Walk into any school classroom, and listen to how the kids and teachers interact. Most teachers are female, and most administrators are male. However, there are some male teachers and female administrators. While children are playing in a kindergarten class, teachers are charged with teaching the students how to relate to one another. Kids who have abusive dynamics in families don’t always have peace at home. teachers these days are overworked and burdened with the task of helping curb abuse in the kids, particularly boys.
Girls respond to abusive family dynamics by retreating, and later submitting to abuse. Boys, on the other hand act out. They become the aggressive ones, and they may even initiate acquaintance rape. some boys do however figure it all out in the end, and they realize that domestic violence is never okay. Boys who are educated in healthy masculine behaviors are typically better set up for success. Here are some ways we as the guardians of our youth can help in the fight against domestic violence.
1. Start with our infants. When parents respond positively and affirmatively to the cries of their babies, this is often a first lesson in empathy as noted by many psychologists. Abusers typically lack empathy for others. With every sip of the bottle or breast, every snuggle, each and every sweet lullaby, we are showing our babies that they are loved. Love and hugs are the best way to engage babies in the necessities of resilience and empathy. Note that it is okay for babies to cry. that is how they talk.
2. With our young children, all genders should be enrolled in some type of martial arts. Karate or judo, it should be initiated at age five. Typically, children in Japan are introduced to the fighting arts at this age. Throughout your child’s education, the martial arts master can teach about things like honor, respect and good self discipline. disciplining oneself is an act of learning through teaching. A martial arts teacher in the right dojo can make a great difference in children’s lives. carolyn Jessop’s boys learned a great deal from the karate master she set them up with. Her daughters also did well, but she had lots of legal hurdles to climb. Husband Merrill, a decades older polygamist in a big plural marriage, kept on attempting to manipulate the situation in his favor. Carolyn noticed when her children came back from custody mandated visits, their psyches were bruised. Later she’d reveal that her children were instructed to pray for their mother’s death for being disobedient to Merrill. One anecdote she shares in her memoir Escape tells of Merrill with a sixteen-year-old Bonnie, introducing her to the children as their “new mother.” However, to Carolyn’s shock but delight, Carolyn got sole custody of all eight of her children, from Arthur to Bryson. Betty would later leave Carolyn to join her father. However, beyond that nothing much is known. However, Carolyn did affirm that as a mother, she had rights.
3. Teaching our boys to respect the rights of others does not end in the dojo and in schools. We must mobilize organizations such as Catholic Big Brothers, although not every such group exists where we want them. Online habits for teens must also be closely watched. Big Tech owes teens a safer way to surf. for boys, algorithms have proven these dys to be dangerous when improperly implemented. so when Malcolm Jacobs, age 13, wants to do a homework assignment on women’s suffrage, he could type “women’s suffragettes” into Google, attempting to find scholarly work on this topic. However, MGTOW vlogs and other antifeminist literature typically pops up in spots. IF Malcolm were to have seen such, my job as Mom is to educate him not to use your personal search engine. Schools can implement policies whereby a similar database such as those found in colleges and universities is used exclusively. So, when Malcolm Jacobs types in “modern feminist movement” in a search bar, he will not be confronted with MGTOW vlogs and blogs detailing how women lie about rape, how feminism destroys families, and alternatives to women’s progress in america. for our female and sexual minorities who are students, we can and must do better at being sure to teach them that modern feminism is not bigotry against cisgender males. Rather, it’s the complete opposite. as Malcolm’s mom, my job at present with every cuddle, every sip of milk e gets from me, each response I give him with diaper changes, then later if he crawls into bed, wanting me to snuggle, all this stuff is great for setting him up for success with female peers. IF parents remain responsive also to their teens’ internet activities, fostering a discussion about healthy relationships and boundaries will be effective in every way.
4. For those in religious circles, children benefit greatly when they are surrounded by loving mentors and nurturing adults. At Jefferson Unitarian Church and similar places, children are leveled through what are called “faith exploration” coursework. I have yet to glance at the Our Whole Lives courses, OWL or short. In thee courses, children learn about relationships and how to interact with each other. In seventh grade OWL, sexuality is emphasized. For my son, this means he will have a comprehensive sexual education on sunday instead of during weekdays, but I would stress his sexual education can keep going through the weeks. Sunday class would be a guidepost. However, parents can follow up with their students children through the week by talking to them each day about how they engage with Sunday’s lessons. For children raised in creedal one God churches, i.e. Catholic or Christian churches, sexual education often comes with a caveat that children must learn that heterosexual relationships are the only acceptable type. I graduated from a Parochial school littered with moral education that does not set up a disabled girl for safe and healthy relationships. My family instituted harsh authoritarian discipline methods, not allowing me to do things for long periods of time. However, with Malcolm, this will not be the case. For one, I will have to forbid him from joining a creedal one God system church, including Roman Catholicism for the sake of his sexual integrity. Creedal one God spiritual communities may look helpful on the outset, but if a woman is unmarried or blind or both, the church will not only abandon the person, but they will make her life a living Hell as comparative to a normal they endorse, a normal in which able bodied and able minded persons are the only ones permitted to marry. Malcolm Jacobs is likely to be raised in affirmative spiritual principles that allow him to see all persons as divine within, worthy of love and respect. Such principles will guide malcolm through tough situations, especially involving Clayton. malcolm is likely to marry successfully if the principles are followed through. Our young benefit when nurturing adults teach respect and affirmation for their peers. When Malcolm begins dating in the teenage years, if this education holds, I might consider that he could very well have a very successful marriage. It is rare to find a couple that stays with each other for more than fifty years at a time. We often ask what is their secret. Sex is something we must help our children understand the need for and use of. For me, I see sex and the very act thereof as an act of love, and sex in and of itself should be treated as a beautiful act of love and connection, procreation being an added bonus. For some, that procreative bonus is not present, but the act of love should always be a given.
5. Healthy relationships and mental health correlate. Therefore, we must as a community address the needs of those being affected by abusive dynamics at home. We must teach mental resilience and show mental health related first aid to our young, the youngest appropriate age possible. We must teach consent, “May I give you a hug” for example instead of just outright giving physical contact, but we must also be clear with how we instruct our young to approach each other and how e express each other’s feelings. We must hold space for our youth to be themselves.
I hope with the tools I speak of, we can all become soldiers bravely guarding and protecting the lives of our young and women from the ill effects of domestic violence and abuse. Thank you for your readership, and if you have any questions, I’m open.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and abuse, click http://www.thehotline.org, and you can choose which modes to use when communicating with the advocates. If you or someone you know is in mental health crisis, you can call or text 988 and go to your nearest mental health clinic. Remember, you are not alone, and abuse is never acceptable even in the context of a romantic partnership.
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