married and having children, like any other woman would be expected to do that in her day. My father had been devastated when she died, walking into my room the night before I was supposed to leave for university in Tallahassee. I ended up not being able to attend Rose’s funeral because of college, and she would have wanted me to continue playing the piano and going to college. I will talk about end of life things in another post as well.

So what if your younger disabled family member drives you nuts and you perceive them as unable to handle life itself? So whawt if you had the guardianship discussion with your spouse or partner, your other children, but did not include your family member? Stop what you are doing, and put the pen and paper down. guardianship is hard to get out of once you get in, and it’s like quicksand, always grabbing you and pulling you in. It’s like a magnet and superglue and many other things I could say things about. However, think about alternatives first. For all of the elders in the vignettes, it should be clear that medical decisions can be removed through a durable power of attorney but not guardianship. Guardianship is too extreme on all circumstances, even Britney Spears, whose vignette appears above. So what if you are not a fan of Britney? I can relate because her father took advantage of the poor woman, and how she gets out I don’t know if we’ll ever see that.

I’d like to dedicate this post here to all the victims and survivors of guardianship abuse. Please feel free to take these steps to heart when you are caring for an elder or a disabled person. If a disabled person is so developmentally disabled that talking and doing various things isn’t an option, still, think about medicine. Love your family members with no conditions attached. Give selflessly to others, and when you yourself are older, you can do what you need to in order to make sure your affairs are taken care of. Do not let the courts decide who your family or your relative’s family can see.

Beth

Dating as a Blind Person: Some Tips and Tricks In The Age of Social Distancing

Dear readers,

I have seen many posts and articles about dating as a disabled person, but the disabilities the articles mention are never sensory, including my own, blindness. When I looked at the article I recently saw in the microsoft News app about dating as a disabled person, it was written by a sighted guy or girl with neuromuscular disability. It did not include access to the picture based content that so many blind people are forced to deal with if they want to date online.

Katy, a blind professional, says that so many of the apps may be picture based. Rachel, another blind professional, may say that blindness is just a major turn off for some people when it comes to dating. I remember reading an article by the late Adrienne Asch where she basically said that with job interviews, people find ways of getting around hiring a blind people, but “potential dates go bananas” if they don’t know you’re blind. The finding out that a person is blind is a problem for so many people. Megan, who is also blind or visually impaired, says that she met her partner on okCupid, but not a lot of people can see or access the features on that site. Katy says she tried Tinder, okCupid, and some others have tried Plenty of Fish. I’ve even done the Craigslist Personals, but it never worked for me either. Famed author J. E. Pinto says she tried online dating, but the guys she came across were not safe. Given these comments, would you date online as a blind person? Well, here’s some tips and tricks for those unmatched who want to try the dating game.

Transportation needs. This is a hard one. Pinto says that anyone wanting to go on an online date should always meet their date first in public places. Yes, I agree with this, however, she also states, “use your own transportation.” Lyft and Uber aren’t always in small towns, and there are blind people in small towns. Blind people in small towns don’t always have access to supports that lend themselves to helping with transport. Titusville is an example of a small town in Florida that doesn’t have good transport.

Meeting in a public place. While the transport needs can be hard, it’s also hard to meet in a public spot that is closed. First and foremost, public areas to meet might vary, but make sure there are lights and people by that public area. For example, meet at a restaurant or place with people in it. Don’t meet in a park or remote area in a small village. Anything could occur there.

Screening for safety. Pinto says for safety reasons, she doesn’t want to try online dating again. She says a guy who was creepy tried to take advantage of her. This might happen more often to disabled women, so here are a few things to check on. Does the guy have a domestic assault charge on him? Has he been charged with felony battery? Anything with such charges is not worth dating. If he doesn’t openly tell you that he has molested children, for example, check on that. Google the man’s name if you find something off about him. Use your gut if you can, listen to your body language. If you’re a woman, listen hard to what your guts are telling you about a man you just met online. If the guy you met online is creepy, you will feel it and notice it in his body language and it will become more apparent. Sex offenders are off the list, and if you find that the guy has a hardship driver’s license and a DUI, that might tell you something about his responsibility and stuff. If you’re dating as a man, same applies. Women don’t always tell the truth either, and if someone lies about their past, you’ll know it. Google her name and phone number and see what criminal past pops up. For anyone who’s dating online, google the person who pops up in your radar, and see if the police will show you reports if you have an inkling about someone you’ve met online.

For LGBTQ peoples who want to date, there are lots of groups on Facebook for meeting such people, but the usual online ways like Grinder might not be accessible. Depending on your country, you might not get access du to laws regarding homosexual relationships. However, Grinder has made it a point to keep their clientele safe. If you are LGBTQI+ and want to try dating, or if you’re just now discovering yourself, feel free to connect to others who are in the same boat through a personal network. I’ll explain how I met my significant other in just a second. But a personal network is the best way to find a date for all people.

If you’re a blind person looking for a date, here’s the best way to do it. First, feel free to talk to others like yourself on email lists and Facebook, but in the email lists, you are not required to put up a picture or pay to chat. I have friends who met each other in groups for singles who are blind on Facebook. They met through a network of friends who were also blind, and that’s also how I knew the name of my significant other. I met Trenton on Twitter, but before then, his girl at the time, Stacey, had set us up sort of. She told me I should meet him, that he’s like right there in my backyard, etc. what she didn’t realize was that I’d find him in the end, and a little voice of reason told me this would be my husband. It was the best most electric feeling I’d ever had. Trenton and I hung out at a public area, but then we went to my house, watched Ellen, and then I sent him back east to his own home. Trenton is a sweet and loving guy, and we’ve been together for four years. I hope we have four hundred more, not that we have four hundred years, but you know what I mean.

The big thing about dating as a blind person that I took away from the experience was that not every person who is blind will respect your boundaries or not judge you for skill levels. Some blind men expect girls to cook and clean, and they want what they want, but that’s just my experience with some blind men. Other blind men just don’t get the word no as an answer. I guess the universe gave me a good guy and made it relatively easier than most. However, there were bumps in the road like any other couple had. I was removed from my church’s directory and told not to come back, was told that I was sinning by living with Trenton, and was not going to receive help and support. This church, Grace Community in Westminster, is not the best church I would say for blind or low vision people, and they are exclusive and believe we should be asexual. Dating a Christian would have been a bad idea. I found that even the Conservative guys want to enslave women these days, and I have to work through issues relating thereto as far as past breakups and other problems go. Trenton has been incredibly supportive of therapy, mental health screenings, and all that. Most men would not date a woman or anyone else for that matter with a mental illness. Most people have a mental illness issue, but for me, the issues are about abuse, being told that I could not, being pressed for time and energy to do certain things that don’t fly with me, and some of the time I felt like an unpaid maid or servant. I won’t stand for that mentality with guys, and requiring a woman to cook and clean and do chores around the house under duress is wrong, and that happened to me.

Marriage is work. Communication is key to a good relationship, they say. Sometimes Trenton is a bit slower at communicating than the average dude, but I know why. Sometimes I forget, but his communication is fine by me. If you have a successful online relationship, feel free to twitter about it, Facebook about it, but comments here are disabled due to trolls.

Thank you.

Beth

Restitution Does Not Mean Entitlement.

Dear readers,

As a blind person who suffered 15 years of guardian abuse, I would like to offer victims hope that they can find their way out. There are a few hurdles though to doing this. One, I don’t live in NYC, where book publishing is a big business, where the Publishing Houses are. Second, who the hell would want to publish a book that pretty much sums up everything that happened in a nutshell, that I was emotionally and patriarchally abused by a mother that didn’t want an illegitimate blind child and by a bio dad that simply donated his sperm to the cause of creating havoc, and worse, an adoptive father who even suggests that I not see a man because he is “sexually experienced”? I pretty much went through all that stuff. Moreover, the stuff has left me with a few things. See below.

  1. High risk of having a special needs child because of old age.
  2. Not able to adopt because of low income, no housing that is appropriate for babies and toddlers and moreover, there’s no housing available anywhere in the United States. We don’t have a way to buy a proper shelter and get food and clothing for a child we adopt.
  3. No way to ensure the safety and education of both a child and spouse. My spouse to be is black, and that means police brutality has made its way into every aspect of my existence. I have to be the one to do everything, say everything to the cops, all that. Systemic racism has plagued this country forever, and I can’t even teach my mixed race kids one day, “Oh, they will help you find a lost puppy, those boys in the blue uniforms.” How does anyone expect my kids to be safe in the world?
  4. No way to get a job or go to college without filling out forms, that say I’m dependent on someone for finances. I can’t even work as a waitress because who will hire me? Nobody. My ex, Blake Tucker, was not hired at a fitness place for long, all because of blindness.

There are a lot of things Florida should consider. I should have had my job in hand, college degree and all, by 25 years old, should have found someone who would put up with the woman working. Parents oftentimes need two incomes to work, and raising kids sometimes requires the parent to separate and put the child in daycare, which I will not do because daycare statistically doesn’t really work for children with special needs. I’m talking about you autism and blind kid parents, parents with kids who have cerebral palsy and so much other disability related stuff. Daycare doesn’t always include those kids, and you have to hope and pray that pedophiles are not anywhere near your child’s daycare. I don’t want my kid coming home and swaying their hips in a sexually suggestive way at six years old, and performing oral sex on a sibling or pet. That would tell me something’s wrong. The child would not be in trouble, I’d say, but the adults would. That’s the thing, the adults who are taking care of my kid would be in big doo doo.

In any case, since I can’t get a job or can’t get a college degree without rehabilitative objections, I feel that restitution is in order, and here’s my plan: I’m going to discuss a settlement and support plan so that the county where the guardianship was posted will have to pay up. I can do nothing in return, except for publish my book, write a memoir, and do other things that allow me to express myself like write music. How I do it, nobody will need to know. However, the county should owe me support payments totalling upwards of millions of dollars, most of which will go into a startup to put the U.S. guardianship industry in check, and I will pay other people’s lawyer bills and be a witness to anyone who has disability that is currently under guardianship in court to pretty much put away the professionals who ruin the lives fo others with disabilities. Unlike me, though, most of the other guardian victims are elderly, live in the Sun Belt, and don’t do much else but get overmedicated in a nursing home, beat up by their caregivers, and a lot more. I want to dedicate this post to my dear friend, Laura, whose husband in Texas is being guardianized unfairly and he had lots of money to his name. I would gladly pay Laura a good portion of that money so that she could get a good lawyer and beat the crap out of the guardians holding her lover hostage. Laura had her story featured on Netflix’s Dirty Money episode, Guardians Incorporated. Please watch it, and if you are a Netflix subscriber, you’ll thank me in the end.

Here’s the plan for restitution that I plan to put up for Florida, and they must pay this or I’ll write the state off as unsafe for all kinds of people.

  1. 15 or $150,000,000 total for the restitution. That symbolizes 15 years, and if necessary, another bunch for the sixteenth year spent in process.
  2. Two thirds of the $150,000,000 will be used for the guardianship fund startup money, and all that will be used to evaluate and determine persons with disabilities who need to be freed from guardianship bondage throughout the United States, and as an example, Florida.
  3. The rest of the money will go toward housing, family expenses, and buying assets that can’t be bought due to income restrictions on SSI, SSDI, and lack of appropriate medical insurance. Because of the lack of a job, lack of college degree, and so on, there may need to be an extra $5,000,000 for a college degree outside the state in political science or creative writing. I will not use music as a primary degree due to the intensity of the requirements, juries, and practice. This is very important because most jobs won’t hire a blind person with no college degree.
  4. I will probably ask the state to revoke guardianship rights to my parents, and this will include their right to guardianize all family members, including but not limited to elders and disabled kids. No member of my family should be denying constitutional rights to disabled or elderly people based on perceived competence or lack thereof. My constitutional rights are granted to me by my creator as it says clearly in the preamble. A judge should not deny me those rights because of a disability or being female.

I also want to see if I can milk the hell out of the state for better therapy in my state of residence, and I won’t move to Florida because of the aiding and abetting guardian abuse that this state is famous for. Colorado therapists have trusted that they will make a better decision and I don’t trust Florida psychologists who are prone to racial bias and ableist bias because of their not knowing me, not knowing who I am, and so on. I have an appointment with a new psych doc, and she’s probably heard all the bad the good the rumors that the previous doc might have written in my chart. I want her to understand that Florida needs to know that I oversee all the things that I need done in the house, and I will not be made a slave to men, boys, and or family that wishes not to pay me. If my family wants me to be their maid, I won’t without charging extremely high prices and opening a maid business. They need to understand that my skills are supposed to be mine, not to be used or abused by family and other people who want me to fail.

There is one thing I want to point out. Anyone who associates with those who want me to fail should realize that stalking and harassment are crimes, and W.D. and an ex of mine are now going to be under investigation. My ex at least will be under investigation and he will be taken down. He doesn’t get it. I’ve been through hell with him, and so have other girls.

Please support the blog. I also have a new podcast episode about schools, so please check it out and be safe and well.

Beth

Deny Him Martyrdom

Dear readers,

While Jokhar Tsnarnaev has had his death sentence overturned, I have a reason to agree with this. What the Boston Marathon bombing survivors do not understand is that guy has been waging Jihad, or holy war, against America and those who don’t believe in his extreme religion. He got the inspiration from the Qur’an, where it describes where all the martyrs go in Heaven, so here’s the deal: Tsarnaev’s death sentence should not have been considered, just life in prison without the possibility of parole because of one thing: if he died by lethal injection or even a gunshot with a firing squad, he’d achieve martyrdom and get the so called 72 virgin wives for himself. The thing that bothers me about his death sentence is that death doesn’t teach. It only liberates the soul, degrades punishment altogether, and does not truly deter murderers. Tsarnaev’s death sentence could have meant that he would go to Heaven, while the poor person who can’t fight, who can’t achieve what’s called “shahidala” goes to Hell. There are too many people who go to Hell in Islam, including women. The Prophet himself even said it, and in one haddith, it says there are many many inhabitants in Heaven, the poor people, but then the last quote. “I saw Hell, and many of its inhabitants were women.” So when Tsarnaev dies in prison, I think he’ll probably rot in Hell for what he did to the people at the Boston Marathon, that is if we can convince him that what he did was wrong, very wrong. We need to deny him all the things he would normally have in an Islamic household, including the Jihadi verses of the Qur’an. We need to convince him to throw away Jihad beliefs, perhaps do what is necessary to keep. him away from that temptation of 72 virgin maidens in 72 beds in 72 gardens. It makes me sick that a guy like that can have creature comforts even in prison, and here I am living in a slummy little crappy building that doesn’t even allow any number of satellite TV providers and so on. A criminal, a murderer who wants martyrdom, can’t get what he wants. Spoiled much? No, just being honest. The bomb survivors should study the Qur’an just for a brief moment, look at the descriptions of Heaven for martyrs. They’ll understand why I feel the way I do. I say, deny martyrdom to the man who bombed the Boston marathon. And trust me, Jihad and holy war principles litter the book, they litter everything for the extremist Muslim. So what’s the best deterrent for murdering people and hurting others at a marathon in Boston? Life in prison is fine, but no chance at martyrdom or parole.

Beth

U.S. Declared War On TicTock because it can’t handle the truth.

Dear readers,

I’m showing you guys this because TicTok or whatever that video app is called will definitely change the game if bought by Microsoft. China thinks it can get away with all kinds of trouble, but this information nationalism is what killed Clayton Jacobs’s twitter and Facebook accounts. Read on in this link.

apple.news/A1Wz1Xs4XTSKnaipgqRX4mg