Thank you to my followers and likers of sorts

Dear readers,

I’d like to thank all the followers and like people who have taken the time to read and like my work. This means a lot to me. I’d like to call on those blogs about dogs, and those blogs include Totally Dog Time and All About Paws, thank you for liking my guide dog post about how to include dogs for service in spiritual places of worship. This means a lot. Thank you.

What’s next for this blog? I still have yet to finish Brave New World, but this is on the way. You guys won’t be disappointed. But there are pressing issues we must discuss.

I’d also like to thank my buddy Katherine Moss for liking anything she liked, but yeah, I’m following your blog so we can like each other’s stuff. We need to talk more honestly, it’s awesome.

I’d also like to thank those who liked the shutting down Christian schools post. We really need to do this, and with five likes, this is a very good thing. Christian schools that don’t understand or tolerate sexual differences and or gender things should indeed be shuttered for good. This is because if Chloe the student says she has a crush on another female student, we shouldn’t mess with that. Love is love, no matter what. Sexual immorality is just another code for “we want women to submit and get hurt.” Not just women though, but others. To see the likes on that piece was really great. Please affirm the lives of other students who have been expelled from schools like this and if you are a teacher, don’t ever call your female students bossy or anything. That can get you an F for failure to teach a student.

I will be ending this piece on one note. I want shrimp tacos. Whatever.

Thank you readers for your likes, and I want you to email me at the following email address if you want to be part of the Throne Room podcast and get interviewed.

denverqueen@gmx.com

The email address is also where you people can put your comments and feedback for the blog, podcast, and other stuff. Please remember the feedback should be constructive, not destructive. Please also do not call me names, and follow the rules. There’s a couple pages on that, so read those.

Beth

This is ridiculous

TW talk of death, CW talk of racial issues and extreme weather.

Dear readers,

I hate to write this on such short notice, but I’m done. I’m drained, I’m floored, flustered to the point of no return. We aren’t getting services tomorrow at home where they should be at eight to twelve, and I don’t blame necessarily my caregiver for this, but I’ve had caregivers not show up for long periods of time, and I don’t want to hear about the weather here in Colorado. Before you start spouting to me, move to Florida, think about where I was running from. Isolation, overmedication, liquidation, visitation, guardianship Hell. I would indeed happily sell my whole kin on e-bay before I move to a state whose body politic is made of nothing but white people, whose black population acts a certain type of way about me and blindness, whose other populations don’t get it at all. I would gladly upend my dad’s house, sell the trumpet he gave my brother for marching band, pillage the posters and wallpapers on every bedroom wall, and sell the house flipped before I even think of living in Titusville. I would never live there because there is nothing for me. No jobs, no friends, and this is where I am now. I have barely any friends, barely any time to do things, no essential caregiver for Monday, so that means we have to wait till Wednesday for any food and cooking, which puts us at a disadvantage, particularly me, and it’s not even the blindness. I’m sick of cooking and cleaning, not knowing what foods I bought, and during a goddamned pandemic? Give me a break! I can’t imagine what people are doing half buried in snow, but nobody gave me the consideration, the consequence being that I had things in my mattress, namely bedbugs, and the other consequence being that food was made, but it wasn’t healthy food that both myself and my Trenton could eat. Due to inclement weather conditions, we can’t get delivery. Ugh. Would someone please tell the stupid weather man and the weather gods to please please please stop this extreme weather? And before you go spouting off to me about Florida or Hawaii, I’ve got news for you.

As I said, Florida is racist and ableist. I would rather sell my whole family’s possessions and my kin relations and their genealogy before I ever set foot in that place again. It would teach them a lesson, a good hard lesson about what they have forced me into. Trenton wants a world where he matters, he matters a lot to me. If he died tomorrow in my arms because one of these Florida people shot him up with a bullet or two, I’d have to pay so much for his funeral, and before I even say the word funeral, guess what? I’d even do the eulogy and I’d be shouting at the rooftops, “Trenton’s life mattered. And you idiots shot him!!!!!!” I’d be shouting to the rooftops, bring my Trenton back right now, or you will suffer. I’d be screaming at the top of my lungs, this man’s life was snuffed out by your stupidity and I will never see to it that I live near you all again!!!!!!!! Just a half hour ago, I was crying like mad, thinking I was the problem. And worse, this world doesn’t change for people like me. I’d like to see a world where we’re all accepted, broken parts and all, but what we have here is not acceptable. My family didn’t think I was worth saving, that my life didn’t matter, and they stole sixteen years of it and where are Trenton and I going to live?????? If I died tomorrow, I said, well, at least there would be less of me to deal with. While at a workshop with a famous composer, I was confronted with a blatant attack on me and my ancestors, white and black, all of it. The minister was concerned about the agreements and all this stuff, and. he gently reminded me of all this, but I still have to deal with the burden of hurting. My life doesn’t seem to matter to the person who attacked me, and even more, doesn’t matter to the whole stupid world. I don’t blame my caregiver, but I want to see something different. I want to see someone in my building who can adequately cook food to the point of not getting sick after consumption. I wish the snowstorm didn’t happen, that this whole blizzard bullshit wasn’t real, I wanna wake up tomorrow and the thing be normal again. But it feels like a goddamn bad dream, something I won’t wake up from. There’s no lifting up a woman who is the target of attacks, and there’s no jubilee for someone who has not accomplished anything but musical circuses in schools and such. I’m sorry, but this stuff I’m writing here is true to me, and honestly, I’d like the person who tore apart my ancestry and made this rude and evil comment to me at the singing workshop to come forward and apologize. I want a full apology complete with the sentence, “I’m sorry you’re disabled and living in a rotten planetary conspiracy that pervades your existence. I will stop screaming in your presence. …” No, this apology should look this way:

Dear Beth, I didn’t know your story, I don’t know your ancestry. I am sorry I attacked you. I”m a bad consultant when it comes to diversity, and no, I am a racially insensitive bureaucrat.” When I see such an apology, maybe I can shut up and drive the way you people want. How can I be a part of any spiritual group when all I’m seeing is an attack on mixed persons? I want everybody, I don’t care who they are, to recognize the following truths. These apply not only to me but to others.

One, I am blind. The minute that was discovered, my privilege went bye bye.

I am female, and that means guys can prey on me all they seem to want, but that’s illegal. Got it?

Three, who in the world created me? Don’t say the G word, I don’t care about God because God never showed any consideration. Not one iota of consideration for me, not ever. Why’d I become so blind? Why am I the only goddamn person in my family with curly brown hair that frizzed out all the time? Why am I the only person in my family who has chin hairs and is female? Is there a racial reckoning in my family? Here’s another.

Four, the minute someone black walks with me, it’s “Don’t talk to that guy. He’s a gang member/drug dealer/bad news.” Well, haven’t you ugly fools who attacked me taken a look in the mirror lately? You tell me I can’t claim the ancestry of Africans, but it’s written in my DNA, and it won’t lie. You can’t tell me how to sing, laugh, cry, or exist. Haven’t you understood that any so called word you say has a consequence? This means, I’m sitting here crying like the baby you idiots claim I am, and now the day is ruined. I can’t be trusted to cook for myself and or Trenton, and it’s awful. Awful.

I won’t go into detail much more, but now I am wishing I had more support and people who would not attack or insult me about race. Like what am I going to do? Someone please get Cari on the line. Cari would never have done this crap to anyone, and this girl lived in Florida for 15 years. She died at a young age, and we played together as children. I can’t even fathom what she’d think if I brought Trenton to her. “Oh, he’s tall, dark and handsome.” Oh really? Would you really mean it?

readers, if you think this is too much, skip this crap. I’m drained, my eyes are swollen slightly, but moreover, wet and perhaps reddish from crying. I … am … done.

Beth

99 bottles of beer on the wall? For my 99 followers

Dear readers,

I’d like to thank the 99 people who are following my blog. Since I disabled comments, my follower count has grown to almost 100. I need the best marketing tool to get more, but seriously, I think it’s important that people who follow me know how much it means to me.

For one, I am proud to say I blacked out a few comments, among them the ones supporting a sexual predator and harasser, someone who is still up to his old tricks, and so on. Then he gets paranoid and tells a friend, you believe everything that bitch writes in her blog? Well, I’m not yo bitch, so stop it. Okay? I know the strong language is too much for some to handle, but yeah.

For you followers, I’ve written a beautifully concise entry about the spiritual practices centers and how to make them inclusive for people with a disability, specifically blindness and those who use dogs for services like guiding and seizure alerts and such. For you dog enthusiasts, I so wish I had more to say on the dog subject, but I don’t, but do enjoy my reviews of different pop culture thingies. I’ve reviewwed the Brave New World show. I have more to go in the show, but trust me, you’ll want to see it because if you read the book, if you’re in the fandom of such a book, if you want progress in our world, read and take the show with a grain of salt, the book should be broken down like hel. I want to break down the show and compare to the book, of course. My bad news bits be damned, this blog is going to continue.

Now how do I know the predator is up to his old tricks? I got a msg from someone who used to date this guy. “Oh, so and so says I believe everything in your blog.” Something to that effect. I just said to hell with that guy because of his sexism, racism, and so on. He claims he’s not, but doesn’t every supremacist do so? I’ve got more proof than a pile of tomatoes that my parents were and are racist. Here’s why:

Start with the gaslighting. They told Orien’s mom and dad that I was crazy, directed the worst at me, and made fun of my crush on Orien and made it impossible for us to see each other. Now Orien is a flight attendant who’s had to hang up his wings, but still, I hope he can do other things too. However, he is a cancer survivor. The gaslighting continues with Orien’s mom following a guideline from my own mom and threatening me when I begged Orie to pick up the damn phone, and it felt like I was being driven out of my own kingdom, queendom maybe. My parents continued the gaslighting activities with a Haitian gentleman named Michael Bonhomme, and he was told probably by my mom not to see me when I got to Colorado. Michael’s heart didn’t need to be broken, but it got worse with Deq Ahmed, my ex who broke the records first. Deq was Somali, and as consequence, Muslim. My parents and Deq and I had a phone call, but it all ended with my parents grilling Deq with job questions, designed to put barriers in front of us. The clan family didn’t approve of Deq marrying me because of my parents and their guardianship, and I even told my parents, get rid of this or Deq won’t marry me. They didn’t, and as a consequence, I lost the man I wanted to a refugee woman who was prearranged to marry him. Oh well.

Because of Orien, Michael, and Deq’s stories, Trenton’s story could have ended the same way. We got a commitment ceremony, and Trenton had the same treatment from Dad at the beginning. My dad called and started spouting bedroom related tips and business to Trenton, things like don’t get her pregnant. Well, I’d rather be pregnant with Trenton than a guy who is up to his old tricks trying to shut me down on WordPress and harassing my friends and telling others that if they talk to me, they will die. I’ve heard my share of stories, and they’re all true.

I’d like to thank the 99 followers on this blog for following my content and liking it as well. For one, I’m very happy that the comments are disabled because trolls be damned, I don’t need negative press. Second, let’s fight white supremacy together. What can you do as a parent, for example, or as an educator, to fight this? All 99 of you have different interests, but we have a responsibility to fight white supremacy. Period.

As a parent, learn about systemic racism, teach this to your children, and learn to combat it together.

As a teacher, never use history books with whitewashed symbols and topics. Get a black history friendly curriculum for your children and teach that instead.

Remember, folks, my blog ain’t just about white supremacy. It’s something about disability visibility and women’s issues and … should I say cultural fun and entertainment? Look for more Brave New World stuff coming up. You will not be disappointed.

Beth

How to Hit Your Fitness Goals: I Hit My Fitness Rings Today

Dear readers,

I know, I know, this is the second blog post I’ve written today. But please forgive me, I’m celebrating. I hit all three of my special fitness rings today. And you know what? yoga seems to do the trick for me. I love yoga, it’s amazing, and I don’t even need a damn yoga mat to do my thing. What I need to do is strength training with some weights, and I will get weights and fitness equipment sometime. Trenton really is supportive of my fitness goals, and I have been working on these. My favorite trainer so far as I’m concerned has too be a tie between Jessica and Dustin. They are both amazing teachers, and I like how they describe the motions they are doing in yoga. The yoga flows are amazing, and I think if I could, I’d write Jessica Sky a fan letter. She’s made a big difference in my life so far.

Thank you for the time and energy reading all this fitness stuff. As they all say, close your rings, stay active, and above all, stay safe. If you do not own an Apple Watch, please feel free to invest at least in a fit bit. You don’t have to do fitness in your home, but you can take a casual walk. A brisk walk would work.

Beth

Restitution Does Not Mean Entitlement.

Dear readers,

As a blind person who suffered 15 years of guardian abuse, I would like to offer victims hope that they can find their way out. There are a few hurdles though to doing this. One, I don’t live in NYC, where book publishing is a big business, where the Publishing Houses are. Second, who the hell would want to publish a book that pretty much sums up everything that happened in a nutshell, that I was emotionally and patriarchally abused by a mother that didn’t want an illegitimate blind child and by a bio dad that simply donated his sperm to the cause of creating havoc, and worse, an adoptive father who even suggests that I not see a man because he is “sexually experienced”? I pretty much went through all that stuff. Moreover, the stuff has left me with a few things. See below.

  1. High risk of having a special needs child because of old age.
  2. Not able to adopt because of low income, no housing that is appropriate for babies and toddlers and moreover, there’s no housing available anywhere in the United States. We don’t have a way to buy a proper shelter and get food and clothing for a child we adopt.
  3. No way to ensure the safety and education of both a child and spouse. My spouse to be is black, and that means police brutality has made its way into every aspect of my existence. I have to be the one to do everything, say everything to the cops, all that. Systemic racism has plagued this country forever, and I can’t even teach my mixed race kids one day, “Oh, they will help you find a lost puppy, those boys in the blue uniforms.” How does anyone expect my kids to be safe in the world?
  4. No way to get a job or go to college without filling out forms, that say I’m dependent on someone for finances. I can’t even work as a waitress because who will hire me? Nobody. My ex, Blake Tucker, was not hired at a fitness place for long, all because of blindness.

There are a lot of things Florida should consider. I should have had my job in hand, college degree and all, by 25 years old, should have found someone who would put up with the woman working. Parents oftentimes need two incomes to work, and raising kids sometimes requires the parent to separate and put the child in daycare, which I will not do because daycare statistically doesn’t really work for children with special needs. I’m talking about you autism and blind kid parents, parents with kids who have cerebral palsy and so much other disability related stuff. Daycare doesn’t always include those kids, and you have to hope and pray that pedophiles are not anywhere near your child’s daycare. I don’t want my kid coming home and swaying their hips in a sexually suggestive way at six years old, and performing oral sex on a sibling or pet. That would tell me something’s wrong. The child would not be in trouble, I’d say, but the adults would. That’s the thing, the adults who are taking care of my kid would be in big doo doo.

In any case, since I can’t get a job or can’t get a college degree without rehabilitative objections, I feel that restitution is in order, and here’s my plan: I’m going to discuss a settlement and support plan so that the county where the guardianship was posted will have to pay up. I can do nothing in return, except for publish my book, write a memoir, and do other things that allow me to express myself like write music. How I do it, nobody will need to know. However, the county should owe me support payments totalling upwards of millions of dollars, most of which will go into a startup to put the U.S. guardianship industry in check, and I will pay other people’s lawyer bills and be a witness to anyone who has disability that is currently under guardianship in court to pretty much put away the professionals who ruin the lives fo others with disabilities. Unlike me, though, most of the other guardian victims are elderly, live in the Sun Belt, and don’t do much else but get overmedicated in a nursing home, beat up by their caregivers, and a lot more. I want to dedicate this post to my dear friend, Laura, whose husband in Texas is being guardianized unfairly and he had lots of money to his name. I would gladly pay Laura a good portion of that money so that she could get a good lawyer and beat the crap out of the guardians holding her lover hostage. Laura had her story featured on Netflix’s Dirty Money episode, Guardians Incorporated. Please watch it, and if you are a Netflix subscriber, you’ll thank me in the end.

Here’s the plan for restitution that I plan to put up for Florida, and they must pay this or I’ll write the state off as unsafe for all kinds of people.

  1. 15 or $150,000,000 total for the restitution. That symbolizes 15 years, and if necessary, another bunch for the sixteenth year spent in process.
  2. Two thirds of the $150,000,000 will be used for the guardianship fund startup money, and all that will be used to evaluate and determine persons with disabilities who need to be freed from guardianship bondage throughout the United States, and as an example, Florida.
  3. The rest of the money will go toward housing, family expenses, and buying assets that can’t be bought due to income restrictions on SSI, SSDI, and lack of appropriate medical insurance. Because of the lack of a job, lack of college degree, and so on, there may need to be an extra $5,000,000 for a college degree outside the state in political science or creative writing. I will not use music as a primary degree due to the intensity of the requirements, juries, and practice. This is very important because most jobs won’t hire a blind person with no college degree.
  4. I will probably ask the state to revoke guardianship rights to my parents, and this will include their right to guardianize all family members, including but not limited to elders and disabled kids. No member of my family should be denying constitutional rights to disabled or elderly people based on perceived competence or lack thereof. My constitutional rights are granted to me by my creator as it says clearly in the preamble. A judge should not deny me those rights because of a disability or being female.

I also want to see if I can milk the hell out of the state for better therapy in my state of residence, and I won’t move to Florida because of the aiding and abetting guardian abuse that this state is famous for. Colorado therapists have trusted that they will make a better decision and I don’t trust Florida psychologists who are prone to racial bias and ableist bias because of their not knowing me, not knowing who I am, and so on. I have an appointment with a new psych doc, and she’s probably heard all the bad the good the rumors that the previous doc might have written in my chart. I want her to understand that Florida needs to know that I oversee all the things that I need done in the house, and I will not be made a slave to men, boys, and or family that wishes not to pay me. If my family wants me to be their maid, I won’t without charging extremely high prices and opening a maid business. They need to understand that my skills are supposed to be mine, not to be used or abused by family and other people who want me to fail.

There is one thing I want to point out. Anyone who associates with those who want me to fail should realize that stalking and harassment are crimes, and W.D. and an ex of mine are now going to be under investigation. My ex at least will be under investigation and he will be taken down. He doesn’t get it. I’ve been through hell with him, and so have other girls.

Please support the blog. I also have a new podcast episode about schools, so please check it out and be safe and well.

Beth

Updates and more

Dear readers,

JOrge is doing okay, and as it turns out, the block on Twitter was a deactivation. Please forgive the miscommunication. I’d been going through a lot in this year, and it didn’t occur to me that this guy would ever go through the same things I have, and there are a lot of things I have to clear up. But what I have to deal with these days is anything but fun. No way can I shop for wedding dresses without people getting suspicious. I can’t even have bridesmaids and a flower girl. What is the freaking point? There is none. And I had no idea what was happening to my friend, and he had to change his phone number, so good thing I deleted it. Again, forgive the miscommunication, but blocking on twitter does say a lot. I blocked W.D. on twitter because he was a bad and evil persona who wanted to okay abuse and isolation of elderly and disabled people. what a sorry mess he is.

Thank you all for reading this.

Beth

Say Yes to Giving a Dress?????? Stimulus Check could Determine Whether I Do

Dear readers,

I am only able to do a love ceremony, but I’m going to tell you all this right now: not in my birthday suit. And I won’t wear regular clothes to a courthouse to do it because my partner’s healthcare will be lost. Human Services is already playing tricks on us to try and stop fraud and abuse, which is stupid. As a blind bride to be, I will never be considered for charities like those who donate wedding gowns and such because I’m not doing a legal wedding per se, and i don’t want to take my partner’s last name. I will bow to no one, even a bad old guard style patriarchal God. Why? Because I’ve been excluded and called a whore at churches, and nobody believes this story. I’ve been voted out of a church and nobody believes this story. As a blind bride to be who will never be able to do the front line work for the pandemic, I will be excluded further. I am begging my readers to believe my story, and take action. Why? Read on.

As Congress sits there debasing any argument for disability care, chipping away at our rights, I am wondering if I’ll even get a stimulus check of $1200 from Congress and the IRS to make up for the lost money that I could have earned from the pandemic. That money is quite helpful, and I can use it to get food delivered, get food period, and have good food in my home. However, we planned to use the next check on getting rid of the smelly nasty old mattress we have to sleep on, that we’re constantly covering with febreze and we’re constantly having to air out because it smells. Ugh. And we want to get a groom’s ring, and a dress for me. The dress is the most important expense I’d say we would use it for. Nobody wants to support us in getting the dress, so if Congress doesn’t believe my story and doesn’t want me to have a good so called love ceremony, they can go straight down there because I don’t know what to do. There was one boutique we found, but they’re in Westminster, where my old church is built. Ugh. I am not happy with the church’s decision, and the doctrinal guidelines of many religious institutions say that you have to be legally married to live with your partner, that it has to be a heterosexual relationship. Boo on the homophobia, and I won’t be in need of a male pastor or celebrant. I’d prefer a female of all things, and someone I’m close to that can deal with the situation as is.

As for the dress, I am not raising money for the dress. I’m not raising money and getting attacked. That’s all I get is attacks and so on. I’ve even tried calling the KUSA team at Nine News, but no response. Ugh. Am I really supposed to believe I’m a nobody who deserves nothing? This pandemic is killing a whopping 150,000 plus people, and I know it, but I’m sick of being a nobody that nobody wants to support. I want friends who actually give a damn and people who won’t attack me for saying my family sucks and they are so toxic they don’t deserve to come to the love ceremony. Ugh. Spiritual marriage only, that’s the route we’re taking because of the SSI program and the SSDI program’s mandated restrictions, and that’s just wrong. Plain wrong. I hate to be a beggar, but I have to say, please, if you want to send me a dress at all, it has to be red, not white, not off white. Red. Please, no white lacey gowns with bows or ribbons that make it look like a toddler’s nightgown. Please make sure you send the dress if you’re interested, if you care, or if you want to be the one to make this ceremony happen. Please, if you read this, I’m not a front line worker because of my disability, but disability should not stop me from getting the kind of help I need right now. And it’s not just the dress either. I wish I didn’t have to do this thing online, but we have to. Point the camera here, point the camera there. I am unable to see where to point. So if you are in Colorado, know me well at all, and you’re reading this, please, feel free to drop by the house/apartment. Feel free to help point the camera because I should not have to. Decorate my place because we can’t have it in the park, or in a public space. Ugh. Okay, but please help decorate the place because I’m not that great with that, and visually stunning? This apartment is shabby and crappy, though there are some nice pieces in it, it is still crappy. No matter what you do with this, it is crappy.

Thank you for your help in advance.

Beth