Because of the new guidelines of the American Academy of Pediatrics, I’m going to sum up why spanking does not work. I’l tell you this much. My mother not only used this and it became a gateway to more odious forms of abuse, but it became a sad excuse to incapacitate me and guardianize. It is a heinous act to abuse a child, but let me give you my story and the stories of others like me.
So I started life in Florida, a state rife with corporal punishment. My parents at first would slap me for doing wrong, slap me or make me hit myself. I told my friends about it years later, but it is because of these awful forms of corporal abuse that my parents resorted to doing other forms of emotional and mental abuse and punishments, but the lesson was that only adults can make decisions, but as a disabled woman, even more so, able men.
To name one such example, my mother severely abused and tortured me for flooding the bathroom, and my dad threatened to have me take baths as though I were a baby. They did not use more empowering and choice based forms of teaching, only punishment. As a result, I had an unplugged radio in my room for four long weeks, and worse, I’ve been denied listening to music as if it were a privilege. What my parents were really saying was, “We are adults without disabilities and you have to trust us or get fucked.” That was the underlying message, and this is why I am estranged, spend time in therapy, and have a hard time making friends.
The next thing I want to make clear is the figures and facts. emales with disabilities are subjected to twice the risk of corporal, sexual, emotional, and mental abuse. My punishments were consistently longer than those of my brothers’, and this is cause for concern. My parents could have resorted to rape, violence, or murder as forms of punishment, as this did indeed happen to Kelly Bond, a young lady from Tennessee, whose mother and father overdosed her medication to induce her death. Kelly was a vulnerable female with a disability, was not treated well, and was punished too much more. It is the obvious solution to remove Kelly from the home before this could have happened. She was an at risk adult, life insurance having been bought on her. If I returned to Titusville, what would my own family do? They would have probably made me shut down this blog, or risk dying a violent or painful death because dare I say this, they don’t wnt their methods exposed. But again, this is my purpose. My parents ended their abuse and reign of terror when I moved out, something I had to do to protect my dignity and my life. It is no small wonder that now, Medicaid has to pay upwards of thousand of dollars a month to service me in therapy and with psychological medications. Dr. or Mr. John McCarthy was probably right in suggesting my parents go and see a therapist themselves. They can’t cope with their daughter’s desires, want for children, and so on. When will I ever be able to advocate for my own children to live better lives than me? My fiance says I may have to wait till the age of forty to conceive, but this brings with it its own set of risks. The over 40 crowd faces a chance that their children are born with intellectual disability, which puts the power in the hands of the able most of the time. I would have to work extremely hard to empower the intellectually disabled child to speak up and tell their care persons that they do not want certain things to happen. I would hav to care for an at risk adult if my child was conceived while I as forty, and the biology of it all is a problem. How can I prove that I can and will have healthy kids? These questions I have to consider in therapy.
It would be even more expensive for Medicaid to pay or the care of a Down’s Syndrome child, who may die at age 30 or below that much. I want my child to live to eighty or longer, and it is up to biology to test this limit. But spending time with a therapist and a doctor will only make it worse.
As a mother, I want to not hit my children. Why? Look at me. I’m having to do couples therapy, solo therapy, and all the medications per month I must take. My fiance has withheld some forms of affection at times, and I get extremely angry at him. There are times I want to show him exactly what my own mother did, give him a taste of toxicity or the corporal punishment I was subjected to. And in therapy, I have to learn to communicate with others in a more productive and effective manner. Spanking is not effective discipline, period. It i a gateway to rape, violence, and aggression and male privilege. Listen to a therapist’s session with a patient and you’ll understand.
There are times I wish my own parents would receive harsh penalties for having guardianship, but it is highly doubtful that they will ever mess around with my life after I give them a sworn ultimatum. They must relinquish and restore my rights to me, get rid of their incapacitation document, burn it, whatever, or they will not see their grandchild, know its name, or see it for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If they want me, they must, if anything, allow Trenton to come. We’re not waiting for children or marriage because I’m old, time’s ticking, and at forty, my child could be intellectually impaired, unable to function without twenty-four-hour care from either myself or a carer that is qualified, most aren’t, to care for those with such disabilities. I don’t think intellectual impairment is necessarily a bad thing, but look at Jenny (Marguerite Jeanne) Hatch, who was denied her rights because of intellectual impairment. Jenny was punished frequently in a group home, then sued her family and got freedom. For whatever reason, the National Fedration of the Blind refuses to help me deal with this guardianship mess, being that there is no real chapter activity in revard County. Spanking and abuse, and the subsequent guardianship, damaged all possibility that I will ever get out of depression and anger. ANd as an adult, I can write down my feelings in a journal, and though this is online, I feel a lot better about speaking out against spanking because beleve me, it will not work for autistics, females and disabled people. My story is not unique, it is a typical story of post-Columbian disability philosophy. Disability in Europe is thought of as a burden to society, and all disabled persons conquered by th Conquistadores in Spain were subject to abuses committed by these folks. FAmilies with disabled women would simply put them away, guardianize them, and abuse them accordingly. Disabled people deserve the best treatment by their own families and caregivers in the Western and Eastern world alike. But there is one thing standing in between progress and the current status quo: spanking. Thankfully, in modern Europe, spanking is outlawed in communities in Sweden and some Scandinavian countries like Norway. In fact, Norway’s criminal rehabilitative system puts the U.S. to utter shame. Norwegians who commit crimes are rehabilitated, especially if the crimes involve something petty like theft, larseny, etc. I don’t know what they do to rapists exactly. But the big thing in Norway and other places like it is this: when kid learn that might doesn’t get them their way, they learn that they must communicate effectively with others, can’t use aggression, etc. Consider also that some biological factors play into evolving forms of communication with a species.
Primates, for instance, have their own basic form of politics. However, some chimps are aggressive. However, as scientists have seen, chimps who have friends do better in their groups than the ones who show aggression and rip ears off the groupmates. Friendships among all the primate order matters, including that of humans. And this means effective communication, not aggression, is the only way to do what’s right. Humans have somethig the apes and chimps don’t, language and vocal syllabic communication, which is a great thing. Why smack your offspring when you can talk to them? Carrie Goldman has lots of ideas on how to deal with problem behaviors in children, especially adopted ones. Her book Bullied is amazing, and it is available on Bard for all of us on the NLS program. Carrie writes for many news sources, parentiing columns, etc. Her methods are much more empowering and get the message across. For instance, your adopted daughter stole three quarters of a supply of cupcakes. Instead of labeling her a liar nd a thief, bring up the fact that you noticed that some cupcakes were gone and they were needed for a class party. In her example, Mrs. Goldman writes that you should suggest things to rectify it instead of using labels, abuse, and yes, spanking. There are many other ways to rectify a problem, and had I known this, I would have outright said, “Do not hit me. Your reasoning is off.” But you can’t reason with evil.
Why should spanking be banned?
1. Because it promotes the might makes right mentality.
2. Because it’s a gateway to other forms of abuse.
3. Because it will traumatize disabled kids, especially neurologically atypical ones. It damages people. For example, they don’t learn effective coping and communication skills, and a therapist must be hired to rectify years of this issue.
Hitting a child or a person who is disabled or smaller than you promotes ableistic viewpoints, puts the strong above all else, and allows able males to get all they want in life. So what is the moral of all this? Don’t spank your child. The pediatricians are correct. Spanking does not fix behavioral issues. It only makes them worse or then costs society more to counsel victims of this form of abuse.