Letter to MY Unborn Son

Author’s Note: I am writing this in the wake of the last thing I wrote, but this time, it’s thanks to my newest blog subscriber, so follow My Ramblings on WordPress after reading this. Enjoy.

Dear Unborn Son,

I’d like to welcome you to a broken world. Like I told your potential unborn sister, I want to show you what kind of world I exist in. AS your potential mother, it is my responsibility to tell you what you’ll likely see, and try and help you become the man you want to be. Whether you’re as fierce as Boba Fet fighting off Tuscan raiders in a camp on some distant planet or you’re as rugged as Han Solo on the Millennium Falcon or you’re as upright as the Mando when he’s rescued the Grogu child, well, whatever you become I can’t wait to find out. There is one thing I want to give you a few pointers and advice on.

Please do me one favor when you exit my body and enter this violent and uncertain world. Don’t, play, with, guns. I don’t want to ever see a headline with your name on it as being a mass shooter. IF you see someone committing such horrific things, do what you must, even if it means giving your life. Hey, even Darth Vader gave his life for his son too. IF your daddy isn’t around for this heroic act, well, he just might, you will know him by then. Just remember, when your father pulls off the Darth Vader mask behind the genteel features he possesses, you will notice the man you want to become, the man you should strive to be. I imagine that sons would be more like their fathers, not obviously the opposite. Right at this moment, I’m asking questions, thinking of the kind of person you want to become. As a boy, you will want to swing on the monkey bars, pitch baseballs on a field, and don’t worry, if you have a little or bigger sister, she will be raised equally along with you, and she’ll play ball the same if she chooses. For you, it is your call whether you want to play ball with the other boys in the hood or stand out as someone who actually gives credit to wherever credit is due, and plays ball with the boys not necessarily in the hood. I can’t wait to meet you and see your personality shine through. Perhaps you’ll have your father’s wayward but beautiful locks, reddish blonde in color, his blue eyes, but I kind of wish you would look more like myself. My eyes are brown, my hair as well. My nose is a bit short, so that nose is good on you too. I’d like to think you have a fierce determination, and like Boba Fet, you are determined to get payback for what is done to you. But like Luke Skywalker, you do what is right. Even in the final act of heroism in your life, I will want to see it be that you save your daddy from a world of learned helplessness, hopelessness, gloom and doom. Like Palpatine and Darth Vader, the men I’ve dated seemed like impossible mountains to climb. I’m picking up the pieces from a fifteen years in captivity, and if you’re fighting to get down here, keep fighting, because trust me, you will want to raise your saber high when you grow to be as tall as your father. Unlike Luke Skywalker however, I don’t ever want to tell you that the father who gave you life is dead. Ben Kenobi told Luke Skywalker this in Episode 4, so when you get to be a good age for this, I’ll let you watch that, and you’ll get the point. When Darth Vader rolls into the big paternity reveal, you’ll understand that is the most iconic line in all of history in terms of Star Wars. Your sister and you will not join any such thing as the dark side, and if your father emerges from that funny Darth Vader mask of cold and distance, well, how can I best explain it. There was a time your daddy and I were cold, and I was oblivious to your presence in my body, but trust me, your daddy would probably have thought I should burn in Hell for having you, but when he sees you exit and hears you cry, whether on film or not, maybe he’ll understand that as a man, his son is his life. It’s like that with most men. Men must gage with what they have with one another.

For a time, I thought love was a cruel joke, that is until you came into my thoughts. Perhaps it is not a cruel joke. Your strength and determination to live will probably baffle both me and your dad. It’s not like you will be conceived by the miti kloriets, remember that. I have never heard of but one boy conceived without the touch of a man, and that was Jesus, son of Mary. Even so, your father will be a strong and determined man, wanting to stand on his own two feet in a world that hates every last thing in him, blindness included. I’m also blind. We may both be blind, but we’re not stupid. We know that if you arrive in this broken tattered world, you will be loved and greeted with the same pomp and circumstance as anyone else. Your sister will get the same treatment as you will, and she might be as badass as Princess Leia, and someday there will be a gentle and strong being who will ask you to be their sidekick, guide in life.

Here’s what I want you to know about me and your dad.

I think you should know about him first. For one, he’s had it rough. Forgive this guy, it’s not like he wants to break back and bend you over his knee and whip your body if you misbehave. I won’t let that happen either. Like in the prior thing I wrote, I will only spank you if it’s your birthday, and even then, only in jest. When you mature into manhood, I ask you to do a few things, not too many things, just listen as I advise you because this is going to be tough on any young man.

One, you will have plenty of opportunities to explore your options. IF you see a girl, you like the girl, ask before you embrace or kiss her, and later make love to her. Consent is what it’s all about. You’ll thank me for this pearl of advice, trust me. IF you want to be a father, and your dad in turn becomes a grandfather, don’t impose your will on minor kids and women. Respect your girlfriends’ bodily integrity. Don’t ever, ever ever use force or physical means to tell your girlfriend something, don’t ever create an environment where your girlfriend can’t speak or do things she wishes. IF she is having trouble with money, ask if she wants or needs help. You can only go so far but breaking her heart over piles of banknotes is simply raw hurt. Love her through the good times and the bad, through thick and thin, and show patience. Just as Han and Leia have had their arguments I’m pretty sure, remember that love is a piece of work, and should never be a cruel joke. You will be celebrated not for your hunky looks, your blue eyes, your blonde locks of hair floating about your head, or even your ethnic makeup. You will want to be remembered for your strength of character. I’m determined that you go get ‘em like Han Solo did in his story or like Luke Skywalker facing down his own father, Lord Darth Vader. If you do cross swords with your father, just remember that you must, like Luke did, feel the good in him. You will be determined to save him, but as Anakin says in his death throes in Return of the Jedi, “You already have, Luke.” Unlike the Skywalker saga, however, I hope you don’t have to carry your father’s, my lover’s body to a funeral pyre. I don’t want to see the ghost of him in the air too soon, but I want his dying words not to be just directed at you, like, “Now go my son.” Anakin had the best death words ever, but the saddest. I hope that you will unmask the good in the man who said it would be a cold day in Hell before he loves me again. There is good in him, I see it all the time, but it is mired by trouble from his own family. His blood has been tainted by desire for blood of the kind that is shed for no reason, and his heart is so almost like the Anakin Skywalker at nineteen, but unlike Anakin, this man truly does not need to be going around killing Jedi knights, killing anyone who stands in his way, taking a Sith title and tapping into dark forces. I feel like I’m fighting those dark forces, not necessarily him, every day. HE is a bit grounded at times, but when you cross sabers with him, don’t whatever you do strike him down. Do not surrender, not ever. Take down the guards, the storm troopers in your path, but your father will eventually tell you he wants to see you with his own face, cup your head in his hands and maybe he’ll tear up a bit seeing you like that. Blind people don’t always show affection the same way.

Whatever you become, I’m delighted to know which side you’ll be on. Another piece of advice you will need to survive in this world is to know your true enemies. You will need a lot of tools to equip you for life. Don’t ever address women as “bitch”, for example. The next time you do that, well I won’t ground you but I will give you a good scolding and you will get a lecture on the true definition of a bitch. That’s a female dog, not a malicious woman, and calling every woman a bitch is disrespectful, no matter if she is or isn’t. Respecting women is a big tool in your box you’ll need so you don’t get blacklisted for jobs and other things. When you get a supervisory position in your office as a man, please don’t advance on your employees because it’s unethical. Create a place where your underlings can talk about what they do, and without consequence, say no to a male underling’s advances. Treat every being on this planet, not only the women, with reverence and respect, even if you don’t think they deserve it. IF someone you feel causes drama, or you feel is draining to them, think about what you do to contribute to this.

MY son, there is one more … I can’t say too many more things I want to give you that will help you get here immediately. Come here for a few moments, if you are an angel, and speak gently to the man you want to become. Do not try and deceive anyone and don’t mask your feelings. It won’t help you in the long run. IF you ever need to cry, unlike conventional males, just do it. Go to your pillow, lock the door, and silently or whatever volume you want, just let it out. You will have friends one day who will listen without judging you as a crybaby. My dad did this to your uncles, your future uncles, and it was painful to watch.

IF you want to know who your father is, unlike my mother and me, you will know who your daddy is. He will have to visit you, and when you are being born and on your way to this world, I will make sure your father lets me hold his hand, bite a rope, whatever it takes to get you into this world. Unlike Padme Amidala, I promise you i’ll be here to raise you, not your father’s family, not even an ex. Unlike any mother, I promise you the moon, and if you feel this world is too much for you, please don’t leave it and your body behind. With your brilliant mind, perhaps you can build a rocket ship that travels light years away, and take the whole family on a million light year mission to explore new worlds like Captain Kirk. We would encounter the stars, many alien civilizations, hell we’d get lost in space. Your father and I will marvel at your work, and we’d fly to the moon and back with your help. I want him and I to step on Mars together, perhaps fly past Saturn and explore beyond Pluto. There has to be another system beyond Alpha Centauri we can explore, carve out a life for ourselves. We will be a great dynasty of sorts, and with your help, we will all soar above the sky. Your daddy is a rap god, and if luck has it, he’ll be releasing an album highlighting his hunger to succeed in all the things he wants to do. I wish for him and you to have a strong bond, not at my expense. REmember the thing about bad words directed at women? NEver ever disrespect your mother, not ever. I want your father to respect me not just because I’m a woman, or because I’m all together or anything else, but because I care deeply for him. IF you float along the tracks above our heads, just let your father know I love him. I care too much to let him fly off to the painted desert and mock me in front of a bunch of guys at a bar, calling me the same words I entrust you won’t. Son, you will have a name, and that name will reflect on your courage, heroism, and strength as well as your ability to fight. Your sister may have the same thing in her name, we’ll just have to see.

Son, if you truly want to make sure your daddy doesn’t mess up my and another woman’s life, all you need to do is go all Karate Kid on him too. One other piece of advice, if your daddy and you are crossing sabers and he’s mocking me, calling me names, all of that, turn the other cheek for me, and tell your father that in his heart of hearts, he must stay with me and go back to me and tell me he’s sorry. IF there ever was a rift between us, like Luke had with Anakin Skywalker, just stand your ground. IF Daddy says you will have to beat up girls, destroy women’s lives, that if they don’t bow down to your wishes, blah blah blah, just say it like Luke. “I will never join you.” Luke had and always has had determination. This all boils down to this. What would a good Jedi master do? You don’t have to do things like Yoda, being that there is nothing but do, not try. Grand Master Yoda had a lot of good tokens like these, but try to be as noble as Mace Windu, and as giving as Anakin Skywalker, but not as compulsive should we say. You will be a fine Paduan in the game of life, and I am delighted to write this in your honor.

With love,

Your future mother,

Beth

P.S. The force will be with you always.

Letter to My Unborn Daughter

Author’s Note: The following came as a result of a major crying spell. It’s been a week since I’ve been heartbroken over a myriad of things, but a vision of a little girl with reddish blone hair and blue eyes appeared in my mind, invading my thoughts. I thought I’d write her a letter here, and you all are welcome to join me on this journey while I’m writing this. Please read the following.

Dear unborn Daughter,

First of all, I just want to say I am the one who could become your mother. I want to welcome you to a world without certainty, without security, with a lot of bad things such as war and poverty. There are, however, a few good things in the world. You invaded my thoughts, and thinking about you just brought tears to my eyes. I could see a vision of your golden hair, and my oh my you look like your father. You have your father’s beautiful blue eyes. He can’t see that, but though I’m blind, for all I know, I have inner sight. There was a Greek blind prophet Tereisius who couldn’t see anything, just like me, but he could see the future within his mind. That’s what happened here. The prophet I speak of appears in Oedipus the King and several other things, but you won’t read those till you’re older, my daughter. IF only I could tell you what I am seeing now, but alas, you are only but a thought within. IF you come into this world, promise me this, you won’t forget me. IF they take you from me, if they tell you that Daddy was evil, which isn’t the case, if they tell you Mommy can’t and won’t be able to take care of you, again not the case, when you see my picture on the TV, don’t forget the name. Your father is a gifted rapper, and he made such beautiful beats, and he cried out through one, “I want to know what love is.” Well, I loved him. He probably didn’t love me because I mismanaged money, but he just overstepped a boundary or two, and things didn’t get the right way between us for a time. There was a time the father in your life was cold to me, but then you appeared, a thought bubble in my mind. This is why I’m writing this.

For one, I love your father. HE had the most gentle heart when I first saw him. He was very strong, is still that way and he had a daughter in his home state of Iowa. Well, you don’t realize you have a big sister there. One day when you are older and able to travel in this big world, you will meet her. You two are always on my mind, even if Daddy says it’s not right for me to think about that. We want to make you out of love, not violence, and when you only know violence, uncertainty, and misinterpreted viewpoints, that’s all you can know. It’s a thing in psychology called “learned helplessness.” I think Daddy is helpless to get out of this vicious cycle, and I just want him to get out of it, rise above this, and say he cares about me. That’s all. I could only picture your tiny voice at the door of my bedroom asking if I’m all right, the sweet innocence piercing the air.

The one thing I don’t want to have to deal with is postpartum depression, and that’s because I don’t want you to bear the sufferings I’ve endured. I want you to be a happy little lady, playing on the floor with your Legos and just imagining a world you’d like to build. Your Daddy might cry a little, he might just lose it seeing me rock you to sleep, sing to you and even when you get fussy, I won’t stop till you laugh and get quiet. IF you get colic, I’ll make sure it goes away, one way or another. Come Hell or High Water, you will have a mother, and your life will be the best it will ever be.

I will tell you, there won’t be violence in your home. I won’t let you watch Top Gun, for example, without making sure you don’t have to enact the things that Maverick sees. I don’t care if you try to watch that movie, but besides that, I will never let a guy or any being enact violence upon you. When you exit my body you will find a world where there won’t be a chance for myself even to commit abuse or violence on you. You will never know a spanking, except for birthday spankings. I will sing Happy Birthday to you, and when you turn six, for example, I will give you birthday spankings on your back, not your bottom. I’ll gently slap you six times, and give you a playful hard one to grow on. That’s all. You will not know the pain of injury due to discipline, and you will not have to spend fifteen years of your life in captivity because of some lie your parents doled to a court of law. You will be allowed to date a man, and I will be nothing but honest with you about the man’s character. My character is good, and honestly, I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, Daughter, because I want to not only have you, don’t tell Daddy about the bio clock thing, that’s a minuscule reason he’s here in the first place, but because you are someone I could tell so much to and you will become wiser than I have been. I want to undo the damage between me and your potentially awesome daddy. He will have released his rap album, and I want to see it chart. I don’t want anyone to doubt his skills, and I want him to get a good coach who can help him improve, I mean everybody needs improvement. I want to improve my singing, and when you enter the world, Daughter, I want to hear you sing. I will sing for you, and in turn, I hope you hear the golden notes of my voice and pick up what I’m singing. You will one day receive a piano in your home, and your Daddy and I will probably end up paying for lessons so you know how to make music on the piano. I took my first lessons when I was five.

Your daddy I want to say a few words about. First, I get the learned helplessness, but sometimes there is a silver lining. I want you to be that silver lining, and I’ve never seen so many opposed to your life, but when you finally enter my womb, I want to hear “Congratulations.” I want Daddy to write on social media that his queen is pregnant, and you, Daughter, will be my little princess. I want to pass by your bedroom door every night and say, “Goodnight, Princess.” Your daddy will probably cry really hard because when he looks at you, he will not see the craziness of the past week and a half from a past you will never know, but. he will see hope for a future for all of us. He will say, “Goodnight, Princess. Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.” I have deeper respect for that phrase as you will never know the bite of bedbugs, if I can help it.

One thing I want to promise you is this. You will never know the biting sting of abuse. I won’t do it, Daddy won’t do it, nobody is going to do it if I have my way with it. We will protect you as best we can, given the circumstances under which you are born. When I hear you cry for the first time, trust me I might cry too. But you will enter a world of gadgets, including smartphones and tablets, and you won’t believe the apps out there that will remind me to feed you every four hours. When you turn four, I’ll start teaching you your alphabet, your name, and I will also teach you about black and gay history, and someday you will learn about Stonewall and all the rioting and the way the NYPD could have been a lot worse but the gay folks taught those NYPD people a lesson. Do not ever make people give up who they love. IF you want to, you will be able to talk to myself or Daddy. IF you are transgender, Daughter, do not be afraid. I will make sure you belong anywhere, if that means we have to move states, move countries, or god forbid take a rocket ship off to Neverland just to give you a safe place to be yourself, that’s what you will see. I will take Daddy and myself too on the rocket ship, and we will explore new worlds together, find alien civilizations, and do many things with the stars. IF we move states, it will be because the hate toward LGBTQIA+ people, particularly the T people will not persist. We will make sure you will have a place to do sports, trans or not, without some guy or doctor seeing your genitalia and I won’t let anyone touch you without consent from both of us and then, only then when you turn eighteen and get married later on. It is your body, yourself. You own your body, not anyone else. You will never have to face the choice of abortion to save your life or having to die of childbirth. I will fight for you, and even if Daddy doesn’t want to be with me or have anything to do with you, no matter what his feelings are, you will be the number one priority. IF I have to celebrate Mother’s Day without support or compassion from him or anyone else, so be it. I know that when you turn eight or so, with maturity, you will walk into my bedroom and squeal happily, “Morning, Mommy, happy Mother’s Day.” You will one day hand me a couple bouquets of flowers, all manner of flowers present, and someday your daddy will understand why you are the priority, but he will present me with a tray of cinnamon rolls, bacon, and so on but if not him, I could let my friend Barbara over and she’d be there and we’d all go out to someplace and eat. Good times is my friend Barbara’s favorite burger joint. Your daddy will never forget when I say something about the time we were in Arizona together, and his hands and hips were gently against mine. We made love for the first time, and if you wonder what making love is, I’ll explain, little one, when you are old enough to understand. But even so, I will only say, the act of making love is the best thing in the world. When his body was on top of mine, I was transported somewhere far beyond. That is all.

Daughter, your image is so palpable it is there to stay. I did say you have your father’s eyes, and I want you to have your father’s eyes, maybe the blue eyes you have will look at me once and say, “Mommy, you’re crying.” I will be happy to explain, the crying will never stop until I can find a resolution. Within myself, I don’t feel that love was kind enough but only to create you. What made you wasn’t an extraparanormal deity called Jehovah or God. It was an act between two consenting adults, Daddy and me, and we made you in good faith. He said he wanted me to get my heart checked, but because I hadn’t noticed it, maybe I should. The heart checkup could be because my own biological father, your biological grandpa, had a history of heart attacks and such. LEt me tell you a little story, maybe a big one for such a tiny thought in my mind, it may be a huge story, maybe inappropriate for children, but you are just an angel wanting to fight her way down here, so let me begin.

I was the product of a Catholic mother, but she never told me who the dad was. Later, I was adopted by a David Taurasi, who I guess didn’t want me to know who the bio dad was. David wasn’t a bad person in the beginning, but in the end, I don’t know how to feel about him. David and my mother, Patricia, got guardianship of me at seventeen years old, presumably because of blindness, but they might have abused me for years, and it wasn’t too physical but it was more mental, verbal and emotional. See, abuse is damaging to everybody, but you’re immortal and an angel, so you don’t have to worry right now about abuse or damage because of such things. So back to my story. David and Patricia never told me who bio dad was, so I thought my ex boyfriend Trenton, would be able to give me a DNA test, but alas, it would cost a lot. The Human Service office was closed and as I type this, still is because of a pandemic. You may not have a physical body, but you do need to know that pandemics can rip a body apart. I indirectly witnessed a chorus mate’s p-parents both die one at a time from this virus. I was almost attacked by that virus, but alas, got better. I had a ceremony with my ex shortly after, but honey, I think my voice sucked. DAvid and Patricia weren’t invited, trust me I won’t ever let them hear of me getting married, but Daddy and me? Well, it’s obvious he doesn’t understand I want a joyful moment in my life. I might have written something or two, but Daddy just has to work out his own inner demons, and mental illness can spring from the abuse of body or mind. It’s not something that can be changed easily without a professional.

So when you ask me, “Do I have a daddy?” You know what I’ll say? “Yes, Daughter, you do.” I will tell you his name, and you will smile and look at me in wonder. You will want to know what jobs and things he’s into. I’ll tell you, his album will give you a sense of who he is. He wants to see and feel love, so part of this composition is about that.

He does have love but for me, well, I love him, and I love him dearly. I want him to stay with me so he doesn’t have to do this to someone else. I can’t explain what happened without crying, but you are an angel and you don’t need to look too far down here to see what happened. Some things are best left unsaid. This man is a powerful advocate of the blind community, yet nobody in that community cared any for him. IF you ever pass down here, and float upon your wings, Daughter of heaven, tell your father to be that you are waiting for him. Tell him I love him, that all I want is to be loved and accepted, that he doesn’t need a deity to believe in angels. Angels exist, I believe that much, and to see you troubled by my crying and all of that troubles me too. Sit upon that man’s shoulder, give him tranquility and peace, and speak to him if he so wishes, if you so dare, whatever. Just tell him he has someone in this room, in this house, that loves him dearly and I want the pieces of my heart to be fixed. He hugged me one day, and on Sunday, we listened to a Juneteenth concert and he just picked me up off the floor with both strong arms, seasoned by years of weight training, and twirled and carried me around the room. I want him to do that to you. Daughter of Heaven, shine down on your father, tell him things will be all right. He is someone I want to be my anchor, my rock, and I want my friend and lover to love me forever until time and eternity. I promised him time and eternity, and I would be willing to forgive him if he just doesn’t mess up again. Forgiveness is not, as an ex of mine would say, a free pass to do bad things again. He isn’t my ex. Daughter, if you should so much as enter my body, enjoy your time in it. Don’t kick me excessively, but if you need to kick, fine. Just when you exit, we want to hold you and fawn over the body you have presented to us. When you blossom into a woman, Daughter of Heaven, we want you to be the best advocate for yourself, the people in your life, and the big wide world. Your father will be extremely proud of you. When you come here, whether it’s an Arizona desert or the Colorado mountains, you will be welcomed with open arms. You will be celebrated by us, the parental units, as a good option and a great achievement and a milestone long since overdue especially for this girl, who was released from guardianship just two years earlier. I am trying to pick up the pieces of freedom in my hand, but you, Daughter of Heaven, are my light and my salvation to no end. You will be the person that nobody will expect. Your name will be able to appear whenever it does, but furthermore, you will be a shining example to me and your father. We may both be blind, but we will forever be that power couple. We’re going to knock the world over, not fight with each other. As you are an angel, you might have watched the things unfold, but if you truly are an angel, not a demon, please bless my dear love with all the blessings and especially your presence. Get him out of the cycle of violence and abuse and into the house of David, king of Israel, or better yet, get him a house of peace beyond all understanding. I threw up yesterday morning, and maybe you’re waiting to grow in my womb, but if you are, great. Stay right there, and when you come into this troubled world, please let me see your light in that troubled world, and let me hold you while you feed, when you cry, and when you laugh. When you get too big to hold, feel free to play in the park, we’ll run around together, and throw a ball further than any boy. You will someday dance as you do in the Heavenly Realms you reside in, and maybe you will wear ballet slippers. Perhaps you will be a Swan Princess, and Daddy and I will enjoy the waltz as Siegfried and the Princess dance down stage, pirouette after pirouette and catch after catch, every move in grave detail described and you will come out to us in your dressing room, your ballet outfit all glitter and lace. Your pointe shoes will have been rosened but after your stellar performance, we will give you hugs every day. You will practice every day as if you want to practice, placing your slender legs on the ballet bar, stretching them out. You will have beautiful hair, I suspect you will have your father’s reddish blonde, but everybody will say, “What an angel.” When you walk into a room, or perhaps you will dance your way into the living room, your daddy will smile and say, “Ready to go to dance class already?” I will nod and we’ll watch you dance but what will surprise me is wen Daddy goes and dances with a bunch of forty something guys, Daddy ballerinas all dressed up in girlish costumes, but trust me, the dance will have a good effect on him. He would dance the waltz across the stage. When the old men are finished, all of us will clap. I can’t, however, get the Swan Lake scene out of my mind. If they choose you to be the Swan Princess, we will jump for joy. I will hope that your Siegfried the prince will have much good dancing ability and will be as strong and tall as your father. Perhaps my Siegfried does not understand that at seventeen, I will have been a caged swan. He doesn’t understand taht deep down inside, I am a princess, no, a queen. Swan queen. IF I was a free swan, I’d gather him up in my tallons and fly him off to my castle, and I am not going to be rescued.

There’s one more thing I want to say here in this letter. You are a wanted by happiness child. I also want you to know that not all men are monsters. He is not a monster, not at all. He’s just a bit off because of the violence he was subjected to. I just don’t want the cycle to continue, and I want him to see your big sister, but furthermore, I never said I hated men. I don’t hate men. I never will hate men. There is a good man behind the monster that possessed my apartment, screamed in my face, and said he wanted nothing of a love with me. Well, I am even more dedicated to making sure this doesn’t turn into any monster. He is not a monster. HE has never tormented me in my bed, but the few times he did, he said I was crazy but I don’t think he gets it. PErhaps the Prince Siegfried would think the same if the swan Princess was in a cage, her wings clipped so she could not fly. When she transforms into the human so beautiful Siegfried could kiss her, she would fly like the wind on her feet to him, but I didn’t want Daddy to see this stuff. It reminds me of Lord Farquad from Shrek, but please, don’t tell anyone his name should have been Fuckwad, but yeah, that guy wanted to lock Fiona the princess up because she transformed into an ogre at night. Guess who took her hand and loved her through that? Shrek, the ogre. Shrek and Fiona are a reason for believing in love, but yet I don’t see a real life Shrek anywhere willing to love this Queen Fiona. I will make this one thing clear. Daddy isn’t Lord Farquad, he is nothing like that. HE might even be Shrek, for all I know. Shrek said he was troubled by the way people treated him, grab your torch and pitchforks, and the Beware and wanted signs all over the place. I will tell you, Shrek was understandably angry. I mean, who wants to marry a big “stupid ugly ogre?” He even confronted Fiona about that, but Fiona learned that this man/being loved her with all his heart. Thanks to Donkey and Dragon, Lord Fuckwad did not marry Fiona for real, and when Shrek kissed her, she took his form, but furthermore, the two lovers learned that love does not have looks on its mind. Love knows no bounds, and my love for you and Daddy will always continue. Even without him around, a piece of my heart will go with him, wherever he decides. Daughter of Heaven, you will always be my daughter, you are the one I want to create and it is you who will succeed, do better at life, perhaps you will undo the damage between all the guys and me. But speak to Daddy, fly to him, and if he wakes up with tears in his eyes, if he doesn’t understand you, make him hear you. Angels are like that. I’m drained, I feel like an empty paper bag. I want to go straight back to bed, but when I wake up in the morning, you might have been there. But you invaded my thoughts, but trust me I welcome you as I will when you exit the sacred spot in my womb. I can’t wait to push you out, Daddy being kickass enough to say, “Push, push, push, that’s right my queen.” He will push my hand toward him, and I might have hormones and bite him or I might not. But when you come rolling into the world, your slimy body bathed clean and bundled in blankets and diapers, we will celebrate your arrival, champagne and all. YOu will cry like all babies, but it won’t be a scream as if to say, “I hate you. Why’d you bring me into this world?” I will connect with you and when you arrive, your whimpers will only serve to say, “Mommy, Daddy, feed me.” That’s what happens. All beings of the living sort are born hungry. I will hold you tight, and there wil be lots of cuddles, hugs, kisses and blankets and toys for you to play with. I will rock you to sleep and put you gently in a crib beside my bed. I will be awoken and will be able to nurse you to life. I will hold you tight even when you are sick, I will calm your fevers, rub your back when you are in pain, give you medication to calm you down, give you a spoonful of sugar so that the medicine isn’t so bitter. I will make sure every doctor gives you the right medication if you have maladies of any kind. When friends come to play with you, you will have many I hope, I will welcome you playing with those friends forever. YOu might lose a few in middle school, but when you reach high school, there will be a few handsome and good looking beings in your life you could end up dating and loving. I will never tell you that boys are bad. They aren’t. IF you kiss a boy, at least you will have more opportunities than I had to kiss boys. YOu will one day experience the lovemaking I mentioned earlier. I will tell you though, when you become thirteen or older, you will likely need a lesson or two on safe lovemaking and such. Someday, you will marry a great person, man or woman or nonbinary being, but whichever being marries you, that being will be proud to have you as their wife. Your sister will be flower girl, and you will have many relations and friends at the wedding. I hope you will die an old lady warm in her bed, not now, not before you are born, not before I can redeem myself.

I want to be with your daddy, but to see you in my mind was a pleasant shock. Thank you for coming to me in a crazy vision, but albeit a crying spell. IF you have to be away for a while, I’ll just say I would miss you lots. I will miss Daddy, and if he widows me too early on, you will know his name and we will lay a rose on an altar for his spirit every year. His spirit will glide its way around, perhaps he will sit by and touch my shoulder. I will love him no matter what physical state he’s in.

Goodbye, Daughter of Heaven, and be well. I hope your mission wil be a success. I love you, and I will never forget you. Psssst, I hope you look like Daddy.

Your future mother,

Beth

The Sins of Who?: Plain Communities Under the Microscope for Sexual Misconduct By Males

Dear readers,

Has anyone heard of the Amish? Okay, has anyone even seen the Amish at work? Behind the picturesque horses and buggies, the farmers working the land, there is a deep dark pit of evil and despair lurking. What is this evil we speak of? You’ll find it in a recent Peacock original docuseries called The Sins of the Amish. Now, let me just explain what the hell I’m talking about.

The Amish may seem like a hardworking people, born of service to a church or whatever, but there is rampant male entitlement, rampant sex abuse, and rampant child abuse as well. Let me summarize. In the Sins of the Amish, we meet a group of Amish women who were discounted repeatedly for filing police reports on their brothers, husbands and fathers. Here’s another thing. Forget the why’s and ways of the Amish culturally. Think about why the plain community of such is so far behind. LEt me tell you why. Take a train or time travel trip back with me to the 1800s, and look at a sexual education book. It suggests that girls be submissive unto their husbands, sound familiar? “Wives, submit to your husbands as they do unto the Lord as Christ is the head of the Church.” This was written in the book of Ephesians, but for crying out loud, this never applied to modern marriages in my humble opinion. I only feel better about this submission thing because I do it every day, not in the sense of abuse, but in the sense of I can give myself freely to my man without his judgment of me as sickening, sexually unattractive, things like that. The Amish girl who does not listen to her father and keep her brother and father standing tall is a rebel, usually put in an institution as in the nineteenth century, treated like total trash.

If you wanna see just how behind the Plain communities, which include Amish and Mennonites are, just look at the sex ed books they use. Girls are expected to marry at nineteen, sometimes younger, otherwise, like in the old days, they are considered old maids. This is not even about the card game, folks. This is the reality of unmarried Amish women.

While my sympathies are in some way with the Amish, all they care about is work, no play, and the farming communities have also been known to sell puppies illegally bred from puppy mills. Some Amish and Mennonite farmers have been themselves puppymilling around in Pennsylvania and other states where puppy mills are born. They’re everywhere, and the Amish farmers are not helping the problem.

While I was at Amish Acres, a museum and farm in Indiana, I was forbidden from using my mobility aid, a white cane, on the stairway and my parents forced me to follow the rules. I want to say to those folks in charge of Amish sites in Indiana and other places, do not even bother opening a place if you’re gonna do a big injustice toward your blind clientele. Please cater to folks with disabilities, and include the blind in your thought and planning of any touring and such. Please tell any blind person they can use the cane on stairs, on the floor, anywhere because it is required. Blind people in your facilities must also be allowed to use a guiding or service dog of any kind. Usually, guide dogs are trained in helping the blind up and down stairs, through doors, around things, all sorts of stuff awaits a guide dog handler and the dog themselves. If you’re one of those Amish or Mennonites, chances are you’re not reading this, but if you’re on the outside of such communities, know this. I have no qualms about turning the Indiana Amish in for discrimination against me and other blind tourists.

The Amish have had many sinful things done to each other and other people. I think more than the women they mistreated, and trust me that’s important too, but the dogs and the blind tourists and the wives of some if not every Amish man should know that there is a big wide world outside that protects women from these insular practices. While Carolyn Jessop was fighting for custody of eight little lives, Merrill Jessop, her good for nothing jerkish husband with a bunch of other sex toys to play with was demanding the same. Why did Carolyn win? Because she was smart, independent, sick of the sister wives being bratty with her and the kids. All but Betty ended up staying with her. Why did Flora Jessop get out of the FLDS too? Because she knew the world would protect women and such, and she had a very supportive husband and family of her husband. The other problem here is that plain communities are stuck in the past, not willing to move forward. Stuck in the past could be an understatement, but most religious groups that are not Amish or Mennonite are now going face down in piles of sex abuse scandals. There is no way that I would ever want to join a Plain community, and perhaps Weird Al wasn’t too far in making fun of the Amish. Yes, the song itself called Amish Paradise is rather comical, but the Amish and their sins are a reflection on us, the United States. What can we do to curb all the stuf going on in insular communities?

  1. First, could we revise the First Amendment to include you can have opinions, freedom of speech and the press and assembly which is safe and peaceable? Yes, peaceful assembly at all levels is great, but when the purpose of a group of folks is to do what the Heaven’s Gate nutheads did to those victims they encouraged to kill themselves, you got a problemo.
  2. Houston, if there’s a problem with a certain religious sect, one must be able to report it to a government task force set up for this purpose. While I value freedom to have and practice religions, practicing one’s religion should also mean that hateful thoughts and actions don’t mix themselves with the teachings of a deity or Jesus or Buddha or anyone else. Religions should be about freeing, not controlling mankind.
  3. If you want to see hate groups on a map, the Southern Poverty Law Center has a whole big map full of these such groups, including Neo-Viking, NeoNazi, Neo-Vulkish, and many others. In Colorado, there are a few underground hateful groups. Unfortunately, I’m sure Malcom X is rolling in his grave because the Nation of Islam is listed in Colorado as a hate group for being and speaking Antisemetic. I can’t stand antisemitism as much as the next big black guy can’t stand racism, but shouldn’t we include the Plain communities on a certain level of a hate group registry? See next item.
  4. Let’s say you’re browsing a group database thing so you can find something to be part of, you’re a new person to this country, or you’re new to the state you live in and you’ve been American all your life. LEt’s say you got swept up in a group, and you found out the group doesn’t like your gay son or your lesbian daughter or your transgender grandchild, your blind relatives, etc etc. Things like this happen a lot. So here’s the skiny. Level 1 registered hate groups should not be allowed to receive government support and funding, should be taxed for hate, and should be told how to operate safely because people can die from such groups. These level 1 groups would include terrorist orgs like the KKK, NeoNazi groups, and a lot of your white nationalist orgs as well. I’d also classify America’s alQaeda groups as level 1 and add terrorist to the label as well. This would be classified as code red level 1. All groups in this tier would get a red bar code symbol to place next to their name. So let’s see how this would work. Level 2 groups would be all of level 1’s criteria, but no violence would be pinned on it. Such groups might include, sadly but accurately, your Neo-Vulkan groups, some of your anti LGBTQI+ churches, including the Westboro Baptist Church and some of the Pentecostal churches that preach only to include cis males and cis females, think about it. These churches would also have to be taxed, and would not receive government funding or support, and did I want to say the Word of Faith Fellowship should get a level 2 on this registry? The big bad reports of abuse would go here. There have been incidences of violence and isolation of cult members, and this is a dangerous cult status group we’re talking about, but WFF really should be a place where politicians are barred from. They should not be part of this organization if they want to govern our country. WFF has been noted as abusive and not following the word in its entirety, using scripture as a means to abuse kids, all that stuff. The ax on this church will be because they won’t be able to run in a whole county in North Carolina.
  5. Continuing from the previous item, the Amish would be a special case, level 3. Level 3 groups would be the groups that have been known to be abusive, are everything but racist. The Amish don’t like disability, don’t like gays, so they’d probably fall under this category. There will be a little orange dot next to those groups. Level 2 groups, btw, would get a yellow thing next to their names because you know what yellow would mean right?
  6. There would be a green dot to the proximity of groups that do the following.
  1. Green coded groups would welcome all people in its ranks provided the criteria for joining the club can be that you may be interested in a subject, golf for example, or you have a like mind with the club’s members, ham radio for example.
  2. The clubs in the green category don’t hate people based on protected class status, including disability, sexual identity, sexual preferences, and many otyher combinations of protected class.
  3. The group would accommodate people with disabilities. All materials should be made into formats we can read, including on the Internet.
  4. Recruitment is not aggressive or some marketing tactic.
  5. No way will I join a group that lovebombs its potential recruits. Jim Jones and his people did that.
  6. Green coded groups would exhibit the ability to bring people together, get awards, and do good acts of service that can be demonstrable in getting grants. Examples, Soar Youth and Adult choir, though I can’t be part of them anymore, has a good habit of inviting all manner of person to their choir. Foster kids and others share a meal, and it’s fun. I hope that someday I will go back to Soar. They’ve been instrumental in helping me realize my dream of maybe fostering and adoption. I’m not sure about that though given discrimination against blind folks in all countries, so if I did adopt, I bet it would be domestic.
  7. Green coded groups would encourage, not discourage talking to outside folks.
  8. The group with green on it would also not exhibit scandalous activity.

These databases and ideas are not meant to necessarily impede on freedom of speech, but I want to see more protections in place for former cult victims, victims of folks like the FLDS and the Amish and such. Thank you all for reading.

Beth

A World without SSI and Food Stamps: Don’t Breathe but Imagine It

Dear readers,

I was given a scenario to ponder, especially from a Pakistani immigrant from Karachi, family support and all. HE said the following, “I’d love to drop Beth off in a country where there is no SSI and food stamps.” Well, here’s what would happen if the U.S. had none of these safety nets and social programs for disabled and low income individuals.

  1. The patriarchal system of survival would set in. This would include the neglect and abortion of female babies, especially by poorer mothers, and it already happens in the third world. When a female baby is born blind, as in most of the third world she is considered useless. The mother is encouraged to “replace” her. Doctors would probably also encourage a midwife to do away with the baby in cases of vilicide and infanticide put together in a dreaded package of death.
  2. If the baby makes it past infanthood, and goes into girlhood or toddler stage, this baby would likely be malnourished, we’re talking a female blind baby, and that malnourishment would happen because the mother has to prioritize based on ableist and patriarchal values which child should get nurtured. Likely, in places of the third world, boys will be nursed to full adulthood and manhood, not girls. If the female is lucky enough to be part of a richer family, she might look forward to a negligent diet and neglected education standards such that she could not read or write, Braille being scarce as it is and all that. The female child who is blind could die before the age of five, barring diseases but mostly malnourishment. Prioritizing boys over girls would be so rampant that female babies would still bring about sorrow in these families. It already does in the Pashtun families, where the birth of a boy brings a guy to your window and a rifle is fired in celebration of his birth, but the girl brings misery and the family is blessed not with celebrations and gifts, but with only a domestic worker in their house. The girl is reared in subservience, but a blind female would be reared in death before age five, but here’s what could happen if she goes beyond five.
  3. The female third world blind kid could also look forward to a substandard of living incomparable to that of the first world. She could be sold as a sex slave in a place such as Thailand, Malaysia, or even China. She could be sold in marriage to an older groom to spell good food for the family, this including places like Somalia, parts of Africa, Saudi Arabia, all these other places too. If she didn’t die before, she may face death by childbirth pains, and if that doesn’t kill her first, the husband’s abuse could. Sight supremacy doesn’t just hurt those who are blind and without 20/20 vision. It also encourages superiority and malice of sighted males toward blind females, and blind females in the third world should watch out for men who are abrasive, angry and abusive toward the blind spouse. With an illiterate female, this potentially dangerous husband could say things like, “Don’t go outside the home. Cook, clean and sex when I say cook, clean and sex.” This is a problem magnified by the fact that the spouse being subservient in this case is a blind female. She can expect to stand about a foot shorter than her first world peers, can expect no help and guidance in employment, or perhaps she could end up on the streets like Eliza Dolittle, the My Fair Lady character, selling odds and ends, but not getting what she’s worth. Oh, a blind vendor should get what they are worth. Even males who are blind in the third world who don’t have the privilege of emigrating to the United States should expect the same outcomes if they hadn’t died before their prime.
  4. IF a female can make it past years of being pregnant, nursing, or both and many childbirths later, the same blind woman in the third world can look forward to getting sick repeatedly, not having attention she needs in the medical department, or worse, having an untold number of kids. Some women in polygamous third world society end up having something called “putting out to pasture” done to them when they are through and say they won’t give birth anymore. Women 35 and older are at this risk, and especially when they turn 45 or 50, but when menopause sets in, a guy can sit there and put her aside to make room for a young maiden he wants badly. This girl could be insipid, unwilling and uneducated like her cowives. This is a very serious problem and is why the first world has it right in banning polygamy in some areas for some reasons, but I do believe polyamorous relationships should be legal, recognized, and allowed here in the first world, especially in a line family as in the Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein, so read that book and you’ll understand what I’m saying. I wouldn’t mind sharing my partner with other women, only I should have the same freedom to share myself with other men, and of course, with the blessing of my partner, I would share myself with others freely and without any problem. I do think I’m open to polyamory, but the polygamous third world society brings wives and husbands together not based on a shared love of each other, but oftentimes you have marriages based on taking care of the less able or most vulnerable spouse or spouses. In any case, you might have for example, a husband with sixteen wives, one with five, some with six, but the Islamic limit is four. The four wives in an Islamic family don’t have a chance to spend a lot of time to themselves, they being repeatedly called to go have sex with a man who could be twice their age, a jerk, or someone who doesn’t know what to do about justice between wives. That’s a whole other topic I could get into, but Muslims who wish to have polygamous marriages should consider justice between wives, and this coming from Deq, my ex fiance.
  5. When a female who is blind reaches menopausal age in the third world, her health could decline significantly, and as with most elders, she could expect to die at some point. However, life expectancy in the third world could be between 45-60, depending on the age of the mother, social status and many other factors. IF the woman gets pneumonia, in the third world, she could easily have died. Without food stamps, she could be forced to beg on the streets, born blind or otherwise. HEr milk could go dry so her babies could die. There’s a whole lot of death involved in places where food safety and security programs are not present.

So if anyone wants to call me entitled for even suggesting food be safe to eat, think again. What programs should the third world have in its grasp? Let’s see for a few moments.

  1. First, a good country, third or first world, should have a good network of midwives, nurse midwives, OBGYN doctors, and many other good medical personnel who can tend to all women’s needs within their offices. For the blind female or the mother of someone who is blind, a good nurse midwife or OBGYN is a crucial first step. In the first world, we have programs like Medicaid, transportation being covered for doctor visits and other things, which I would use for prenatal visits. A doctor at the women’s clinic would give her patients prenatal vitamins because this is essential for a woman in any place in the world. Prenatal vitamins are a blessing, and they have folic acid, which can help prevent lots of childbirth complications, help the baby survive, and so much more. Just as a new mother should take prenatal vitamins no matter where, she should be able to see her doctor. There are spots in the world where that isn’t possible without UNICEF and other programs called nongovernmental organizations (NGO’s) which have mobile clinics, which can serve as educational hubs for females who need it. So let’s move on.
  2. Time for the ultrasonic images. When a female in the first world finds out her baby’s not going to make it, I know it may break some hearts, but at least she’d be able to have options. Abortion is for the most part the number one legal option, especially if the birth of some babies could kill a female right then and there. If I had a baby that was missing essential organs, that decision to abort would be between me, my partner, and doctors. It would be a heartbreaking decision to abort, but saving the mother’s life is a crucial thing to make a country good for kids and moms alike. IN the United States, we currently have a mindless debate going on about Roe V. Wade, the abortion decision, and we know the consequences of not having safe and legal abortion. There are countries that don’t have abortion because of religious policy, and it opens a big door to childbirth deaths among young women. In Ethiopia, for example, many young brides die from giving birth, some who survive having been a mom end up with fistula complications. This requires surgery, sometimes even a colostomy, which then results in the potential mother being fitted with a bag that drains out her wastes, both liquid and solid. There are places in Africa where rampant misuse of females as weapons of war is commonplace, so fistulas must be repaired more frequently. In the Democratic Republic of the Congo, this is the case. There is no food stamps, SSI of any kind, or even the freedom to walk down your street safely at any time of day or night. You could have been kidnapped sometime ago in Sudan by a rebel group that wanted to break it apart, based in darfor of all things. Talk to survivors of the rwandan genocide. You’ll understand more.
  3. If a female with a disability wishes to live, that’s one thing. But a good country has good food distribution, security and safety programs. IF I have a baby within the next year, since I’m a first world citizen, I have access to food and water, I have access to opportunities. I have a good mental capacity, and it’s nothing about my blindness. My blindness might have presented buriers, but not to life itself.The buriers were to things like jobs and marriage prospects, but still these buriers need to be taken down. Sighted and able bodied people have jobs, lots of jobs and opportunities to apply for such. My partner and I being blind need the protections of a blind parent bill like this one in Colorado. Colorado families with blind parents can expect a boatload of protections, and there will be protection in my home for children. IF a child is abused by a blind parent, as the NFB pamphlet on such states, then the parent is held accountable just like with sighted parents. That’s how it should be. There are many blind people in Colorado with children, and they are amazing kids. One parent has a genetic condition that her son inherited, but still, he has learned to be a better person because of his mother. The mother is particularly proud of her son for learning empathy. Should we all be learning this at some point in our lives? In the third World, this Colorado mother would have been dead by the time her baby turned four, or her baby might have died before his first birthday due to neglect, lack of education on the part of parents, or the baby might have been removed in certain places because the parents are blind or physically disabled. The first world has it right in protecting parents with disabilities, and there are ultimately lots of resources on blindness and parenting. I’m slowly getting my confidence back in the kitchen, and it’s thanks to the strength and determination and the wisdom of my blind partner in crime. I couldn’t ask for better.
  4. If you think first world people are spoiled, I’m not in the least. I know that a good country also should have laws in place protecting females if they are trafficked, married too young, and much more. In the Third World, religion takes priority and the pleasure of deities such as Allah take first and ultimate center stage. Allah says this, so a policy is put in place to acknowledge. Examples of antifem policies in third world countries include the minimum age of marriage laws being that the girl can be as young as prepubescent age like eight or nine to be considered a bride. Thankfully, in the first world, we do have laws in place but not enough. The Ayaan Hirsi Ali Foundation, the AHA Foundation, is working on political and legislative priority to end child marriage in the first world such as here in the United States. There is a rampant issue with such because of religious priorities of families, and children who are married off before the age of eighteen do not have protections such as domestic violence shelters should the older spouse be abusing her. Imagine a blind female in the third world who learns she can’t escape her abusive marriage. Not every woman or girl is lucky. One Indian able woman said that the arranged marriages in India was “state sanctioned rape.” It is, and in India, love marriages are frowned upon. Parents think they can make decisions about their child bride’s future, but this only makes things worse for her. The cycle begins again.
  5. A good country in any world should include a stellar education system, where kids are bussed to the school for free, or there is a way to transport kids in unsafe neighborhoods, and the education of all children is considered. Afghanistan banned girls from being educated beyond sixth grade, and the Taliban will only make it worse. Pakistan could end up doing so, but moreover, blasphemy laws are in place to prevent critical thinking about Islam. Why? The education of humans should include the skill known as critical thinking, and this helped me question and eventually debunk all sorts of mythical crap about Catholicism, which I was born into. Both myself and my partner are just about Atheist, but goddesses are a special thing. For me, I know the power of fellowship, prayer and thanks to some things, but I don’t think the male god in the scripture should be allowed primacy or to exist. This god is jealous, in some areas wrathful, and in other areas quite sexist. There are portions of the biblical and Qur’anic scripture that specify what a woman does, how she dresses, what she eats and what happens during her menstrual cyclees. Inheritance laws are another challenge to overcome. There is a lot to unpack here.
  6. A good country should have compulsory domestic abuse laws. The country should have safety spots for young vulnerable and elder vulnerable people so that if an elder is abused, they can be placed in a safe place. If a child’s been sexually abused, it shouldn’t be that she’s doomed to marry her rapist. She should be allowed to put justice before the man’s desires. IF a man rapes a girl, he should be punished, and the girl should be paid up for therapy and restitution should be given to her in any amount, including millions of dollars if her resulting child is special needs/disabled. The birth could be a trauma for her because she could find that her baby is the rapist’s mirror image. In some states, rapists have custody of the kid. This should never be the case, and my partner has never done this to anyone btw. He is a loving and caring personality, and all I care about is his happiness, helping him get to a point of peaceful living, helping him be a better person and father to kids one day. HE is sweet, cuddly, and has a beautiful deep laugh. I love it all.
  7. A good country has social programs for the disabled person and has ways to protect their education, welfare, and social acceptance. Haiti thinks, for example, it is unacceptable to be blind, and the white cane … or the cane we use to navigate is seen as a beggar’s badge. In many third world countries, blind people beg. It’s through no fault of their own, it is the fault of the society for not protecting blind children’s rights to education and safe housing. In Tibet and parts of africa, if my partner or I were born as we are now, the families of both of us would have tossed us into the hills to die as in ancient Sparta in Greece, and Spartan living conditions abound in Laos. I kid you not. In India, education of disabled kids is a debatable issue. Well, I’m here to say that education is and should never be up for debate. Neither should marriage equality, the rights of transgender youth and adults, or many other things. Human rights are not up for debate. In the third world, religion is sacrosanct and central to most laws and policies about gender roles and family life. In most Latinx countries, Mexico and Chile and others, women can’t seek abortion, but that is slowly changing. In Islamic countries, women can be hanged for having a love affair. Why are these policies allowed to exist? Because religion is so central it is sacred to those who write and craft such policy. Examples of religious zealots may include a Jordanian who was quoted in one of Hirsi Ali’s books, and he said something to the effect of, “Whether we like it or not, women are not equal to men in Islam.” I’m here to call bullshit to all political ploys to put women out of office.

Any good country should be run by people who get it. I could go into other ways countries can change, but the third world is an absolute mess when it comes to who lives and who dies, particularly when it comes to gender selection and able bodied versus disab disabled folks. Pleas stay tuned.

Beth

Full Review of the Handmaid’s Tale

Dear Readers,

First of all, content warning, spoilers for the Handmaid’s Tale, all four seasons. I’m writing this as a true tribute to the show that started it all on the Hulu platform, made it possible for change, and opened many an eye to antifeminist belief. While some of us think the Handmaid’s Tale is a bit extreme, and some of us read the book, the Hulu show is worth a watch. I’d give it a five stars, so let’s get started on the meat and potato of this thing.

Elizabeth Moss plays June Osbourne, who is by this time a victim of the Sons of Jacob, one could call these nasty vile commanders the sons of religiosity extreme comparative of the Ku Klux Klan. These men believe that impregnating superior women with superior sperm cells is their mission, so what do they do? LEt’s look at the backstory and I’ll explain.

June Osbourne sees her rights deteriorate little by little, first noticeably at work, then at home. Home is where women are confined, and then she tries to buy something at a mart, only to have her card rejected. Again and again, her card is declined. Ugh. So, here’s where it begins and where it all becomes logic. A pimply faced young man is working the counter, another man calls June and her friend Moira “sluts” and “whores.” Then it becomes obvious when all the girls are fixed with an order to be “reeducated” by the aunts, Aunt Lydia among them. Anne Doud plays Aunt Lydia so well you would have thought she was a bitch, which she does act like one quite a bit. Aunt Lydia does a number of atrocities against the women, particularly Alma, because Alma is disobedient, and so she burns Alma’s hand in one scene. Oh, and disclaimer: I’m not using the women’s Handmaid identifying names such as ofFred, ofRobert, or ofTim. It would be highly disrespectful of the women themselves to use such things.

From the moment Fred strikes his will on June, lovelessly thrusting into her to the moment you see Fred literally drop dead in a ravine, then hang from a makeshift wall with Latin phrases beneath his body, the whole show is a test of one’s mental ability to withstand things. One of the hardest things to process was Season 1, especially when Emily, who went by ofGlenn and ofSteven, well, Emily also went by ofJoseph, but again, let’s use her birth name, she lost her beloved who was a Martha, and that Martha was hanged by a noose on a crane. The poor woman was hanged for being in a relationship with Emily, and I don’t know that woman’s name, but Emily got her clitoris cut off, a practice that you would think had been banned by now, but apparently, not.

Another intriguing thing about the Handmaid’s Tale is the way they celebrate birthdays. Little Angela, a baby begat by such loveless sexual intercourse, and who was taken by Naomi Putnam, this little girl can look forward to a life of no reading, no writing, like nothing else matters to her education but coloring books and knowing how to please a man. Her handmaid mother is forbidden to see her after Angela is weaned, and Warren Putnam, the commander who fathers her, obviously doesn’t get it. He ogled a few girls in this show, namely June Osbourne. The handmaid in question was Janine. Janine, who became a fugitive and was captured in Chicago, that girl had obviously been a pet to the aunts, and was deemed a slut if she didn’t say it was her fault she was raped and how she supposedly played on and led on the boys to do it by her looks. This is a long dead thing in our reality. So one would think.

One of my favorite Handmaid’s Tale seasons happens to be the last season, season 4. We start out by seeing June become a real rebel, and she totally subverts the system, and later she sees Luke and Moira carry her across the sea to Canada. Yes, did I say spoilers? Yes, I meant spoilers. One of my favorite scenes in Season 4 was the last few in the last episode, and it is obvious why. Fred Waterford and his narcissistic Christian wife, Serena Joy, are on trial for rape and for stealing a baby. Sound familiar? Serena passes off Baby Nicole as her own, even if the biological father is not Fred Waterford. Later it is revealed that the Waterfords committed war crimes for real. The American agent arrests Fred but the girls have an idea. First off, they know how to do a particicution, which is a system where the handmaids tear apart a guy for doing bad things. What bad things, you might ask? The bad things may include something like rape, touching a girl even in the wrong sense, child molestation, and many other crimes. Particicutions are done like this: the handmaids act all rabid and such at the sound of a whistle, and the guy is not to be left untouched, and all his limbs and genitals are torn apart. Well, that’s exactly what happens to Fred Waterford, but his makeshift wall is not coated with a symbol such as a triangle for being gay or a cross for being a priest, but a Latin phrase is written beneath Fred’s hanging corpse. It is satisfying to know that Fred and Serena are not only apart, but Serena gets herself pregnant by a donor’s sperm, further proof that Fred is a sterile man and can’t have kids. Serena Joy is a narcissistic woman in a lot of ways, including but not limited to wanting a baby so bad she’d change a country’s laws to get that done. She had written books, one being A Woman’s Place, but the Sons of Jacob decide that women can’t read or write. This is so antifem and puritan in nature that one would think that women are just the vessels for the Sons of Jacob.

Now, imagine for a moment that the Handmaid’s Tale was real. It isn’t too hard to do actually. Afghanistan is a true form of Gilead, and there are places in Europe deemed “no go” zones because of Islamic asylum seeker males harassing women, raping them, and doing general bad things that intimidate them into silence and freedoms are restricted for them. Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s book Prey describes so much of this, and even has references to “The Road to Gilead” at the conclusion of the main text. Ms. Hirsi Ali has repeatedly warned us that extremism in Islam could lead to the loss of rights for women and girls. She’s right. However, we don’t often pay attention to the extremism in Christian senses.

There is one flaw in the Handmaid’s Tale’s philosophy. One, the Sons of Jacob are to me akin to the Taliban, who are Muslim extremists who wish to forbid girls and women from being free and able to work. Girls in the current regime are expected to be sold off to Taliban fighters as breeders, but there is no mention of the actual work of handmaids. Who are handmaids anyway?

Let’s start with the book of Genesis. The book of Genesis is law in Gilead, so let’s start with the story of Jacob and his wives, Leah and Rachel. Jacob loved Leah and Rachel, but he had a special crush on Rachel. Leah, on the other hand, fought bitterly with her sister and Jacob felt ripped off because the father of them both gave Jacob Leah first. Rachel, on the other hand, says she feels unloved. There is something that occurs when Leah and Rachel duke it out. They use the maidservants, Bilha and Zilpha, to determine the bloodlines of their sons. Leah’s and Rachel’s maids are given to Jacob to sleep with and bear his children, thus the whole justification of the use of handmaids as a surrogate for those who can’t reproduce. Now, what’s wrong with this picture?

LEt’s pretend for a moment that I couldn’t bear children. My current love, Clayton, would never think like this, but let’s just forgive him if he sees this and thinks, what??????? Here’s the skinny: so pretend I can’t have kids, and in this reality, Clayton could potentially bed a woman outside the marriage if the woman was designated “ofClayton”, a handmaid, and the sex required is loveless, feelings mute, all that. According to one essay, the sex required and ceremony as it were feels a bit kinky. I don’t think this is rather kinky, but abusive. Clayton would never actually do this, but this is how it’s set up. The ceremony requirement is law, and also has within it a reading of the selected passages from Genesis justifying the rape of the women involved. The handmaids are educated at what we call the “red centers”, the Rachel and Leah centers formally. Rachel and Leah being the wives of Jacob fighting over the number and spacing of their own children, it seems fitting to name the red centers after them. All the handmaids give up their names, and as part of the contract, they are of whichever commander is lovelessly raping them at the moment. So, that is why I refuse to use the of names for the handmaids. I only make reference to them when someone else does, or if it fits a description.

Now, the big thing about this show you want to watch out for is there is a lot of wrong in Gilead, including child and spousal and female abuse. There is plenty to worry about, but like I said, one need not look too far to find human traffickers and woman haters like those of the Taliban, and the needless destruction of women’s lives is the fault of those who didn’t stand up.

As Elie Wiezel once said in a speech, silence is complicit and allows the oppressors to keep at it. This is quite a paraphrase, but it seems that in the backstory of the Handmaid’s tale, there was quite a bit of that. Silence because of the Gilead commanders and all other oppressive persons being so intimidating is quite common in wartime periods. The Taliban successfully silenced women and those who didn’t support them, making it illegal for women to work and do things outside the home. What could happen to the United States in the current state of things?

First, look at today’s abortion laws. In the Handmaid’s Tale, you can’t abort. Period, end of story, you cannot abort a baby because it is supposedly a gift from a God. Babies, mind you they are very cute, but they come with eighteen years of responsibility that not everybody’s ready for. Now, had anyone been aborted because of blindness, I wouldn’t have known them, but I so wish selective abortion was against the law anyway because India likes to think it is making a million men by aborting females or neglecting them to death. Blind girls are especially at risk. We know that infanticide also occurs among rich Indian families, especially when a midwife is directed to kill a female and they get paid extra for doing so. In Gilead, no baby is killed for any reason, and this I can agree with to a point. Babies are beautiful gifts from the Universe and should never be returned to such unless god forbid the mother’s life and health are at risk. Example, some women at my age, which is classified advanced maternal age, have very high pressure in the blood while giving birth, and in my dear aunt Viki’s case, they are bedridden while baby is gestating. This can be dangerous, and pregnancies are becoming a lot safer to carry for these women, and in fact there are women over forty having babies, and one woman in the Carolinas had her first child at nearly or over half a century old. However, forcing all women to carry babies is tantamount to turning all of us into vessels. Women are not vessels, we have brains, and we don’t like being classified as inferior. Women do not have drastically small brains, as one stupid man likes to believe. There are men who believe women are small brained to the point where they can’t make decisions or think for themselves. Women should and will not tolerate such acts of antifem belief on the part of men who don’t get it. I respect strong men, and I don’t mind having a man to guide me through life, but the most important thing about men that all women should know is that they and I desire a coequal relationship, and Clayton and I have such a relationship and it’s beautiful. However, if something went wrong, I would not know what to do these days. I don’t plan on things going wrong, but things tend to always go wrong. For one, some men aren’t strong enough to resist the pull of someone like a mother or father telling them that a girl is poison or toxic or a player. I was recently acccused of such by my former partner’s mother and grandmother. It is obvious that Trenton is standing with me, and he said it would not be feasible for him and Mom to see one another because of the way she’s handling me. She accused me of playing Trenton, but the truth is that Clayton treats me like a woman and a queen, which is possible for all men to do, but it all depends on environment.

Let’s get back to business here.

Abortion law is trying to create Gilead within the U.S.A., but Colorado women are saying no. If my baby is truly sick, if my baby truly can’t live outside the womb, Clayton would truly understand that. Abortion is a decision that should be made between a woman, her partner if applicable, and her doctors and treatment providers especially if the woman has no support from anyone, was raped, or has psychological implications from pregnancy resulting in possible honor killing or breakdown in the sense of mental state. Some women in Muslim society don’t believe they’re pregnant, and it’s obvious they don’t understand the mechanics of sex and pregnancy because it was hidden from them by family. Again, Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Her book Nomad points to a scenario in three words: sex, money, violence. The sex part is so detailed, the details of which range from who marries who, how marriages are performed and all that to the education on sex and how it intimidated Ayaan’s mother, Asha Artan Umar. Ms. Umar was highly intimidated by Ayaan’s and Haweya’s (Ayaan’s late sister) sex education so bad that she would hit both the girls. Parents, and I am talking to all parents, always educate your kids about sex and growing up and all the good stuff, but let’s add something you might not understand. Consent.

In the Handmaid’s Tale, June is in nonconsentual sexual relations with Fred Waterford and Joseph Lawrence, two commanders in Gilead who have barren wives. For Fred, the rape seems enjoyable, and June can’t stand Serena’s evident enjoyment of pinning the poor girl down on her back. In the miniature education the aunts give the potential handmaids, they say the basics of sex, but there is no mention of consent. Now, how such things compare in reality are obvious. Consent should be a big moral framework of relationships. I consent to Clayton every time and he does the same to me, but if a man comes in and tries to kiss me inappropriately, you can bet that isn’t consensual, and consent should be the one thing that guides relationships. I consented to love Trenton, and I would consent to play with him on occasion, but I would never want to be accused of playing him once again. In the Handmaid’s Tale, girls are trained to think that the nonconsensual sex is their “job.” Imagine thinking you’re in an army or you are the shock troops that raise the birth rate. You want a baby? Okay, hire a handmaid to do the shopping and all the dirty sex work. Even in a lack of consent, the girls are required to have sex with commanders they either don’t like or don’t even trust. I can say that this will likely cause a lot of the girls, should this be reality, to have loads of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I bet if Moira was a prison guard, I would have thought her able to cook up punishments on Fred Waterford and his delusional wife Serena. I wonder if Moira would suggest the particicution that brought Fred to a dead standstill.

IF there’s one commander I hate the most, it’s Winslow. George Winslow had his handmaid sealed by lip ring. The handmaid could not talk, she could only be fucked without consent. George Winslow is one of those commanders who comes in for inspection, and my favorite scene from season 3 was when Winslow met a very dire end. June had Winslow killed, and his body was disposed of and burned. Well, let this be a lesson to all guys who want to handle women that way. IF you’re George Winslow, you don’t get to choose whether your women talk. The women will come back and bite you in the ass.

IF there’s one commander I feel bad for, it’s Joseph Lawrence. Joseph didn’t seem to be a bad guy when Eleanor, his wife, liked both Emily and June. Joseph called June by her proper name because he actually respected her, and then he said, I was tempted by a faithless woman. the commanders tried to bomb Chicago and “give the insurgents a spanking.” This was season 4. Old Joe Lawrence was a very malleable guy however, and it took me a little bit to realize that Joe was too much. He had a resistance group in his house comprised of Marthas and Handmaids who’d had enough. I would do the same thing as Joseph, house a resistance, if I’d had enough. Believe me, the nonconsensual sex is the biggest issue I’d have in Gilead.

There’s another thing I want to point to. In season 2, Eden, who is an adolescent, is married forcefully to Nick blaine, a commander in the Gilead district. Eden however has other ideas, and is drowned for her relationship with Guardian Isaac. Both of them are thrown in the water, and they recite the biblical verses on love, which I found dramatic and rather touching. Love is not allowed in Gilead, which makes it all the worse. Eden Blaine doesn’t bear children, doesn’t have the fortitude to leave, and she is only about 13 or so when she’s married. Adolescents and theier husbands are told by the minister in Gilead, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Many evangelical Christian churches go by this and it makes me want to barf. The other phrases in genesis that are quoted have to do with women being subject to their husbands’ wishes and desires, and this gem which says, “YOu shall be subject to your husband, and he shall rule over you.” I wrote the not so flowery version of that one here. These girls are very young, perhaps 13 to 15 years of age, when they are forced to get married to these old and seasoned men. I would never want my child getting married at that age. When I was 15, for example, I was in high school, doing band and such. Marriage would require me to drop out of school, and just like that, so many child brides do. The taliban has forbidden education with any intent for girls to work. The Taliban have also probably forbidden love, they might as well have forbidden romance. All that seems to have been forbidden in extremism of any religious thinking, Islam or Christianity.

I have mixed feelings about Aunt Lydia. I also have such about one woman who died while giving birth to Commander Matthew Calhoun’s child. I do not have a name for this woman, but I dare not say the handmaid’s patriarchal “of” name again out of respect. This woman betrayed handmaids, was shot at a dedication of a red center, and furthermore, she had seizures and was kept alive until her baby was born. This woman wouldn’t have lasted, but the Calhouns had a child out of it. All the handmaids had to stay and watch and pray for this despicable woman, and I felt a bit sorry for her as her baby was removed from her body, premature and unable to feed as well as he should. Calhoun had a son.

The Handmaid’s Tale overall is a riveting roller coaster ride. I would ride it again, but it was quite long and four seasons later, the conclusion is quite satisfying. I did mention Fred dropped dead? He did indeed, in a ravine, during what you’d call a particicution style killing. The Americans and Canadians were unwilling or unable to bring Waterford to justice, so justice, as so happens to be in this case, was carried out in the best poetic way possible. I can’t fathom the Latin on the bottom of fred’s gallows, but I wonder if those gallows would be a lesson to all those who try and force girls into believing in something they don’t, and further than this, I would hope that Fred’s gallows teach all of us that no matter what a regime does to women, no matter how you try to bring a group down, love and right always win. Good and love and all the right stuff usually and about 99% of the time always always wins.

To watch the Handmaid’s Tale, if you haven’t seen it, just subscribe to Hulu for $5 a month or if you have certain deals in carrier phone plans, do use such deals and take advantage of the Disney bundle, but beware of ESPN. I hate ESPN and all things sports, namely because my family would obsess and do things and worship it.

Disclaimers are interwoven throughout this entry so taht I can readily guide my audience. Thank you for reading my blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook and Twitter.

Thank you so much to those who have supported me, including Clayton and Trenton, and all of my dear friends who say that I should take my talents far. I love you all and can’t wait to do more.

Beth

An Open Letter

Author’s Note: The following contains some if few or some more spoilers for the Handmaid’s Tale, any season applies. This also contains some sensitive information and I hope you will read carefully.

Dear Jorge,

I’m writing this letter to you as a matter of principle. You said some pretty hurtful things about my beloved Clayton, for whom my life is going to probably revolve, I don’t quite know. Clayton has treated me with nothing but loyalty and respect, but you think you can tell me he’s the fool. Here are a few things that made me cringe when I saw your last messages to me.

  1. This is the big thing. You said Clayton gets off on the handmaid hierarchy thing, as though I am not Beth, but ofClayton. That is not true. He does not roll with commander types such as Jason or Wes or anyone else who would reportedly want to hurt me and Clayton altogether. Clayton has been nothing but a friend and a genuine caring person toward me, no hierarchy has been seen in this. What’s weird is that he caught me red handed watching the show, the handmaid’s Tale to be exact, and he asked me why I watch such things. He pointed to my own mental health, I just have to say this. It’s a warning, it’s a foreshadowing of what could be to come if we all don’t stand up and shout back at the commander types, the white supremacists, and the fools who don’t see the truth in all this. I watched a documentary about Atwood, Margaret Atwood, the book’s author, and she did lots of homework before she wrote the first words in the book. As any author should do the same. IF it weren’t for folks like Atwood, I don’t know where we’d be.
  2. You say that Clayton is a fool, but he said you were the fool. You dudes better stay away from each other, I guess. My brothers would have killed each other in their bunks, but this kind of fighting is worse. I don’t like a lot of conflict.
  3. You say I’ll have a right to die on a hill. Well, at least my name is my name, my body is mine, and if I give this thing a name, the name is assigned at birth and such. My name is Elizabeth Ann Taurasi, it will never become Mrs. Steven Rudy, get the song reference.
  4. You ditched my commitment ceremony with Trenton, which makes me so sick. Why you did this, I’ll never fucking understand. Don’t ditch your friends when you say you’re gonna do something for them.
  5. You really need to give the Handmaid hierarchy a damn rest, fool. You really don’t get what these women will represent in a future life and Clayton knows this gets me riled up more than anything, he deeply caring about my mental health doesn’t bother me.
  6. You also tried to not understand me because of my mental health, and you blamed me for any breakups that could occur. You broke code with me when you were all, I’d rather be single than deal with someone who yells. Bullshit, if I don’t scream at a guy who wants to throw his dick in the wrong direction, I have every right to. I don’t want to have any pain while doing such things, so if a supremacist of any kind comes knocking, I’ll just throw him out the door with a few things. I would force all the white supremacists who want to egg themselves on to parade outside naked, and I’d write their crimes on their chests even with the hair hiding some of it, just wait till I get my hands on tattooing equipment. I should laugh sarcastically because these people don’t think we’re people, and that includes myself, Clayton,and Trenton, my beloved partner.
  7. You disgrace humanity with a belief that I am being used. It is my right to be either a sex object or not a sex object, and I’m not a sex object. From what I understand, sex objects can be found in the fictionalized hamlet of Fat Lip, Arizona, blame that on Blake. Fat Lip is a place where you get a big fat swollen lip, probably where you were punched in the face because you violated some rule or something. In other words, don’t mess with me or you’ll take that trip to Fat Lip, Arizona, and you’ll have lips the size of Hollywood girls’ lips and you’ll also have some chapping and maybe a few drops of Jupiter running down your shirt. Just don’t accuse my beloveds of using me, and no, Trenton and Clayton would not dare mistreat me.

If you want me back, here’s what you do:

  1. Worship me as your queen. Duh. Well, okay, not that extreme. But you must put a picture of me in your mind, in your living room, and remember that when you fool around, I’m watching. I’m so watching you.
  2. Bow to Clayton when you see him and say to him, “I’m sorry I’ve been the fool. I’m the dumbass who decided to accuse you of using the Queen as a maid.” Perhaps he will tell you that you’ve been foolish, you’ve been stupid, or both.
  3. Stop making me look bad and get the fuck off of other people’s pages who dislike or hate myself, Trenton, or Clayton. We are done with all the foolishness, and I don’t want my vacations and other things ruined. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Beth

#BritneyIsFree

Dear readers,

I knew this moment and day would come. Britney Spears, a wealthy pop star, is free. But honestly, there are many others who aren’t free. It is a real human rights issue, and let me explain why.

1. The victims of conservators and guardians all over the country are silenced by threats of overmedication, liquidation, and lack of visitation.

2. The victims are indeed if not threatened with overmedication, liquidation, and no visitation, they are also threatened with cremation upon death or a DNR or kidnapping by the professional for profit guardian. Rebecca Firrel from Orlando is a good example. Tracy Hudson is another. Both have resigned, but Tracy is now on trial for stealing and embezzling funds from elderly clients. This includes Tampa Bay Buccaneer football game tickets she purchased because she stole some lady’s money. Tracy also managed to ruin many people’s lives. Many activists I work with know of her crimes, and she’s just not owning up.

3. Even if a victim is freed, there are issues people have, including some who like to cyberbully a guardianship survivor. Britney Spears is lucky people carry banners for her, and they fight for her freedom. But I had to scream, shout, and let it all out as Britney would say in one of her songs she does with Will I Am, rapper from the Black Eyed Peas. I had to go through lawyers, some trying to charge me money I don’t have. My parents realized they’d be no use as guardians, had to get rid of this guardianship also because they are beginning to think maybee they did something terrible. Well, here’s another thing. My parents don’t realize I am now the target of every joke in the blind community, and the guy who threatened slander charges on this blog has recently committed crimes of his own, probably because he has a sense of entitlement and can’t handle strong women. He has a fragile ego, and he said my guardianship was correct. For a man like that to think guardianship is okay, he’s in for a rude awakening. Guardianship is abusive, plain and simple, and must be abolished because of what reasons I stated above.

3. Victims of guardianship can’t have kids. Unless you’re a screaming shouting person like one girl I spoke to, standard fare for guardianship victims is usually an IUD up your ass. AN IUD prevents pregnancy, and because I had to wait so long to think about getting pregnant, guess what? I’m 35 and a mother of zero, and unfortunately, I could end up joining the millions of women who have died in childbirth complications over the years. I don’t want my pregnancy to be high risk, and there is a chance I could die because of age. My parents had no consideration but for their sons only. IF I had stayed behind in FLorida, they might have put an IUD in my body and told me I was their pet dog instead of their daughter.

4. Victim advocates say that disabled people in group homes are more vulnerable to rape etc. Robert Blanchard, the father of one such, said so about his daughter. Dawn is developmentally disabled, living in a group home in Rockledge, a few miles or more from my hometown. Why did the state agency hire the guy who raped Dawn? Dawn Blanchard’s story is written in the Florida Today and other papers far as I know, but her son is in the care of Robert and his kin. It is sad that Dawn was not able to tell the truth from lies about her caregiver, a male who fathered the child, and then there’s that guy in Arizona who fathered a little baby from a female in a vegetative state. Guys, guardianship victims in either family or for profit situations are in a lot of danger this way, and Dad once said I would benefit from group home placement, but I don’t want to live in a group home for one reason: I wouldn’t be able to have relationships with either the opposite sex or children or relatives. Group homes are rigid with rules, rules that would ruin lives too. Dawn is probably in a different home, but Robert still wonders why that asshole treated his beloved daughter like “a pece of meat” as he wrote once.

5. Guardianship victims often don’t have jobs. Britney is the exception to the rule. Oftentimes, guardianships are gotten by lies and enterprising remarks in the courtroom. Examples include that the patient has dementia, which is total bullshit on Britney’s part. For me, it was “emotional handicaps and severe mental handicap.” Blah blah blah. It’s all lies, and those lies make money. It seems that there are mor Marla Graysons in the world, not enough Jennifer Petersons, and if you haven’t watche the movie I Care A Lot, you wouldn’t get the references. Marla was an abusive ruthless guardian, and Jennifer saw through all the meds, the kidnapping, all that, and she told Marla off. So did a guy whose mom was in her care. Spoiler alert: Marla gets what she deserves, but there’s more. Guardians who are evil need to do the following.

1. They ned to name and claim and tame the problem. They neeed to define their actions as abusive much like sex offenders do. Defining your actions as abusive might take the shape of not living near your elders, not making decisions about any family with disabilities or who are elderly, or giving a voice to those who need it. Example, Danny becomes paralyzed in an automobile accident. He must use a power wheelchair, and in this example which I’m making up, let’s say that Danny needs a barrier free home with bars everywhere, a toilet seat arrangement with bars in the bathrooms, and ramps and big doorways everywhere. While in the fight for this, Danny’s mom and dad have to be able to argue and say to the building people for the house, “Our son is paralyzed and can’t walk, so you need to build him the house he designs.” On top of this, car insurers responsible for the offender who ran Danny over will have to pay up for the building and renovation of his house, and without removing constitutional rights, Danny’s family and friends will have to make sure the offender pays up and even if he’s uninsured, a lawsuit will have to be filed because of the deep impact his paralysis will have. While this is going on, Danny’s mom and dad will have to contend with what do we do for Danny and his wife while he’s in rehab? One of those things would be that they’d have to never consider guardianship. They would have to understand that guardianship is abusive, no matter who does it, no matter who sas it. NO matter how you slice and dice it, if someone becomes disabled by no fault of their own, guardianship is off the table.

2. Guardians must pay back their victims. Jamie Spears, listen up. You ruined your daughter’s life, so pay up. Britney needs her money back, and hopefully forever rids herself of people who want to ruin her life. Britney, if you want, I’d suggest you share the money with victims and survivors of AMerica’s for profit sexist misogynistic guardianship system. I hate unpacking the victim card, but guardianship is evil, pure and simple. Marla Grayson in I Care A Lot uses all of Jennifer’s money and Mrs. Felstrom’s money to go on yachts and do parties and getaways, though not all aspects of this are shown. YOu see Marla’s nice house, her partner, her going into cafes and upscale dining areas. Well, now if I were a survivor of hers, I’d make her pay. I’d sue her for using the money from liquidation and all to pay me back for her little escapades to upscale restaurants and all. It doesn’t matter whether the money went to care, it also went to the guardians’ personal trip to Italy or Jamaica or Estonia for God’s sake.

3. Guardians must be prosecuted. IF you are a believer that guardianship is correct, think about this for a moment. Guardians are evil, unless they’re the ones who look after foster children. IF you’re saying that any guardianship or conservatorship is correct, you’re being a fool and lying to yourself. Guardianship is abusive, plain and simple, and should be prosecuted as the following: unlawful imprisonment, medical neglect/abuse, court embezzlement, fraud, welfare fraud regarding handicapped persons or disabled people, and con artistry and cheating so that you get all the money and they don’t. Confidence men have evolved over the years, and here we have people who are confidence people, con artists, who guardianize. Here’s how I avoid them:

1. I don’t like people coming to my apartment unexpectedly. Know your schedule, and keep a watch on people who come to your apartment unexpectedly and at short notice, or make sure you have a security camera based system such as Deep Sentinel or NestAware at your house, and make it clear that if someone shows up at your house to rob, steal, or spy on you, don’t let them in. IF someone shows up unannounced at your door, be aware of that person’s motives and make them leave immediately.

2. IF you are kidnapped or a crime is committed against you, speak up, scream, shout. LEt it all out and don’t hold back. Police are supposed to help you, but if they do not, call your nearest Disability Rights if you are able, but furthermore, if you can walk outside your house or care facility, do it. And run. Run as far as you can, get the attention of someone you know and trust, tell the police you’ve ben kidnapped by a for profit con artist, don’t let them speak for you to say you’re crazy. Also, for the elderly folks, don’t answer the phone to anyone you suspect may be conning you into being the guardian player in your life.

3. IF your loved one is not able to visit you, scream all over the Internet, scream in court, do whatever it is you can to get your loved one back in your house. Make sure you have a camera based security system such as Deep Sentinel or NestAware, and keep track of footage. Your loved one needs a safe place to stay, so make sure you ave that ready.

I hope Britney will follow the steps in this blog entry, so that this way she is safe from con artists in her elder years. Thank you for reading.

Beth

Ruminations and Reasons for Fending Off Internet Abuse and Thank You to Followers

Dear readers and followers,

I’d like to ruminate a bit and thank my followers, the newbies, for coming on and following my blog. Comments have been disabled due to internet trolling and illicit threats to take me to court among other things. I’m sorry if you wanted a blog that would allow comments, but I had to make that decision so that I could continue writing and be heard. Currently, my power beats wireless headphones are singing German baroque music to me. I have studied music from Bach and Beethoven among other things, and I’m glad I was able to study and learn what small things I did learn at college. Unfortunately, because of accessibility and parental constraints, I could not get my Bachelor’s of Arts degree. I cannot share this post on Facebook really, but if I did, the link wouldn’t read properly on the app or smartphone, so I won’t. If anyone wants to know the truth, I love writing and music, I’m a creative mind, but the people who want to put an end and a damper on my musical career and turn me into a slave are also stealing friends from me. I’m not supposing or suggesting that any woman friend is weak, but they are not educated about the dogwhistle rhetoric coming from males about me, stuff that is sexist and ableist. I’ve been freed from guardianship since December 2020, and I can’t get it back and won’t allow it to creep back into my life because of a few things. One, it’s abusive, and two, it’s abusive, and three, it’s a bad example for my kids. IF I have kids, which I don’t at the moment, I want to have them raised by a free couple, a couple that is free to love and cherish the child without having to hand them over.

This reminds me of a WSJ (The Wall Street Journal) article that emulated what was going on in Afghanistan. Now that girls are not allowed to do things because they are girls, now that women are banned from the public eye thanks to Taliban overreach, there’s a housekeeper who wants to surrender her daughter to pay off debts. She owes the equivalent of $500 plus in Afghan currency, and everything is too expensive in Afghanistan. I understand the woman’s plight, but a child is a child, and she is more precious than her mom is at the moment. Only three, she could be thrown into a family she doesn’t like, abused by the household, and forcibly married to a son, age six right now, when she reaches puberty. Ugh, I just want to kick some butt right now. I’d like to say to this poor woman, “Put the child up for adoption in the United States, so she can be educated, have a life, have love, a job, what have you.” But it makes me sick that even moms here in the U.S. would sell their kid, anyone who sells a child of any color, complexion, whatever makes me ill. There’s a lady in my church whose husband is Hindu, and some of her practices are Hinduism based as well. She explains things about India’s culture I never understood before. Unfortunately for many kids in India, child marriage is a thing. Unchained at Last also did studies on child marriage, but marriage is not anything but slavery for the girls involved, about 85% or more victims of this practice according to one Unchained At Last study are girls. Some are men, some are older women, but it is girls who are victimized the most. Correct me, Ayaan, if you read my blog and discover something a bit off about stats, but I don’t usually read graphs and such.

Because people aren’t believing me or telling me the things that are true, and it’s not about what I wanna hear, it’s about truth, I’m going to be blunt here. Guys who’ve been abusing myself and my fans on this blog need to stop what they are doing and realize that I am going to get more followers and do more things without them involved. For another thing, the guys who want to take me to court aren’t going to be successful, and any judge would laugh the bastards out of court because they’d see through this tomfoolery and I’d tell them, and the judge would say, “Hmmm, you said what about a guardianship?” I’d tell the judge that the case was closed in December, and these guys are jealous and want me in a cage so they can throw crumbs at me. I want them and their case laughed out of court. I won’t take down posts, my followers need to see this stuff.

Now, I want to thank the newbies who followed my blog. IF you guys don’t hate women,, you’re welcome to check it out. Please email me at denverqueen@gmx.com, for that is the email address I use for blog and podcast issues. Please put Denverqueen’s Weblog in the subject line, or if podcast related, put The Throne Room with Beth Taurasi in the subject line.

Thank you for reading.

Beth

Letter to All My Friends Who Support an End to Online Abuse

Dear friends and family and supporters here on WordPress,

I would like to ask for all of you to come together, and I want some of you to see what has happened to me even today. There are online abusers that have not been very forthcoming and transparent as to the reasons why they are abusing the Internet and abusing me in the process. I want to talk about the recent call to take down the post about Bill and Wes’s screenshot about Clayton. It’s not coming down, and for the reason that the two men responsible for ganging up on Clayton have their names and usernames on the screenshots, so I won’t be taking the posts down. Screenshots don’t lie. These guys who ganged up on my buddy don’t deserve anything less than the aggressive campaign to eliminate online extremism that needs to be done. Let me also tell you guys about a recent attack from two different phone numbers I got from a dude called … and you guys better not be weird about this, but I wrote his name down because I didn’t want to be cast under a spell of “Don’t tell anyone and I won’t harass you/kill you.” Ramon Salazar has been harassing people in my community, and getting support from the guys I mentioned earlier, and probably getting a pardon from Agent Orange, better known as Donald J. Trump. That guy is in serious trouble over the Capitol riots, no joke, and Ramon wants to prove to the world that women’s brains are smaller, that they aren’t smart enough to see through his bullshit. I’ve been spending a lot of time today trying to understand why a psychotic dude who is clearly using dogwhistles to call over the manisphere that Laura Bates mentioned in her latest book. I want to know why the hell this Ramon Salazar, who has a reportedly Mexican accent, is not coming out in the woodwork and trying to do something IRL. Usually, the manisphere puts out abusive content toward women, and they actually do IRL things. I think I’m going to explain what security measures I’ll have to put in place.

For one, I think I’ll need a Guard Dog or similar brand stun gun. I know, I know, I don’t want to mention weapons here, but I need to become a defender of life and a warrior queen here. Nobody messes with me anymore, otherwise meet the weaponry I will have to learn to use because I am done taking abuse lying down. Anyone want to mess with me? Well, you won’t be able to for several reasons: A. my building is gated, and I didn’t write my door code here I swear to God, but there is a code you need to know and I will not allow someone in the first vestibule door without knowing the code. The people with the code include but are not limited to caregivers, delivery people, Amazon people or post people or UPS individuals and delivery personnel, all that is included and then there are church friends who want to deliver something upstairs. That’s it. B. The other reason you won’t be messing around with me is this. IF you do, and you can’t get through the door, too bad. Don’t follow the little old ladies and gents in my building in the door without a code. If you are asked and you answer, “I want to take something from Beth, I want to attack Beth Taurasi because she’s been blankity blank and her boyfriend is a blankity blank.” You say those words, and I will ask the management to at least notify me, and I won’t let you in. Oh and don’t break my door. You’ll pay for its repair by way of fines and restitution to my building manager. She’s cool, but if someone wants to break down my door, we are not going with you, and we won’t let you in. I will warn my building of your approach, and I will figure you out, whoever you are who wants to end my life without thinking that others actually give a crap. Brutality on the part of police is not okay, neither is threatening someone like me or my partner, both of us representing intersectional minority groups and such. YOu guys need to be humble and leave us alone. Don’t text me, call me, or anything if you have ill intent, I don’t care. Don’t try to mess around with me because I don’t have all the financial wherewithal to deal with 24/7 police protection and dogs and what not. I can’t have certain cameras and security systems, but I’d like to thank my buddy Serena, AKA DJ Saffron, for recommending Deep Sentinel, which is a camera based system that detects suspicious folks, and the cameras see for me so that the customer has peace of mind. I’d be damned if someone tried to steal something from me, attack me, or anything on my property. However, my apartment building doesn’t support Deep sentinel, and won’t let me have any old security alarm even ADT. Serena did however give me this wonderful idea, the question is setup and accessing the stuff. Is all. So if any of you wish to attack or maim myself or my partner, I promise I’ll have a security system in place to make sure you don’t mess around with me. If I have to, I’ll get me a female pit bull or an intimidating looking rottweiler or something big and strong like a mastiff to defend me. If I was allowed to do this, I’d get me a Tibetan mastiff, train it to guard my property and let a rip on some of the more aggressive folks. It’s not something to play with, and online abuse and threats from the persistent trolling folks is not something to ignore either. Ignoring and blocking don’t work all the time, so please, people, if you intend to abuse someone like myself, all because of guardianship and such, think of yourself in jail and in solitary confinement or confronting your judge at a criminal trial for harassment, and you protesting, “But she slandered me/she’s a biatch/she’s threatening me.” NO, I’m not threatening anyone, I’m stating here what is going to have to happen to protect me and my partner, and we will protect babies and vulnerable cats and dogs, so please, if you’re a friend or family member, thank you for your support. Serena, you’re amazing in every way and I need to see you on Twitter spaces more often, thanks for your ideas and I look forward to working with you. Also, on the flip side, I realize that people think I’m a slanderous and libelous writer and blogger, but if my story is the same all the time, I am not a liar. Stop telling me to take things down, don’t listen to the ganger uppers on Clayton, and listen listen listen to Clayton because he knows and lives grief and loss every day. He admits perhaps that he might have failed somewhere to protect his sibling, but he knows what needs to be done. Police must be held accountable for all misconduct, period. Some of the cops here in Denver have been disciplined for “hunting” people at the George Floyd protests. I want an end to police violence like the next guy, but keep my guardianship and mental health out of your mouths unless I am telling the story, and even then, do not write negative or deconstructive feedback on this subject. I cannot tell you how many times people think it’s funny to beat up my old friend from chorus, and yet she turns around and gobbles up the right wing narrative told to her through guys who aren’t even flesh and blood contacts she has met in person. Perhaps we can talk, this girl and I, and she can tell me why people beat her up online and on the streets for standing up for me. This is unacceptable behavior, unacceptable misconduct, and furthermore, I’m going to perform with Denver Women’s Chorus and possibly Soar, and if you hear me, Soar friends, DWC friends, this group of abusers wants to silence my voice by pinning slander and stuff on me. They’re entitled, don’t wanna admit the truth, don’t wanna accept too much strength from a woman, any strength at all. I’m going to be on the stage, singing, and where will this other group be? Nowhere to be found in Denver I hope. To protect the DWC and Soar, I will no longer be posting address information in a public post on Facebook, so if you want tickets to a concert I’m in, please message me privately on either platform, and I’ll just give you the address if you’re in the area only. IF we stream it online, great. But I want the girls to be safe, so you out of staters won’t be invited to go to concerts unless you’re in the Denver area, and you have to be for real. I don’t sell tickets to haters, so haters back off.

Beth

I Don’t Hate Men

Dear readers,

Disclaimer: I do not hate men, and I’m still feministing and being cool, but let me make one thing clear, I do not hate men. There are good guys and bad guys, and I’m gonna talk about both, so here goes.

First and foremost, I see you good men out there. I see you who don’t wanna hurt your wives, kill your girlfriends, or shoot up college campuses all in the name of a sexist societal change. I see you guys who open doors, pull out chairs, and talk serious about letting your female colleagues advance in companies like the tech companies and the ones serving us today like those in restaurant chains and the like. I see you good guys out there, the ones who are truly mature enough to see that some of your actions are wrong, and I see you guys who own up to violent encounters, and without use of faulty manasphere thinking, you do your part to change your life for the better.

The reason I write this is because of men I’m about to cover. I see men online who write terrible things about me and other women, men who don’t take ownership of their responsibilities like for example, this paraphrase from a dude in Colorado even, “She put a DV (domestic violence) charge on me if I didn’t pick up my kids.” Really? Did you really abuse your ex wife, sir? I wonder, are there any others I can think of that are just nasty? I have too many names in my mind, and they’re all blind or physically disabled. This is just one category, but there are millions of unnamed guys I don’t know in extremism communities, including MGTOW, incels, and other communities in the big wide “manasphere.” Thank you, Laura Bates, for writing a great as hell book about this subject, and now I have a healthy respect for good males and good males who don’t do bad things. Laura Bates has lots of examples of how misogyny is dangerous, and she doesn’t have to look too far back or forward.

I have a great partner who actually thinks Bates’s book is great, and we both do not really support the manasphere, and we both understand gender inequality like nobody’s business. Look carefully, especially at some of the disabled community. There is sexism, white supremacy, and all kinds of wrong in the disabled community, and sadly, it’s perpetrated by disabled men, especially the ones living at home with their parents, or the ones who openly admit to denying paternity over children, and those who sit there and complain they don’t get the sex they want with women.

Socially awkward men scare me, and I thought I found a kindred spirit in a man I knew only online and let me tell you how it worked. I thought that “Jason”, the name I saw on the Skype request was indeed a genuine recording “artist.” I quickly added him, and he and I had some talks, fell in love, and then … sadly, but in some weird way, we met. Jason seemed like a good guy at first, but then the trouble started when he was isolating me from good guys like my ex, Deq, who has beliefs that kind of clash with mine, and he needs to get his head straight with certain groups of people, truly because these people, these people including sheikhs and others who have certain incendiary things to say about women are dangerous just like the straight dudes in the incel community are. Either way, Deq respected me, but tried to control which authors and books I read, but who cares. I had to hide certain aspects of life from him because he didn’t get it. Jason was worse, way worse, in that he had some perpetual racial stereotypes about African Americans, Somali immigrants, and so many other types of individuals he had a whole novel he could have written. Jason was calling Mexicans a popular immigrant slur and was suggesting to me that “All Muslims are terrorists.” Not true, and I’ve met some peaceable Muslim folks since, people who actually realize that some of Deq’s incendiary commentary wasn’t cool. That was part of the reason I broke up with Deq, but another reason was the brothers and I had to put Islam away in a box marked, memories. The memory of Islam is not that pleasant, but there are pleasant layers of the sisterhood in Denver, and that’s fine. The brothers were the problem, and my future depended on me leaving Islamic communities behind, but not leaving my support for a peaceable observance behind. What Jason did was lie about Islam being a religion of the sword, not surprising because in the Bible Belt, including Florida or Georgia, churches with such hateful rhetoric against Islam abound, also the churches somehow get away with preaching nasty stuff about gays, women, and simply everybody who is not Evangelical Christian or white or making less than $4000 a month.

Jason gave me two sets of jewels when I met him a second time, but by that time, he had been isolating me, controlling me, picking my friends, hosting all my Skype groups, all of that plus cheating and lying and stealing while at the same time, we had some relations, sexual stuff, but it wasn’t all that satisfying knowing that this man is capable of being awkward and cheating on me. I had been cheated on also by another man in California, but Jason is a glaring example of a man to stay away from. He’s been stalking girls on the Internet, demanding sexual relations with one or two at a time, perhaps he’s telling all the Jessica Sara and Britney girls he stalks, and I’m saying Sara Jessica Britney because I’m talking about this in the same way you say Tom, Dick and Harry, but he pretty much tells every Sara, Jessica and Britney out there that “You’ve signed your death warrant by being friends with Beth.” Picture Jason as the President of Panam, the country in Hunger Games, and you see what I mean. If you were friends with me and Jason knew it, he’d strike you with thet National Guard, and that’s the kind of guy that started slowly coming out when I returned to Denver after our first rendezvous. It was painful to see him do this to Jennifer Weaver (she died in 2015), and worse yet, to other girls I cared about. He finagled Caitlin, another girl I truly did care about, to stop speaking to me, and now she’s joined awkward ranks and told me not to speak out against Jason, but who cares. Jason is someone you don’t want ruling your newspapers, your companies, your household, your country’s government. Jason is not just the man I dated, he is a monster that comes in many other guys as well, including that Bryan Laundry dude who killed Gabby Petito, and now guess who’s after him? Dog the Bounty Hunter, and I’m actually very happy that’s happening, for Dwayne the Dog Chapman has a pretty good thing going and he’s considered a legend.

If you’re Jason, you’re bad. And the words that read, you have signed your death warrant for being friends with Beth, those words hurt. Just because I somehow forced Jason to break up with me, well I didn’t want to at first, but others have told me just what a blessing it was for Jason to abandon ship, and I learned later about the warning signs of domestic abuse. All I can say is, in any way I can without being mean, thanks. Thanks, Jason, for not acting like Bryan Laundry, evading the authorities, but no thanks for the relationship because you cheated on me and you tried to weaken my whole spiritual experience. No thanks for telling me that all Muslims are something that they’re not supposed to be. So yeah, no thanks because you made Jennifer cry her brains out, you said I could die or my friends signed a death warrant and no, don’t run for government office because you hurt me. You really did hurt me, I don’t care if your disabilities did this. They didn’t. You hurt me so bad I cried for days after you broke it off. You even wanted me out of your life, well I’m living with scars, and these scars remind me that I ain’t done fighting for women’s safety in relationships. Thanks to Laura’s book, I have a better experience and understanding of guys like Jason and the composite sketches Leigh Baker also used to help parents learn how to detect sexual predators. Jason is not just the Jason I dated. He is the monster under your bed, the pounding pain in your head when you don’t want it, so you take Advil to get rid of it. He is the guy you see lurking on the Internet, or even in the bushes, waiting to yell a nasty comment your way. Jason is the guy who lies, cheats, and steals, and tries to upend democracy as we know it. Jason is a guy, but he’s also in just about every bad guy I know. HE is a recent ex, recently barred from advancement because a lady said he touched her. He is a guy who didn’t budge when his girlfriend called me a “dog in heat.” He is the guy you don’t want to meet at a bar, but you do anyway and end up messed up in the head because you feel slighted. He is the guy you can’t believe got you pregnant, and then tried to get custody of your baby, and all the while facing criminal prosecution for your rape. He is the type of guy I chose to date because being that I was born blind, and locked out of life like a child, I had no options. I had no decent men in my life. Until Trenton.

I want to take a few lines to honor Trenton, my partner, who might as well be a husband, but we won’t legalize things till this SSI thing is settled, and Congress, I’m counting you in. Get this passed, please. As Trenton is a good man, I’d rather have him a hundred per cent. Trenton is someone I’d call respectable, honorable, and a gentleman after my own heart. He and a buddy of mine named Clayton in Arizona, though they’re both different, deep down they’re good guys. Unlike the Jasons in the world, Clayton has owned up to his actions, owned up to everything really, and he has made a good life for himself, has ambitions, has desires, wishes, wants. Who knew if this or other good men could be the key to ending violence against women? In any case, I want to make something clear. Feminism is something that any man or woman benefits from, and I have written plenty of things regarding my relationship woes. In any case, I better get to bed.

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