Things that Make Me Overtly Angry

Readers, if you have been reading this blog for a while, then you know me. You know that things anger me, but there is some unjustified fear of mental illness that is currently being exhibited by several individuals. One of whom could be nicknamed “Quagmire.” I won’t go further. The other one I won’t say much about but he has the classic symptoms of narcissism, and imposes his will on the son he is living with, someone my heart would break if I never saw again.

Now, readers, let’s just say there are things that make me angry. Please read carefully, and reflect on the stuff. We’re coming upon the next Kick Ass step, treatment of women. And going along with this, I have a few angering items in this post that might be strong for some readers, so your discretion is advised.

  1. When a woman is given different treatment by men than fellow male mankind themselves.
  2. When a woman is called names such as cunt, whore, slut, etc., that really sticks and is a touchy subject because women have to live with the pain of pregnancy or the humiliation of rape every day.
  3. When mentally ill males and females are called thing, moron, psycho, etc., this does not accurately describe folks with mental illness and is offensive and downright misguided.
  4. When I am mistreated because of blindness or mental illness, particularly when I’m asked to reflect on religious debates and thoughts regarding if blindness is present because of one thing or another or why I’m blind if God is there, etc.
  5. When I’m in a church, the way people ask me about healings and all that because the blindness cannot be reversed. Why it can’t be reversed would require some medical details.
  6. When people touch confidential information, which should be sealed and never revealed to any ordinary narcissist or a Donald Trump type. I cannot tell you how offensive and downright illegal it is for anyone who is outside the medical community to read those records and ask me about them when he/she should not be doing so.
  7. When people do not respect my conversation time with others, it really makes me sick. So yeah.
  8. When people dig in the dirt, make it look like I’m a menace or threat or whatever, and make up stories about me.
  9. When others are turned against me.
  10. If someone makes advances on me when it should not be happening.

There you have it, all the things that make me angry. Just a word of the wise: do not dig in the dirt and read medical confidential records when you are not listed on releases.

Don’t Hate, Please Validate: Operation On Stopping the Exclusion of People with Mental Illness

Dear Readers,

In light of the situation with my dear lost loves, and all the turbulent relationships and people not accepting me, I have felt that people just aren’t willing to work with others anymore. Our society has become more and more narcissistic and selfish as it were, and it’s time we hold a conversation about how mental and cognitive disorders affect us, the patients, society, etc. People who are blind are not immune to these things, so I thought, well, it’s not just Joey, my last boyfriend, and it’s not every John, James, Jingleheimer Smith, whatever, it’s every person in this world. I bet your bottom dollar that there isn’t a soul on Earth who is not touched by the nonacceptance problem or mental illness in general.

So how do we take down a power structure and change policies at all? Well, the NFB is going to meet with folks on capitol Hill, so why can’t we as a nation and a planet meet with the folks who are targeting us mentally ill folk with “Please leave”, and “so and so does not want to see you” and all that stuff? I’m done with people throwing me out like garbage, but it’s not me they’re affecting alone, it’s every parent’s child, every person’s best friend, every man’s girlfriend, woman’s boyfriend, yourself, a sister or brother, anyone. So here’s my plan: please read on.

If you are interested in helping with the movement, please submit a five minute video blurb to your own YouTube channel, which I would subscribe to, and then either share it to another channel, Facebook, etc. Or you can email your video to me at the following email address which will be posted below this stuff. Email is fine, or you can locally bring me a disc. Or you can mail me stuff, but I’d prefer email. I will upload videos to my channel, and share your stories on Facebook and Twitter and other places. We must assault social media. This is our only hope. Now, here’s my email:

Here are the guided questions you can use to do your video blurb. First, start by letting the listener or viewer get to know you. Ask yourself these questions:

  1. What is your name and where do you live?
  2. What do you do for a living if applicable? Student also counts, and at what school?
  3. What are you active in? Church, disability groups, etc?
  4. What do you do in your spare time?
  5. What if any is your mental illness? IF you don’t have one, who does in your life? You can say for instance, “My sister/brother/significant other/friend has/had a mental illness.” Briefly describe the diagnosis.
  6. How does the mental illness affect you, the patient or person touched by it?
  7. How doHow does it affect society in that person’s at large comunity or whatever?
  8. If you had one wish for you or the other person regarding acceptance and help with the illness, what would it be? Think positive.
  9. How can we improve that person’s life or your life? Examples can be not excluding the person or yourself, understanding that person’s thoughts and needs, comforting that person in a bad time, of need.
  10. How can we as a country and the globe be more validating for us?

Those are the guided questions. You can be as fancy or unfancy with it as possible. But the time limit is 5 minutes due to YouTube. Thank you all very much.

My Apology to Some I Might Have Hurt

Dear Readers,
Some of you may know that I was broken on Monday, felt horrible for the last four days. It took me hours to get over the thought of him not coming back. But I have faith that if he truly loved God, he’d come back, he’d tell me that he might have done wrong. I know that we both wronged each other, and I’m sorry. I feel like my life sucks, and it sucks bad. I don’t want fifty boyfriends by the time I’m done with my life. I am not exactly Emily Grierson in the story, “A Rose for Emily.” She tried to marry someone, but he said he “wasn’t a marrying man” so she killed the guy. Kind of weird how that went. …

But I wouldn’t kill someone for not marrying me. But I can’t live with a broken heart all the time. It just can’t happen anymore. Not anymore.

And I have a final word for the man I love: just feel free to knock down the building, come back, say something to me, come back I beg you. Trust me, I know it hurts, but let it go. It’s gonna be all right, I’m here to accept you back. I will even if you say I’m a damn blown up weak bitch who doesn’t deserve love. But you know? You know I will take your advice. Just at the moment you broke it with me, then I wasn’t sure what to do then. Feel free to come in, the door is always open. Love you.


Mental Illness, a Stigma Since the Beginning of Time, And Enemy of the Blind and Physically Handicapped

Dear Reader who just picked up a leaflet with these words on it,

Have you ever been told you are unstable? Have you ever been thrown out like trash? Have you ever felt sad, depressed, and angry? Have you been excluded one too many times? Well, I have. And worse yet, by my own community of blind people, all of whom are associated with the National Federation of the Blind, and they are totally not in line with the not judging folks you don’t know. It’s obvious when one man, a man I dare not say here, tells the rest of the folks in NFB of Colorado center in Littleton that I’m not welcome. Where else am I not welcome? Where else am I going to be thrown away from? I know plenty of folks with mental illness who are treated like trash, shit, whatever word you use for it. Here are some facts and figures about mental illness:

  1. One in five American adults has a mental illness.
  2. About 95% of the mentally ill are victims of crime.
  3. 1 in every 3 persons in America will have some form of dealings with mental illness.
  4. 50% of the entire population has dealt with mental illness at some point in their life. There’s no room to judge.

Now, given these facts and stats, what is there to judge here? I wish for you, the holder of this leaflet, to walk up to every blind person you encounter in the Littleton and Metro Denver areas, tell them about these facts and figures, and then instruct them with ways they can best deal with us. Here’s a few ways you can deal with us:


  1. Recognize the symptoms. It’s not all that easy.
  2. Recognize triggers and anxiety and stuff. Certain things trigger and certain things don’t. I’m seriously considering all my triggers, and so should every person who reads this leaflet.
  3. Recognize that mentally ill people are not all obsessed or dangerous. We’re people, people with hearts and personalities. We are all people who care about others.
  4. If you got a problem with one of us, come back and sit down and discuss it with us, do not bring in the police or people with guns drawn. Some of us hate that. Others are sick of it. And that’s that.
  5. If you’re a significant other or ex of someone with mental illness, do us all a favor and do not break up with us prematurely and let others’ judgments tell you tht we’re dangerous. We’re not.

So if you’ve read and reviewed this leaflet, great job! You are on your way to becoming a successful advocate for mental health rights and acceptance. If you have not, then a few demerit points should go on your record. These facts, figures, and other tidbits are things all of us should read.

Thank you for your consideration, cooperation, and contributions to your community.

What is Love: Baby Don’t Hurt Me: Violence Against Women and Girls and how to Stop It, February’s Kick Ass Step

It’s not even February. But readers, the Kick Ass 2016 steps are not over yet.

For this coming month, we’re going to go into stuff about V-day but not Valentine’s Day per every post. Violence against women is prominent in some parts of the world, but I’d like to start us off with some important things to know about how we got to where we are with violence against women and girls right here in the U.S.

First of all, let’s go back in time to the mid-twentieth century. Yeah, there might have been some violence. However, the upper families of that time actually taught respect for elders and the handicapped, etc. I mean, we had flaws in that time period, but there’s something about the time gone by that’s horribly wrong.

First, we’ve McDonaldized our nation. Look at the way the stores look as you walk down a street. How many fast food places do you see on the highway? And what food do you get? Food, you ask? What? Oh, yeah. You might think this has nothing to do with it, but it does. In some way.

Food is glorious. Food is good. But children for some reason are now gorging themselves on BURGERS, FRIES, and other fast foodie crap that is causing obvious problems.

Let’s use a school cafeteria as a great example of what is happening to our kids, your kids. But also, look at the music of our time.

There was a time when Fifties dance music consisted of things about love. Love, every aspect of love, love toward a woman, teenager love songs, love actually, love in love, love out, love … you get the picture. But now, listen to today’s music and you might somehow find stuff vastly different! Now, it’s love, and then sex. Sex, sex in all its aspects. When a person gets married, they’re doing it for sex, not love. That’s what the songs tell us.

Let’s pick two songs as examples of what I’m illustrating.

The 1960s song titled Hold Me, Thrill me by Mel Carter is a fine example of a slow dance tune with aspects of the l word. However, if we go sixty years into the future, we might hear something like this: Fifty Cent’s Candy Shop. The words in the Fifty Cent song detail how the man wants the woman to perform oral sex on him. Ugh.

However, the old song details how the man wants the woman to hold him, thrill him, let him take her in his arms, love him, all that.

There are other songs of that time period I could enlighten you with. Let’s see what happens when you cheapen the love into something junky and sexual. Today’s hits include nothing more than bad chord progressions and like Brian McKnight might suggest, showing a girl how her “pussy works.”

Is that really how we want to think about girls and women? Part of my problem is that women are special, and I don’t feel special in this world today. To most guys, I’m a thing used or to be used for pussy playtime, something I refuse outright. But my boyfriend, God bless him, Joey comes from a family that is upstanding and thinks of women as people, more than that, exalted and more than this, special and sacred and people to be respected and adored. Nobody thinks that about women now, in a general sense.

Now, with today’s hits being played in school, what do you expect teenagers in a high school to do? They throw trash all around the school, talk trash in the halls, and do not respect their teachers. No kidding. They are not learning Barney’s classic ‘good manners” song. Good manners are the most important things in the world, but you know, nobody even says them. We’re never gonna be perfect at it, but Barney does have a valid point when it comes to saying please, thank you, pardon me, etc. Even in old age, good manners show good character.

Now, music is food for the soul. Let’s get back to an example about food.

Today’s physical food is Genetically modified, preserved with artificial … dare I call it artificial shit. Yes, I’m not kidding. And because we are so obsessed with kids either being overweight and underweight or getting them to grow and develop faster, the parents say the kids must eat what’s given to them. But when schools serve nothing but fast foodie meals, there is a problem. I don’t mind fast on occasions but not every day.

Today’s food being full of preservatives may mean that more babies are born with Autism. Whether Autism Speaks is correct or not, there is indeed a rising population of Alzheimer’s patients in elderly circles, and some of that risk is the food. The babies born in this country, a country rich in … yes, preservatives are coming down with Autism by age 2 or 3. Imagine if my Joey and I had a product with Autism. Nothing wrong with that or what was once known as Asperger’s Syndrome. But Aspies, as they are nicknamed among themselves, sometimes find it awkward to socialize. The biggest problem with today’s food is not so much the preservatives causing Autism though. Look at the fat kids in schools, schools without a successful lunch menu. If it’s preservative lunches, the schoolchildren might come down with Type II diabetes, heart disease, lots of blood pressure and health issues.

Overall, this nation’s children are unhealthy by body and soul. And this is what I’m facing with my radio station.

I’m told, more variety will make this station successful, but Open Road Radio is being perverted in my opinion. Open Road Radio will be perverted so badly by the end of the day it’s not even funny. I’m told to put cussing rap songs in my lovely collection of country and Irish music. Oh God, if I ever did that, I’d be badly burnt by the folks I care for most. If you really want to know what rap music contains, some is great. Kiss Me Through the Phone by Soulja Boy is a prety good song. He’s funny with that Crank It song, but I can’t fathom listening to some of his crap when it’s about sticking dick to pussy with no consequences. Lots of songs are about how to get the girl, in bed and pregnant. It’s sad that we can’t just talk about loving the girl for who she is, loving God.

What does music have to do with food? I’m going to give you two real life examples of people who turn out better with good music and good food. While yesterday’s homecooked food brought healthy children, today’s preserved food might only fatten the children up, but it’s worse for the next generation.


Let’s start with my boyfriend. Upon arriving in the U.S. from Korea, he was given a steady diet of Amy Grant’s colection from earlier times. His parents loved and still love old country, and there are loads of artists in that genre that do wonders with the subject of love, travel, or both in a song combined. Joey had this continuous diet of good music, good food, and good handling by mostly Mom, and then Dad, and look what he’s doing now. At 25, this young man, despite going through Hell, can turn to good music and good food for what he needs and wants. Joey is a healthy and happy young man with no more a sense of love than any one in the mid-Twentieth century would have.

Now, compare. Let’s try a guy who picked on me in school, or … let’s do my ex, Jason. Jason had a treacherous birth to begin with, was adopted by his grandmother by blood, and was allowed to have as many violent fighting video games as possible at too young an age to think about it. He has had a good diet of good food, but with his heart issues, he cannot eat some things. His musical diet? Rap, bad words, songs that detail sex in all its aspects. What do you get? Jason, because of his horrific diet of bad music, is nonetheless perplexed by any real music. I can tell he preferred rap because that’s what he thinks about. Rap and reggae ton, both of those genres are about getting a girl in bed so a man can play around. This is disrespectful to women and girls, and I wonder what Jason’s sister is thinking.

Is there a middle ground? With a steady diet of good music, how will my station survive?

So what if someone hates the music detailing love? I demand that this country change its policy and tighten the kinds of things that may incite rape and abuse of women and girls. I will say this: the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) is not my favorite thing to use, but they should put tight things in place that say that no young child should purchase that new Eminem CD with all those horrible lyrics. This country is about 75% overweight and with the rap, we are about 50 to 60% violent. Most young boys in school learn how to be the violent man, not the good men they should be.

Therefore, I presume that a dietary change of sorts must occur.

Things like this started in school cafeterias. An yes, the initial success of such a thing is low. However, the young crowd should soon warm up to the fact that this kind of music and food is healthier. I love songs about love, not so much “fucking” or fornication and sex. Joey is a prime example of someone who can actually survive on a diet of old songs, love songs, songs with appropriate sustenance to them. Anyway, with a dietary change in both food and music, well, we’ll go further. But American media should never display marriage as a throwaway thing because “it’s okay to divorce.” I’m not all about that. Media should come next, and I’ll cover that next post.

We Must Be Able to Kick Ass in 2016: Here’s A Few Steps

Here are a few steps to kicking ass in 2016. It will not be easy for some of us to do some of the Kick Ass Steps. So pay attention.

Kick Ass steps 1 and 2 are pretty simple, but here are all the Kick Ass steps …

  1. do not judge people you don’t know.
  2. Look at the good qualities of a person.
  3. Give the ones you love a chance.
  4. Be as confident, cool, and calm as possible when dealing with conflict.
  5. Let God take care of things.
  6. Put every thing you own, relationship you desire, and other things in God’s hands.
  7. Lose some weight.
  8. Let Aunt Flo in the door. She’s here now. lol
  9. Take care of both hands, seeing to it that Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is not a suspect.
  10. Do not allow a creep, online creepos, and others to pursue you.
  11. Stay loyal to the ones you love.
  12. Go back to college.

Those are the main kick ass steps in 2016 that have to do with my personal life. So yeah.

My New Year Resolution

Hello readers, it’s time to pull out our New Year’s Resolutions. Whether it be weight loss, more of exercising or more reading for you young kids in school, a resolution should be something doable. I’m taking on something unique. There will be posts each month about each of the twelve aspects of my life I’m thinking on. This campaign to change things will be called … excuse the strong language. This will be dubbed Kick Ass 2016. As part of this campaign, we will be going deep inside the labyrinth of Beth’s weird brain, maybe there’s something you resonate with, a character trait you should develop more, etc. So let’s start now.

I thought it appropriate to begin the Kick Ass campaign with something about getting to know people. Getting to know you, getting to know you my friend. Yes, if anyone is familiar with the musical the King and I, you should know the song that the character of Miss Ana sings. It’s a good song, but there’s something deeper.

Getting to know a person is the most important part of making judgments. A judgment call should never be based on gossip, hearsay, etc. This has been happening as a matter of fact. I have heard stuff about me going around my own community in Denver, and it is not something that is based on getting to know me well enough. I was banned from several listservs based on false judgment calls and failure of the mods and online peers to meet me in person, get to know the source, back up all facts if possible, and all that stuff. Let me start with someone who is a classic case.

Katelyn Reichert, a young lady from California, is among several blind and mentally ill folks who judged me wrongly based on what some of the moderating body thought of me. Katie was a good friend, and I will never forget her laughter. We talked of embarrassing moments, including a bikini related one I had gone through, all that. And we both shared a love of music, singing, etc. But Katie distanced herself from me, refusing to take my phone calls, refusing to even reply to text messages, refusing all contact with me. The last straw seems to have been an accusation of harassment against me by a lady in Arizona called Rachel Krieg, who seriously did not back up said facts about me harassing her with call logs. At the time the accusation was posted, the facts were not backed up. What I know is that I was drained that night. I can’t stop talking about this stuff without crying, and my boyfriend has the displeasure of having to embrace me through it all. Well, it may be the honor of loving me through it all. But Katie and Rachel both seem to have not appreciated the love and support I bear in Katie’s case, and in Rachel’s case, the kind action of my stepping back upon receiving a text message stating that she indeed was going through her own set of problems. To all the members of the BMH list, if you guys would truly look inside yourselves, back up your statements with black and white evidence, all that, we would not have such a big problem. I am going through Hell as it were trying to tell the world I am a person, I am entitled to my own civil rights, etc., and you all have made it a barrier in front of me. I’d suggest you take down this barrier.

Now, being that there is a wall between me and Katie and Sam and the others, and since the lady known as Sam Nelson is in charge of this list along with a Jessica and a Carol Anne, I will state something familiar to all Americans who’ve studied the Cold War. Miss Nelson, Miss Willis, Miss Johnson, Miss Reichert, Miss Krieg, and others, TAKE DOWN THIS WALL! You all are lucky I have found someone who even remotely supports me in the circumstances that be. Gossip should never be tolerated in any form or fashion. I am not a person new to harassment charges, though I never indeed cared to hear something that was not backed up. Miss Nelson, I am sorry if you and the others feel that I am not supportive, yet I am. I feel that Miss Reichert is not grateful for the support and the attempts to reach out to her. I thought she’d be awake and all that, maybe she’d be able to talk to me. I feel sometimes like I’m trapped in a hole, not able to get my feelings out. Part of the problem was that my ex had told me that blogging people’s names was rude, but how the hell should I do this! I honestly implore you all to “Take down this wall.” Except I’m not asking Mr. Mikhail Gorbachev. So yeah, that’s what I’m saying.

I do miss Miss Reichert among others, she was going through Hell of her own. Whatever happened to sharing in our sufferings? What the Hell happened? I guess we’re a gimme, gimme, gimme world that does not care one way or the other and can’t imagine sufferings like any other.

Anyhow, gossip and not getting to know people results in stories like this one. I’d like all of us to take a look at this thing and see how it can affect your world. For February’s Kick Ass posts, I’m going to talk about love, of course. How do we love? I may even have a post on sexual violence since February does indeed encapsulate Valentine’s Day. St. Valentine’s feast day is not just a day of love, but a day of friendships. Do not worry if you are single, you can still read the posts.

Thank you all.