Loving Day: what It Means to Me

Dear readers,

Imagine you couldn’t marry the person you loved because the person you loved was a different skin color. That was the reality of the Lovings, Mildred and Richard. About yesterday, it was Loving Day, a day that celebrates something Richard and Mildred dared to do. They were each raised in a very inclusive community. Mildred was one color, Richard the other. but it didn’t matter to Mildred’s brother Otha. Otha was the one who set Mildred up with Richard, they’d been friends in school. Isn’t that how it all works? they secretly married because of a last vestige of segregation in their home state, and it was horrible. They were affected by racial purity and what they call antimiscegenation laws that prohibited interracial marriage. This couple went above the heads of the authorities, pursued justice for each other and their children, and they ultimately won the fight for all interracial couples such as myself and Trenton.

what does Loving Day have to do with me as a person? Personally, I find black people are the strongest and best examples of really resourceful people on the planet. I’m ashamed to say that white people try every day to steal the inventiveness away from black folk. Let’s say that the blacks invented a lot of things, including traffic lights, ice cream, a refrigerator, if I’m not mistaken. Black people find ways to make stuff work, but white people just sit around and say they’re smarter when all they seem to be able to do in history is plunder, stalk, and conquer, moreover kill everybody and sit there and make everybody bow down to them, and subjugate. It’s a pattern much like the Elvenbane’s elves. Thanks, Mercedes Lackey.

Why did I just write this though? Trenton is a resourceful sort, just like half the human race. Now I’m not saying all black men are the same way, but the air I get from the black men and women and others alike is that they’re highly intelligent, and no, not servile at all. I can’t stand it when someone says a black man is a servant, a black woman should work as a maid, etc etc. That makes me wanna vomit, because my mother in law is no hotel maid, she worked for years doing computer work. Now that’s brilliant. There is so much untapped talent in both the blind and black communities, but I digress.

As a woman who is ashamed to have been raised in a whitewashed piece of crap family, I don’t even want to entertain the idea of having to put on that Martha apron and cook for some evil or rather dastardly white guy. My mom would slave away at the kitchen every day, my dad would watch football. He rarely cooked, except for a goddamn single dish and it was usually either that or grilled somethings. typical simtcom family you might think, but my birthday was usually too small, life wasn’t affirmed much after the age of twenty, and even when I passed the age of 21 I did not get much, even if I did, it was too small. I never had friends except for the extreme evangelical idiots that populated Titusville, mostly white people, and here I was thinking about marrying a black man. I refuse to put on that stupid Martha apron and go to work in the kitchen, and moreover, it would dishonor all I fought for if I was popping out more than five kids. Ugh. Some evangelical christians in Titusville have this propensity to have too many kids, whether one or three or even six. The biggest family I know is a religious fundamentalist family we all know, and their eldest son Josh committed some dire crimes. He’s white.

So if Loving hadn’t been handed down, I would have been lonely. Trenton is black, and a justice of the Supreme Court would have made hateful statements about blacks, but that wasn’t the case. Honestly, I love Trenton to death. He has his imperfections like everybody else. In two days, we will celebrate Juneteenth, and we’ll have a drum duet, duh. Juneteenth celebrates the end of slavery, and I can tell you slavery would have affected all of us, not just blacks and whites. I’m sorry, but if anyone believes in slavery, that is the wrongest thing in the world. there are still slaves in the world, although not the american slaves, not sanctioned at least. If you take a trip through Atlanta Airport, you’l probably see slaves being shipped and transported, and you won’t even notice. Human trafficking as they now call it is so rampant in poorer communities, and we need to know what causes it. More to come.

Beth

15 years ago …

Dear readers,

It was about fifteen years ago, and May is mental health month so I’m going to be talking about mental health stuff too. It is traumatic when your family denies you basic human rights, and that’s what happened in the fall of 2004, so when I told a cop that I couldn’t live without something or someone, I was placed in the hospital. Just for that, I was later admitted to LaAmistad Behavioral Services, a place in Winter Park, and they’ve since changed, but this place had some clear frameworks for mental health habits sand care I will get into later. But it was fifteen years ago that I was discharged from LaAmistad on May 19, and since then, you gotta admit I came close once to being admitted. That was after being broken up with, and tampered with by an ex. Unfortunately, a friend in Georgia who I no longer speak to thinks I don’t live reality. What is reality/ This begs the question of what constitutes mental health?

I’ll first tell you what constitutes mental health and wellness, and then we’ll talk about the framework of mental health and care that LaAmistad set up. And then we’ll talk about thee subpar care that so many of us are subject to, and how we can fix it all.

First, someone with mental illness so severe it needs hospitalization should and must exhibit dangerous behaviors, including SIB (self injurious behavior) including cutting your body, stabbing yourself with knives and razor blades, etc. I don’t count removing scabs or mosquito bites, or even scratching at those, because insects are everywhere in Florida. And as humans, we need to be able to remove the parasites from our bodies, that includes scabies mites and bedbugs. Okay, but SIB’s are absolutely cutting and stabbing oneself, but here’s another part of the danger to oneself and others. You must have a suicide plan, and the suicide plan can be detailed or not, but if you show this plan or talk about it, someone will say you have dangerous behaviors, are a danger to yourself and others. Homicidal behavior is a big one too.

So what constitutes welllness? Psychopathy is not mental health. If you’re the type who likes to pull the ears and tail of your dog so forcefully that the dog looks at you in surprise, or if the dog howls like a maniac as you do something really bad to them, you are possibly exhibiting psychopathic behavior. Antisocial behavior can also mean starting fires, or if you’ve got a murder rap sheet, or if you think it’s okay to abuse kids and adults in a sexual manner. All these things constitute mental illness and psychopathy.

All of these behaviors or some of those behaviors put together constitute something, and you should get treatment for it. Psychopaths are not easy to treat, but here’s the other thing about that. Psychopathy is rare, it’s not like simple mental illness, complete with self injurious behaviors, not enjoying what you once loved, and threatening suicide. Let me be clear: mental wellness is not being completely free of the SIB thing, or being completely energetic. Everybody’s brain is different. Take it from me.

Also, here’s another tidbit about mental illness: 95% of us mental health patients are the victims, not the perpetrators of violent crime. Make that also the victims of theft and small crimes. When someone with mental health issues is murdered, nobody takes notice. Example: Michael Dingas was a world class runner, and he had schizophrenic symptoms by eleven or twelve, then he was almost at LaAmistad for twelve years. When I was a client there, the young man was moved to another facility, Mom was there. But there was a nice day he went out to possibly buy cigs at a convenience store, and was run over by a vehicle on the crossing. He died a few moments later, and nobody could find the perp because there were no witnesses who cared enough to say who it was. Dingas had a funeral, and I remember his grief stricken mom was in the room. I felt the energy was off, something was truly off, and his mom needed space. I would have given her a hug, but boundaries, space right? So I didn’t. The whole point of this is that if someone did run Michael over, they would have been charged with vehicular homicide, and I think it was likely due to the stigma of mental health.

Also, if you’re being treated for mental health, you should never discount what you get out of it. LaAmistad recommends that each patient in a counseling setting receive 45 minutes per week. For me, I only get it once per month because of medicaid. Medicaid is the poor man’s health insurance in the United States, for those others who are international and curious, and doesn’t always do their thing. I have an incredibly supportive partner, one good thing about me. Having friends and a support network is vital for those with mental illness, and fifteen years ago, I didn’t have that.

What else constitutes mental wellness? Well, here’s something we human modern peoples seem to lack. Can you guess what it is? Bingo, it’s empathy. Empathy is a big thing in humans, a big need for right now. It is lack of this empathy that leads a social worker to declare her case over with an abused child victim, and then the child is murdered while sitting in a dog cage. It is lack of empathy that leaves disabled and low income families in bedbug infested apartments, white gentry buying up the places that a disabled person could use, and so on and so forth. It is empathy that makes a caring person pissed off so bad that they are driven to action. LEt’s look at examples of what empathy does.

For those living in the stone age, or you haven’t paid attention to your psychology book, empathy is something that you can do with your kid, your cat, your friends, the world. Let’s start with closer to home. If you anticipate a baby’s need for milk and feeding, you act as soon as you hear the baby’s hungry cry. That’s empathy in action. When you soothe Grandma’s pain while she lies in the nursing home, and give her plenty of food she can have, that’s empathy. When you celebrate the life of your LGBTQI+ child who’s been bullied and you give them the celebratory dinner at graduation and beyond, that’s empathy. When you put yourself in another’s shoes, that is empathy. There are many people who would say I lack this, but that’s far from the truth. I have to do social justice crap because that’s what constitutes mental illness versus mental wellness. Social justice peoples are not mentally ill psychopaths. Without empathy, you can commit a multitude of crimes, and so when the baby arrives, I swear solemnly and on my dead body I will give my baby the best shot at a good life, including empathic responses to the big questions and small ones too. IF my baby needs milk, I’m going to do it. I do plan to make sure Baby is as strong as possible, and Trenton is the biggest empath I’ve ever come across. Empaths can connect with earth and people, and I could go on about the types there are, but that’s a whole other post for a different day.

I want to say though that if you do feel a consistent sadness, Baby Blues could be diagnosable as postpartum depression, and that’s okay. Just talk to your doctor and get referrals as soon as possible so you and Baby can still share moments together.

Happy mental health awareness month. And stay safe.

Beth

A letter to the Denver 7 peoples about guardianship

Author’s note: I forgot to mention that because I call people out for being guardian activists on behalf of upholding the status quo, or because I do speak out against unjust things, I got a death threat from a woman in Avilar, someone who was cowardice enough to disconnect her phone after I published it. Well, she deserved whatever came to her because you don’t threaten people’s lives. It’s illegal. And I don’t want hate crimes to be committed against me or my partner.

I’d like to share the email I just wrote the Denver Channel folks, though. Jennifer is their investigative girl, and she’s good. Really good. She and this producer did a story on guardianship fraud. I went and wrote the Great American novel, wink wink, about the whole thing. This is the signification of my email.

To whom it may concern,I’d like to reach out to Jennifer and Joe, who were so awesome in bringing a story about guardianship fraud to a Colorado news media channel. I hope it catches the attention of social services workers in this state as they really don’t seem to, um, care a lot like in the Netflix film. My name is Beth Taurasi. I was the victim of guardianship abuse in my native Florida, so I moved here to escape it. When I learned from LuAnn Fleming and others about what guardianship does, I pushed to have it removed. But removing a guardianship is not easy, not in any state. I was lucky to have a doc and a nurse in Colorado say well, she’s capable and competent and all that crap. But it’s ableist, sexist too. I saw the segments with Britney’s songs, and I was so supercharged because I know for a fact that Britney’s guardianship and mine are pretty similar, but different too.I was born totally blind and could never see the beautiful blue sky. But what bothered my parents was that I wanted to experience teenage girl stuff, dating and the like, but my parents were patriarchal, and my dad is someone I want to call Patriarch number 1. He might have been the one to orchestrate the guardianship and isolation I went through. I was told many times I couldn’t call a friend, talk to someone, and all that stuff. Recently I learned the power of friendship and check ins with friends because I was losing my mind over some things, drowned my sorrows in Gatorade, mind you it wasn’t Jack Daniels, but I always worried that my friends would get irate with me and say don’t call me again. Part of this problem probably stemmed from guardians like the Patriarch number 1 going after my friends and telling them how to interact with me. They treated me like an animal, not like a human being. This went on until I was told how to use the Internet, oh you will only use it from 10 AM to 4 PM EST or EDT whatever. I was living in Florida, and was begging for a trip to Littleton in Colorado to get training on the Blindness front. But I was so emotionally abused and manipulated, gaslit by professionals and teachers alike, so much because they were calling me bossy and silencing my leadership abilities. Now, I can’t even get a job and career and I don’t frankly think I will be able to safely have one because of a few different factors, mainly the activism and such. I read this book called Youth to Power, and it says you have to find your why. Well, my why with guardianship activism is because after five years, I left Florida for Littleton, and even after, I wasn’t given enough support from my parents, and they never wanted me to have money for food. I would be starving in half my classes, I passed out once, though I did get some if not a lot of care. I ended up at one time trying to find a spiritual group other than the Roman Catholic church which was where my parents came from. My partner, Trenton Matthews, is the most supportive partner I’ve had, and he has to put up with me sometimes being angry at stuff but I usually am comforted by his presence more than anything. In the years before I met my amazing partner, however, I had to endure abusive relationships, namely those of a guy online and I lacked any support for my ambitions. I wish I could go to college, but there’s a debt and I didn’t receive guidance or enough Pell grant money to go. I would fill out my FAFSA but my parents’ income might have something to do with why I am afraid I won’t get Pell money. Who would give such money to someone who wants to make a wedding a social justice issue for example? My other problems may likely be the result of me even speaking out about guardianship and the evils it likes to do and the damage left behind. When I posted on a Facebook community help thing, I got degraded by an ex and a friend of his, someone I knew and hadn’t spoken to, and this strange female figure in the blindness community. Guardianships and the blindness community are intertwined. I’m helping a gal in Orlando get her parents to shut up and let her have her SSI check and honestly, the other problem is that all parents with disabilities are liable to either not teach their kids financial skills, after which they steal the check and hold the disabled person hostage from boyfriends, friends, and others. I’m going to work on a book that helps people escape such a brutality, and it is brutality.I”m open to a news interview. I want to talk to Jennifer because when I had guardianship in Florida, the Colorado instructors in Littleton’s Colorado center for the Blind on West Shepard thought I was good for nothing, and even if it wasn’t the director Julie Deden herself, there were people in that group who were toxic. My boyfriend at the time was a Muslim, so I got Islamophobes talking about this and that and not focusing on their work. I trucked on and graduated the center, but then I realized how my expectations and the guardianship subject had been muted. None of my concerns were given to my parents. They sent all the students home from the center apartments, it wasn’t what they currently have, but when I got home, my parents forced the Catholic faith on me, I couldn’t wear hijab, I was a Muslim at the time, and sure I cared about Jesus, but guardianship allowed my parents to do spiritual abuse. I was practically done when I got back to Littleton, so I never went back. The guardianship was discharged in December of 2020 after I was committed by ceremony to Trenton, and I would use the word commitment ceremony, not wedding, in any report because weddings are usually legal and we can’t lose our benefits.The guardianship in this country is the worst thing I have ever seen. I did say I was helping a gal get out of hers, and it’s no different than mine. My former guardians used to tell me that a certain man I liked was “sexually experienced” and they forbade me from calling a school friend because he was younger, black, and Caribbean. I am done with my parents, for the most part because they don’t even talk to me much. Their actions created a rift in the family, the blindness community responded with anger and toxic commentary. My best friend of ten years is gone because he chose to respond that way. Now I can’t even talk to certain people because they’ll call me spoiled for requesting housing and other things. People simply don’t believe when I say that guardianship abuse must be curbed, stopped, even here in Colorado. I am working with Rocky Mountain Human services because the toxic culture of the blindness community contributeed to mental illness and so on, so I make it a point to use in home care services, mainly the homemaker services, and my caseworker knows the story. Rhonda Cordova, however, does not wish to help me get safe and clean housing. I wonder why. I wonder if it’s a privilege or hatred of me in particular, but the guardianship might have made the difference. Rhonda was reported for being apathetic toward my situation, and she got mad. It had to do with my building’s bedbug crap, and I can’t find housing anywhere else but yeah, the guardianship is leaving me unemployed and living in a bedbug infested chateaux. There are many layers of this and other things I could tell you as to why Colorado should get rid of guardianship in favor of supportive decision making. Pat in the story could benefit from this. He needs to be given a pet dog to play with, people need to let him have money, and perhaps the state should settle for more because he lost his estate. pat has intellectual disability, which is a bit different than me, but still, when I heard the story, even Pat knew something wasn’t right. Lawmakers should make it illegal for a parental guardianship to take place in the cases of disabled kids. ask my main caregiver, Maria Weir, she has a daughter with autism and we talk frequently about issues of social justice, one of which is guardianship. Her little daughter could end up even dead from a guardian doing a bad and evil job at caring for her. I’ve become this social justice warrior because of my life experiences, and I’m fighting some battles of my own as well. Please call me at 720-435-7407 and I’m glad to meet with you. Even if care is going on, you may come in. Please don’t scare my landlord it’s not about her.Thank you so much.PS you can check out my blog and website. I’ll copy the text of this email to my blog after a response.Beth

Thank you to my followers and likers of sorts

Dear readers,

I’d like to thank all the followers and like people who have taken the time to read and like my work. This means a lot to me. I’d like to call on those blogs about dogs, and those blogs include Totally Dog Time and All About Paws, thank you for liking my guide dog post about how to include dogs for service in spiritual places of worship. This means a lot. Thank you.

What’s next for this blog? I still have yet to finish Brave New World, but this is on the way. You guys won’t be disappointed. But there are pressing issues we must discuss.

I’d also like to thank my buddy Katherine Moss for liking anything she liked, but yeah, I’m following your blog so we can like each other’s stuff. We need to talk more honestly, it’s awesome.

I’d also like to thank those who liked the shutting down Christian schools post. We really need to do this, and with five likes, this is a very good thing. Christian schools that don’t understand or tolerate sexual differences and or gender things should indeed be shuttered for good. This is because if Chloe the student says she has a crush on another female student, we shouldn’t mess with that. Love is love, no matter what. Sexual immorality is just another code for “we want women to submit and get hurt.” Not just women though, but others. To see the likes on that piece was really great. Please affirm the lives of other students who have been expelled from schools like this and if you are a teacher, don’t ever call your female students bossy or anything. That can get you an F for failure to teach a student.

I will be ending this piece on one note. I want shrimp tacos. Whatever.

Thank you readers for your likes, and I want you to email me at the following email address if you want to be part of the Throne Room podcast and get interviewed.

denverqueen@gmx.com

The email address is also where you people can put your comments and feedback for the blog, podcast, and other stuff. Please remember the feedback should be constructive, not destructive. Please also do not call me names, and follow the rules. There’s a couple pages on that, so read those.

Beth

This is ridiculous

TW talk of death, CW talk of racial issues and extreme weather.

Dear readers,

I hate to write this on such short notice, but I’m done. I’m drained, I’m floored, flustered to the point of no return. We aren’t getting services tomorrow at home where they should be at eight to twelve, and I don’t blame necessarily my caregiver for this, but I’ve had caregivers not show up for long periods of time, and I don’t want to hear about the weather here in Colorado. Before you start spouting to me, move to Florida, think about where I was running from. Isolation, overmedication, liquidation, visitation, guardianship Hell. I would indeed happily sell my whole kin on e-bay before I move to a state whose body politic is made of nothing but white people, whose black population acts a certain type of way about me and blindness, whose other populations don’t get it at all. I would gladly upend my dad’s house, sell the trumpet he gave my brother for marching band, pillage the posters and wallpapers on every bedroom wall, and sell the house flipped before I even think of living in Titusville. I would never live there because there is nothing for me. No jobs, no friends, and this is where I am now. I have barely any friends, barely any time to do things, no essential caregiver for Monday, so that means we have to wait till Wednesday for any food and cooking, which puts us at a disadvantage, particularly me, and it’s not even the blindness. I’m sick of cooking and cleaning, not knowing what foods I bought, and during a goddamned pandemic? Give me a break! I can’t imagine what people are doing half buried in snow, but nobody gave me the consideration, the consequence being that I had things in my mattress, namely bedbugs, and the other consequence being that food was made, but it wasn’t healthy food that both myself and my Trenton could eat. Due to inclement weather conditions, we can’t get delivery. Ugh. Would someone please tell the stupid weather man and the weather gods to please please please stop this extreme weather? And before you go spouting off to me about Florida or Hawaii, I’ve got news for you.

As I said, Florida is racist and ableist. I would rather sell my whole family’s possessions and my kin relations and their genealogy before I ever set foot in that place again. It would teach them a lesson, a good hard lesson about what they have forced me into. Trenton wants a world where he matters, he matters a lot to me. If he died tomorrow in my arms because one of these Florida people shot him up with a bullet or two, I’d have to pay so much for his funeral, and before I even say the word funeral, guess what? I’d even do the eulogy and I’d be shouting at the rooftops, “Trenton’s life mattered. And you idiots shot him!!!!!!” I’d be shouting to the rooftops, bring my Trenton back right now, or you will suffer. I’d be screaming at the top of my lungs, this man’s life was snuffed out by your stupidity and I will never see to it that I live near you all again!!!!!!!! Just a half hour ago, I was crying like mad, thinking I was the problem. And worse, this world doesn’t change for people like me. I’d like to see a world where we’re all accepted, broken parts and all, but what we have here is not acceptable. My family didn’t think I was worth saving, that my life didn’t matter, and they stole sixteen years of it and where are Trenton and I going to live?????? If I died tomorrow, I said, well, at least there would be less of me to deal with. While at a workshop with a famous composer, I was confronted with a blatant attack on me and my ancestors, white and black, all of it. The minister was concerned about the agreements and all this stuff, and. he gently reminded me of all this, but I still have to deal with the burden of hurting. My life doesn’t seem to matter to the person who attacked me, and even more, doesn’t matter to the whole stupid world. I don’t blame my caregiver, but I want to see something different. I want to see someone in my building who can adequately cook food to the point of not getting sick after consumption. I wish the snowstorm didn’t happen, that this whole blizzard bullshit wasn’t real, I wanna wake up tomorrow and the thing be normal again. But it feels like a goddamn bad dream, something I won’t wake up from. There’s no lifting up a woman who is the target of attacks, and there’s no jubilee for someone who has not accomplished anything but musical circuses in schools and such. I’m sorry, but this stuff I’m writing here is true to me, and honestly, I’d like the person who tore apart my ancestry and made this rude and evil comment to me at the singing workshop to come forward and apologize. I want a full apology complete with the sentence, “I’m sorry you’re disabled and living in a rotten planetary conspiracy that pervades your existence. I will stop screaming in your presence. …” No, this apology should look this way:

Dear Beth, I didn’t know your story, I don’t know your ancestry. I am sorry I attacked you. I”m a bad consultant when it comes to diversity, and no, I am a racially insensitive bureaucrat.” When I see such an apology, maybe I can shut up and drive the way you people want. How can I be a part of any spiritual group when all I’m seeing is an attack on mixed persons? I want everybody, I don’t care who they are, to recognize the following truths. These apply not only to me but to others.

One, I am blind. The minute that was discovered, my privilege went bye bye.

I am female, and that means guys can prey on me all they seem to want, but that’s illegal. Got it?

Three, who in the world created me? Don’t say the G word, I don’t care about God because God never showed any consideration. Not one iota of consideration for me, not ever. Why’d I become so blind? Why am I the only goddamn person in my family with curly brown hair that frizzed out all the time? Why am I the only person in my family who has chin hairs and is female? Is there a racial reckoning in my family? Here’s another.

Four, the minute someone black walks with me, it’s “Don’t talk to that guy. He’s a gang member/drug dealer/bad news.” Well, haven’t you ugly fools who attacked me taken a look in the mirror lately? You tell me I can’t claim the ancestry of Africans, but it’s written in my DNA, and it won’t lie. You can’t tell me how to sing, laugh, cry, or exist. Haven’t you understood that any so called word you say has a consequence? This means, I’m sitting here crying like the baby you idiots claim I am, and now the day is ruined. I can’t be trusted to cook for myself and or Trenton, and it’s awful. Awful.

I won’t go into detail much more, but now I am wishing I had more support and people who would not attack or insult me about race. Like what am I going to do? Someone please get Cari on the line. Cari would never have done this crap to anyone, and this girl lived in Florida for 15 years. She died at a young age, and we played together as children. I can’t even fathom what she’d think if I brought Trenton to her. “Oh, he’s tall, dark and handsome.” Oh really? Would you really mean it?

readers, if you think this is too much, skip this crap. I’m drained, my eyes are swollen slightly, but moreover, wet and perhaps reddish from crying. I … am … done.

Beth

99 bottles of beer on the wall? For my 99 followers

Dear readers,

I’d like to thank the 99 people who are following my blog. Since I disabled comments, my follower count has grown to almost 100. I need the best marketing tool to get more, but seriously, I think it’s important that people who follow me know how much it means to me.

For one, I am proud to say I blacked out a few comments, among them the ones supporting a sexual predator and harasser, someone who is still up to his old tricks, and so on. Then he gets paranoid and tells a friend, you believe everything that bitch writes in her blog? Well, I’m not yo bitch, so stop it. Okay? I know the strong language is too much for some to handle, but yeah.

For you followers, I’ve written a beautifully concise entry about the spiritual practices centers and how to make them inclusive for people with a disability, specifically blindness and those who use dogs for services like guiding and seizure alerts and such. For you dog enthusiasts, I so wish I had more to say on the dog subject, but I don’t, but do enjoy my reviews of different pop culture thingies. I’ve reviewwed the Brave New World show. I have more to go in the show, but trust me, you’ll want to see it because if you read the book, if you’re in the fandom of such a book, if you want progress in our world, read and take the show with a grain of salt, the book should be broken down like hel. I want to break down the show and compare to the book, of course. My bad news bits be damned, this blog is going to continue.

Now how do I know the predator is up to his old tricks? I got a msg from someone who used to date this guy. “Oh, so and so says I believe everything in your blog.” Something to that effect. I just said to hell with that guy because of his sexism, racism, and so on. He claims he’s not, but doesn’t every supremacist do so? I’ve got more proof than a pile of tomatoes that my parents were and are racist. Here’s why:

Start with the gaslighting. They told Orien’s mom and dad that I was crazy, directed the worst at me, and made fun of my crush on Orien and made it impossible for us to see each other. Now Orien is a flight attendant who’s had to hang up his wings, but still, I hope he can do other things too. However, he is a cancer survivor. The gaslighting continues with Orien’s mom following a guideline from my own mom and threatening me when I begged Orie to pick up the damn phone, and it felt like I was being driven out of my own kingdom, queendom maybe. My parents continued the gaslighting activities with a Haitian gentleman named Michael Bonhomme, and he was told probably by my mom not to see me when I got to Colorado. Michael’s heart didn’t need to be broken, but it got worse with Deq Ahmed, my ex who broke the records first. Deq was Somali, and as consequence, Muslim. My parents and Deq and I had a phone call, but it all ended with my parents grilling Deq with job questions, designed to put barriers in front of us. The clan family didn’t approve of Deq marrying me because of my parents and their guardianship, and I even told my parents, get rid of this or Deq won’t marry me. They didn’t, and as a consequence, I lost the man I wanted to a refugee woman who was prearranged to marry him. Oh well.

Because of Orien, Michael, and Deq’s stories, Trenton’s story could have ended the same way. We got a commitment ceremony, and Trenton had the same treatment from Dad at the beginning. My dad called and started spouting bedroom related tips and business to Trenton, things like don’t get her pregnant. Well, I’d rather be pregnant with Trenton than a guy who is up to his old tricks trying to shut me down on WordPress and harassing my friends and telling others that if they talk to me, they will die. I’ve heard my share of stories, and they’re all true.

I’d like to thank the 99 followers on this blog for following my content and liking it as well. For one, I’m very happy that the comments are disabled because trolls be damned, I don’t need negative press. Second, let’s fight white supremacy together. What can you do as a parent, for example, or as an educator, to fight this? All 99 of you have different interests, but we have a responsibility to fight white supremacy. Period.

As a parent, learn about systemic racism, teach this to your children, and learn to combat it together.

As a teacher, never use history books with whitewashed symbols and topics. Get a black history friendly curriculum for your children and teach that instead.

Remember, folks, my blog ain’t just about white supremacy. It’s something about disability visibility and women’s issues and … should I say cultural fun and entertainment? Look for more Brave New World stuff coming up. You will not be disappointed.

Beth

How to Hit Your Fitness Goals: I Hit My Fitness Rings Today

Dear readers,

I know, I know, this is the second blog post I’ve written today. But please forgive me, I’m celebrating. I hit all three of my special fitness rings today. And you know what? yoga seems to do the trick for me. I love yoga, it’s amazing, and I don’t even need a damn yoga mat to do my thing. What I need to do is strength training with some weights, and I will get weights and fitness equipment sometime. Trenton really is supportive of my fitness goals, and I have been working on these. My favorite trainer so far as I’m concerned has too be a tie between Jessica and Dustin. They are both amazing teachers, and I like how they describe the motions they are doing in yoga. The yoga flows are amazing, and I think if I could, I’d write Jessica Sky a fan letter. She’s made a big difference in my life so far.

Thank you for the time and energy reading all this fitness stuff. As they all say, close your rings, stay active, and above all, stay safe. If you do not own an Apple Watch, please feel free to invest at least in a fit bit. You don’t have to do fitness in your home, but you can take a casual walk. A brisk walk would work.

Beth

Restitution Does Not Mean Entitlement.

Dear readers,

As a blind person who suffered 15 years of guardian abuse, I would like to offer victims hope that they can find their way out. There are a few hurdles though to doing this. One, I don’t live in NYC, where book publishing is a big business, where the Publishing Houses are. Second, who the hell would want to publish a book that pretty much sums up everything that happened in a nutshell, that I was emotionally and patriarchally abused by a mother that didn’t want an illegitimate blind child and by a bio dad that simply donated his sperm to the cause of creating havoc, and worse, an adoptive father who even suggests that I not see a man because he is “sexually experienced”? I pretty much went through all that stuff. Moreover, the stuff has left me with a few things. See below.

  1. High risk of having a special needs child because of old age.
  2. Not able to adopt because of low income, no housing that is appropriate for babies and toddlers and moreover, there’s no housing available anywhere in the United States. We don’t have a way to buy a proper shelter and get food and clothing for a child we adopt.
  3. No way to ensure the safety and education of both a child and spouse. My spouse to be is black, and that means police brutality has made its way into every aspect of my existence. I have to be the one to do everything, say everything to the cops, all that. Systemic racism has plagued this country forever, and I can’t even teach my mixed race kids one day, “Oh, they will help you find a lost puppy, those boys in the blue uniforms.” How does anyone expect my kids to be safe in the world?
  4. No way to get a job or go to college without filling out forms, that say I’m dependent on someone for finances. I can’t even work as a waitress because who will hire me? Nobody. My ex, Blake Tucker, was not hired at a fitness place for long, all because of blindness.

There are a lot of things Florida should consider. I should have had my job in hand, college degree and all, by 25 years old, should have found someone who would put up with the woman working. Parents oftentimes need two incomes to work, and raising kids sometimes requires the parent to separate and put the child in daycare, which I will not do because daycare statistically doesn’t really work for children with special needs. I’m talking about you autism and blind kid parents, parents with kids who have cerebral palsy and so much other disability related stuff. Daycare doesn’t always include those kids, and you have to hope and pray that pedophiles are not anywhere near your child’s daycare. I don’t want my kid coming home and swaying their hips in a sexually suggestive way at six years old, and performing oral sex on a sibling or pet. That would tell me something’s wrong. The child would not be in trouble, I’d say, but the adults would. That’s the thing, the adults who are taking care of my kid would be in big doo doo.

In any case, since I can’t get a job or can’t get a college degree without rehabilitative objections, I feel that restitution is in order, and here’s my plan: I’m going to discuss a settlement and support plan so that the county where the guardianship was posted will have to pay up. I can do nothing in return, except for publish my book, write a memoir, and do other things that allow me to express myself like write music. How I do it, nobody will need to know. However, the county should owe me support payments totalling upwards of millions of dollars, most of which will go into a startup to put the U.S. guardianship industry in check, and I will pay other people’s lawyer bills and be a witness to anyone who has disability that is currently under guardianship in court to pretty much put away the professionals who ruin the lives fo others with disabilities. Unlike me, though, most of the other guardian victims are elderly, live in the Sun Belt, and don’t do much else but get overmedicated in a nursing home, beat up by their caregivers, and a lot more. I want to dedicate this post to my dear friend, Laura, whose husband in Texas is being guardianized unfairly and he had lots of money to his name. I would gladly pay Laura a good portion of that money so that she could get a good lawyer and beat the crap out of the guardians holding her lover hostage. Laura had her story featured on Netflix’s Dirty Money episode, Guardians Incorporated. Please watch it, and if you are a Netflix subscriber, you’ll thank me in the end.

Here’s the plan for restitution that I plan to put up for Florida, and they must pay this or I’ll write the state off as unsafe for all kinds of people.

  1. 15 or $150,000,000 total for the restitution. That symbolizes 15 years, and if necessary, another bunch for the sixteenth year spent in process.
  2. Two thirds of the $150,000,000 will be used for the guardianship fund startup money, and all that will be used to evaluate and determine persons with disabilities who need to be freed from guardianship bondage throughout the United States, and as an example, Florida.
  3. The rest of the money will go toward housing, family expenses, and buying assets that can’t be bought due to income restrictions on SSI, SSDI, and lack of appropriate medical insurance. Because of the lack of a job, lack of college degree, and so on, there may need to be an extra $5,000,000 for a college degree outside the state in political science or creative writing. I will not use music as a primary degree due to the intensity of the requirements, juries, and practice. This is very important because most jobs won’t hire a blind person with no college degree.
  4. I will probably ask the state to revoke guardianship rights to my parents, and this will include their right to guardianize all family members, including but not limited to elders and disabled kids. No member of my family should be denying constitutional rights to disabled or elderly people based on perceived competence or lack thereof. My constitutional rights are granted to me by my creator as it says clearly in the preamble. A judge should not deny me those rights because of a disability or being female.

I also want to see if I can milk the hell out of the state for better therapy in my state of residence, and I won’t move to Florida because of the aiding and abetting guardian abuse that this state is famous for. Colorado therapists have trusted that they will make a better decision and I don’t trust Florida psychologists who are prone to racial bias and ableist bias because of their not knowing me, not knowing who I am, and so on. I have an appointment with a new psych doc, and she’s probably heard all the bad the good the rumors that the previous doc might have written in my chart. I want her to understand that Florida needs to know that I oversee all the things that I need done in the house, and I will not be made a slave to men, boys, and or family that wishes not to pay me. If my family wants me to be their maid, I won’t without charging extremely high prices and opening a maid business. They need to understand that my skills are supposed to be mine, not to be used or abused by family and other people who want me to fail.

There is one thing I want to point out. Anyone who associates with those who want me to fail should realize that stalking and harassment are crimes, and W.D. and an ex of mine are now going to be under investigation. My ex at least will be under investigation and he will be taken down. He doesn’t get it. I’ve been through hell with him, and so have other girls.

Please support the blog. I also have a new podcast episode about schools, so please check it out and be safe and well.

Beth

Updates and more

Dear readers,

JOrge is doing okay, and as it turns out, the block on Twitter was a deactivation. Please forgive the miscommunication. I’d been going through a lot in this year, and it didn’t occur to me that this guy would ever go through the same things I have, and there are a lot of things I have to clear up. But what I have to deal with these days is anything but fun. No way can I shop for wedding dresses without people getting suspicious. I can’t even have bridesmaids and a flower girl. What is the freaking point? There is none. And I had no idea what was happening to my friend, and he had to change his phone number, so good thing I deleted it. Again, forgive the miscommunication, but blocking on twitter does say a lot. I blocked W.D. on twitter because he was a bad and evil persona who wanted to okay abuse and isolation of elderly and disabled people. what a sorry mess he is.

Thank you all for reading this.

Beth

Say Yes to Giving a Dress?????? Stimulus Check could Determine Whether I Do

Dear readers,

I am only able to do a love ceremony, but I’m going to tell you all this right now: not in my birthday suit. And I won’t wear regular clothes to a courthouse to do it because my partner’s healthcare will be lost. Human Services is already playing tricks on us to try and stop fraud and abuse, which is stupid. As a blind bride to be, I will never be considered for charities like those who donate wedding gowns and such because I’m not doing a legal wedding per se, and i don’t want to take my partner’s last name. I will bow to no one, even a bad old guard style patriarchal God. Why? Because I’ve been excluded and called a whore at churches, and nobody believes this story. I’ve been voted out of a church and nobody believes this story. As a blind bride to be who will never be able to do the front line work for the pandemic, I will be excluded further. I am begging my readers to believe my story, and take action. Why? Read on.

As Congress sits there debasing any argument for disability care, chipping away at our rights, I am wondering if I’ll even get a stimulus check of $1200 from Congress and the IRS to make up for the lost money that I could have earned from the pandemic. That money is quite helpful, and I can use it to get food delivered, get food period, and have good food in my home. However, we planned to use the next check on getting rid of the smelly nasty old mattress we have to sleep on, that we’re constantly covering with febreze and we’re constantly having to air out because it smells. Ugh. And we want to get a groom’s ring, and a dress for me. The dress is the most important expense I’d say we would use it for. Nobody wants to support us in getting the dress, so if Congress doesn’t believe my story and doesn’t want me to have a good so called love ceremony, they can go straight down there because I don’t know what to do. There was one boutique we found, but they’re in Westminster, where my old church is built. Ugh. I am not happy with the church’s decision, and the doctrinal guidelines of many religious institutions say that you have to be legally married to live with your partner, that it has to be a heterosexual relationship. Boo on the homophobia, and I won’t be in need of a male pastor or celebrant. I’d prefer a female of all things, and someone I’m close to that can deal with the situation as is.

As for the dress, I am not raising money for the dress. I’m not raising money and getting attacked. That’s all I get is attacks and so on. I’ve even tried calling the KUSA team at Nine News, but no response. Ugh. Am I really supposed to believe I’m a nobody who deserves nothing? This pandemic is killing a whopping 150,000 plus people, and I know it, but I’m sick of being a nobody that nobody wants to support. I want friends who actually give a damn and people who won’t attack me for saying my family sucks and they are so toxic they don’t deserve to come to the love ceremony. Ugh. Spiritual marriage only, that’s the route we’re taking because of the SSI program and the SSDI program’s mandated restrictions, and that’s just wrong. Plain wrong. I hate to be a beggar, but I have to say, please, if you want to send me a dress at all, it has to be red, not white, not off white. Red. Please, no white lacey gowns with bows or ribbons that make it look like a toddler’s nightgown. Please make sure you send the dress if you’re interested, if you care, or if you want to be the one to make this ceremony happen. Please, if you read this, I’m not a front line worker because of my disability, but disability should not stop me from getting the kind of help I need right now. And it’s not just the dress either. I wish I didn’t have to do this thing online, but we have to. Point the camera here, point the camera there. I am unable to see where to point. So if you are in Colorado, know me well at all, and you’re reading this, please, feel free to drop by the house/apartment. Feel free to help point the camera because I should not have to. Decorate my place because we can’t have it in the park, or in a public space. Ugh. Okay, but please help decorate the place because I’m not that great with that, and visually stunning? This apartment is shabby and crappy, though there are some nice pieces in it, it is still crappy. No matter what you do with this, it is crappy.

Thank you for your help in advance.

Beth