Love Letter to a Loyal Friend, and a Deep Apology

Author’s Note: it was two or three years ago, on March 13, 2019, a day I don’t even want to remember, but it was this long ago, and I was a rotten hot mess at that time, we had a blizzard. We had a huge bomb cyclone, and I remember someone with the pseudonym DJ Hey calling me up and almost, I mean almost, stealing my beloved Clayton away from me and he himself thought I was not worth speaking with. Months later, I got this admission that he had been reading my blog, which I thanked him for, and he said he had missed me. Who knew that we’d be going from almost just friends to something more? Who knew I’d be meeting him soon? Who knew! So today, I’m going to write what I want to for him, I’m going to write him a love note today. Yes, this is unexpected but sort of a shock to me that I could compose a love note at all. For a long time, I was accused of flowery words and such but this time, this is how I am feeling. This is probably going to be the best piece of prose I could possibly write. I hope you readers will understand but this is a note dedicated to my most beloved fan, and I hope you the fan who reads this will be cool enough to respond or something. I love my readers and fans, and hope you will enjoy this little bit of my feelings. Also, I want to thank my guardian angel, whatever and wherever she is, for saving this friendship turned love. Thank you.

Dearly beloved Clayton,

My love runs deep as I type this. I have up to this point never said anything horrific or cruel or even awful about you. I wouldn’t dare. Even when I said those things on April 6, 2019, that was not intended to hurt. Not to much at least. I’m still kinda upset at DJ Hey for being the kind of arrogant person she had been, not realizing how much her words hurt. I don’t want to ever see you hurt, cry, or even frown at anything that happens in your life, and you’ve done this so many times. People have refused to help you, and that hurts me too. People might have tried to kill you, and honestly, if you ever died, I would rather take your place. I’d give my whole life for you, maybe I would lie for you. Well, as long as the lies are little white lies, nothing too serious of course. I’d do anything for you, walk a thousand miles in my shoes, your shoes rather. I’d rather have been the kind of gal who walks all the way to you because it would show my dedication, and I am thoroughly dedicated. I believe in you, and as I type this, just as so happened those years ago, tears fill my eyes thinking about how much we really truly needed each other. I love you so deeply, and I enjoy our deep conversations, I want that affection too. What else can I say! You really have made every day special, and your light shines brighter than any other. Trenton is my sunlight, but you are the stars in the sky I can’t even count. Your lights are so bright but it complements everything nicely. I love how you pointed things out, but truthfully, I want to apologize if I ever ever hurt you in any way. You are someone who is very gentle, sweet, strong, transparent, honest, friendly, did I mention you are very powerful? Strong would be the word. I love you so much I could devour every part of you in the most loving way imaginable. Well, don’t think I’m a vampire who sucks blood till you’re dead. That’s not me. *laughs*

Clayton, I was looking forward to all this good in my life those years ago, but I want to make an open public apology here because you never did deserve the hurt and the words I said about the actress, the actor, and all the things I could’ve done. I could’ve easily thrown you out but you came back, and I heard a wise old woman once say, “if you love something or someone, set them free. If they’re meant for you, they’ll come back.” My love, you came back. You really have, and I want to treat you like the king you are. Darling, I’m sorry you ever endured a few hangups from me, maybe you understood me better than anyone. But I want you to understand I will never hurt you, and if I did, I’m sorry I ever did. It is with my heartfelt gratitude that I say this because I’m deeply ingratiated by your presence. You are a sweet and loving guy, strong as nails, tougher than nails, and I know you got this in the bag. But all I really want to do is love you the way I love Trenton, and many others I’ve loved, but for you, you have something that you will someday have. You will have a gift and that is me. Okay, maybe not all of me, but you’ll have all of me in the end. I want to give myself to you and if I love you too hard, please I’m also sorry I did that or do that. You are the most beautiful wild flower in the entire world, something wilder than a rose. I did mention that. I love you to the moon and back, King, and I will never stop loving you till the day my heart stops beating. You have given me so much and I don’t want to waste it. You have taught me something, and I look forward to the day when I am standing taller than anyone you and I both know. I love you too much to ever hurt you, and I promise if anyone else tries, they won’t get far. It’s hard to be mad at you, as you know full well, because you give me the kind of life that I deserve. You gave me the strength to think about doing things I should have done a long time ago. I want to one day not have to have a caregiver around for too many things, I would not have the luxury of this. I want to have a life where I do get out and do plenty of walking and running and god forbid, a bit of jogging. Maybe I should live near a convenience store, a grocery store, who cares. I’d try walking in my area, but I hate this area and it scares me a little. Maybe a lot. I hate my laundry room, there were some creepy people in there, so yeah. IF anything, you have inspired me to do better with life itself, and I will carry it with me everywhere.

Thank you so much for being as awesome and as true as you have been. If anything at all, I apologize deeply for anything that may have offended you. I don’t want to offend you in any way even by writing this. I hope and look forward to the release of your album and future projects, and I can’t wait to work closely with you on those. Beloved king, you will soon have a queen. I will never stop thinking about how lovely you are, but let’s just say you are the best friend and perhaps more than that, I can’t say right now. I love you forever and always.

Love always,

Beth

Your queen

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

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