How Not to Be A Dick, … And My Audition Day is Here At Last

Dear Diary,

I”m really looking forward to my audition.  Let’s face it.  I’m really looing forward to seeing what others think of my singing, but I’m not looking forward to the total jerks who think blind people should not sing on television.  I’m sorry, but a blind person is usually the juggernaut of paperwork, the burden to their families, and some parents believe they are not to be grown up.  Blind people are often treated like this by dicks, total dicks.  We can’t even name our children “Dick” for fear of what people will say.  Imagine if I named my son “Harry Dick”.  Can you imagine that?  I’d be mortified by a son named that, so I think I’ll go a step further and try naming him “Sue.”  Sue.  Perfect.  Johnny Cash would be proud of me if I named by little man Sue.  But Blake would probably go nuts, nuts and all.

Blake and others should take note: Blind people are often forced to work in call centers, enslaved by a Rehabilitation agency that doesn’t understand what they really want to do, and doesn’t take into account what they are capable of without thinking, I’ll get lots of moola out of the poor blind population.  Rehab agencies are a bane of blind people’s existence, to name one thing they are.  My audition could be a point of light for others, someone could indeed decide to audition.  What if I’m turned down though because of disability?  I knew this would be a problem.  The producers might make me pass a test with psychologists, and they’re going to think I’m out of touch with “reality.”  Geez, Mom, you should have thought before you didn’t let me be a child, so you got rid of every child’s thought in my mind.  Reality is not real.  There’s no such thing as reality.  Reality is whatever you make of it, and the reality I have faced all this time up to now is one of harrowing emotional difficulties and some abusive moments.  By the way, this week, my ex, the biggest bully in the entire United States, Jason D. Owens, yes, I’m not afraid to name you, pulled the biggest stunt with my friend Carol.  Jason said he wouldn’t hurt her, but Carol reported to me last night that Jason said she’d signed a death warrant by being freidns with me and my bf Blake.  Wrong, Mr. Owens.  You need to cool your top.  If you don’t, you’ll get charged with bullying.  I’ll have to report your accounts to Cyber Tip Line, and picking on Carol was wrong.  Carol blocked you for a reason, and she’s not gonna back down.  So don’t even think about contacting me or Blake while you’re behind.  We’re gonna confront you about this issue.

And speaking of Jason and his bullying, we’re gonna talk about a book.  Yes, a book that could help people such as Jason learn basic etiquette.  How Not to Be A Dick By Meghan Doherty.  Yes, it is the absolute best damned etiquette book out there, simple, not as complicated as Emily Post.  The Internet etiquette section  is pretty basic, but simple and to the point.  Whatever you or I post in public blogs IS public.  It’s all public.

I had a weird dream, and it was the night before my audition.  I was with my friend Jessica, and I was hoping to meet Blake there.  Blake came over, and … well, I was holding his hand, and we hugged, then I woke up.  I want something more than that, though.  If not for the dicks in our lives, we wouldn’t’ve been in this position.  A dangerous killer, an overprotetive and overdoing it mother, a dangerous predator on my side of the family or should we say a pair of them?, and a dangerous set of predators in Florida who aren’t related to me.  There you go.  The situations are clearly blocking me from seeing Blake, and I will not be blocked from seeing Blake.  IF anyone decides to do this, they will have to face my rath.  God’s rath be upon you who try and act like a total dick, and don’t let me see Blake.  Blake is mine, my significant other, and from a distance, seems nice, but I want a devout and strong man who understands about blindness and can work with the emotional abuses I’ve suffered, the tortures I’ve been through, etc.  I was caled spoiled and selfish by another friend, who thought he’d cared, but he didn’t.  Whining like a baby wasn’t what happened when he decided to block me on Skype.  I really did have a haunting, a flashback, and it was the same thing that occurred in Parochial school when the kids accused me of making threats.  Let them think this, now I say to myself, for they were never true friends.  Only Kristen was, but she’s gone.  Gone from my life, and forever gone from society’s high ranks.  She went to Japan, I didn’t.  She had a Japanese man; I did not.  Kristen is no longer messaging me for some reason, and that means she’s gone.  If you don’t message me for a long time, you’re gone.  There’s no way I can contact you, and you’re possibly uninterested in contacting me.  Kristen was only one of two people who fell to the steps of disinterest in contacting me.  I’m sorry, but anyone else in the teacher precious’s homeroom did not have the same interests, did not live Christ’s teachings, etc.  Using the R word was another crime they committed against me all because I was blind.  I had to wear a puke plaid uniform, and this was all my parents’ wishes.  Sorry, but Catholic education is not the best thing at all for someone blind.  Catholics don’t like birth control, and want to deny women that coverage.  Birth control isn’t just to prevent pregnancy, it helps with other conditions.  Guess what?  SAndra Fluke was right.  If you’re not sure of what I’m saying, google it.  She talked about why birth control was totally important, and Rush Limbaugh, a radio demagogue who is, for lack of a better way to put it, a dick, said she was being paid to have sex.  Medicaid now covers birth control, which si a good thing for poor women who need it.  I’m not spending hundreds of dollars on contraception.  I need it sometimes, and Blake may need it too.  IF we marry before the psychiatrist approves a medication change, then Blake and i will need to use condoms and birth control pills.  BC pills need to be gotten with Medicaid or insurance, and even $2 could hamper the grocery bill.  I don’t care what you politicians think, but BC coverage is important.  IF I’m raped, that’s another thing.  Blake will be upset, and I don’t want to see a baby before he marries me.  My mother would take the baby away and sign it to a stranger couple.  I can’t have that.  Not at all.

To summ things up, those who so wish to tell me what is and has to be are to me total liars.  I want my life back, and I want someone who can help me get it back.  Blake has done this, and he will get his eternal reward.  God be with Blake, and that’s all I can say.

Excuse my last post

Its just best again. My phone was acting so weird, I had to get her out what was going on with the last post. I will probably end up posting wordpress content from my um I was going to say my computer. But my voice input and the typing did not do well at all on this phone. om now

Good morning daily

Hello, my name is Beth again. This is a morning that I will never forget. I have to go   back from you can be in try j again. It appears that my caregivers car was damaged or somehow, with tires and everything, she couldn’t get anywhere past Northglenn with her car. The car is stranded in Northglenn and I hope that it doesn’t get stolen. I’m praying very hard that melaina will indeed get her car fixed beached

if she does not get her car fixed she could risk losing her job. I don’t want her to lose her job she’s the best c. She is a very best, good at makeovers, food preparation, dishwashing, everything. I’ve had her for ever. I don’t want a new aid. I seriously do not want someone new because I have had so many new people. Dash so many new people so so many new people dot dot dot too many new people that I can’t even count them. It isn’t exactly the same with a new person as it is with someone like her. I swear she should probably keep her job maybe if Kirsten knows something I don’t know what the deal is but somebody who is really good should fill in but I’m not sure I want to fill in today. Excuse the word in that spot, but I’m using voice dictation. It doesn’t really matter how it goes what it does what happens now, I’m going to treatment so thank you very much people for being understanding. With blake there, I am much better off. I feel like I’m totally lost in something when blake is around. Blake is something that I will never forget. Is extremely nice, not even the best but more than the best. Anyway, I’m very happy to say that there is a lot going on in the treatment team and plan stuff. I can’t really say what’s going on in group but I don’t like it very much because there are just too many people who don’t want to socialize. It’s me who does and I’m the one who has to be the leader in the group. It doesn’t really matter though it really doesn’t. Anyway, time for me to go. I better get some breakfast, drink, E, gets my meds, and then blake my call me. blake may call me in some way or other on skype okay so I’m trying to do Wore on? Really come on? s with my voice. This is just getting extremely weird. Let me just go ahead and quit here. Okay or on the phone. We’re probably going to Zillow as soon as I get finished with group. Continue reading “Good morning daily”

My financial whoes, what disability!, and a press conversation I had recently this morning. Blah!

Dear Diary,

I’m better at writing in the blog at the computer, so I’m writing from my pc keyboard.  What was I thinking of posting WordPress stuff from my phone?  At least it works, but I’d like to mediate comments from my phone, if possible.  Blake is sitting there, being a weirdo.  He’s a sweet thing, and he always has.  I talked to some communications people at a very important organization that fights on behalf of civil liberty in America, and they got some info about the guardianship issues I’ve faced, the work adjustment being over I was able to talk.  Now, I’m out of energy, done, low, down, blah.  I can’t think for once that I’m gonna wake up.  I’m a night owl, and I better darn right be ready to wake up at like seven because Melaina, my lady, is coming to do the housework again.  I got sick, and so the sick stuff is supposed to be cleaned up, and I’m not sure about mopping the floor again.  I’m so sick of being sick, so I’m gonna have to make a better effort to cook more.  Yeah, I should cook more and longer.  Coud it have been the lasagna?  Or could it have been the stomach viruses that inhabited the very dark reaches of food supplies?  Ewwwww.  I’m done with being sick.

Meanwhile, in other news, the Terrorists are bombing Iraq in the use of American tanks and so on.  Oh my God, we made a pretty bad decision.  Why do Muslims expect us to convert to Islam?  I did that, and it was the worst decision of my whole life, and that’s because Deq, the only thing in the whole world I would trust within the faith, strayed and talked trash about Americans sometimes, thinking some people actually believed that Americans were bad news.  Um, we Americans believe people should be free to marry whomever they choose.  Deq, of c ourse, I was afraid he’d be given a Muslim daughter of Somali origin.  Of course, the brothers and their bad attitude about blindness with regards to marriage didn’t help at all.  Deq is blind, but he has a brain.  Blind people all have brains, but face this fact, I will not, and will not ever marry a Muslim guy who thinks his main aim is to take care of a poor pitiful blind woman.  Sorry, but that’s the main reason for my leaving.  Yes, it may sound like I’m a bad believer, but I can’t believe a religion whose followers don’t tolerate blind women marrying blind men.  Sighted people are worse than gum on the bottom of my shoe when it comes to their atrtitudes about blindness.  Blake, realizing that he and I could make something happen, made it happen, but marriage is on hold because of one solitary word: tragedy.  People aren’t getting that blindness is contributing in some poor way to Blake’s infantilization, and I’m not one to discuss further what happened.  Only one thing remains: How am I going to marry Blake?  Christine, his dear aunt, is lost and needs a prayer or two.  She’s neglected her Catholicism, which she’d practiced for years till she married Blake’s mother’s brother.  Christine thought I was disrespectful and made us stay apart.  I have a few words for you, lady, “Do you think that’s appropriate to do that just because I’m handicapped?  Think before you act and call Blake or Cathy on this.  I want to see Blake.  I will never stop till Blake is in my arms, till Blake is forever with me, in union, in a convenant called marriage which we will make before our Creator, who endowed us, like it or not, with certain inalienable rights.”  I mean it.  Those are my words.  I’m not taking them back.  I swear to God, there’s nothing you can do to break me and Blake up.  IF that’s your goal, well, you didn’t succeed, and will never succeed.  I’ve had it to the brim with guys breaking my heart, leaving me for blindness reasons or because of guardianship.  You encouraged Cathy to infantilize Blake, and this is what you will have to do: go back to God.  Pray about this, read the Bible, go back to your Creator.  He’s waiting to accept you back with open arms.  You are a lost woman, I’m afraid to say it, you are lost as usual, not getting the point.  I innocently spoke of a covenant that God rendered years ago, and you tried to destroy us.  So take this: let me see Blake, not destroy us.  Do not tell anyone that I am not the right person for Blake.  I want to see him, and he’s the only thing I want.  I want someone blind, understanding, strong, etc.  Jobs are filth and a fleshly requirement that Blake and I are likely not to have in this bad economy.  So there.  Just pray.  God will show you the way.

As if anyone could ever say no, my dad texted me this morning.  He says, “Have a good day.”  Oh, ok.  I wrote, “I will.”  Thank God, the dictation works.  I love voice input.  It’s a breee for me.

My thoughts and worries

I am so worried about stuff. It isn’t even funny, I’m just worried about stuff. For one I’m very afraid the blake might break up with me. For another I don’t know if I could ever be sufficient enough to complete school and college. For a third thing I just bought this phone not too long ago, and my parents really don’t understand. They will never get why I needed to buy a new phone. It all began with work, a place where everybody was disabled and everybody had to do something. It was all Wednesday carriage return I was sitting in my apartment when Access A Ride showed up. They called my phone and I could not answer it because it did not ring. I miss my work and that was awful absolutely awful. So, I decided that I would have to miss a day of work, even though blake was so enraged after that. What should I do? What should i do at all? Jason Owens were probably have looked at me and said well you can get a job. And it was not the same after when I miss work, I was very very very mad at myself. Jason might have said, quote Beth you really need a job. Quote I don’t care. Anyway I I am absolutely amazed at what some people call my blindness factor. Continue reading “My thoughts and worries”

My first WordPress post from my phone

Hello, this is Beth. I just wanted to say how much I really enjoyed using WordPress on my computer. It’s been very funny, but blake is sitting there watching a be back game. They shut out the Rockies practicing about 6 to 10 its very weird to watch. I can’t believe they’re doing all this to me its so funny. Anyway, I really enjoy using WordPress for all its worth and I h Continue reading “My first WordPress post from my phone”

My New Phone and Other Matters

Dear Diary,

I got a new phone.  Shoot, I can’t even set up voicemail, so Idk what to do.  I”m really having problems trying to answer cals, and that will have me screwed, so all anyone can do is text me.

I can do voice input for texts and stuff, so it’s like, oh ok.  Blake understands, he’s that sweet, and he doesn’t ever fail me.  I just want to set up my voicemail and get over things.  The new phone is an Android for those of you who don’t know, but it was $50 at the store, plus I changed the plan.  I”m on the forty dollar plan, but since I’m a new Cricket customer no more, I don’t get the rebate, but I don’t pay that much.  I just had to pay the first bill, the phone price, and then the case.  $106 total!  Whoa.  Then I had to buy stuff for my audition.  Great.  I want more money to help with the bills.  Somebody, oh God, I better get help with bills.  I need the bills to be paid on time.  I’ll have to cut back on all restaurant expenses, but food stamps are down low.  So I can’t necessarily cut back on food and supplies.  I always had Melaina shopping for a few things, not a lot, because of the food stamps and limited income.  Shoot, it’s not funny to tout that much income.  Wells Fargo didn’t send me Braille statements so I’m totally behind on accounting stuff.  What the hell am I going to do!  But with this new phone, I don’t know what to do.

I hope Melaina and I can help get voicemail set up and have it set up so that I can do speaker and so on so that the dial pad is right there and I can access the Nine key when the door calls.  That sort of thing.

Art says he should’ve just loaned me a couple hundred bucks, but Cricket will charge full price for an iphone, and there’s no way I can get it, so it’s Droid for me right now.  My phone is nice, but it needs work on accessibility issues.  We took all the security off so that I didn’t have to unlock the phone using a hard stroke of the screen.  I might change that as I get better at this, but no one is qualified to train me on my own phone.  I feel embarrassed and frustrated all at the same time.  Plus I can’t let Skype mess around with my call features.  Oops.  Waht the hell am I going to do!