I’m typing this blog post with the aid of my Macintosh. I’m also going to tell you all that life isn’t waht it seems. I’m feeling weird these days. I have 373 gb of stuff I have to remove from an iCloud backup and stuff like this. I’m feeling also that I’m at a precipice on things, including where I’m going to set up shop and have a family. For those who don’t know, blind parents can do things, honestly I’m tired of people saying I have to have excellent cooking skills, stellar cleaning skills, and all of that. Parents should try their hand at those things, sure, but moreover, parents have to have a desire to do this, and they have to be able to attach to a child and love that child. My dearly beloved Trenton says he doesn’t feel the energy necessary to be a biological father, but I’m willing to set it up so that he can help with things, but I also want support in the state of Colorado. So far, my therapist has sent me resources about parenting as a blind person, which is a start, but I have so many friends who are blind, well, I have parent friends, good ones and they are not judgmental, but I also think that UU parents like one of my other buddies I hung out with are very sweet people. I’m truly happy when I’m with my tribe. And I found that tribe, and I’ll tell you it’s not just me, Trenton, and my potentiali other Clayton, and some of you may think this is awfully weird, but it includes sisters like my friends in the UU community, it includes folks in the blindness community of Colorado, it includes folks with comorbid disability who also have been blind a long time. I want to say this journey is not over yet. Before my goddamn mac decides to update, I better shut up. I can’t wait, honestly, to begin new adventures and leaps and bounds. There’s a dog howling outside our window, at least not a damn coyote, and those things are the devil. In Arizona, well, they are the devil for ranchers and such, and the coyotes like to feast on people’s livestock, so I was saying, fight nature with nature, and if coyotes mess with my livestock, I said I would use a guard dog to keep the sheep away from the coyote packs. Moreover, I explained that a certain breed of llama and sheepdog could help out immensely more so than a poison or pesticide. We both love the environment, Clayton and I, and we both believe that playing with DNA and playing God isn’t exactly a good thing.
I just want to make sure the pros and cons are good ones, at least we need to know that 3d tactile ultrasonic images of the children to come are available for Medicaid, and we need the full body because as blind people, we should not have to be dictated about how and who accesses information about things like this. Ultrasound images are intimate parts of a mother’s and father’s life. I’m not dissing you gay folks either, but gay guys and a surrogate who are blind should still have the same equal access and opportunity that heterosexual couples get by being heterosexual. I am for the most part hetero, but I’m willing to try things I couldn’t because of my hellish adolescence. As a young girl, I was stripped of my rights, so now I’m going to see where my straight laced image can be ripped apart. I could say a woman is fine, but I’m not wired for women, and that’s okay. Everybody has natural feelings about things like this. I am affirmative to all persons, after all it is one of the principles that guides my beliefs about things. If anything, I’m going to have a lot to say later on, but I’m going to be in Arizona next month, and can’t wait honestly to be loved and appreciated by someone who truly loves and appreciates me.
What are the pros and cons you may ask? I’ll list them all here.
Pros and cons for Colorado:
- I have supports that will accept Clayton as a fellow being of humanity, otherwise known as a homo sapien sapien, a la human being.
- He doesn’t have to worry about badass drivers running him over as many times.
- We may have better coverage for children and women with Medicaid, and I don’t qualify for Medicare.
- I get dental benefits.
- Food stamps are a nonissue.
- Nicer places abound. I want a bigger place so I can have a few musical opportunities.
- The mountains are beautiful.
- The weather in summer is way better than Arizona’s by a long shot.
- Colorado has wilder weather, but the people here are resilient, and very kind honestly.
- I have buddies here who would be able to participate without judgment in a baby shower, birthday party, etc etc.
Pros and Cons of being in Arizona:
- A con is the desert climate, duh.
- There are enemies in Arizona, particularly those I’ve written about who sent me a deathly threat via a Karen of sorts in my backyard mind you.
- People are treating Clayton like total shit.
- At least no snow.
- Clayton wants a house there, but what if there’s none to be found due to jentification? Jentified, a Netflix show, pronounced “hentified” is a show about Latino families facing gentrification, and Arizona’s gentrification is out of control.
- Republican run legislation, no need to explain that part.
- Too many goddamn creedal churches, where are the UU’s there?
- LGBTQI+ folks aren’t protected as much, trans care could be criminalized as well as sports, Iowa did that already.
- Access to abortion if my life is in danger is crucial, and if AZ pulls a we don’t like abortion, even if the mother’s life is in danger thing, it should be clear where my family will live.
- No critical race theory or talk about black people in schools. Also, the. high school Clayton attended would get a big F you from me for trying to institutionalize him for being himself and expressing his actions and feelings through rap music. Colorado schoolkids don’t even get that kind of treatment to my knowledge.
It should be clear, but I’m going to be honest. I hope Clayton and I can work something out where he leaves Arizona and comes here, wink wink. I secretly wish he’d do this, even if gun control is bad for his rights to own one, or if Colorado requires sight to do x and y. I don’t care, and I don’t want anyone to be dumped or left out, but we need to decide where and when I go someplace, to visit Trenton or Clayton, and both of them need to share me gracefully, without incident, no fighting, I know this is weird. But I hate heartbreaks, I’ve been through my share of those. I had the worst sex with my ex, the guy in Georgia we call Jason, but Idk. My adventures will include every leg of my journey. I just hope I don’t die giving birth, or worse, die postpartum like a friend did a while back