It’s Time to Really Save the Children

Dear readers,

It is apparent that Q-Anon is trying to steal the save the children movement, and they want to make up stories about kids being trafficked without letting other media sources in on it. Here’s the deal: there are still children being sexually abused, and if you truly want to save them from the perils of sex abuse, here’s how you can do this.

Patriarchal behavior must end. Like now. Don’t let your older grandpas and fathers force affection on your young daughters and sons. It is very vital that daughters and sons alike learn boundaries and consent at an early age. Lets be clear: you want to hug your kids when they want to be hugged, especially after toddlerhood and that’s fine. however, the primary caregiver should be at least showing affection in alternative ways to their children. Babies must be held, I’m not arguing with that, and toddlers must be shown praise for good behavior and no praise for bad. The whole thing must be done right so that the kids’ development doesn’t reach a snag or they don’t suffer longterm into adulthood. So what could snag your daughter’s or son’s development? Patriarchal behavior from old men. So that means daughters don’t need to necessarily show affection when prompted, neither should sons. Since daughters have higher risk of getting pregnant at teen age, please, mothers and fathers, make sure you stress the importance of boundaries and consent with the boys and girls alike, but it will be especially helpful for daughters.

Sexual education must cover consent. Even from the youngest children, consent must be taught in school. Preschool kids have the highest risk of being sexually abused because they don’t understand certain things, things like date and time and frequency, and they aren’t fully developed adults, no kidding. These little ones also may not have the language and cognition to understand sexual body parts and the frequency of such parts being touched, and they may have to act it out in front of you in order for you to understand what happened. For example, if a boy is caught swaying his hips in a sexually suggestive manner, wetting his bed, etc., there could be the possibility of sex abuse. Stay calm and ask your kid, did someone touch you in a way you didn’t like? That’s the best way to go about it with a child so young, according to at least one source I’ve stuck with. Teenagers may be able to express frequency and time and all that, but they are still too young to consent to sexual activity, and should not be married off to their abuser. Seventeen-year-olds in my book should never have permission to marry because they won’t be protected in case of abuse. Child marriage I’ve written about, so go check it out.

Empathy and believing kids must happen. One of my friends believes her daughter, so that is a good thing, but so many parents out there are not believing young women and girls when they say someone raped them or told them they were worthless, tried to touch them, etc. Whatever you do, as a parent, believe your child. Yes, children can lie, but this is not something to lie about. I have said over and over again about how my ex was abusive, and how the community as a whole doesn’t believe me. Well, believing women and girls can change the world, can upend the patriarchal bad behavior of old and young men alike. We must do this in order to save our children. The only way to save all our kids is to believe the ones who are abused. This is vitally important. Just as important, believe it when your son says his preschool teacher’s aid has been fondling him. I thank you for reading and supporting this blog.


Alternatives to Guardianship: Why It Doesn’t Work, And What We As A Community Can Do About It

Dear readers,

I was the victim and survivor of guardianship abuse as done to me by my own parents. I have been on two shows talking about this thing, this monster that is attacking our elderly and disabled people. Let me explain further why we need to discuss alternatives.

Rod, age 86, is an elderly man who once rode into Bike Week, but now he’s been diagnosed with Dementia. He needs lots of care, twenty-four-seven care, so that he doesn’t wander outside and do various weird and dangerous things to the outside world. Should Rod be guardianized?

Catherine, age 94, has been spilling the beans, gossiping about her own family to some people, wandering outside, forgetting where she is and what she’s doing,, forgetting the big picture. She needs twenty-four-seven care to make sure she has food cooked properly in her kitchen, coffee in her pot, and needs medications to control other physical symptoms. Should Catherine be guardianized?

These vignettes are not the only ones. Take out the names, replace them with younger disabled people and their names and symptoms, and think clearly. Guardianship, as defined by law, is supposed to be a working relationship between a person and their vulnerable family members. However, let’s try a different vignette for this exercise.

Britney, age 21, wants to raise her boys on her own without much help with the day to day things she needs done. She has been on drugs and has gotten a DUI. She was admitted to the hospital twice, was stripped of custody of her two sons, and later put in a conservatorship costing upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars a month. She has become an ATM machine for her father, ex husband, and sons. Should Britney continue in her guardianship conservatorship?

Think about these vignettes. Britney, now aged 36 or thereabouts, or even older, should not be guardianized. Neither should Catherine or Rod. What is the commonality between these vignettes? All of these people are potential victims of guardianship related abuse. Catherine’s daughter is the only thing she has to care for her, and because of the crappy healthcare system we all live with, she doesn’t have the circle of supports necessary to live in her home. However, should there really be talk of nursing homes, assisted living, or anything else? Catherine, a woman of color in her 90s, should not be in any way placed in assisted living or nursing care because of the disproportionate number of abuse cases and the restrictions on visits due to covid 19. Rod, on the other hand, has a circle of support he needs to stay within the boundaries of his being. Britney, as everybody should know, has had her wealth stolen from her, ruined and defiled. Guardianship could also kill someone. See the next paragraph for more.

There is a book called Guardianships and the Elderly: the Perfect Crime, written by Sam J. Sugar, who has been through this dance for years. However, no volumes are available that cover the #freebritney movement or the plight of young and disabled guardianship survivors and victims. What are the results of such a book? Many people are aware of this evil, and they know it attacks our elders and most vulnerable, but it also goes after the healthy and wealthy like Britney.

What can we as a community do to stop this monster from attacking our elders and disabled folks? Here are a few ways we can discuss alternatives.

Let’s take the first step. Who can care for your elderly parent while you’re at work? IF your son or daughter doesn’t live near enough to the elder parent or grandparent, you might want to arrange for a babysitter for elderly people, better known as a caregiver or nurse, to come in and help your disabled or elderly family relative. There are many resources you can use, including a person centered approach. For Rod, he and his elderly counterparts need care that includes memory and other sorts of support and drilling to make sure his brain is working properly. He will also need a place to relax, chosen by him, that allows visitors and doesn’t have a high abuse and turnover rate. Nursing homes have that problem. While there are many dedicated nurses and doctors out there, yes, I’m talking to you front line people, there are still many more people in nursing homes who steal from elderly patients and liquidate their assets. This must be curbed and put in check.

A medical power of attorney is a way to do medical decisions without taking away vital rights, including that of voting, marriage, and social affairs. Elders need to be able to socialize so when Catherine gets isolated, why not take her to a recreational facility for elders or an adult day center? She can do things at the place, eat, hang out, and talk to others in her situation. Easter Seals offers adult day center care for disabled and elderly people, and if she cannot be at home, your elderly grandma or mother could benefit from the dedicated people at Easter Seals. They also have done things for kids, but still check out the benefits of elder socialization, letting your elderly charge take the wheel and have friends, hang out with people, and give others the chance to live. Statistics show that isolation can lead to early death among dementia patients, elderly Alzheimer’s disease patients, and many other elders. Hats off to the Japanese women living together at 95 years of age, not going anywhere, and hanging out with other elders in Japan. Japan has some of the best eldercare options in the world, and the most centenarians registered there. The Japanese respect their elders, as do so many other Asian cultures. However, the Western European principle applies here in North America, dump your elders in a nursing home and forget about them. This is bad not only for the person who does it, but for the elderly person themselves.

Younger people in nursing homes also will face abuse. Let’s take Britney for example. She cannot use her wealth much, and her father has hijacked her assets, and she could end up in a group or nursing home at age 70 or so. Her father will have been dead by then, and Britney will have no supports except her sons, who are young and want to live their own lives. What we need here is a cultural shift in attitude about the elders and disabled people. Even the Japanese have deemed blindness a curse from the gods, but what’s odd and ironic is that they put Braille on soda cans and guide strips on all the concrete floors of subway stations. I wonder if there is a possible cultural liberation of blind and disabled people in Japan going on. Elders in Japan, like I said, get the best treatments and care. Family is always around and the elders are a source of wisdom.

We as a community must learn to treasure our elders, even if they do have dementia symptoms and Alzheimer’s Disease. One thing we must do for our elders is reminisce with them about growing up. For example, I worked in a nursing home surrounded by elderly and infirmed or vulnerable people. I was able to play songs they all loved, and I was in charge of playing a lot of songs. My piano skills were pushed to the limits, but these people loved music, and some of the Alzheimer’s patients were ballroom dancers, so if you took their hand, they’d dance with you. Glenn Campbell is a famous example of a musician with Alzheimer’s Disease who died recently a couple years back. Mr. Campbell was so incoherent at speaking and remembering things, but he had it all in his head how to play the guitar, and he still played his guitar even after he was almost to death’s door. Music has that power to heal and make people feel good. If there is such a thing in Denver, I’d recommend the Good Memories Choirs. It’s a bunch of elders who sing in a choir, mostly old songs of course, but it helps them remember things. Catherine, for example, grew up in a time when lots of swing and big band jazz was played. The Great Depression and the years after that were full of great music, but most younger people would be darned if they had to learn Come Josephine In My Flying Machine, In the Good Old Summertime, and many other old favorites. So many younger kids aren’t learning music, just singing that annoying Baby Shark song that gets into everybody’s heads. That isn’t appropriate for a few reasons: it’s too repetitive and it uses the same words, even sometimes children’s songs don’t use words these days. Another way to bring back the liveliness of a discussion with an elderly grandparent and or parent, try singing songs they remember. Helen, age 72, from Florida, for example, might hear a song she remembers hearing from church at a nursing home, and it lifts her spirits up. My great grandmother, who I never even met, had many hymns she remembered from her church days, but I played many other songs on the piano that would get these people singing, remembering, all that stuff. If not that, try cooking a popular dish from that period of time.

Leaving our elders isolated and alone is not the answer, but what if your elder is deemed crotchety and frankly negative? There are ways to combat negative energy I could focus on in another blog post, but here’s something to remember: it is frustrating to adjust to any change when you’re older, finding out you can’t even cook for yourself, finding that you burn things, do things differently, can’t remember your grandchild’s name. Put yourself in your elder’s shoes. Rose, who died at age 93, could not remember whether I could do my hair on my own. I called her my Mimi. She was the only relative I could truly be myself with, and I looked forrward to her $5 gifts every birthday, and she would say, “Get whatever you want with that money.” I’d save it for lunch, as $5 would not get you much monetary things to begin with, except for lunch at school. Rose Gravina was the only relative I ever thought would even answer me when I was alone, and I gave her that opportunity to be herself. We had many a fine day together, but I wish I had asked her questions about her married life, when she got married, and her life in the roaring twenties. The 1920s was pretty much the teenage years and beyond for Rose, and she did end up getting married and having children, like any other woman would be expected to do that in her day. My father had been devastated when she died, walking into my room the night before I was supposed to leave for university in Tallahassee. I ended up not being able to attend Rose’s funeral because of college, and she would have wanted me to continue playing the piano and going to college. I will talk about end of life things in another post as well.

So what if your younger disabled family member drives you nuts and you perceive them as unable to handle life itself? So whawt if you had the guardianship discussion with your spouse or partner, your other children, but did not include your family member? Stop what you are doing, and put the pen and paper down. guardianship is hard to get out of once you get in, and it’s like quicksand, always grabbing you and pulling you in. It’s like a magnet and superglue and many other things I could say things about. However, think about alternatives first. For all of the elders in the vignettes, it should be clear that medical decisions can be removed through a durable power of attorney but not guardianship. Guardianship is too extreme on all circumstances, even Britney Spears, whose vignette appears above. So what if you are not a fan of Britney? I can relate because her father took advantage of the poor woman, and how she gets out I don’t know if we’ll ever see that.

I’d like to dedicate this post here to all the victims and survivors of guardianship abuse. Please feel free to take these steps to heart when you are caring for an elder or a disabled person. If a disabled person is so developmentally disabled that talking and doing various things isn’t an option, still, think about medicine. Love your family members with no conditions attached. Give selflessly to others, and when you yourself are older, you can do what you need to in order to make sure your affairs are taken care of. Do not let the courts decide who your family or your relative’s family can see.


Restitution Does Not Mean Entitlement.

Dear readers,

As a blind person who suffered 15 years of guardian abuse, I would like to offer victims hope that they can find their way out. There are a few hurdles though to doing this. One, I don’t live in NYC, where book publishing is a big business, where the Publishing Houses are. Second, who the hell would want to publish a book that pretty much sums up everything that happened in a nutshell, that I was emotionally and patriarchally abused by a mother that didn’t want an illegitimate blind child and by a bio dad that simply donated his sperm to the cause of creating havoc, and worse, an adoptive father who even suggests that I not see a man because he is “sexually experienced”? I pretty much went through all that stuff. Moreover, the stuff has left me with a few things. See below.

  1. High risk of having a special needs child because of old age.
  2. Not able to adopt because of low income, no housing that is appropriate for babies and toddlers and moreover, there’s no housing available anywhere in the United States. We don’t have a way to buy a proper shelter and get food and clothing for a child we adopt.
  3. No way to ensure the safety and education of both a child and spouse. My spouse to be is black, and that means police brutality has made its way into every aspect of my existence. I have to be the one to do everything, say everything to the cops, all that. Systemic racism has plagued this country forever, and I can’t even teach my mixed race kids one day, “Oh, they will help you find a lost puppy, those boys in the blue uniforms.” How does anyone expect my kids to be safe in the world?
  4. No way to get a job or go to college without filling out forms, that say I’m dependent on someone for finances. I can’t even work as a waitress because who will hire me? Nobody. My ex, Blake Tucker, was not hired at a fitness place for long, all because of blindness.

There are a lot of things Florida should consider. I should have had my job in hand, college degree and all, by 25 years old, should have found someone who would put up with the woman working. Parents oftentimes need two incomes to work, and raising kids sometimes requires the parent to separate and put the child in daycare, which I will not do because daycare statistically doesn’t really work for children with special needs. I’m talking about you autism and blind kid parents, parents with kids who have cerebral palsy and so much other disability related stuff. Daycare doesn’t always include those kids, and you have to hope and pray that pedophiles are not anywhere near your child’s daycare. I don’t want my kid coming home and swaying their hips in a sexually suggestive way at six years old, and performing oral sex on a sibling or pet. That would tell me something’s wrong. The child would not be in trouble, I’d say, but the adults would. That’s the thing, the adults who are taking care of my kid would be in big doo doo.

In any case, since I can’t get a job or can’t get a college degree without rehabilitative objections, I feel that restitution is in order, and here’s my plan: I’m going to discuss a settlement and support plan so that the county where the guardianship was posted will have to pay up. I can do nothing in return, except for publish my book, write a memoir, and do other things that allow me to express myself like write music. How I do it, nobody will need to know. However, the county should owe me support payments totalling upwards of millions of dollars, most of which will go into a startup to put the U.S. guardianship industry in check, and I will pay other people’s lawyer bills and be a witness to anyone who has disability that is currently under guardianship in court to pretty much put away the professionals who ruin the lives fo others with disabilities. Unlike me, though, most of the other guardian victims are elderly, live in the Sun Belt, and don’t do much else but get overmedicated in a nursing home, beat up by their caregivers, and a lot more. I want to dedicate this post to my dear friend, Laura, whose husband in Texas is being guardianized unfairly and he had lots of money to his name. I would gladly pay Laura a good portion of that money so that she could get a good lawyer and beat the crap out of the guardians holding her lover hostage. Laura had her story featured on Netflix’s Dirty Money episode, Guardians Incorporated. Please watch it, and if you are a Netflix subscriber, you’ll thank me in the end.

Here’s the plan for restitution that I plan to put up for Florida, and they must pay this or I’ll write the state off as unsafe for all kinds of people.

  1. 15 or $150,000,000 total for the restitution. That symbolizes 15 years, and if necessary, another bunch for the sixteenth year spent in process.
  2. Two thirds of the $150,000,000 will be used for the guardianship fund startup money, and all that will be used to evaluate and determine persons with disabilities who need to be freed from guardianship bondage throughout the United States, and as an example, Florida.
  3. The rest of the money will go toward housing, family expenses, and buying assets that can’t be bought due to income restrictions on SSI, SSDI, and lack of appropriate medical insurance. Because of the lack of a job, lack of college degree, and so on, there may need to be an extra $5,000,000 for a college degree outside the state in political science or creative writing. I will not use music as a primary degree due to the intensity of the requirements, juries, and practice. This is very important because most jobs won’t hire a blind person with no college degree.
  4. I will probably ask the state to revoke guardianship rights to my parents, and this will include their right to guardianize all family members, including but not limited to elders and disabled kids. No member of my family should be denying constitutional rights to disabled or elderly people based on perceived competence or lack thereof. My constitutional rights are granted to me by my creator as it says clearly in the preamble. A judge should not deny me those rights because of a disability or being female.

I also want to see if I can milk the hell out of the state for better therapy in my state of residence, and I won’t move to Florida because of the aiding and abetting guardian abuse that this state is famous for. Colorado therapists have trusted that they will make a better decision and I don’t trust Florida psychologists who are prone to racial bias and ableist bias because of their not knowing me, not knowing who I am, and so on. I have an appointment with a new psych doc, and she’s probably heard all the bad the good the rumors that the previous doc might have written in my chart. I want her to understand that Florida needs to know that I oversee all the things that I need done in the house, and I will not be made a slave to men, boys, and or family that wishes not to pay me. If my family wants me to be their maid, I won’t without charging extremely high prices and opening a maid business. They need to understand that my skills are supposed to be mine, not to be used or abused by family and other people who want me to fail.

There is one thing I want to point out. Anyone who associates with those who want me to fail should realize that stalking and harassment are crimes, and W.D. and an ex of mine are now going to be under investigation. My ex at least will be under investigation and he will be taken down. He doesn’t get it. I’ve been through hell with him, and so have other girls.

Please support the blog. I also have a new podcast episode about schools, so please check it out and be safe and well.


My Crappy Day At Work

Dear Parents, Jessey, and all others who’ve decided to accuse me of lying about the coming of Blake,

First off, I did NOT lie to Jessey, that’s right.  I didn’t lie.  Something came up in December right in the middle, and I held out hope that Blake would come, but the family came and took that away from me.  Second, I will not have you crushing my dreams, telling me I have to take an “entry level” job.  That will not pay off my debt.  I”m sorry, but that debt has to go away, and it will be paid by the entity who stole my dreams away: Rehab.  Rehab tld me I was no good at social work, could not go to college, etc.  They wanted “appropriate work behaviors.”  Give me a break!  I’m done here, done.  IF you want a performance review that says, “exceeds good standard behavior,” all entities written to in this note, you had better stop crushing my dreams.  I’m done trying to hide myself frrom you, Jess.  I know you want me to do this entry level work, but I’m sorry.  You can’t make me, and I won’t.  Why?  It’s too much, and transit will not be reliable at night if they ask for a night clerk.  I cannot work as a night clerk, period.  I can decide what employment I want, but a guardian is a predatory thing.

To Rehab, you guys just pony up and pay the debt yourselves.  This is not a valid debt, and I want to go to college so I can get a good job provided this Voice thing doesn’t work out.  It won’t.  The producers won’t let a blind person on the show because they won’t think I can take care of myself, and they want visuals: makeup, hair, poppish breasts, etc.  You don’t understand that this is what they want for television personalities too.  At least there was a lady on Wesh who was pregnant, the meteorology lady Amy Sweezy.  She got pregnant, and Mom I remember looked once at her and said, “Oh God, she’s gonna pop any moment.”  Jessey and Richele, do not accuse me of lying at work or at home.  Do not haunt me in my dreams before I explode!  I won’t, I repeat, won’t be going anywhere near college until Rehab pays the debt.

AS for the parents, it’s your guardianship that made things too complicated for my educational future.  I will not pay the college debt.  IF you do not pay it, parents, you’ll be in bigger trouble than you now, and it’s all because you got what you wanted.  You can’t have everything you want just because you’re so “concerned” about your poor baby’s welfare.  Well, guess what?  You’re being severely punished because all the times I’ve lived with you all, you’ve tried to stop me from writing things against you.  What do you want me to say?  Oh, I love you guys.  Oh, you are the best parents a girl could ask for.  Bull.  I’m sorry, but you people have tried to crush my dreams, and you have tried to do it, but you will not.  I will make the producers on the Voice accept the audition and let me on the show.  I will fly to Los Angeles, into the arms of my Blake, and when Blake in Arizona finds out what you’ve done, you will, I repeat will, I promise, have lots of money to pay.  You won’t do this to me again.  I can’t have your way with me.  I want it my way or the highway.  I’m sorry you feel that this is “inappropriate”, but you will not try and erase the writing.  You’ve tried to do it to me before.  Remember?  I was seventeen or nineteen at the time.  You refused to allow me to create things without you staring at it.  You had no respect for me, my privacy, my self worth and dignity.  Goodbye.

As to Blake, you are the greatest thing in the world that has ever lived, and you will always be on my mind.  Blake Tucker, you really have made my day better.  IF only you were awake at this very moment, in Denver, in my arms, so I could hold you tight, so I could kiss your wine-red lips, so I could hold your soft skinned hands.  I want to feel your breath around me, over me, through me.  I want you, more than anything else.  Blake, you were supposed to come here, and God almighty knows I’ll be on the phohne with the Clerk’s office immediately after I wake up at seven MDT.  Blake, don’t worry about me so much unless you mean to.  I love you, and I will never leave you.  Don’t leave me.

As for Lily and Deanna at Bayaud, you ladies rocked the house.  Deanna, you look lovelier than I thought.  Forget about the weight.  Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  Lily is cool, and she’s the first person I met at the place.  As for my coworkers, thanks a bunch.  I won’t give any more names of any more people for fear I might be going nuts.  Perhaps this blog will go down in history as the rant of the century, but I must go and do something else.

I’m not kidding.

Thanks a lot.


My First Amendment Experience

I’ve been impeded from invoking the First Amendment to free speech, and boy it wasn’t fun.  It was sometime in 2009, and I had established a fan club on Facebook, something about a Read Gainsford Fan Club.  Well, the point was not to harass the dude, it was a matter of honor.  I thought Dr. Gainsford would appreciate that.  The few things people appreciate about me!  I have also been banned from having a first amendment to practice certain kinds of religions.  Yes, Blake, I know, if I’m not equally yoked, I can’t be with you.  But when I was with someone else, or attempting to be with someone else, I honestly fell off the deep end when, yes, my parents said I couldn’t see him.  I wished to leave the Catholic church, and all Christian churches for that matter.  I was on the verge of practicing Wicca.  Serves my parents right for telling me my First Amendment right to speak my mind isn’t valid.  Well, the reason why I post this is because I feel what I said about the guns and firearms is a perfectly valid point.  Let’s begin from the beginning, shall we?

WE can’t let guns into the hands of the mentally ill, the severely mentally ill, especially ones who claim to have a “sixth sense”, ones who claim they hear voices saying, “Kill.”  If that’s the case, then I swear, we should never allow them to touch a firearm in their lives.  Why?  Look at James Hulmes, the dude who shot up the movie theater in Aurora.  Someone shot up a shopping mall.  Fort Hood in Texas was shot up twice.  Why?  Because, well, there’s a pattern.  The people who did the shootings were mentally incompetent to use firearms.  Blake’s brother was murdered by a girl who, as all other shooters do, killed herself.  She was mentally ill, on drugs, etc.  Could her health records have saved the man’s life?  Could we have kept a better eye on her?  And worse, she’s sighted.  Sighted women in a place where guns are revered as the weapon of choice do not mix.  And Blake could be in grave danger if he dated a sighted girl in Arizona with any of the following traits:

1. Sight.  Sight would allow her to play the “You can’t see me, I can” game.  My parents have played that with me multiple times.

2. Rapid mood swings and actual threats to kill herself or Blake.  If the girl threatens his life and has sight, compound that with the presence of firearms, and you have disaster.  More to come.

3. No treatment or way to get help.  Camp Verde, while it does have a mental health clinic, is like a lot of places where mental health is a stigma.  I’m sick and tired of mentally ill folks having a stigma against them.  I take medications for that stuff, and it works too well..  My weight has skyrocketed, and I can’t fit into any of my clothes.  It’s amazingly weird to think about it, but being on some of the medications is helpful.  But honestly, my frustrations are kept there, deep down, and it’s so frustrating to not be able to see your boyfriend when his own dear mother is about to fall off the deep end if something isn’t done in her name.  But the stigma against mental health issues is paramount in the way guns are lifted in the air and revered as a “toy” of choice.  While there’s nothing wrong with guns at all, there is something wrong with putting it in the hands of the wrong person.  What about a background check?  So what?  I’d never kill a person with the gun.  IF I knew the purpose of the weapon, I’d use it accordingly.  Canes with swords?  Now that’s just weird.

4. Dominance and constant complaint of suicidal thoughts and without meds, the ability to hallucinate.  I’m sorry, but I can name someone who could also hallucinate and hear stuff in strange places.  Phillip Garrido kidnapped and impregnated a girl called Jaycee Lee Dugard.  Miss Dugard now has to do therapy and other mental health stuff with herself and two kids to look after.  She was set free by California police, but not before she had those two little girls.  Phillip used her as a sex object, but also had crazy stuff going on.  I would never have given Phillip the right to use a tazer, which was the epoch in his ability to kidnap Jaycee.  Phillip had all kinds of resources, including Nancy, his wife.  Anyone who claims that they are hearing voices through ANYTHING is crazy in my book.  And I don’t hear those voices.  Auditory hallucinations should have given people like Phillip a diagnosis of schizophrenia before the kidnapping should have taken place.  A girl with all of those above symptoms and so forth should NEVER think about dating Blake.  Her symptoms, untreated, could spell disaster for Blake and grief, a double dose of grief, for his mother, who suffers a good deal now.  I have a weird feeling she needs to go to a Grief Group.  Nothing like the feeling of telling the set of your peers, “My son was captured/killed/murdered by so and so and it feels horrible.”  The same goes for me.  I can say, “I hate being blind in some places.  You know, those moments where the waitress orders around you, not to you?”  Nothing like those same blind or grieving individuals echoing back, “Yes, we hear you.”  A group for support.  A hotline for peer counseling.  It all makes sense.  As much as philosophy at CCB, Colorado Center for the Blind, seemed a joke, it was more of a “support group.”  Why learn the NFB philosophy?  NFB should stand for something like National Federation of the Blind, who are most likely bumming off the government or their parents.  The sad truth of being blind is that you have to bum off the government in order to live.  Jobs are hard to come by, and my friend Art, remember the guy whose sister treated him like dirt, honestly said jobs were a lucky thing.  I can’t find one, and if I don’t take the A Plus exam, then what?  I can’t do graphics.  There needs to be a test accommodations measure so I can take it and pass like everyone else.

But support groups!  Yeah, see that little flashlight popping in your head, Blake and all others who might benefit?  Yeah, a support group.  No joke.  I have a friend called Torrey, who goes to a grief group.  Her brother suffered similar stuff.  HE committed suicide, and boy does that group make a difference in Torrey’s life.  She and I have become good friends, really good friends.  WE have been in two different groups before, a social skills and a behavioral skills group.  While I’m not exactly fond of behavioral skills, social skills is a joke.  Coffee sucks, and I hate it.  On top of that, the people vary from week to week, and those who are in the group are like … wow.  Some smoke, others have it worse than I do.  I”m lucky I don’t have the problem of smoking.  My Aunt Cathy–not the same Cathy I mention in my blog–smokes her brains out.  I always tease her about it whenever I see her, but she has since tried to kill herself twice.  Evidence of mental illness is all over my maternal family.  Well, Mom’s not bad, but that is sure signs that there’s a problem with some of the men, not the women.  The problem is that Cathy had a husband.  A bad one.  You could say it this way, “She married a bad one.”  But then she lost her best friend to suicide, and without the support of a grieving group of individuals, she could not recover well without being in the hospital AGAIN!  Sarah wrote repeatedly on Facebook about it.  Sarah’s the closest I had to a cousin, a sister, whatever.  Sarah could not really understand that yes, I’m in love with Blake, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  Sarah said it was obsession.  So what is my family doing to her!  It’s like the world is against me, but then again, Blake isn’t.  I so wish his whole family would see this, and see that I’m ranting and raving on because of something I can’t control.

Sight, dominance, and untreated mental illness could lead to disaster.  I’m doing my darndest to treat my symptoms but to no avail, and with no reward.  I’m doing the med thing every morning and night.  Take one pill in the morning, then two pills at night.  What EVER!  No rewards.  No good payment for doing right.  Not from anyone, family, doctors, etc.  No.  Just a big fat belly and no clothes to wear, no boyfriends to see, nothing much worth ranting on about.

And my first amendment rights?  They could be extinguished.  Would medications affect all this?  Certainly not.  I have a right to express myself, and that’s the whole point of this blog, now isn’t it?