I Don’t Hate Men

Dear readers,

Disclaimer: I do not hate men, and I’m still feministing and being cool, but let me make one thing clear, I do not hate men. There are good guys and bad guys, and I’m gonna talk about both, so here goes.

First and foremost, I see you good men out there. I see you who don’t wanna hurt your wives, kill your girlfriends, or shoot up college campuses all in the name of a sexist societal change. I see you guys who open doors, pull out chairs, and talk serious about letting your female colleagues advance in companies like the tech companies and the ones serving us today like those in restaurant chains and the like. I see you good guys out there, the ones who are truly mature enough to see that some of your actions are wrong, and I see you guys who own up to violent encounters, and without use of faulty manasphere thinking, you do your part to change your life for the better.

The reason I write this is because of men I’m about to cover. I see men online who write terrible things about me and other women, men who don’t take ownership of their responsibilities like for example, this paraphrase from a dude in Colorado even, “She put a DV (domestic violence) charge on me if I didn’t pick up my kids.” Really? Did you really abuse your ex wife, sir? I wonder, are there any others I can think of that are just nasty? I have too many names in my mind, and they’re all blind or physically disabled. This is just one category, but there are millions of unnamed guys I don’t know in extremism communities, including MGTOW, incels, and other communities in the big wide “manasphere.” Thank you, Laura Bates, for writing a great as hell book about this subject, and now I have a healthy respect for good males and good males who don’t do bad things. Laura Bates has lots of examples of how misogyny is dangerous, and she doesn’t have to look too far back or forward.

I have a great partner who actually thinks Bates’s book is great, and we both do not really support the manasphere, and we both understand gender inequality like nobody’s business. Look carefully, especially at some of the disabled community. There is sexism, white supremacy, and all kinds of wrong in the disabled community, and sadly, it’s perpetrated by disabled men, especially the ones living at home with their parents, or the ones who openly admit to denying paternity over children, and those who sit there and complain they don’t get the sex they want with women.

Socially awkward men scare me, and I thought I found a kindred spirit in a man I knew only online and let me tell you how it worked. I thought that “Jason”, the name I saw on the Skype request was indeed a genuine recording “artist.” I quickly added him, and he and I had some talks, fell in love, and then … sadly, but in some weird way, we met. Jason seemed like a good guy at first, but then the trouble started when he was isolating me from good guys like my ex, Deq, who has beliefs that kind of clash with mine, and he needs to get his head straight with certain groups of people, truly because these people, these people including sheikhs and others who have certain incendiary things to say about women are dangerous just like the straight dudes in the incel community are. Either way, Deq respected me, but tried to control which authors and books I read, but who cares. I had to hide certain aspects of life from him because he didn’t get it. Jason was worse, way worse, in that he had some perpetual racial stereotypes about African Americans, Somali immigrants, and so many other types of individuals he had a whole novel he could have written. Jason was calling Mexicans a popular immigrant slur and was suggesting to me that “All Muslims are terrorists.” Not true, and I’ve met some peaceable Muslim folks since, people who actually realize that some of Deq’s incendiary commentary wasn’t cool. That was part of the reason I broke up with Deq, but another reason was the brothers and I had to put Islam away in a box marked, memories. The memory of Islam is not that pleasant, but there are pleasant layers of the sisterhood in Denver, and that’s fine. The brothers were the problem, and my future depended on me leaving Islamic communities behind, but not leaving my support for a peaceable observance behind. What Jason did was lie about Islam being a religion of the sword, not surprising because in the Bible Belt, including Florida or Georgia, churches with such hateful rhetoric against Islam abound, also the churches somehow get away with preaching nasty stuff about gays, women, and simply everybody who is not Evangelical Christian or white or making less than $4000 a month.

Jason gave me two sets of jewels when I met him a second time, but by that time, he had been isolating me, controlling me, picking my friends, hosting all my Skype groups, all of that plus cheating and lying and stealing while at the same time, we had some relations, sexual stuff, but it wasn’t all that satisfying knowing that this man is capable of being awkward and cheating on me. I had been cheated on also by another man in California, but Jason is a glaring example of a man to stay away from. He’s been stalking girls on the Internet, demanding sexual relations with one or two at a time, perhaps he’s telling all the Jessica Sara and Britney girls he stalks, and I’m saying Sara Jessica Britney because I’m talking about this in the same way you say Tom, Dick and Harry, but he pretty much tells every Sara, Jessica and Britney out there that “You’ve signed your death warrant by being friends with Beth.” Picture Jason as the President of Panam, the country in Hunger Games, and you see what I mean. If you were friends with me and Jason knew it, he’d strike you with thet National Guard, and that’s the kind of guy that started slowly coming out when I returned to Denver after our first rendezvous. It was painful to see him do this to Jennifer Weaver (she died in 2015), and worse yet, to other girls I cared about. He finagled Caitlin, another girl I truly did care about, to stop speaking to me, and now she’s joined awkward ranks and told me not to speak out against Jason, but who cares. Jason is someone you don’t want ruling your newspapers, your companies, your household, your country’s government. Jason is not just the man I dated, he is a monster that comes in many other guys as well, including that Bryan Laundry dude who killed Gabby Petito, and now guess who’s after him? Dog the Bounty Hunter, and I’m actually very happy that’s happening, for Dwayne the Dog Chapman has a pretty good thing going and he’s considered a legend.

If you’re Jason, you’re bad. And the words that read, you have signed your death warrant for being friends with Beth, those words hurt. Just because I somehow forced Jason to break up with me, well I didn’t want to at first, but others have told me just what a blessing it was for Jason to abandon ship, and I learned later about the warning signs of domestic abuse. All I can say is, in any way I can without being mean, thanks. Thanks, Jason, for not acting like Bryan Laundry, evading the authorities, but no thanks for the relationship because you cheated on me and you tried to weaken my whole spiritual experience. No thanks for telling me that all Muslims are something that they’re not supposed to be. So yeah, no thanks because you made Jennifer cry her brains out, you said I could die or my friends signed a death warrant and no, don’t run for government office because you hurt me. You really did hurt me, I don’t care if your disabilities did this. They didn’t. You hurt me so bad I cried for days after you broke it off. You even wanted me out of your life, well I’m living with scars, and these scars remind me that I ain’t done fighting for women’s safety in relationships. Thanks to Laura’s book, I have a better experience and understanding of guys like Jason and the composite sketches Leigh Baker also used to help parents learn how to detect sexual predators. Jason is not just the Jason I dated. He is the monster under your bed, the pounding pain in your head when you don’t want it, so you take Advil to get rid of it. He is the guy you see lurking on the Internet, or even in the bushes, waiting to yell a nasty comment your way. Jason is the guy who lies, cheats, and steals, and tries to upend democracy as we know it. Jason is a guy, but he’s also in just about every bad guy I know. HE is a recent ex, recently barred from advancement because a lady said he touched her. He is a guy who didn’t budge when his girlfriend called me a “dog in heat.” He is the guy you don’t want to meet at a bar, but you do anyway and end up messed up in the head because you feel slighted. He is the guy you can’t believe got you pregnant, and then tried to get custody of your baby, and all the while facing criminal prosecution for your rape. He is the type of guy I chose to date because being that I was born blind, and locked out of life like a child, I had no options. I had no decent men in my life. Until Trenton.

I want to take a few lines to honor Trenton, my partner, who might as well be a husband, but we won’t legalize things till this SSI thing is settled, and Congress, I’m counting you in. Get this passed, please. As Trenton is a good man, I’d rather have him a hundred per cent. Trenton is someone I’d call respectable, honorable, and a gentleman after my own heart. He and a buddy of mine named Clayton in Arizona, though they’re both different, deep down they’re good guys. Unlike the Jasons in the world, Clayton has owned up to his actions, owned up to everything really, and he has made a good life for himself, has ambitions, has desires, wishes, wants. Who knew if this or other good men could be the key to ending violence against women? In any case, I want to make something clear. Feminism is something that any man or woman benefits from, and I have written plenty of things regarding my relationship woes. In any case, I better get to bed.

Shopping For Your Next Therapist?

Dear readers,

I looked through this blog, and I found nothing in it that I would consider a thing about how to help a patient shop for a therapist. If you’re one of those individuals who’s experiencing mental health issues because of the pandemic, here’s your place to learn about what to look for in a therapist that might befit the needs of someone, especially someone with a disability. I wrote a couple years back, maybe three or so, about what treatment providers can expect as they treat blind and disabled patients, but I want to talk about finding a therapist whether you’re doing this for the first time or doing this therapist shopping thing for a third time, fifth time, whatever. So here are some questions you should ask your therapist, especially without stepping on HIPAA.

First and foremost, is the therapist willing and able to work with disabled women without blaming the disability for their mental illness? Some people actually blame disability for mental illness, but certain factors such as trauma can cause mental illness. Take it from the patient who’s been there, done that, don’t like to necessarily go back and forth about it.

Is the therapist friendly and able to establish rapport with you? If the therapist feels awesome and starts establishing rapport with you, great. But listen to your guts as you should be doing with everybody anyway. If your gut feeling is that the therapist is not clicking, that’s okay. Move on to the next one.

Does the therapist have good credentials of any sort? Usually, the therapist will tell you what they specialize in, and they will give you their prerequisites, a la college and where they studied. For female therapists, I have a lot of experience with them, she will likely tell you what her experiences are with women and such, but if you prefer a male therapist, same deal. If you are a member of the LGBTQI+ community and are also disabled, it may be helpful to have a therapist who is also a part of the community, though it is not required. Black/African American therapists, according to some news things I came across, are harder to find than white ones, but don’t be shy about asking about a therapist’s experience with ethnic minorities, and do they come off as condescending or do they still click with you? If you’re of any ethnic minority, chances are you’ve struggled to find a therapist who meets the ethnic minority thing, but since there might not be one that meets your insuring requirements, be open and flexible about your choices.

Does the therapist have expperience with religious minorities? Ask any question you like about this, but for those in religious minorities groups, i.e. nonChristian groups, this is a highly important question. You may be experiencing some things related to religious stuff, so a therapist could help if they have experience with religious minorities.

Ask if the therapist can provide digital or Braille material if you’re totally blind and wish to participate in a group they facilitate? IF you want to participate in groups, odds are there will be papers to play with. So ask the therapist if they could email or help with transcribing the materials in to Braille, depending on your personal needs. Any therapist should be required to do so, but some will say some stuff about HIPAA and stuff and might not want to do this very much. It takes a bit of advocacy to do this, trust me I have a bit of experience with this.

When you first go into a therapy session for the first time with your new therapist, whether this is your first or tenth, be prepared for the good stuff. The therapist will introduce themselves, including name, college credentials if any, how many years experience they have, what they specialize in if applicable, and then they’ll start telling you the confidentiality credo that goes like, “If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or homicidal thoughts” and remind you that whatever you say to them is confidential except in the case of suicidal or homicidal thoughts. I actually had to say this during a simulated therapy session with a social work student in college, so yeah, I know waht this is all about. You will likely have to sign a release of records, treatment papers and a consent for treatment form is among these. You will likely be asked a barrage of questions if this is your first time with the therapist, but one Facebook user has suggested grabbing your prior records if this is your second, third, or even tenth therapist you’ve gone through. I’ve been through about five or seven, but in doctors, psychiatrists, I’ve been through at least six or seven. That’s between two mental health providers.

Also, you may need to ask the therapist about how many years experience they have with working with disabled patients, and do they have papers they can share with you about the results of their treatment methodologies regarding traumas or other types of therapy. You may want talk therapy to start, but if you have specific needs, something that you want the healthcare company to cover,, talk to your therapist. Community mental health care is good for some who can’t afford private practice, and having a casework person coordinate your treatment team is a plus especially if you feel overwhelmed, so be prepared to do the same as above with a regular therapist if you’re doing intakes for community mental health.

If you want, guys, I can do a Mental Health Clinics 101 if needed. Don’t be so surprised, but mental health is a tough road to navigate for some, and during Covid it has become exhaustive for a lot of reasons. Isolation can make people go insane, quite literally. The social distancing is something that kids aren’t taking well, especially if they have suicidal thoughts going on. I’m lucky I have a partner to do lockdown with, but it’s sad when your friends can’t just drop by for your birthday or Christmas or what have you. I hope this post helps a lot.

Beth

How Hard Is It to Process When Freedom’s Gone?

Dear readers,

A spoiler alert is in effect for Handmaid’s Tale Season II. Please skip if you haven’t seen or watched this show. However, if you have seen the show and know what came after, do read this post.

This is hard to process. Emily found out in Season II of the Handmaid’s Tale that her professor colleague was hanged and called a really bad word that refers to gay men. Emily herself is in a lesbian relationship and her Martha partner got hanged for it. Emily was forced to go to the Colonies with the so called unwomen. Same with Janine. I feel bad for Janine, and for all the Emilys out there in Afghanistan who will never see her lover again.

There is something quite different about OfFred in the handmaid’s Tale. She’s spunky and she’s ready to rebel at all costs. Now I know why a buddy of mine hates Serena, and that gal deserves the same fate as the unknown wife in the colonies who was being punished for what? Falling in love. Women are assigned in marriage in Gilead, but let me tell you where in the real world that happens. Africa, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, the entire third world, and the United States, so hell bent on “not offending cultural sensitivities” insists on legal child marriage. Let me explain why I hate this. Because little girls are too young to figure the love thing out … and too young for sex and relationships. Teenagers should never be brides, period.

The Taliban are notorious for acting just like the commanders, Sons of Jacob, in Gilead. And for those who say the Handmaid’s Tale is “irrelevant fiction”, go to Afghanistan. Try living under Taliban rules, no education, no work, just sex and breeding for you who say this who are straight females. My worst analysis of the recent scenes I saw in the Handmaid’s Tale are also true. I personally want to make sure that all my sisters and brothers in all communities outside of Christianity and Islam are safe, and the Handmaid’s Tale as I have said is a dire warning. It is a dire warning to us all, and Atwood’s book is even deeper. Need I ask that you read the Testaments?

The big thing is that Serena is about to find out how wicked she was to her handmaid, June Osborne, also known as OfFred. OfRobert, also known as Alma, had both her hands burned off. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to kill a woman like Alma. Then there was Moira, who was a Jezebel for a time, but now, boy she’s going to be very very important.

I honestly am glad we don’t have Aunt Lydias in the world, but you could say Isis’s AlHamza Brigade is similar to the aunts of Gilead, only they’re Muslim ladies with guns who force their beliefs down girls’ throats. People, if you’re not paying attention to the similarities between Gilead and Afghanistan, I don’t know what planet you’re on.

I’ll b writing an analysis of a new book by Laura bates, a book about Incels and Pickup artists and the like. I will be talking about her book, how it analyzes the internet, the trolls and former community members she’s interviewed, and so much more. Yes, I’m going to tell you, there are plenty of incels in the white communities here in America, and I did write about one such. I do have some ideas about how we can fight back against such people, but if we don’t, we’re going to be a Republican right extremist country possibly called just plain America, or Columbian Gilead, or something else. We women won’t be able to write these blogs, read other blogs, or do anything but breed and marry, and handmaids could. be the surrogacy contract that most couples could arrange and I could be in big doo doo. People say, “Block the trolls.” But the truth is these trolls are like Eliot Roger, who said he’d punish women for rejecting him. Well, I’ve got something to question Roger’s actions.

What if all men had the government right and duty to kill or maim or impregnate women? I’d have to get out a pistol like June does in the Handmaid’s Tale and … not sure what I’d do exactly, but I’d have to do a resistance thing and take down the incel regime because that revolution is invalid. First and foremost, they’re racists. Incels also don’t like women to the point where they dehumanize and downgrade women from humans to “foid.” Notice the quotation marks I put that word around.

So what are the precautions we women must take? First, I’d never go to places where these men hang out, but if you have to work at a bar, things will be different. First, I’d stick a rapex device in the birth canal, I’d warn my partner I had it there, and go to the bar. Then if a guy tries to approach me and try to work sex like a vending machine, he’d get zapped or cut, simple as this. Something like this happened to a lady in New York, and the guy was forced to go to the ER for treatment, but then the cops showed up and the DA charged him with attempted rape, and that device is evidence of such a thing taking place. Another thing women should know about these types of guys, they could organize, form a male only government, and partner with terrorist orgs. Guess whawt? It happened in Afghanistan for the second time. Taliban rulers will not allow women in cabinet positions, government positions, or what have you. They are lying to all women in their borders, and trust me, they’re a lot worse than incelibates on the internet who say, “Women are not human.” There are men who avoid women too, thinking they’ll charge them with sexual harassment. Well, here’s a tip for gents who want to approach me: don’t catcall or harass me, or you’ll get kicked by my partner because it’s not cool to harass women to begin with. My short skirt is not a license to rape, and neither is my tank top, my dress, or what have you. Neither is a geisha’s gold kimono dress or what have you. Just … don’t … do it at all. Hold your dicks in your pants, don’t open your fly at the bar, just do not do it. You can approach me as a friend, a colleague wanting me to do more with my career, help me and train me as a conductor with a choir, whatever you have to do to get to me and train me in a profession other than sex work. the sex workers have to control the situation anyway, and I don’t plan on doing such things because hell, my partner would be a bit sad, so yeah.

Now if any of you people think this Handmaid’s Tale and incel post is scatterbrained, think again. Women who’ve told me I was incapable and incompetent should know that they will lose their freedom if they associate themselves with a Gileadean government. Here’s what I think the solutions should be regarding feminism and progressive causes and women’s rights. How do we protect boys from incel communities and MGTOW as well?

1. We need to ban these communities altogether, I don’t care if you think freedom of speech. We need to set up algorithms on Facebook and other social media platforms to catch the bad guys before they act. And here’s the good news: we have that capacity, so use it or lose it.

2. We need to establish that gender and sexuality evolve over time, and reteach all these boys in our schools that it’s not okay to handle women the way a pickup artist does, and we need to make boys aware of incel communities so they stay far away from them.

3. Girls must take governing positions as women, and we need to ban some things along the way. One, we need to ban sexual harassment at work, in schools, at home, and in play. Boys need to be taught by good parents, myself included should I birth such a person, that girls are humans, and that girls are not to be raped or violated in any way possible. Boys and girls in high school should be required to read the Handmaid’s Tale and the Testaments and … explore the possible distopian results of not standing up and saying no.

With all this in mind, I’m going to continue watching the Handmaid’s Tale another time.

Beth

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