Ten Good Things About Being a Friend or Two Thigns ABout Being a Boyfriend

Dear Readers,
I have to say I haven’t blogged here in a while. But there are a few things I’d like to talk about that bother me a bit. Seems that all the times I’ve blogged here, it’s been about stuff that’s bothered me. It still bothers me that I’ve had to lose a friend because of my ex. Jason has hurt me more than anybody I know, and took my friends away because he could. Well, Jason, here are ten things you forgot that friends/significant others do and don’t. Yes, five do’s and don’ts. There you go.
1. Be respectful. There are times when I don’t think anybody is respectful to me at all. Like this time, I can’t go to the movies and dinner on the twentieth of September, my own birthday! Ruined! Because why? Because my friends bailed out on me for a camping trip that I wasn’t invited on. Something tells me this is all a joke, right? Well, it’s not respecting my friendship with these girls if they continue to bail me out.
2. Don’t talk about sex in public, especialy when it pertains with me. Uh, this doesn’t apply to the girls here. But that applies to Jason. Don’t talk about the forecast versus foreplay thing. That’s just … um, gross. I’m not talking about that further.
3. Don’t roll out embarrassing or dirty laundry in public. That in any case includes sex, but could go further. IF you want to be my family, that means no baby pics and stuff. Don’t roll those out. I’m going to put butt pics on my blog if that occurs. lol
4. BE available when I need you. That includes birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, etc. If Blake and I are getting married, Bethany, you’re a bridesmaid, so you have to be there.
5. always be sensitive to my faults and failings, and realize that we’re all sinners. Don’t hurt me. Not at all. That means not hurting my chances of being married to Blake.
6. Don’t throw me out like garbage. That means tell me why I’m not being invited along with you on some things. I haven’t had enough experiences with social things, people just didn’t include me on things year in and year out. I wasn’t even allowed to go to birthday parties, and if I had any, couldn’t invite a single person. Damn it.
7. IF you’re a boyfriend, don’t expect sex when I say no. No means no. That is all.
8. For friends and mates alike, I hate flowers. Well, I love flowers. But flowers die after a while if cut with a shear thing or two. Therefore, don’t give me real stuff. If I’m feeling down, I want a visit or chocolate or some sort of funny joke or something.
9. For mates only, don’t expect me to wear a ring that is cheapy and turns my fingers green. Furthermore, if you do so, your gifts will be for the … four calling birds, three French hens, two Turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. …
10. Don’t be two faced. Do not try and be my friend, yet have some fluffy vendetta against me. I won’t be friends or mates with someone who has a vendetta against people here. And one more note.
Parents Take Note: IF you think it’s funny to write bad things about me, think again. I loved Jennifer, Jason’s ex, and I wished she’d stay. You don’t know all the mistreatments I’ve been through. It was mostly verbal when I was little, psychological by middle and adolescent childhoods, then just plain maltreatment by adulthood. I will not be in Florida btw for Christmas or Thanksgiving. This will continue until all forms of incapacitation or guardianship are removed. Regardless of what you want, that has to go. You will keep it at all costs, mandatory incompetence and all, because you want my tax returns. Bye now.