Tribute to Ray Khan

Author’s Note: The following contains some references to drugs and rehab, mental health issues, sometimes even guardianship abuse. Reader discretion is advised. Also, this is a sort of tributary note to Raymond Khan, a young man I knew from way back in 2006, both of us were jailed, sort of, in rehab. LaAmistad should be ashamed of itself for its ableist and controlling approach to rehabilitating substance and non substance use peoples with mental illness. You put up a big fight with me about relationships, and I need to be able to forge connections, not forget them. I want to say a few words I should’ve said to Ray, and I want him to know that things are going good, but without further adieu, here it is.

Dear Ray,

Things have been crazy since you last saw me. I think about you sometimes, although the times I thought of you were very hard ones. When I thought of how you almost lost yourself to crystal meth, how you almost killed yourself a few times, maybe more, my heart went and stopped in the middle of everything. Ray, you really are someone I cared about in 2006, and yet a piece of you stays with me every day. I have at least a few things on my mind I wanted to straighten up with you.

First, I should have never been forced to end relationships and not forge a connection with you. I loved you, and what any nurse or doctor should know is that forging connections helps and stabilizes an individual’s treatment by a long shot. Undoing all the person’s health and well being by disconnecting them from everybody in the world doesn’t help. Ray, I loved you dearly, but I tell you, I have a partner and a good life ahead of me. The guardianship’s been discharged, and you can tell everybody that you and I could have been freed from this had Florida not fucked up and gotten me in trouble at seventeen, and nobody believed that my mother was capable of slapping me in the face. I would love to charge my mom with assault if she ever pulls shit like this again, but no, I won’t. Why? Because there’s. more stuff she did that I could tell you and you wouldn’t believe me anyway.

The guardianship was abusive, I had to stay in loveless or unromantic relationships because of the possibility of being abused at home. Orien, a young man I knew in high school and who’s grown now, will not have anything to do with me. Trust me, not that way. We’re friends again on FB, but trust me on this, my parents deserve a lawsuit and jailtime for committing probate fraud. I didn’t even know what the fuck probate was, and trust me, you would think I was nuts if I told you. Guardianship is evil, it destroys families, it tears apart lives. It did so to me, and did you hear about Britney Spears? She’s out of Conservatorship.

Ray, I hope you are there somewhere in the ashes of my existence, dancing on a cloud, or perhaps you’re alive on Earth somewhere far beyond. Canada? Maybe. But have you watched what’s going on in America lately? Please tell me you’re not cooped up in some prison cell lamenting on drugs, being on drugs, etc. I wanted you to be strong and try and be someone that you can be, the best version of yourself. I cried today thinking of the stuff I should have said to you, but it got worse. When we were in the so called catapult ceremony, the one where we pass the coin and say our goodbyes to the people leaving the treatment center, I was a wreck. You remember right? I told you I’d be the lead actress in your movies, whatever they were to be. Ray, I tell you, I felt the whole time that I was not the lead actress in my own story, not until recently. Ray, if I could only tell you that Clayton Jacobs, the man I call my boyfriend, is the best supporting actor in my story. HE gets the Oscar nod and perhaps he wins Best Supporting Actor in. my personal story. Why? Because Clayton heard your name and your story from my lips, and he understands greatly. Clayton has held me while I cried, kissed me when I was sad or happy, and has made love to me through all kinds of stuff. We’d always had each other’s backs, even through some rough stuff we both had to deal with. Ray, we’re coming up on some currents in our lives, Clayton and myself, and trust me, I am always the lead actress in my personal story now. I changed my bank account, I changed my direct deposit amounts and info on it, and my dad will soon have to close the account. I’m not going to have him sit there and say he can have his name on my account, which he will no longer do. My mother and dad think they can tell me who to be with, but because the guardianship was abusive, I had it discharged. My parents woke up only halfway. They won’t define the guardianship as abusive, wrong, and fraudulent. Probate fraud should and will always be one day against the law, but I want guardianship to be a federal goddamn crime. Why? Because it tears apart families, rips people’s lives to shreds, and for disabled women, sometimes we have to sterilize because in the minds of the government, we are less than, inferior. Ray, I’m sorry to say you weren’t the love of my life, and I didn’t exactly get the chance to give you the flower of my virginity. I don’t care. What virginity?

It started with a Dallas, Texas convention I was coerced into attending by the center in Littleton, Colorado Center for the Blind, and they required everybody to fly to Texas for this stupid conference while you had National Federation of the Blind (NFB) people sitting there praising the god of their own, Kenneth Jernigan. It was a motley crew of idolatry, sexual misconduct, and more. I lost my virginity to Deq Ahmed and Mosamil Yahya or someone like that, but we’ve had to mull over such things. Clayton would never have cared, at least, that I had to break it off with Deq Ahmed because his clan and family didn’t approve of him marrying a blind American woman. I would have argued that the clan had no right to Deq because of blindness and because such honor is antique. No, the word here is antiquated. I would suggest at a clan meeting that we move forward and modernize and recognize the right to choose one’s own mate. Period, point blank, end of story!

Ray, when I was with a man named Jason, the whole time things just didn’t work. Jason was abusive, and he was pro on the case of my guardianship, he wanted to say I needed it. What a very inglorious bastard. He liked the reactions of folks when he said, “You’ve signed your death warrant for being friends with Beth Taurasi.” I call bullshit. Death warrants are for murderers, Aileen Wuornos included, or perhaps Ted Bundy. But not me, I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t do it, and if I did, it was an accident. I have no capacity to see where I’m aiming that stupid gun, and where I’m going to aim it is anyone’s guess. Jason had almost killed my friend Trenton’s current girlfriend, and furthermore, Jason wishes all his exes dead. Oh wait, Jennifer died. I can’t believe she did, and that bastard wants me to forgive him? I can’t forgive myself for even loving the guy. But thinking back, Jason was a big turning point into why I hate almost 80% of guys, not all guys, but I kinda don’t like a lot of them. IF a guy suggests that a woman’s place is beneath him, where she submits, etc, he isn’t for me.

When I dated Blake, things got hairy. His mom said I was “psycho” and should not date Blake. Blake lost his brother to gun violence, of course, but I’m not a fan of the woman who did it, although in some ways gun control might have stopped the murderer from ending the brother’s life, and the mother blames me? She didn’t have to blame me, she didn’t have to justify Clara Deitz dating Blake for the short time she did, and the impression was fake. All of it, fake. Clara should not have broken Blake’s heart in front of the world, and she did. Blake I wish as punishment should “take a wife of whoredom” as in the Bible, Gomer was a whore who went with Hosea, her husband, even when she was being bargained for and such. Hosea brought her back, but they had two kids together, I forget the names. But if Blake wants to try and mess my life up he can’t. Our friendship is rocky because of his mother’s prejudice against psychological diagnostics, and she doesn’t realize I have PTSD. Not quite as bad as a guy Blake knows, but not as bad as my cousin, Robert Zemcik, a veteran in the army who’s survived many many occasions I can’t go into. Zemcik’s experiences in the army should not be forgotten, and neither should those of other vets, Afghanistan and Iraq war vets included. I donated money to the wounded Warrior Project years after Blake’s breakup, but alas, I don’t know where it all went.

Trenton is my current latest ex, after Joey who was a bad boy. Joey tried to mess with me, tried to egg me on, and a troll tried to fuck with me while I was just getting started with Trenton. I was frequently accused of whoring around, told to get a proper marriage, all that. But now, Clayton is probably the only man I could say is doing it right. I can’t believe he would know me for five years, would let me into his life, would hold me the way he did, and would make love to me the way he did. Ray, if you only saw my face when I found Clay at the airport, I was overjoyed. He was sitting there waiting for me, and I ran forward to give him a big giant hug. I wanted to love him right there. We got back to his place, and lo and behold, his hips got close to mine, and his face. Oh, his beautiful face. Ray, Clayton can’t see as I don’t, but trust me on this, he is a good man. Clayton treats me like a beautiful queen, honors me the way men should honor the women in their lives, and in turn, I want to do nothing more than honor him. Like in Gladiator, I will honor Clayton, and because he’s honored me, I will do what is right. I’m behind him 100% of the time, and trust me, he is for me as well. Ray, if you only knew.

IF you only knew the way things were back in the day. I still can’t get a job, can’t do things without verification, oh so they wanna believe I’m not who I say I am? Bullshit. I am Beth, the girl you once knew, and I hope you will always remember me. I hope you will remember me, and it is because I remember you that I can’t forget. I can’t forget the time we were walking around, and we kissed somewhere outside of staff eyes. All this and other bullshit, I just wanted to kiss you again. YOu really do have a lot to offer someone, and I hope you found a beautiful pair of lips to kiss, arms that will hold you, and a pair of eyes to stare into. My eyes, god forsake me, are blind. You never understood. You never wanted these eyes. These eyes cried for you, and my heart beats every day regretfully for all the times you had to stay ten feet away. I’m done, I’m done trying to cry over this spilled milk. I love you dearly. I don’t know what to say. But Clayton is my true love, not you, because you don’t seem to get it. Ray, my pain is great, but my heart soldiered on for years knowing you were out there somewhere.

Ray, if there’s one thing I should have said to you, it was this. Clayton is the right man for this undertaking of loving me because he’s blind, has the same eye condition, and we’re on the run with all the love we have in our hearts. We love one another with such passion it isn’t funny. Ray, contact me if you dare. If you read this, you will be rewarded for your trouble. The water of time may stand between us, but for Clayton, he has ferried himself over the waters of space to me, and has offered me his heart. Ray, this truly isn’t goodbye, not forever. It is a new beginning. Perhaps you will understand if you see this blog and understand what kind of person I am.

Sincerely,

Beth Taurasi

My Fight for Housing Fairness, Denver

Dear readers,m

Imagine you’re in danger of being evicted, all because your former boyfriend is living with you and you can’t just move out. My former boyfriend could steal and or take my place away from me. This is unfair housing, and furthermore, the management at my building refuses to accommodate a blind applicant, so we’re going to have them cut him away and in front of everybody else because they violated in gross negligence the Fair Housing Act and they did it willfully and knowingly, so we’re going to mediate if possible with the courts involved in any case if that’s what it has to be. The building refused to convert documents my boyfriend, Clayton, needed and dropped a bombshell on him about a 3.5 year waiting list that is unfairly administered, and we’re hoping that we’ve got company here. We’re going to make sure that the snitches and bad residents get evicted first, if anything. I can’t be evicted from my apartment because, for one I’m female, blind, and at risk of rape and pregnancy by rape especially if it’s a bad person who wants to put their stuff in me and not my boyfriend, Clayton, who wishes to have his family with me. I don’t want anyone else’s kids, or someone to go, “Oh, I wanna meet my son/daughter,” and then go as far as ask for custody. Some damn sadistic men are like that, and I don’t want any sadistic assholes touching me. I know Clayton would protect me at all costs, but I can’t go back to Florida at any rate because of white supremacist culture, white supremacist and antigay legislation, the attacks on Disney and such, and all other things wrong with the state. Anyone who suggests I let my own family coddle and or make decisions for me should go hike off a cliff because my family is white supremacist, whether they like it or not. The attacks on Disney are clearly a sign that my family and other white folks like it that way. Disney is woke, and the family and other people in my life don’t respect that. Disney is also within their rights not to support a governor who is gangly and dangerous, who is nonwoke and not able to discern the anger coming from the gay community. LGBTQIA+ individuals should not be running scared, and Clayton himself knows this all too well. He’s strong in advocating for black folks’ interests, and even after Trenton, so am I. I’m going to continue the work, even if it makes me sick to have to tell my family they aren’t my family anymore. I have to cut them off because Clayton and I don’t want them messing around with our kids, our grandkids, etc etc. I can’t have people who have the audacity to create and orchestrate an abusive guardianship and keep it for years having anything to do with kids of the same person they victimized. It is disgusting to me that fair housing doesn’t wanna investigate our claim. We need the fair housing complaint to be investigated soon as possible, and the mediation needs to happen soon. For one, I’m not going to risk being evicted, and not have a stable address. For two, this building’s 3.5 year wait list is a testament to the level of discrimination it is having for seniors and blind and disabled adults alike. Clayton and I want to be able to forge a life together, and if anyone says we should not or can’t, just shut up. You don’t know what you’re talking about, doing, etc.

For those who do not support myself and Clayton, here’s a hint when saying anything. Don’t. We can’t have anything to hide, but we also have a serious risk of eviction. It’s not fair to me that I can’t just swap roommates and they have to prioritize Trenton and give him an independent place to live, and no they will not make Clayton wait 3.5 years to live with me. That is the problem, he can’t fill out the application independently of help from sighted folks, which is a boon to him. He can’t be forced to take that option, a PDF file being image based. The file should be tagged for accessibility, fillable by accessible means, but no, this management says they won’t convert this. I’m going to have them sit down with us and discuss the issues going forward, and for Trenton, he needs an independent place to live regardless of whether one is available for a senior or a mobility impaired person, in fact prioritize Trenton over everybody else because you violated his rights by making him rely on someone who could be less trustworthy, not that our caregiver is or isn’t, but the risk is there. She’d have taken Trenton’s sensitive and personal information and squandered it or misused it. There are people who will tell you I can’t help blind people fill out paperwork, and that’s a direct quote from a former aid. Unfortunately, this building has targeted me for being blind, depressed, and under a parental guardianship or the victim of guardianship abuse and I survived it. I am no longer spiritually committed to Trenton, and can’t. I can’t commit to someone who isn’t romantically attracted to me, and that’s the fact. Trenton is in bed right now, but he’s threatening to leave, go to Mother, Downing, or a shelter. This is unsafe all around for him, and a lawyer should be there to make sure the building does the right thing by him, and I want him to have a one bedroom or studio so that Trenton can have what he wants, have a good life, and have a roof over his head like everybody else. He can’t earn money, won’t get a job, and I need a stable address to get a job period. IF I raise my money and get and earn enough, I want a houser. Houses are the only place Clay will raise a family, and we’re serious. This apartment building and others will be in deep trouble for violating Fair Housing standards, and this building needs to start caring about who lives here, including Trenton, Clayton, and myself. My good friend art is concerned of course, but everybody is, and the snitches should stop while they’re behind. Police and people responsible for legal eviction should stop and realize what they will be doing if they legally evict a blind person and couple. They will be dealing with homelessness, and nobody will help a blind young couple who’s homeless, they will only toss Clayton in Rescue Mission and me in some women’s shelter, I will not take it. So if you wish to see us evicted, just go. Go yourself. Take a trip to those homeless shelters, look at men who can’t see themselves doing things. I was friends with a homeless man named Eldon, and he was great. He was serious about getting an office job, and he was in an office job prep program with me. The big problem with Eldon was that he didn’t have much to do at the shelter, and had to stay there. He didn’t have a house or apartment, didn’t have stable housing. I didn’t know this, but Eldon was resourceful and able to attain resources. That isn’t always true of homeless people. Trenton is blind and has mild CP, which could make him a liability in some companies’ eyes. It will take more than Clayton’s 3000 applications a year to find a job, especially because Trenton has comorbid disabilities. No charity or church is set up to handle this complicated web of stuff. The only ones who are set up to handle this are creedal churches who wish to make you convert. This is religious suicide. I am a Unitarian Universalist, and there’s seemingly nothing for me as I will be homeless soon. IF this building does not cooperate with us as blind people, we will make sure they pay up monetary damages and do the things we ask, including properly give a one bedroom to Trenton and one to Jay, our neighbor, who is trying to get one but says they rent to people he doesn’t know.

The facts of the case are attached to a complaint that was filed, and the complaint states that the laundry facilities are inaccessible except through visual interpretive services, but Clayton doesn’t follow that philosophy, and furthermore, the locker keys are unlabeled. Some of the keys have Braille labels missing, while the boxes in locker rows are Brailled, but not everything is Brailled. There’s also a plaque missing on Floor number 3, and it should have the print and braile floor number there, but it doesn’t. There are problem areas, all of which deal with blindness, but the discrimination is heavy and needs to stop there while the management is behind. The property manager and assistant manager are about to get something. Something will hit them, and there’s no solution. IF they want their rules, they need to bend the rules because we have a situation with Clayton being independent minded as he is, and he could potentially save the residents. He could save those blind people a lot of trouble, and I am tempted to call the CCB so that they will do what is right and help.

To Clayton, I love you dearly, and keep up the fighting, and we will fight and we will rise. IF these people think they can just toss you in a shelter, fuck Trenton over and all of this, they’ve got another thing coming. I will forever be your warrior queen. Just keep your head up and we’ll stop this mess while it’s creeping around.

With love,

Beth

Down to the Last Day

Dear readers,

I’m writing you all to inform you that I did not exactly go to any bar last night. I couldn’t. Trenton, my beloved man of seven years straight, is sensitive to loud noises and crowds, so we opted out. It was a bummer, but I couldn’t have done service tasks with all that music. Oh well. My buddy was on bass, and he played with a country band, but I’ll still be supportive of this band and all its endeavors. I hope they chart and do successful stuff.

In other news, it is Autism Acceptance month. Why not awareness, you ask? For the same reason I want to be accepted, loved, and adored, autistics deserve the same things. Humanity is a fickle bitch, it does not like to accept problems or quirks about people and such. There are many fickle bitches in humanity, but the ficklest bitch in humanity is the unacceptable behaviors of its members. One of those things is called ableism, and it permeates every aspect of society.

Here are some examples of ableism, and how I’ve dealt with those. Believe me, it ain’t easy.

  1. I have been accused at a Walmart in Lakewood, Colorado, of harassing customers when the management couldn’t get help for me. Nobody cared. Nobody looked my way. I ended up calling a buddy of mine, one who lives in the Golden/Jefferson County area, and 20 minutes later, she arrived at the store to help me shop. Since then, I don’t go to that Walmart or even bother calling because the last time I called, nobody picked up. This Walmart has a long way to go to accepting blind customers, especially those on EBT food stamps. Making us get a subscription is not gonna solve the problem of ableism and unacceptable people in the store calling me out for harassment.
  2. There are places and establishments where broken accessibility things exist. When it comes to restaurant menus, for example, my beloved Trenton and I have been to places where the menus look like shit. Well, okay, the binding is falling apart, the Braille itself has been riddled with oopses, like errors in the Braille exist too many times to count, and here’s this former Braille proofist saying this. I have had to tell my former boss that there are so many weird format inconsistencies, point them out, and so on. I could write a novel in which all the menus I’ve seen had this problem or that problem, but I digress.
  3. Another thing I notice is that kiosks are not usable by blind and visually impaired people. Blind folks, especially Clayton and myself, have encountered places and casual eating establishments other than the McDonald’s somewhere or other, that have these awful kiosk thingies, and they aren’t usable. I’m this close to saying that we should ban all inaccessible tech including these kiosks, especially when it pertains to blindness. Blindness ought not to be a barrier to inclusion in society.
  4. Now, besides blindness, let’s get to ableist assumptions about autism. First off, cars drive too fast. Some autistics bolt, and they run off. That’s good if the place they go to is not the highway. So my late friend would put her daughter in a large carriage so she didn’t have to walk around not feeling safe. The mother needed peace of mind. I get it. Some autistics just get damn overwhelmed by the sensory overload that some places have. Now, here’s something that could help with this. Quiet rooms do help a bit, but there needs to be more of those.
  5. Autistics are said not to have “good” social skills. Who cares. Autistics have special subjects they enjoy. They have quirky by nature behaviors, but what are we doing? We are enabling killers to fix them by making them nonexistent. Case in point, the Disability Day of Mourning put on by a lot of people across the country. People hold vigils in honor of autistics who die of what’s called vilicide, and my buddy Arielle Silverman, author and blogger on Disability Wisdom, has covered this subject a lot. Dr. Silverman says that vilicide often gets different sympathetic responses but all for the killer, not the autistic victim. This is dangerous and lethal ableism. My friends with autism can understand.
  6. Ableism enables abuse. Every form of ableism here, trust me, will enable abuse. Abuses range from isolation from friends and family, isolation from the outside world in general, and limits on what you can wear, what you can do, and be. Imagine though if you were LGBTQIA+ and autistic. In specific categories, like transgender folks with autism, there are limits on healthcare now based on hateful assumptions and perverted thoughts about these people, but autistics with preferences other than the heteronormative ones are deemed unacceptable, and therefore abused, go back to the prior entry for talk of vilicide. In any case, if one is transgender, of color, and disabled, society doesn’t like that. Who cares.
  7. Ableism can also have a huge impact on education. Let’s take the learning of Braille for instance. Braille is literacy, I’m not gonna lie. IF not for Braille, I wouldn’t have won 13th in my county for spelling bees, don’e super well in spelling, grammar, and other things. My mother even relied on me to help her compose essays in e-prime methodology, where you don’t write the verbs and conjugal words for the words “to be”, the state of being is out so yeah. My mother was proud of me for having composed essays, and I compose regularly here on this blog. However, Braille enabled me to also understand paragraphs, sentence structure, and many other things. Braille is also a helpful labeling tool, organizing my CD catalogue being a good example. I had all kinds of labels on CD’s and my CD’s were labeled and alphabetized according to genre, artist, or group. Holy moly, I had thousands perhaps that amount of CD’s was a bit much, but you’re talking to a musical guru here.
  8. Ableism and education part 2. So if you don’t know Braille as a blind person, you can’t function as well. I’ve also wanted to point out that too many schools think Braille is inferior. Like what the hell is inferior about Braille? Nothing. Louis Braille, a French born blind schoolboy, invented this dot writing system so we blind folks wouldn’t have to depend so heavily on sighted assistance, but we still have a long way to go. Clayton and I have experienced countless forms of discrimination and nobody knows what to do with us because we say, well, as a good example, where is the Braille signage for bathrooms? Clayton and I don’t want to find each other in a woman’s restroom, but if we don’t have a way to read a sign that says “women” or “men”, someone will look Clayton in the face and say, “Get the hell out. This is the girls/women’s bathroom.” But I could give you a whole list of other uses of Braille people aren’t looking at. Example, Braille cards. If a group of blind people want to play, you get a bunch of Braille playing cards, right? Wrongo. It’s harder to do than you think. Uno is fun, but I haven’t played in a long while, but I do know how to do it. But I want to be able to participate in things. So the best thing a retailer can do is sell Braille playing cards. Imagine I had a poker night at my house. Clayton and Trenton join me at the table. Let’s imagine I said, “Let’s play five card stud.” I do that right away, and the cards tell you if it’s a queen of clubs, for example. Maybe if I had two more or no more than four, I’d play hearts. Someone has to play the two of clubs first, then you just do strategy based on the cards you have. IF you have to break hearts, hearts are broken when you put a 2 of hearts on the pile. The deck for this game is split in to four sections. See? Braille has lots of uses. But people aren’t getting that. While TVI’s and professional aids who work with blind students are getting less and less cool, let’s also do something I’ll highlight below.
  9. Blind people should be teaching each other. Ableism has allowed sighted supremacy to pervade the career market for teachers of visually impaired and special education. This is a dire thing, and dire needs are being known forever. For special education teachers, we need folks who are disabled themselves teaching others. Blind people have specific needs, including a Braille teacher, someone to show them tech, someone to teach them proper and good ways to cook and manage a place of their own, and much more, and I did get all that at a place that does hire blind folks. Colorado Center for the Blind, while under investigation for banning people for reporting perverts, is however bad it may seem, a good place to begin. I want to see empowerment on all sides for blind folks, especially in tech. See below.
  10. Blind people need a society that doesn’t put barriers in front of which technology they use because one piece of tech isn’t an option because it doesn’t talk. Examples, Android versus iPhone. I could go on and on and on. Android has come a long way, but when I first saw it, cheap it may have been, but accessible to the point it is now? No it wasn’t. I also have to worry about cooking appliances, healthcare devices, and other things not being usable for me, and some brands are simply better than others. IF I had diabetes, I would need an insulin pump as an option, but guess what? The only way I can ingest insulin now is with a needle, ewww. I don’t like needles, and they can hurt people if placed in the garbage. Insulin pumps, however, are inaccessible, and sighted assistance is often required to make the pump change doses and such. I do know of one thing called the freestyle Dexcon, which can sit on your arm and the app is fully usable, but that just tests your glucose, and that’s fine but no needles and pricking for me. Management of other healthcare needs can be a challenge for us too. My buddy Ray uses a feed tube to keep herself alive and sane. Her feed pump just beeps, and she frequently needs help with that and formula for her feeds needs to be placed in the right area. Every time I get a new piece of technology, I have to ask myself, how the fuck do I use it? Since manuals are written in print, not often Braille, I do the smart thing and look those things up online. I have to place my faith in humanity that the damn websites and manuals for peripherals and tech are readable by Voiceover which is my screen reading software of choice.
  11. Ableism messes with people who can’t walk or stand. Let’s picture if someone wanted to use the bathroom. What happens often is there’s just one damn handicapped/accessible bathroom suite. It’s huge, which works not only for wheelchair folks, but claustrophobic people. Universal accessibility of bathrooms isn’t the only thing. Housing and such has no idea how expensive it is to put a bar on a wall of a bathroom. Suppose someone got paralyzed by birth or in an accident, and required special care. If there were less barriers in housing, ableism being the top reason for this, caregivers wouldn’t necessarily be a need. Take my friends Patrick and Jessica. They’re wheelchair users, one with MD, muscular dystrophy and another with limbs that won’t straighten. Patrick Henry Hughes needs a big house with bars on the walls, and should be given the architecture and supports to do the stuff he loves. Same with his now beloved wife Jessica, who has the same if not differing needs. The two of them could choose a barrier free housing place, but that is expensive. Luckily, Patrick got support from a TV show, supportive family, and so much more. That doesn’t always happen for people with MD and CP and other conditions that require or sometimes necessitate the use of a chair. The chair can mean any number of conditions, but the main thing is architecture of buildings must meet disability friendly guidelines, and there is a pocket of society that doesn’t accept. How can we do better? First and foremost, well, we need to build access into everything from the ground up.

I’d like to dedicate this post to all my disabled buddies and congratulate the people who get married in my community. However, ableism has another awful sinister undertone. Marriage equality with benefits attached does not extend to disabled people. If Clayton marries me, he loses about half of what he earns in SSI benefits, may lose medicaid and many other things. I might get jacked as well. Clayton knows the system better than I do. IF a spouse makes more than a partner with a disability, all bets are off that the disabled people married here are so out of luck. Their check is cut, and they have no choice but to starve, dress in rags, or worse, fight the system and lose. I want ableism to go away in that regard because we shouldn’t have to choose love and lose money.

Thank you so much for reading, all. I will be flying out tomorrow and I can’t wait. I cannot wait so much, and Clayton is really excited too. HE’s a very excited and happy camper, and I can’t wait to join him on some adventurous travels. I guess it’s bon voyage to me.

Beth

An Open Letter

Author’s Note: The following contains some if few or some more spoilers for the Handmaid’s Tale, any season applies. This also contains some sensitive information and I hope you will read carefully.

Dear Jorge,

I’m writing this letter to you as a matter of principle. You said some pretty hurtful things about my beloved Clayton, for whom my life is going to probably revolve, I don’t quite know. Clayton has treated me with nothing but loyalty and respect, but you think you can tell me he’s the fool. Here are a few things that made me cringe when I saw your last messages to me.

  1. This is the big thing. You said Clayton gets off on the handmaid hierarchy thing, as though I am not Beth, but ofClayton. That is not true. He does not roll with commander types such as Jason or Wes or anyone else who would reportedly want to hurt me and Clayton altogether. Clayton has been nothing but a friend and a genuine caring person toward me, no hierarchy has been seen in this. What’s weird is that he caught me red handed watching the show, the handmaid’s Tale to be exact, and he asked me why I watch such things. He pointed to my own mental health, I just have to say this. It’s a warning, it’s a foreshadowing of what could be to come if we all don’t stand up and shout back at the commander types, the white supremacists, and the fools who don’t see the truth in all this. I watched a documentary about Atwood, Margaret Atwood, the book’s author, and she did lots of homework before she wrote the first words in the book. As any author should do the same. IF it weren’t for folks like Atwood, I don’t know where we’d be.
  2. You say that Clayton is a fool, but he said you were the fool. You dudes better stay away from each other, I guess. My brothers would have killed each other in their bunks, but this kind of fighting is worse. I don’t like a lot of conflict.
  3. You say I’ll have a right to die on a hill. Well, at least my name is my name, my body is mine, and if I give this thing a name, the name is assigned at birth and such. My name is Elizabeth Ann Taurasi, it will never become Mrs. Steven Rudy, get the song reference.
  4. You ditched my commitment ceremony with Trenton, which makes me so sick. Why you did this, I’ll never fucking understand. Don’t ditch your friends when you say you’re gonna do something for them.
  5. You really need to give the Handmaid hierarchy a damn rest, fool. You really don’t get what these women will represent in a future life and Clayton knows this gets me riled up more than anything, he deeply caring about my mental health doesn’t bother me.
  6. You also tried to not understand me because of my mental health, and you blamed me for any breakups that could occur. You broke code with me when you were all, I’d rather be single than deal with someone who yells. Bullshit, if I don’t scream at a guy who wants to throw his dick in the wrong direction, I have every right to. I don’t want to have any pain while doing such things, so if a supremacist of any kind comes knocking, I’ll just throw him out the door with a few things. I would force all the white supremacists who want to egg themselves on to parade outside naked, and I’d write their crimes on their chests even with the hair hiding some of it, just wait till I get my hands on tattooing equipment. I should laugh sarcastically because these people don’t think we’re people, and that includes myself, Clayton,and Trenton, my beloved partner.
  7. You disgrace humanity with a belief that I am being used. It is my right to be either a sex object or not a sex object, and I’m not a sex object. From what I understand, sex objects can be found in the fictionalized hamlet of Fat Lip, Arizona, blame that on Blake. Fat Lip is a place where you get a big fat swollen lip, probably where you were punched in the face because you violated some rule or something. In other words, don’t mess with me or you’ll take that trip to Fat Lip, Arizona, and you’ll have lips the size of Hollywood girls’ lips and you’ll also have some chapping and maybe a few drops of Jupiter running down your shirt. Just don’t accuse my beloveds of using me, and no, Trenton and Clayton would not dare mistreat me.

If you want me back, here’s what you do:

  1. Worship me as your queen. Duh. Well, okay, not that extreme. But you must put a picture of me in your mind, in your living room, and remember that when you fool around, I’m watching. I’m so watching you.
  2. Bow to Clayton when you see him and say to him, “I’m sorry I’ve been the fool. I’m the dumbass who decided to accuse you of using the Queen as a maid.” Perhaps he will tell you that you’ve been foolish, you’ve been stupid, or both.
  3. Stop making me look bad and get the fuck off of other people’s pages who dislike or hate myself, Trenton, or Clayton. We are done with all the foolishness, and I don’t want my vacations and other things ruined. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Beth

Things I Wish I Could Say to Misty Dawn

Author’s Note: The following is the result of much processing of an argument I witnessed, a blatant attack on my friend Clayton on Twitter. This isn’t the first, nor will it be the last time, someone tries to target Clayton as a “provocateur” or “troublemaker” and tries to accuse me of automatically taking his side, and losing respect for me. This entire letter is something I should have probably written at the moment, but spur of the moment things aren’t always good.

Dear Misty Dawn,

First and foremost, you don’t know who you’re messing with with regard to Clayton. I did not like the blatant violation of Clayton’s right to be in a disability rights space, nor did I care for the blatant disrespect of mine and Clayton’s relationship. Relationship, you may ask? Well, I’m not revealing much except that Clayton is much stronger than any man I’ve been with, and if you understood my history with men, you’d know why Clayton attracts women like me over women with blatant agendas to attack and reproach guys like him. For one, I’ve been ill used, misunderstood, and abused by what we call the patriarchy. I do not date certain kinds of guys because of some stuff I’m going to cover later, but please, you need to get with the program and get with the times. The patriarchal party is over, and I’m not being used by Clayton. He’s not one to do that to me, and before I get any further, nobody belongs to anyone else, contrary to the Brave New World’s Hypnopaedic proverb. Thank you. On to the meat and potatoes, shall we?

My history with men begins with Jason. No, not the Jason I’ve covered here in the blog, but a prior guy who accused me of sexual harassment. First off, try being the girl who was sheltered in a private school, taught that sex was for having babies only, for marriage, all that and then you get guardianshipped at 17 in 2004 after you learned much in high school, except for dating. You could not date, and could have received in school suspension from the Malicoat lady, I forget the woman’s name, but she almost did it, it was however due to lateness and guys making up stories about sexual harassment. Yes, there are women who commit such acts, but it wasn’t me. Jason Lawrence, a young man who went to school with me, threatened a restraining order, but do you know how much that would have cost? I tried to do the same thing with a Mabelin Ramirez, and got nowhere because when I saw prior cases needing such, there were truly domestically abused victims in the room, and there were women there who had broken jaws and teeth, broken arms, bruises, etc. I can’t imagine what those women went through. Calling Clayton names like “provocateur” and “troublemaker” doesn’t add up and he did not, btw, commit domestic violence or want to use me. I never did that to Jason Lawrence either. Yet Jason had every right to get that stupid order, however it would have badly damaged my musical career, and my stupid ass guidance counselor, whoever she was, wanted me to take an exceptional skills class or social skills class that purposely conflicted with my band and chorus stuf. My parents were almost gleeful at that prospect, oh our daughter will have to leave the men alone, but you know what? Men like Jason Lawrence and later Orien Henry had to have been the worst choices anyway because of what you will call antiblind ableism. There was ableism at Titusville High School, ableism everywhere. I bet you that Jason asked the same questions about me that you asked about Clayton or me. Jason asked questions like, “Will she be able to bear children? Are blind women sexy?” God, I would have given my entire teenage years to have one damn sexual encounter but with Catholicism and family strictures on me, I couldn’t. Even if I did, I’d have used protection, I didn’t really want to get pregnant. But men like Jason Lawrence are not fit to be with blind women because of how he treated me in high school, and I’m also sorry but I think the Lawrence family should take note, Jason is a good and intelligent and strong man, but still, his weakness like most men’s weaknesses is disabled women.

Orien Henry was nice enough, but because my parents were in all respects an Italian household, I feel my dad was pretty hostile to Orien and sided moreover with. his mother. The mother thought I was crazy and “psychotic.” This again isn’t true. I was emotionally abused by my parents and wanted a way out. I was close enough to marrying Orien if anything to get me away from a life of guardianship, having my radio and music constantly unplugged and taken away, and having anything and everything not owned by me personally. Even my cell phone was subjected to being stolen, and I say stolen even if the property wasn’t mine because this leads to another one of the guardianship evils.

Guardians are known to isolate theier wards, and it helped my dad that he was hostile to me dating Michael Bonhomme from Haiti, yes, Haiti. I have a thing for black men, as you can tell. My dad made up a sob story about Michael being sexually experienced.” Who cared, not me. Michael had a great voice, great kind of musical talent, and I was looking for a guy with the same kind of talent. Well, I am now living in Colorado not only because of Michael’s inability to be with me, but because I am dead done with my parents approving or disapproving of men I bring into their fold, which is nonexistent to me. I had a few crushes on blind men when I left Florida, when I graduated Titusville, and I discovered that the power dynamic was so much better. It may not be so with sighted guys like Jason and Orien, mainly because Jason and Orien are sighted and not equipped or empowered to help and support me, recently diagnosed with PTSD and being blind also. Who wants a blind woman who’s had to have spent 16 years in guardianship hell? Nobody except for my current partner, Trenton, and when you attacked Clayton, well, it made me wanna fight harder. The thing is it could have taken a bigger toll on my PTSD symptomology. I can’t read your tweets, you’ve been blocked. Comments on this blog have been disabled so that trolls don’t write a damn thing. IF you wish to say anything, and I’d be careful, email is the only way and it will come to me privately.

When I first met Clayton, I was scared. I was a scared and yes, straightlaced mono woman in some empty hollow tower, but you know what? Contrary to what you believe about this dude, he set me free. HE lit my fire and I burned down the tower altogether. Unlike Jason, Orien, and the other guys I’ve dealt with, Clayton and my current partner love and respect me and realize that people like you and my parents are emotionally off so far as I’m concerned. You tried to tell Trenton that I needed to be “put in check”, but guess what? I’m gonna be perfectly honest, I’m more capable than you think. I’m a strong ass woman, PTSD or not, and this is what I get for trying to fight for others’ rights? I realize Clayton said something important regarding the revolutionary way. He said that you have to make others mad, you have to stir the pot, not that he said those words, but you do indeed have to stir the brew. As Bob Marley’s song says, “Stir it up. Little darlin’, stir it up.” I’m gonna stir it up so bad it spills over. One of the things I’m going to do with my life is end the use of guardianships on disabled people, and ironically, I’m going to work with sighted folks who’ve had guardians in their lives. There’s this guy Rick Black, this gal LuAnne Fleming, and all the members of FaceUs, or Families Against Court Embezzlement Unethical Standards, a group in Colorado that calls folks out for being bad and such. Judges and lawyers have been salacious and scandalous and wrong in their rulings because of the guardianship industry. I read LuAnne’s posts a lot, and Rick Black is the man. I won’t say much more.

The big thing about my work is that I’ve received even death threats from folks who think I should suffer. Well, it’s not gonna go down like that. You say I’m entitled and lazy? Take a look in the mirror. I have a few people who say that, but jobs are out because of workplace safety concerns. These range from sexual exploitation at work to men treating me like possibly Mike Pence did and then there’s no life affirmation for LGBTQI+ folks in some areas. I am a staunch ally of this community despite dumping the gay chorus in my area. I cannot do the gala choruses festival now because DWC won’t invest their time in me, and it’s not my fault. They wanted more from me than I could give. All these orgs for any kind are greedy, donate this and donate that, and here I am sacrificing goddamn gold and money for Clayton and others who actually give a damn. Call me entitled, but school being free is a good thing. Blind people not having jobs is indeed a bad thing, but I’ve got comorbid stuff going on and it does not help. It doesn’t help that I was ill treated by patriarchal standards set forth by an Italian father, a Catholic mother, and so much more. I will not, for instance, send any child of mine to a Roman Catholic establishment, they’re being dedicated to the UU church. Also, if you hadn’t noticed, I’ve seen too much ableism in the disabled community. Ableism is a word I gained from, well, you can only guess. I learned the meaning of love from the disabled men I encountered. People try to push hypergamy on me, but Clayton is the embodiment of a warrior king, and I the embodiment of a warrior queen. Try to stop us, but you won’t be able to track down my phone number, or anything else. You need to think before you do anything to stoke the fires of ableism in the community.

Regarding why I protect Clayton from your blatant attacks on his character, you’ve not realized I did this because Clay’s character is not worth attacking. His approach of playing nice with bigots doesn’t work is so real, it is not even funny and his approach is not to play nice with those folks, and it works. Here’s an incident that illustrates why bigotry is wrong. I walk to the Walmart to do my shopping, and the first thing I ask is “Do you have a courtesy someone who can help?” Something like this is asked, and the answer is no. We have nobody, we have nobody, we don’t offer this service. I call bullshit. I cried for what seemed like a half hour in the hall, not only because of the no courtesy clerk service, but I was blatantly accused of harassment of customers. The manager at that location made me feel so uncomfortable and I was like, well, two secs away from calling the cops. Clayton would have been more supportive that way. People at stores have to help blind people because it is a public place with public goods, and no, sighted folks are not going to take over shopping tasks for us. Bullshit on those who wish us dead. NOt only was the shopping incident a bad rap on me, but I was ill treated by a manager whose job it was to serve the blind. If we can’t use visual interpretive services like Aira, which costs money, we can’t go shopping without a sighted assistant willing to communicate and do the stupid job. We are entitled to top notch service because we bust our butts on public transport or nonmedical cabs to do things. We bust our wallets out with paratransit, and yet do you care how little we get? We’re angry, yes, but we’re not playing nice with people who accuse us of harassment when clearly, we ask for help. I spoke to Jen at Walmart Corporate offices at West Colfax, and she swore she’d give the manager better training. She’d train it out, but do I trust that she did?

This incidence and others illustrate the need to shout, scream, and let the whole thing hang out. This is, by the way, a paraphrase of a Britney and Will I Am song. I changed it up for effect, but still.

The thing I wish I could tell you is this: I look at Clayton and I see myself. I see the male version of me in the mirror staring back at me. It’s a scary but lovely prospect. I won’t tell you much more because you’ve judged Clayton and me as bad. You don’t get it. I live on on my own, pay my own goddamn bills, and I’m planning my own vacations and dates with people. I don’t need a blind or disabled person who doesn’t live on their own to dictate what my life will look like. I will also tell you that blind men with family hovering over them disapprove of me so much. I’ll tell you at least that my ex in Arizona, his mom disapproves because of my PTSD and mental health concerns. This woman should be blacklisted for any work dealing with mental health rehabilitation because she lost a son to a woman who wasn’t even getting treatment for drugs etc. This lady took all her frustrations out on me, all the anger went into separating me from Blake, my beloved ex who is still friends with me and still btw calls me up on Christmas and birthdays and such. Blake, who cares so deeply about me, but he doesn’t realize I have my own life to live. My mission is not complete, but Blake’s mission is different, and I respect that. But Blake is not my lover as of seven years back, but still, he has his good points. AS my buddy Kristen from the private school said, “We all have our good and bad points.” She’s right. I will admit I have disagreements even with Clayton, but unlike someone else here, I table those disagreements and we don’t fight like kids. I hope your life gets better, and you realize that what you did wrong will not be forgotten, though your name is gone on Twitter and other things. Come when you are ready to be able to approach Clayton like an adult, not like a child.

Sincerely,

Beth Taurasi

My Mental State Is Not MY Fault

Dear Readers,

It’s been another while since I posted here on WordPress. I want to tell you all a little bit about me nobody knows, except on FB. I shared on FB and Twitter about having a diagnosis of PTSD, and I see the symptomology of it every day popping up in my life. My heart rate goes up a lot when I get nervous, and that’s nothing compared to what happens when I see names, phrases, and people that I need to avoid to make sure they don’t hurt me again. Examples of these include a young woman who followed me on Twitter and beforehand, called me a slut. Worse, she called me a “dick hungry dog in heat” and referenced my ex, Joseph Hagemeier. I don’t appreciate that and it hurt me lots. Now every time I see that girl’s name on Twitter, my heart races like a car on a trioval track. I don’t ever associate with Downtown Denver too, avoid Lodo because of all the shit that I’ve been through. Trenton and I have been through practically hell, and we’re stronger for knowing this information. I cannot, however, for the life of all things good, I can’t tell you how much both Trenton and my close friend, Clayton, have both been incredibly supportive, even if Clayton or Trenton had weak spots or mental stuff or something dark happened to either. I also want to tell you all, this diagnosis is by no means a license to call me names, call me out, or threaten my life. Clayton especially won’t put up with this. Target me, and I promise there will be consequences.

Another thing, I have to be careful because people have made awful judgments about my love life, and I only have energy for so much time between two strong men. Yes, I’m studying and wanting to explore an open relationship, and Trenton says it was my idea. Even if you don’t read this blog, you should educate yourselves on open relationships. I will only open my heart to one man, and maybe a bisexual female if she likes both myself and Trenton. I don’t want to hurt Trenton’s chances of being father figure at all, but Clayton being the experienced and wise for his age kind of guy should get the chance first because of his experience and because this is a need for him. I’ve never seen a guy cry over stuff and never felt the need to comfort him as strongly as I do now. WE’ve bonded so well, I may be doing some stuff on the internet to help him get money in the jar, and I have promoted the hell out of his Twitter tip jar. HE has two Twitters with tip jars, so the more the merrier. IF you wish to send him a tip, please tweet me, and I’ll show you where to follow and send him a tip. This guy. has been nothing but loyal, sweet, strong, and true to me since the beginning. I apologize if I ever said a hurtful word to him, I regret writing stuff I might have because I was angry that he quit speaking to me for a time, but he bounced back like a boomerang, and he said he loved me too much not to say a word. I owe my strength to his wisdom. HE has taught me loads of stuff, but there’s more we can learn from each other.

AS I watch the Handmaid’s Tale, I can only think of what could have happened if the U.S. fell. Clay would be thrown aside and white old fur dressed men would take the spotlight, ban women from voting, and deprive us all of rights. I swear I won’t let the bad happen to Clay and me, or Trenton either. I told him once that I’d have stormed Trenton’s captor’s plantation and stolen Trenton by allowing Clayton to purchase him as “my wife’s butler.” Clayton would spin stories of all this stuff. He’d have banged up a few bad guys, and we’d flee to Canada, just like in the Handmaid’s Tale. Clayton would not be forced to command a dangerous regiment of sighted guys, but rather, I bet he would have to gather the nerdy among us and we’d have to, I swear to God, use every weapon at our disposal to rid the U.S. of these dangerous people. I want a country where Trenton and I and the babies are safe, no matter what. I’ve got many ideas on how to raise a family and even I have received much support from both of these guys, and they love me to no end. I thank the Gods every day for the blessing of these wonderful men, and more. I’ve got two girlfriends who want to hang with me, one other who wants to send me clothing. My mental state is a direct result of my toxic family, however. Clayton and I bonded over our family issues, and because I’m trying to be strong for him and Trenton, trust me sleep is elusive. Blame it on me, I don’t wanna wake up and find any of these guys taken from me, dead, or worse. My diagnosis is not shocking, and I think I see myself in Clayton, he is like the male versibon of myself, sort of. WE’ve gotten that much closer, and I can’t wait to meet him at some point. This won’t be discussed here but please bear in mind, I’m letting him call out the first things about us. I want him to make a move. Not me. Thank you readers for reading this, and if anyone wants to comment on what I wrote here, tweet or send me an email or contact me on my socials on the main website, which is listed in my twitter account.

Beth

#BritneyIsFree

Dear readers,

I knew this moment and day would come. Britney Spears, a wealthy pop star, is free. But honestly, there are many others who aren’t free. It is a real human rights issue, and let me explain why.

1. The victims of conservators and guardians all over the country are silenced by threats of overmedication, liquidation, and lack of visitation.

2. The victims are indeed if not threatened with overmedication, liquidation, and no visitation, they are also threatened with cremation upon death or a DNR or kidnapping by the professional for profit guardian. Rebecca Firrel from Orlando is a good example. Tracy Hudson is another. Both have resigned, but Tracy is now on trial for stealing and embezzling funds from elderly clients. This includes Tampa Bay Buccaneer football game tickets she purchased because she stole some lady’s money. Tracy also managed to ruin many people’s lives. Many activists I work with know of her crimes, and she’s just not owning up.

3. Even if a victim is freed, there are issues people have, including some who like to cyberbully a guardianship survivor. Britney Spears is lucky people carry banners for her, and they fight for her freedom. But I had to scream, shout, and let it all out as Britney would say in one of her songs she does with Will I Am, rapper from the Black Eyed Peas. I had to go through lawyers, some trying to charge me money I don’t have. My parents realized they’d be no use as guardians, had to get rid of this guardianship also because they are beginning to think maybee they did something terrible. Well, here’s another thing. My parents don’t realize I am now the target of every joke in the blind community, and the guy who threatened slander charges on this blog has recently committed crimes of his own, probably because he has a sense of entitlement and can’t handle strong women. He has a fragile ego, and he said my guardianship was correct. For a man like that to think guardianship is okay, he’s in for a rude awakening. Guardianship is abusive, plain and simple, and must be abolished because of what reasons I stated above.

3. Victims of guardianship can’t have kids. Unless you’re a screaming shouting person like one girl I spoke to, standard fare for guardianship victims is usually an IUD up your ass. AN IUD prevents pregnancy, and because I had to wait so long to think about getting pregnant, guess what? I’m 35 and a mother of zero, and unfortunately, I could end up joining the millions of women who have died in childbirth complications over the years. I don’t want my pregnancy to be high risk, and there is a chance I could die because of age. My parents had no consideration but for their sons only. IF I had stayed behind in FLorida, they might have put an IUD in my body and told me I was their pet dog instead of their daughter.

4. Victim advocates say that disabled people in group homes are more vulnerable to rape etc. Robert Blanchard, the father of one such, said so about his daughter. Dawn is developmentally disabled, living in a group home in Rockledge, a few miles or more from my hometown. Why did the state agency hire the guy who raped Dawn? Dawn Blanchard’s story is written in the Florida Today and other papers far as I know, but her son is in the care of Robert and his kin. It is sad that Dawn was not able to tell the truth from lies about her caregiver, a male who fathered the child, and then there’s that guy in Arizona who fathered a little baby from a female in a vegetative state. Guys, guardianship victims in either family or for profit situations are in a lot of danger this way, and Dad once said I would benefit from group home placement, but I don’t want to live in a group home for one reason: I wouldn’t be able to have relationships with either the opposite sex or children or relatives. Group homes are rigid with rules, rules that would ruin lives too. Dawn is probably in a different home, but Robert still wonders why that asshole treated his beloved daughter like “a pece of meat” as he wrote once.

5. Guardianship victims often don’t have jobs. Britney is the exception to the rule. Oftentimes, guardianships are gotten by lies and enterprising remarks in the courtroom. Examples include that the patient has dementia, which is total bullshit on Britney’s part. For me, it was “emotional handicaps and severe mental handicap.” Blah blah blah. It’s all lies, and those lies make money. It seems that there are mor Marla Graysons in the world, not enough Jennifer Petersons, and if you haven’t watche the movie I Care A Lot, you wouldn’t get the references. Marla was an abusive ruthless guardian, and Jennifer saw through all the meds, the kidnapping, all that, and she told Marla off. So did a guy whose mom was in her care. Spoiler alert: Marla gets what she deserves, but there’s more. Guardians who are evil need to do the following.

1. They ned to name and claim and tame the problem. They neeed to define their actions as abusive much like sex offenders do. Defining your actions as abusive might take the shape of not living near your elders, not making decisions about any family with disabilities or who are elderly, or giving a voice to those who need it. Example, Danny becomes paralyzed in an automobile accident. He must use a power wheelchair, and in this example which I’m making up, let’s say that Danny needs a barrier free home with bars everywhere, a toilet seat arrangement with bars in the bathrooms, and ramps and big doorways everywhere. While in the fight for this, Danny’s mom and dad have to be able to argue and say to the building people for the house, “Our son is paralyzed and can’t walk, so you need to build him the house he designs.” On top of this, car insurers responsible for the offender who ran Danny over will have to pay up for the building and renovation of his house, and without removing constitutional rights, Danny’s family and friends will have to make sure the offender pays up and even if he’s uninsured, a lawsuit will have to be filed because of the deep impact his paralysis will have. While this is going on, Danny’s mom and dad will have to contend with what do we do for Danny and his wife while he’s in rehab? One of those things would be that they’d have to never consider guardianship. They would have to understand that guardianship is abusive, no matter who does it, no matter who sas it. NO matter how you slice and dice it, if someone becomes disabled by no fault of their own, guardianship is off the table.

2. Guardians must pay back their victims. Jamie Spears, listen up. You ruined your daughter’s life, so pay up. Britney needs her money back, and hopefully forever rids herself of people who want to ruin her life. Britney, if you want, I’d suggest you share the money with victims and survivors of AMerica’s for profit sexist misogynistic guardianship system. I hate unpacking the victim card, but guardianship is evil, pure and simple. Marla Grayson in I Care A Lot uses all of Jennifer’s money and Mrs. Felstrom’s money to go on yachts and do parties and getaways, though not all aspects of this are shown. YOu see Marla’s nice house, her partner, her going into cafes and upscale dining areas. Well, now if I were a survivor of hers, I’d make her pay. I’d sue her for using the money from liquidation and all to pay me back for her little escapades to upscale restaurants and all. It doesn’t matter whether the money went to care, it also went to the guardians’ personal trip to Italy or Jamaica or Estonia for God’s sake.

3. Guardians must be prosecuted. IF you are a believer that guardianship is correct, think about this for a moment. Guardians are evil, unless they’re the ones who look after foster children. IF you’re saying that any guardianship or conservatorship is correct, you’re being a fool and lying to yourself. Guardianship is abusive, plain and simple, and should be prosecuted as the following: unlawful imprisonment, medical neglect/abuse, court embezzlement, fraud, welfare fraud regarding handicapped persons or disabled people, and con artistry and cheating so that you get all the money and they don’t. Confidence men have evolved over the years, and here we have people who are confidence people, con artists, who guardianize. Here’s how I avoid them:

1. I don’t like people coming to my apartment unexpectedly. Know your schedule, and keep a watch on people who come to your apartment unexpectedly and at short notice, or make sure you have a security camera based system such as Deep Sentinel or NestAware at your house, and make it clear that if someone shows up at your house to rob, steal, or spy on you, don’t let them in. IF someone shows up unannounced at your door, be aware of that person’s motives and make them leave immediately.

2. IF you are kidnapped or a crime is committed against you, speak up, scream, shout. LEt it all out and don’t hold back. Police are supposed to help you, but if they do not, call your nearest Disability Rights if you are able, but furthermore, if you can walk outside your house or care facility, do it. And run. Run as far as you can, get the attention of someone you know and trust, tell the police you’ve ben kidnapped by a for profit con artist, don’t let them speak for you to say you’re crazy. Also, for the elderly folks, don’t answer the phone to anyone you suspect may be conning you into being the guardian player in your life.

3. IF your loved one is not able to visit you, scream all over the Internet, scream in court, do whatever it is you can to get your loved one back in your house. Make sure you have a camera based security system such as Deep Sentinel or NestAware, and keep track of footage. Your loved one needs a safe place to stay, so make sure you ave that ready.

I hope Britney will follow the steps in this blog entry, so that this way she is safe from con artists in her elder years. Thank you for reading.

Beth

How do you live in a world with no blind princesses?

Dear readers,

I recently tried to answer a question for a podcast done by a blind dude who specializes in blindness specific things. One of his questions had to do with coverage in the media, and I also included Hollywood coverage. Let me tell you how lackluster at best the coverage is, and it affects not only blind women like me, but if I want to create a fan fiction story, I have to do it right. And there are no blind characters to work with in most of the hot button media series thingies. Here’s what we have to work with.

As a young girl, I grew up with Disney. How well has Disney represented disabled characters in the media? I’d give Disney an F for unfair representation of blind and disabled characters. Disabled characters in literature and movies and such are usually saints, poor beggars, or those who are cured, and examples are few and far between. There is only one blind woman who I would hold up as one who opposes being helpless. Anyone heard of Susan Oldknow? Um, maybe you haven’t, but she is in the Treasure of Green Knowe series, actually the title of the book is Treasure of Green Knowe. In this book, Spoiler alert, Susan becomes heiress to Green Knowe and she ends up overcoming loads of obstacles to get there. Among which, she has to contend with a nanny who’s completely out of her mind, a grandmother who believes Susan is an idiot, and the only friend in her family is her father, a sea captain who wants her educated like her mother and all the ladies before, and this is before the invention of Braille. But the worst thing that occurs usually in a family like this is the son gets spoiled, and Susan’s brother Sefton is no exception. He acts racist toward Susan’s companion, Jacob, who, spoiler alert, is a freed African slave the captain purchased, and yes, the boy was free in England with the captain’s family. The Captain is usually a guy who you would find away on sailing missions, so no surprise that Sefton hates his sister and wants to disparrage her companion.

What’s really sad about the blind issue in the media and coverage in television news stories and other things is this: all the blind are considered helpless, and because the NFB and other consumer orgs want better representation, there is a darker side to finding such representation. When I wrote that I needed help determining what to do with evacuation strategies for my apartment, I personally don’t feel safe here much because of the creepers here, I got nasty backlash comments from trolls who were, oddly enough, blind themselves. The blindness is not the reason I ask for help, beg to get guidance in housing situations, and so on and so forth.

What I do does not represent Hollywood or blind people in general, but I have indeed tried to hold up the community, but they seem to be tearing me down instead of lifting me up, and even local chorus people don’t seem to get it. They want to sit there and tear me down, forget I exist, or try to avoid me. I hate avoidance behavior, but I think the biggest reason we have avoidant individuals around us as blind people is because of that stupid television show, In the Dark, and the NFB’s complaints about that show are numerous. For one, the blind main character was played by a sighted actor. Ugh. This is ableist. It’s the same thing as asking Caucasian people to play Japanese characters in anime, and it’s disgusting.

As a blind girl, there are no blind princesses Disney has to offer. Tiana is the closest to getting there Disney has done with princess representation in the media. However, there is still a long way to go. Disney has yet to put a disabled actress as a princess in a movie, and to make a disabled princess be the center of the story. Because of Disney’s lack of disability positive representation, I’m considering writing Disney a heartfelt note saying that a princess with confidence and a disability would really help the community see things the way I see them. And we need a princess who can lift others up, not have to be able to see and don’t count Ariel’s temporary disability because her voice is essential to her story. ursula, the evil witch in the Little Mermaid movie Disney so violently corrupted, did take Ariel’s voice, but was killed by Eric and so on if memory serves me right. The original Hans Christian Andersen story doesn’t do much justice either. The mermaid has to, spoiler alert, kill her lover or become a child of the air, which is hardly what Disney wants. Disney’s interests aren’t the interests of the disabled community, and the more I see new princess movies come out, the more left out fellow princess lovers and Disnerds who are blind are going to feel.

When you get a little older, superheroes and more adult films are the norm. I still watch princess movies, but what will I be able to do other than write up a fairy tale that explains my life in a child’s point of view/ Nothing explains things I went through that way at all. In adult film and TV series, we have few and rare blind characters that exhibit any form of confidence or enough courage and strength to tell a blind adult or young teen, “You can be who you want to be.” If Disney wanted to do this sort of thing, maybe they should make a movie about a blind woman, not Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder, but a woman who is blind because women who are blind are poorly represented in television sitcoms, movies, and the like. No blind woman should be portrayed as a sexual object to be married off, or worse, a fear based thing you don’t want to become. As a blind woman, how can anyone be so confident in themselves as females if they see a blind woman not succeeding in making some extraordinary changes in the world? I want to change the world so it is safe for girls and women who are blind in all parts of the world to live their lives, no guardianship for girls and women, including all the remote parts of the world who seek to oppose or kill me. Honestly, I’m seriously trying to do this right, but I’m stuck on social media because of transport that’s so crappy here in my end of town. Think about it. Activists can be activists online, and I’m one who can say I’m an online activist for change, and I don’t see such activism covered in the news.

what bothers me most about the lack of Hollywood representation of people who are blind is how feared the blindness is. In classic movies, you don’t see confident blind actors and so on. Even modern movies and shows have no blind characters. It seems Arthur from PBS does, but that’s meant for educational purposes only. Sesame Street is a kid program, but we need to get the word out that blind kids and adults alike need positive role models in the media, in sitcoms, in Netflix and other streaming platform shows, and not the Healing Powers of Dude. Poor representation of disabled people and jokes about us are all over the media, and those have to go.

Luckily, I did do a good initial review of See, a show about blind characters, but why is Jason Momoa, a sighted actor, playing the blind warrior? I hope there are blind thesbians willing to speak out. At least we’re on the way to doing better, but hardly are we any closer than we should have been long ago. In 1990, Disney could have published stuff about not so helpless people with disabilities, but it’s taking them way too long. Other hollywood companies like Dreamworks, Warner Brothers, and so many others could benefit from putting blind people on TV and in movies outside an educational purpose only.

Beth

A letter to the Denver 7 peoples about guardianship

Author’s note: I forgot to mention that because I call people out for being guardian activists on behalf of upholding the status quo, or because I do speak out against unjust things, I got a death threat from a woman in Avilar, someone who was cowardice enough to disconnect her phone after I published it. Well, she deserved whatever came to her because you don’t threaten people’s lives. It’s illegal. And I don’t want hate crimes to be committed against me or my partner.

I’d like to share the email I just wrote the Denver Channel folks, though. Jennifer is their investigative girl, and she’s good. Really good. She and this producer did a story on guardianship fraud. I went and wrote the Great American novel, wink wink, about the whole thing. This is the signification of my email.

To whom it may concern,I’d like to reach out to Jennifer and Joe, who were so awesome in bringing a story about guardianship fraud to a Colorado news media channel. I hope it catches the attention of social services workers in this state as they really don’t seem to, um, care a lot like in the Netflix film. My name is Beth Taurasi. I was the victim of guardianship abuse in my native Florida, so I moved here to escape it. When I learned from LuAnn Fleming and others about what guardianship does, I pushed to have it removed. But removing a guardianship is not easy, not in any state. I was lucky to have a doc and a nurse in Colorado say well, she’s capable and competent and all that crap. But it’s ableist, sexist too. I saw the segments with Britney’s songs, and I was so supercharged because I know for a fact that Britney’s guardianship and mine are pretty similar, but different too.I was born totally blind and could never see the beautiful blue sky. But what bothered my parents was that I wanted to experience teenage girl stuff, dating and the like, but my parents were patriarchal, and my dad is someone I want to call Patriarch number 1. He might have been the one to orchestrate the guardianship and isolation I went through. I was told many times I couldn’t call a friend, talk to someone, and all that stuff. Recently I learned the power of friendship and check ins with friends because I was losing my mind over some things, drowned my sorrows in Gatorade, mind you it wasn’t Jack Daniels, but I always worried that my friends would get irate with me and say don’t call me again. Part of this problem probably stemmed from guardians like the Patriarch number 1 going after my friends and telling them how to interact with me. They treated me like an animal, not like a human being. This went on until I was told how to use the Internet, oh you will only use it from 10 AM to 4 PM EST or EDT whatever. I was living in Florida, and was begging for a trip to Littleton in Colorado to get training on the Blindness front. But I was so emotionally abused and manipulated, gaslit by professionals and teachers alike, so much because they were calling me bossy and silencing my leadership abilities. Now, I can’t even get a job and career and I don’t frankly think I will be able to safely have one because of a few different factors, mainly the activism and such. I read this book called Youth to Power, and it says you have to find your why. Well, my why with guardianship activism is because after five years, I left Florida for Littleton, and even after, I wasn’t given enough support from my parents, and they never wanted me to have money for food. I would be starving in half my classes, I passed out once, though I did get some if not a lot of care. I ended up at one time trying to find a spiritual group other than the Roman Catholic church which was where my parents came from. My partner, Trenton Matthews, is the most supportive partner I’ve had, and he has to put up with me sometimes being angry at stuff but I usually am comforted by his presence more than anything. In the years before I met my amazing partner, however, I had to endure abusive relationships, namely those of a guy online and I lacked any support for my ambitions. I wish I could go to college, but there’s a debt and I didn’t receive guidance or enough Pell grant money to go. I would fill out my FAFSA but my parents’ income might have something to do with why I am afraid I won’t get Pell money. Who would give such money to someone who wants to make a wedding a social justice issue for example? My other problems may likely be the result of me even speaking out about guardianship and the evils it likes to do and the damage left behind. When I posted on a Facebook community help thing, I got degraded by an ex and a friend of his, someone I knew and hadn’t spoken to, and this strange female figure in the blindness community. Guardianships and the blindness community are intertwined. I’m helping a gal in Orlando get her parents to shut up and let her have her SSI check and honestly, the other problem is that all parents with disabilities are liable to either not teach their kids financial skills, after which they steal the check and hold the disabled person hostage from boyfriends, friends, and others. I’m going to work on a book that helps people escape such a brutality, and it is brutality.I”m open to a news interview. I want to talk to Jennifer because when I had guardianship in Florida, the Colorado instructors in Littleton’s Colorado center for the Blind on West Shepard thought I was good for nothing, and even if it wasn’t the director Julie Deden herself, there were people in that group who were toxic. My boyfriend at the time was a Muslim, so I got Islamophobes talking about this and that and not focusing on their work. I trucked on and graduated the center, but then I realized how my expectations and the guardianship subject had been muted. None of my concerns were given to my parents. They sent all the students home from the center apartments, it wasn’t what they currently have, but when I got home, my parents forced the Catholic faith on me, I couldn’t wear hijab, I was a Muslim at the time, and sure I cared about Jesus, but guardianship allowed my parents to do spiritual abuse. I was practically done when I got back to Littleton, so I never went back. The guardianship was discharged in December of 2020 after I was committed by ceremony to Trenton, and I would use the word commitment ceremony, not wedding, in any report because weddings are usually legal and we can’t lose our benefits.The guardianship in this country is the worst thing I have ever seen. I did say I was helping a gal get out of hers, and it’s no different than mine. My former guardians used to tell me that a certain man I liked was “sexually experienced” and they forbade me from calling a school friend because he was younger, black, and Caribbean. I am done with my parents, for the most part because they don’t even talk to me much. Their actions created a rift in the family, the blindness community responded with anger and toxic commentary. My best friend of ten years is gone because he chose to respond that way. Now I can’t even talk to certain people because they’ll call me spoiled for requesting housing and other things. People simply don’t believe when I say that guardianship abuse must be curbed, stopped, even here in Colorado. I am working with Rocky Mountain Human services because the toxic culture of the blindness community contributeed to mental illness and so on, so I make it a point to use in home care services, mainly the homemaker services, and my caseworker knows the story. Rhonda Cordova, however, does not wish to help me get safe and clean housing. I wonder why. I wonder if it’s a privilege or hatred of me in particular, but the guardianship might have made the difference. Rhonda was reported for being apathetic toward my situation, and she got mad. It had to do with my building’s bedbug crap, and I can’t find housing anywhere else but yeah, the guardianship is leaving me unemployed and living in a bedbug infested chateaux. There are many layers of this and other things I could tell you as to why Colorado should get rid of guardianship in favor of supportive decision making. Pat in the story could benefit from this. He needs to be given a pet dog to play with, people need to let him have money, and perhaps the state should settle for more because he lost his estate. pat has intellectual disability, which is a bit different than me, but still, when I heard the story, even Pat knew something wasn’t right. Lawmakers should make it illegal for a parental guardianship to take place in the cases of disabled kids. ask my main caregiver, Maria Weir, she has a daughter with autism and we talk frequently about issues of social justice, one of which is guardianship. Her little daughter could end up even dead from a guardian doing a bad and evil job at caring for her. I’ve become this social justice warrior because of my life experiences, and I’m fighting some battles of my own as well. Please call me at 720-435-7407 and I’m glad to meet with you. Even if care is going on, you may come in. Please don’t scare my landlord it’s not about her.Thank you so much.PS you can check out my blog and website. I’ll copy the text of this email to my blog after a response.Beth

Letter to my ex boyfriend and others, TW ableism and sexual harassment/fragile masculinity mentioned here

The following piece is dedicated to Blake Tucker, with whom I spent 2 and a half years as a girlfriend, but I’d also like to give a shout out to Jessie, my messy and altogether very good friend from Miami, and thank him for letting me open my eyes. This piece should probably be in the feminist essay collections, and I was inspired to write this because of activists like Jessica Valenti and more importantly, there’s a Muskogee lady that wrote this brilliant essay on how women have been protecting each other in Native American circles. If anyone thinks I weaponized or did something wrong, please read below and feel free to be constructive, positive, and above all, careful what you tell me.

Dear Blake,

Last week was hell. And I couldn’t believe what you did to yourself. I’m not here to discuss a vibrator, sexual freedom, or God. I’m here to discuss you, and how you contributed to a very big problem here in America, got duped by Christians who are telling you that women like me don’t deserve to be heard, and you silently watch me get bitten up by bugs, attacked by heathen Ableists with no logic whatsoever about thee disabled experience on my end, and you don’t even connect with your Native American self. Like it or not, I think I need to tell yoou my story again and for the rest of the people reading this, especially activists, feminists, and others who are interested, I’ll explain where each of us has been.

the whole thing about vibrators is. just plain misunderstanding. Blake, you said to me shortly before we broke up something that absolutely was an affront to me being destressed in a time when stress was everywhere. I won’t write it here, you’ll only get mad at me and such. Blake, I care enough about you as a friend to say you should still go to your church, but I want to present a picture of God you never even drew, saw, or might not think exists.

Jesus, the Christ you report to for missions and so on, was an inclusive figure. Jesus was, however, used to mess up Native cultures to the point of death and nonexistence. The Spanish, particularly those in New Mexico and Arizona, used Jesus as a way to convert what they saw as “heathens.” But it has harmful consequences still today. In the ancient times, if you rolled with Jesus and the rich Eurocentric stuff, you got treated better. Is that fair? Jesus would never have said, kill the ones who don’t convert. I see a parallel between the 1500 to 1700 missions in the sixteenth through the eighteenth centuries and Muhammad the prophet’s weird and deadly fatwa, religious order, to “fight and slay the pagans where ye find them.” Muslims today have this issue with holy war, and among their so called missions is to convert everybody or make them pay with the tax or their lives. It has some rash consequences, including the genocide of the Coptic Christians, and the Jewish people have to contend with the power they are misusing. There’s a tribe in Iraq and Syria called the Yezidi that we have touched on, and because IS, or Islamic State, wants to make the whole world Muslim, you got Yezidi people dying or fighting. Nadia Murad, if you read this, I hope you see the same pattern I am about to describe below.

Blake, when the peoples you represent, all of these peoples, saw the Spanish and the pale faced white humans trashing their beliefs, going after the Native women, the men had little power to do with it. Do you know why the Trail of Tears happened? Because of a white idiot named Andrew Jackson, and the history books don’t tell you enough about it, only to whitewash it. Native beliefs were to be eradicated along with they themselves. There’s something about Natives I am drawn to, and let me explain what it is.

Muskogee activist Sarah Deer writes of a method of protecting women, an ancient survivor network and it whispers too. Deer says that “gossip is an English word” in her essay with the same words as its title. She says that women in the Indian country or first nations people would whisper that a man is dangerous, do things to protect each other, etc etc. Men would get axed not by death or killing, but there’s a whole healing process that goes with the whisper network. Would my white women friends like to try it out? I certainly want to, but Blake, here’s the deal: the tribes affirm women, LGBTQI+ and blind and deaf people. In ancient times, the Native tribes of the West, particularly tribes such as the Hopi and the Navajo, would integrate their deaf and they’d never, never seek to cure blindness. Sure, some babies lived and died as babies but it was never a shameful thing, and there was lots. of medicine to be had in the spiritual ceremony and traditions. There’s even a legend of the Cherokee tribes that affirms women’s power to give life as a weapon of sorts. When a woman in some tribes has her moon time, her menstruation, she would be allowed to go to this sweat lodge thing where she can recuperate and such, and she rests and stretches out the cramps from Hell. But imagine for a moment that this same feeling a woman has could be used to save a race of people. It did in this legend, called Stonecoat, where a stone guy tries to rob the people, kill them, etc., but seven “granddaughters” weaken him in a big show of badassery where they say, “I’m in the sacred way” each time he walks by. He’d try to convince the girls they’re dirty, but the badassery just threw him to the ground. It’s my favorite female legend of Native sorts. There are many others, and I can tell you that Natives had Romeo and Juliet in the legend of Mina-Sauk before we even had Shakespeare. These ancient traditions may not have anything with God or Jesus, but I can tell you this much: weaponizing Jesus as a way of dissing me is not going to work.

Native medicines and beliefs and ancient peoples did not necessarily have anything against a woman making herself feel good. I don’t see much of that, but regarding your comments to me before we broke, the vibrator was a doctor prescribed thing against what we used to call “female hysteria.” For disabled females, this is a common thing you might say back then. Today’s disabled female is likely to experience violence, I have, and isolation, which I have as well. I’m done trying to tell you that disabled women experience violence and you say, I know I know, but Blake, the thing is that America was built on an unfair and unjust patriarchal social hierarchy that has many layers to it. Here’s how it works:

You have cisgender, straight and able white males on top. Follow that with cisgender able straight females, then black straight cisgender males and females respectively, and then you have cisgender straight indigenous folks, followed by all manner of disabled people, black and white included, but then at the very bottom you have nonbinary and sexual minorities. This hierarchy is disgusting and I want it to stop. We don’t need cisgender straight males running things. Native American disabled males who don’t follow a big Evangelical megachurch or even a small one like yours are likely to face homicide, taunts from the higher up people, etc., so I know you would want to stay put in your church. Sure your friends are cool, but there’s something I’m coming up on that I’m not cool with.

It wasn’t Native women who told me you flirted too much. It was a male who, surprise surprise is a disabled Hispanic cisgender straight dude, but oh my god, we’ve been friends since who knows when. Note that I didn’t mention Hispanics in the hierarchy thing though because you have two or three different kinds, including black ones and white ones, so I just go by the black versus the white. NOt all Latinos are white and not all are black, it’s a mixed bag. This friend of mine is amazing, I call him Jessie the Messy, and he’s just plain cool. He’s got his own stuff, works and has a cool head on his shoulders. Jessie warned me about your tendencies, but I was stupid as usual and didn’t read into things because I’ve been taught not to. But sure enough, you get used by someone else, and break another’s heart. Or she broke yours, I don’t care how the relationship panned out. If any girlfriends you have know that you disrespected my beliefs as a feminist and didn’t understand why I was so deeply hurt by the people purporting to believe in Jesus, and I’ll tell that story now.

When you broke it off with me, the now former preacher at Sovereign Grace Community Church in Westminster decided to call me a whore. A whore for being with Trenton. I brought him there in an effort to solidify friendships and maybe even see how the people would react. But thankfully, years later, well, I’m glad I and Trenton haven’t gone. I have a buddy in chorus that recommended I not live in Westminster because of what she called a “scary megachurch” but there are plenty of those in Westminster. What Sovereign Grace did can still be felt today. I attend a UU church, Unitarian universalist, and have found that it’s not only Jesus that suffices for spiritual teaching and knowledge. I can’t subscribe to this notion of “sin” because it’s too flexible and it stings too broadly on a lot of subjects. Wearing a short skirt if you’re identifying as female? Sin, according to the beliefs you’ve chosen. Playing with your own hair if you’re female? Sin again. And the notion of sin is an excuse to make my life more expensive, so think about why your mom, aunts, sisters, all have to pay more for tampons. There is a luxury tax imposed because the government is sexist. The tax code for pink products, feminine stuff, is completely sexist. I only want others to understand that what you did to me represents a bigger problem with guys. Trenton tries to be supportive, and he is extremely cool, but you and anyone trying to attack me is not warranted in doing so.

Here’s what I want you to do. Stop talking to females who use you. I don’t use anyone, so stop it. IF you continue to be a flirt with girls after you’ve married, I’ll have to do what Sarah Deer does and warn her that this might not be the time to marry. I may not say your name, but still. Blake, I also recommend you reading Unladylike, a field guide to smashing the patriarchy and claiming your space. You don’t have to be female to read it, for real. Feminism is for everybody, and it benefits everybody. I do not hate men, as some will tell you, I just want accountability. You heard thee recent story of Josh Dugger, right? I was shocked and heartbroken because no man should be viewing child porn, but Trenton and I know that it’s illegal. We also know that Ashley Madison is not a good place to be if you’re trying to stay faithful. Vibrators aren’t the problem, and women aren’t the problem. Men are. Josh is highly unfaithful and abusive toward kids by viewing child porn. The victims who were used for this pornography are also being abused by Josh because in some way they might have been forced into it. Child pornography is something I know you could never see yourself doing, but if you were sighted, Blake, I wouldn’t be surprised if you went off and told someone that I didn’t look like your ideal woman, and it’s not your fault. Blake, you do have a good heart, but don’t get yourself dragged into conversations where you don’t belong. Lyn, one of the women who did the bad stuff on my community help post, has had nothing to do. She’s speaking from a class, race, and support privilege. I hate that, and data shows that minorities don’t just get subpar supports, they also get subpar commentary and subpar choices for schooling and other things. Your people are in trouble, and it’s not your fault. Why not summon the power of Wilma Mankiller to be your guide? Why not summon the ancestors to help you with some sort of realization of who you are? Jesus is great and all, but Jesus would never want you to label every woman’s desire a sin. The traditions that state that Adams are in charge and Eves are not do not apply to me and all of us anymore. I. can’t stand by and watch as women are sexually assaulted and no one believe them. The bedbug issue in this apartment complex scared my caregiver, and it scared the company, and yet the caseworker wasn’t there when she needed to be, and I don’t bllame her for it, but she needs to show up for me and do for me because I’m her client, and so should she do this for other clients. NASW clearly does put client safety in their code of ethics. I’ve written my local Senator for the state district 4, and I hope to have an appointment with her because the laws and policies that are in place are enabling Lyns everywhere to ruin lives like mine. Your friend Jennifer thinks she can get away with practically anything, and worse, both those girls spoke from a support class privilege. They had family support, I don’t have it, and they’re white, straight, etc. Lyn has a job, and she didn’t earn the employability. It’s all in the numbers, so look carefully.

Blake, please do some homework and get back to me. Jesus would demand that you apologize, and I apologize if what I said about you was hurtful, but what you did really wasn’t your fault per se. Though you chose this set of beliefs about Jesus and women, yu do have a choice to enact safer ways of interacting with the females in your life such that you don’t get ire from Jessies everywhere, or even your family’s women. Don’t subscribe to this notion that sin is everything, and it’s not sinful for a woman to read or write. Please read the Handmaid’s Tale and the Testaments, authored by Margaret Atwood, and she really has a lot of wisdom about why she wrote these books.

Beth

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