Author’s Note: I’m over the moon excited, but I want to say that this note is more of thanks and a prayer that this little being inside me lives. I can’t wait for whatever this is to kick my ass, for real. So … without further adieu, here is my letter.
Dear unborn daughter,
Thank you for entering my womb, for the Gods have opened it wide. You are someone I have waited for for many years. I found out about you on September 8, and now you’re growing like a little flower, perhaps a weed, inside me. Nothing wrong with being as fast as a weed, but I want you to be at least six pounds or heavier by the time you’re due in a special time of the year in 2023. I’m so poised to throw my energy into taking care of you, it’s not even funny. One day, daughter, son, whatever you reveal yourself to be, I will love you. Forever, for always, I will never stop protecting you because hell, Mama bears do that every day. I’m more than just a Mama Bear, you could call me a lioness, you could call me a mother elephant. You could call me any kind of tiger, a mother tiger. Next, you might ask me, what are elephants like? Well, the matriarch of an elephant herd is the most fascinating animal in all of the greater world. The African and Asian elephants run the family with females on top, because the male bull elephants are a bit boring, and they’re more aggressive. I want to be clear, male elephants are aggressive, not human males. We run our families quite different, but the principle is the same. I could be a lioness watching over her cub, a mama bear, a mama anything that protects a baby. Have you ever looked at a mother gorilla? Yeah, you’ll someday understand how much I want to protect you, how much I want to make sure you have a safe space to find yourself, to know your true self. Please, while you’re inside me, show me who and what you will become. Kick my ass, will you, sweetie?
I don’t care if I hurt badly while you grow, my lower back becomes a hot mess, and then when you exit, my body will have been torn big time. So what? I hope you realize that Daddy and I love you dearly. You have brought your father and I closer together, and he truly wants you, and wants to care for me and you together. I wouldn’t have it any other way. As a matter of fact, I’m about to set things up. I’ve already reported pregnancy to the Denver Human Service office, that way I can feed you while you’re inside me. I’ve done some pretty big steps to make sure you are safe, including but not limited to deciding not to show ultrasonic images of your developing physical body on any social media platform, and I won’t even speak your name here in this piece. YOu will have a beautiful name, and Daddy and I have picked out some names, name possibilities, but you will hear your name when you exit, or sometime before. We won’t reveal this to the public till your six or seven pound behemoth of a body rolls head first into this wide world. WE will welcome you with open arms as I said in a letter before, and your daddy says he’s sorry for having driven Mommy to cry so much, but he says he was angry with her about various stuff he shouldn’t be this angry about. My financials will be used up and life here is expensive, that’s what we have to accept. Daddy is going to get a job, and he wants to do this for us. HE wants to do this for us and the rap album, he’s determined. Driven, he says, he’s so driven and motivated and longs for a day he can quit his job. He needs to purchase office space for his LLC, that’s a company thing that you use to say you have a business and you’ll learn about that when you’re older someday, but you will someday understand your daddy has a lot on his mind. He’ll be at dinner with us almost every day, and I’l kick up some good food, promise you I will, for everybody. I will tell you, I cooked a basic Mac ‘n cheese, but I brag a lot that your dad’s cooking is bombastic and awesome as hell, and his organic ingredients are hormone free and you’ll grow as you should, and he insists on fresh produce and such, what a weirdo. *laughs* But trust me, you’ll thank Daddy and I for putting good food on your plate every day. I’ll have you take a big bite of BBQ chicken, and that totally will beat top Ramen, big time. Sometime in your college days, if you choose, you may meet many people who eat lots of Ramen Noodles in their diet, which though it’s bad, it’s quick and cheap. Don’t fall for it.
My dear child, blessed is the time you will spend in my womb, and I’m grateful every day that you are inside here, preparing to spring forth upon the world. IF anyone says a word about how I should abandon you or give you away, I’m gonna knock the sayer of such on their asses and I won’t let anyone touch you. Trust me, when you begin to feed for the first time on the nourishment I will provide, your daddy will guard you like a hawk, like a father eagle guards its nestlings, and I won’t let anyone mess around. We will fill out paperwork at the hospital or wherever we decide to give birth, which isn’t gonna take much, and I’m determined that your father, myself, and you have a great shot at life. I’m hoping for a girl, of course, because you and I will have a lot in common, maybe you will understand why I won’t just banish you to your room, force you to grapple with emotions alone, I will sit with you and help you process those emotions. I won’t let you cry out while you’re in bed, not for the first couple years, and even past that, if you need us, we’ll be there. We the parents will cuddle you as is our obligation, and if you have monsters in your nightmares, we will spray lots of lavender at those bad boys, and trust me, they’ll be gone in a heartbeat, on the run from whatever they think they can do to you. WE won’t let a thing touch you, and that’s a fact. I won’t let anyone try and steal you from my dreams, my home, my arms. We await your arrival in May, and later on, you will be about six months or so when we celebrate Christmas together. Maybe you’ll sit in an old stranger’s lap and he’ll be dressed as Santa Claus, but for real, I think St. Nicholas has interceded and blessed me with something, a possibility. That would come if I was Catholic, but Nicholas is the patron saint of little kids, children and the like. I asked him for a child, and look what I have. A child on the way, and by a very wise and experienced man. I can’t wait to hold you, dear one, so don’t leave me too soon. Stay where you are, enjoy growing and kicking and throwing yourself in and out of balance inside me, have fun. Have fun making me feel like total shit while I’m in the bathroom every second, every two seconds, sitting on my bladder and making me pee so much. Have fun tearing me up inside, literally, or perhaps gliding outside my birth canal, screaming in my face, “Feed me!” Have fun learning about the world, how to get my full attention, then later how to express emotions, huge ones, like love and lust, loss and grief, so much in the way of emotions you will have to learn to process in a logical manner. Even if you were male, I’d tell you what those emotions were, and you have to understand that processing those is how we cope with things like the death of a loved one, a dog also, the idea that a sibling may enter our circle, the loss of a favorite pet or toy, lots of things, or perhaps you wanna process the elation after you win a basketball game, or after someone steals a book from you. We will help you process what’s in your mind, we will help you as parents even in the Giver are required to do. So before I end here, let me just say you have blessed me just by being your little bitty self, in my womb, where you will become a beautiful soul in the world. Thank you, Goddess of the universe, for blessing me with this beautiful soul.