Frozen Saturdays?

Well, as winter has made its appearance in Colorado, there’s snow and ice everywhere. Wind is howling all over, and church got canceled. I asked my friend Nathan about a possible New England style incidence of cold here in Colorado, but he doubts it. 18 inches of snow though should be on the ground by Monday. Ugh. Ok, where’s the damn plows?
One thing occurred on this day that kind of bothered me, and I posed this question to my friend Nate on the phone since he’s a brother in Christ of mine at a church I attend. I asked him about what a relationship is. This stemmed from something I overheard the men n Blake’s house talking about. Total of two men were talking, just Blake and Joe, but I won’t say what exactly popped into the conversation yet. I’ll say what Nathan told me.
As a Christian, Nathan has some good sense. I like his ideas about women and girls being people, not objects to be tasted everywhere. What I found from Nathan only paved my wisdom about men. Men have always been a problem for me. Well, not so much a friends problem, but until recently, they haven’t. Relationships have always been a huge problem.
Waht I wanted to say to Joe, obviously, was that a lot of Christians in my schools, elementary through high school, were taught that only one person in your life is going to marry you, and they never acted like multiple experiences with multiple girls or boys was a good thing. Nathan says that experience is no required to gain a marriage partner. In fact, God has plenty of wisdom sitting in the Bible for this to be true:
First off, Mary, Jesus’s mother, was given to only one man, and allowed to have only one man. She might have had a crush on someone, but Mary was told she’d only have Joseph, who the books might say she’s known since eight years old. Well, in the old Jewish days, girls and boys met at eight years old only under family supervision, and compatibility was considered. Mary’s marriage to Joseph was a pledge of honor that she took about age eight, and the marriage was probably finalized at the biblical age of fourteen. This is a biblical, but not legal, marriage age. I don’t believe any Christian of that age should marry because right now, girls and boys this young are in school. School is more important because most jobs require some form of school. Another point brought up was that men have to provide for and take care of women. Well, here’s something I know to be true. Joseph provided for Mary in the carpenter’s shop. The problem is that Blake will probably never own his own carpentry business. He can’t do that job unless he is taught, and who is going to teach a blind man to carve wood things? I see nothing wrong with Blake being a carpenter, and in fact this is a good thing to do. However, there are facts and figures to consider. Colorado, for one, has a 42% unemployment rate for visually impaired people. But let’s consider the ones who are employed. Most of them are in the nonprofit industry, and that’s a direct result of Rehab and Team EEI somehow. I only saw shadowing opportunities in nonprofit jobs. Let’s just say that nonprofits don’t pay well, don’t have benefits that fit the normal scheme of things, etc. Since I’m on a medication for mental health issues, and I’m not proud but not afraid to say this, I have to work for a bigger company than Arc Thrift Stores. Even if that’s national, the stores don’t deliver furniture, something blind people like me could use because we don’t drive trucks. We don’t drive cars, can’t fly planes, and can’t go into the military. CDL drivers like Joe are harder to find, and you have to pass a stringent test to get the CDL, commercial driver’s license. It’s all about not only the driving part itself, and a big rig is really big, but keeping cargo like oil and stuff carefully stored.
Blake, for his part, wants to be a dispatcher. But what are the chances of him having such a job? Well, let’s take a look. For every blind person who gets a job on the national scale, 7 more will be unemployed or unemployable. Most of the time, it is a Rehab agency that refuses to help, or it could be that the blind person did not use blindness skills. With Colorado’s 32% unemployment record for blind or visually impaired people, this is better than the national average, but still a lot worse than the regular national average. With this in mind, let’s talk about the crises surrounding this:
With every 9 people who are blind not reading Braille, on the national scale, guess what? Only one person who is blind is literate. You don’t find people like my friend Kesha a lot. She has a skill and passion about Braille, and all she talks about in her advertisements is Braille, which is great stuff. I like how she has recently taken interest in the Hadley course, “Transition to Unified English Braille.” It’s like the doctor who keeps up to date with medicines and prescriptions that reflect new medications that are on the market. The same doctor would read books like the DSM-VI or some other manual so he can keep up to date on the latest in mental health identification. I’m sure the word Asperger’s Syndrome was eliminated from the latest DSM for reasons we know that it could make parents freak out, but the Asperger’s patients may say otherwise because they have become used to it. High functioning autism sounds about right, but still, Hans Asperger is not being given credit for founding such a disorder. Why not maintain both names in the DSM? Wouldn’t that help?
With this in mind, Kesha is updating herself like doctors do in offices all the time. It’s like this: she wants to learn UEB Braille the same way a doctor wants to learn the new medical advances. I’m proud of her.
The big thing that’s bugging me at work is this: ringtones with songs without words. What? No religious songs on a phone used at work. Well, Blake had a thing to say about this. This is offensive to Christians. We’re proud to be Christian, and that’s it. We’re going to voice God’s prominence in the world in our mouths, on our tablets, and in ringtones on our phones. People may start a good conversation around said ringtones. For instance, I’m not going to change the ringtone for Blake and I won’t follow my boss’s directive on cellphone ringtones that don’t have lyrics that are religiously based. Reason? We’ve literally declassified ourselves, taken God out of this country, and forbade religion so to speak. We have churches, but what power do they hold? Now, the government can ban church meetings in schools. For what reason? In true freedom of religion, bosses would not yell at employees about religious ringtones. I understand my boss’s overly PC way of dealing with things, but it’s too darn PC for me. I’m taking no chances and talking to him on Tuesday about the religious ringtone issue. We Christians are told repeatedly to use such things as conversation starters about Christ. We’re told to bring Christ to others. With such a thing in place, Christ can’t come to others. I don’t care if anyone is offended by this post, but Christ is lord and Christ wants to come to other people. Christ said clearly in the Bible, “Make disciples of all nations.” Blake would say this matter of fact. How can you bring Christ to others while doing otherwise? You can’t.
Work is a good place to bring Christ to other people, and is just about the only time that people hang out together. When I get to know my coworkers on a daily basis, that would be a good time when they come to me with a problem, I would ask if they want me to pray for them. What is wrong with this? I would talk to them about the power of prayer and the importance of talking to God about problems. My boss has no clue. The secularist way he’s dealing with religious ringtones, for one, is not cool. Kesha had a question, and he totally made it impossible for me to continue in a work environment with secular things about it. Now, I think it is easier for the groups I work for to persecute me due to faith reasons. I will not take persecution lying down, and because I can’t necessarily be raised from the Dead as Jesus did raise from the Dead via the power of God, I won’t take death threats lying down either.
Now, with all these stories in mind, Blake has a hard road to fight in order to get a job in Arizona. Let’s see what happens when you put a Christian like Blake in an employment setting. With my boss’s thoughts on religious things in work settings, Blake wouldn’t do well. I know that this is a secular team and a secular work environment, but my belief is we need God. Why is this country allowing homosexual tendencies to go unchecked? I’m not saying that gay marriage should not be allowed, but the way some of my friends, or one of them acted with another, it seems one is hitting up on the other. My older friend A. is supposed to get married, so what will happen? Will he leave his girlfriend? I’ wondering this because the other guy in his circle is somewhat homosexual. He won’t sit there and act normal, and demand too much. I’ve seen him act weird in the office at my building, and trust me, it’s weird. “I hope M. (a maintenance worker in my building) gets her ass down here.” I just about froze when I heard that. Ok, but the homosexual tendencies part really bothers me. There are genuinely homosexual individuals who classify themselves as gay, and then the bicurious ones who are accusing people of being bicurious or bicurious with no intention of being heterosexual. Those people should not marry a member of the same sex and gender identity.
Only the real gay couples, like my friends Meg and Laura Coke-Giancone, should probably get married. They have to have a good domestic partnership and they do. I’ve seen it all before my very eyes. They have a great relationship, and they haven’t posted much on Facebook, but they are really cool. Megan Coke-Giancone is sweet, and I’ve seen her work a desk job once. I love her. Megan, if you’re reading this, I hope you find peace with your relationship with your wife Laura and also hope you guys find strength to face anything. Their love is true, and so is Blake’s and mine. However, religion and religious freedom has two edges to it.
We say that gay people should not marry? Well, I would not mind marrying a girl if and only if I felt that way. Gender conversion therapy is not appropriate for transgendered youth. Boys who want to be girls should read They Beat the Girl Out of my Boy, or So They Tried. It’s one of Eve Ensler’s famous Vagina Monologues. The boy turned girl explains that now she has a vagina, she can give, receive, and feel at peace! Who knew it would be great to be a lady? Well, it’s sad when they say that the boyfriend of the transgendered character is beaten up at the end, killed. It’s really sad.
Well, Blake and I have just as valid a relationship, but are often kept from it. What Joe had no clue about was that for one, I heard most of what he said and took it with a grain of salt. This is the reason: dating and relationships are not jobs. I’m not your average lady who wants money and diamonds and special things. At minimum, I expect Blake to offer me some sort of token to show that he cares. He did. A Braille letter means more to me than a diamond ring. Sounds weird, right? No. The ring is too expensive and though it may last forever to some, I hate diamonds. The stone is overrated. I like sapphires, and garnets, and other stones and gems. I like pearls. That’s Blake’s birthstone. What I’d like to say here is that Blake has little chance to get a job in the dispatching sector in Arizona. Even if he gets with this job developer, what is the developer doing? Developing a job is not the job of a developer. HE has to help Blake with the hunt. Most times, you have to make a position open for blind individuals. They don’t get noticed in the application process because they’re blind. You have to think about disclosing your disability. For me, that means telling the employer that I use a cane to travel around my office, and there are some issues I have with big buildings and weird mazes. Like, for instance, the Atlantis building here in Denver. It’s weird. My friend Amy works there as an intern, and she is blind as well. The front desk guy is blind, and he’s cool. However, he says the same thing I’d say, “I know your pain.” I hate the big building and the maze. I hate to disclose this to my boss. However, I think I could get help depending on the architecture of said building.
The biggest problem I’d have is that I’m a person of faith. Persons of faith want to practice their faith. You have employers telling Somali guys they can’t pray during break? They need lots of breaktimes to pray. The prayer has to be between some times, and rules are set up to purify the prayer doer. Muslims have to wake woodoo, the ritual bath that purifies them. They have to go through their beards if they have any, on the hair, in the mouth and nose, etc. Then, they rub their feet in water. Elizabeth and Asha, two people who were once close to me, showed me how to make woodoo. I was told how to pray, and my friend Elizabeth I pray for every day. I don’t want her to come to Christ, just realize that I had to make a decision based on the fact that failed relationships would be a problem, and because I don’t like men who force their will on a woman as some men in Islam do, I seriously considered and did leave Islam. It’s not a really easy decision to make.
I am glad though that religion is a big part of my life. Christ frees people to express themselves. I can’t sing religious hymns on my phone or at work? This is ridiculous. It’s a secularist thing, something to promote the persecution of Christians. I beg to differ with my boss’s comments during my presentation. I should’ve simply left the room, and watched as the boss ruined it for me. Kesha has her rights to be religious, and as Christ says in the Bible, to make disciples of all nations. This means she could travel the world proofing Braille for a company, but she needs to keep her religion. I defend Kesha’s right to do this, and her right to evangelize. Lots of African Americans do this. They have religion as a strong point. Whites have it too, and it might help the disabled overcome oppression. It was ultimately God who won over civil rights for African Americans. It was African American preachers who ushered in a new era where Obama could win the Presidency. Obama would say, if I asked him about a God fearing ringtone, he’d say, “Whatever floats your boat. I’m a God man, and I’m not afraid.” I’m not afraid of the persecution, but having to lose my job over a stupid ringtone about God is a no no. I would sue the employer for taking my job away over the ringtones or religious things I just posted here on WordPress. I have received some heat about this from the Hotel Kid emails, and I’m not afraid to say it, but this young man was knocking on my door saying he had cans he didn’t want. Well, what were they? I didn’t care. I told him that he called me a bully, did things in my email that weren’t appropriate, removed me from Facebook, etc. I swear he doesn’t know the consequences of what he did. The repercussions of this sort of vandalism just go too far. Yeah, I might have gone too far by posting about it, but others might not say this. I’m no stranger to people saying what I write goes too far. However, people need to be punished for wrongdoings, and the wrongdoings don’t include being religious, being Christian, etc. Why should a Somali woman be told she can’t pray during breaktimes? What the hell is wrong with Allah O Akbar? It just means, “God is great.” By the same token, what is wrong with “Jesus, bless those who suffer?” Blake and I would pray this together, and now that some of my other friends aren’t here to see this, I just pray silently. It’s just me, but when Blake gets his butt back here, we’re going to pray.
Prayer at mealtimes must be spontaneous, and we must use that sort of avenue to say grace at lunches. I would try and ask my real bosses at a real job that I obtain if we could pray at mealtimes. IF they’re having a corporate box lunch, that’s one thing. I’d still pray. However, what about when there’s non Christians in the room? Well, Glynn would freak out and kick butt with employers, and not physically either. Well, it’s amazing what people say about Christians.
Ok, my Frozen Saturday ended with a dream that a band played Let It Go. Well, really? I was floored when Blake and I had a talk to each other about Joe’s weirdness. Yes, Blake and Joe have a fatherly and sort of wonderful … well, it’s a good relationship. I wouldn’t rate it super good because Joe’s just not a Christian and a churchgoer. Churchgoing men in Blake’s life would speak differently than Joe did about my relationship with Blake and what is required to get married. Since Blake is Christian, he will choose when it is appropriate, not the family, to get married and start a family. The only thing holding us back is what’s necessary. Jobs are not necessary, and I’ve been told to slow down. Oh really? I will, and at the cost of my ability to birth a child, I will slow down. At what cost am I writing this? At a grave cost. I take risks all the time with this blog, and I’m willing to take more. But the worst thing I see is that the experiences with other women part is growing among secular Americans every day. The average American has six relationships in high school or middle school, and more in college. However, disabled Americans and others have no chance of having a relationship because of disability and the way others view disability. It’s not Blake’s or my fault that he or I don’t have experience necessary. Like, well, ok. If I date a guy, I’m not going to dump him based on experiences with sex. An experienced guy may not necessarily feel that he had fun with other women. HE may run out of taste for one, jump on another, then another, then another. Nathan is right. HE agrees with me. And with the stigma of disability in all parts of America, Blake has almost no chance of getting a relationship in Arizona or with local women.
Here’s a few scenarios that could have played out:
1. Elementary school might pose a problem for the average disabled person. So what if making friends is great? I’ve heard stories about first kisses in that level. Well, if I had a boy I wanted to kiss, my mother would have yelled at me and said, “No. I don’t want you to kiss boys.” My pediatrician said to me once, “Any boys calling you?” When I turned eleven, I started bleeding, and my pediatrician still said the same thing. What I don’t get is why he’s asking this question. My parents knew this doctor all over town, and he and my family had a wonderful relationship, but there’s a problem here. This doctor probably didn’t know that a disabled person must be able to do some self exploration. Self exploration is something I would encourage. IF my daughter or son asked about body parts, I’d have to explain, “Ok, this is your genitals.” Like, then when a girl asks, “Where’s my thing that boys have?” I’d say, “Well, a boy has a penis. Ok?” Even little kids get curious. Scenarios that might prompt curiosity about such things are this: kids see their siblings or cousins in the tub, point at one of the body parts, and say, “Why don’t I have that?” Like a boy would say, “Man, my sister doesn’t have a penis, why?” Funny a boy would ask that question, but I do want to use a disclaimer to say that kids should know the proper names of genitals, so anyone reading this should please understand that kids need to know these things, and this means girls should say Vagina in public.
So anyway, that’s one scenario in elementary school. Pediatric nurses should at least show a disabled person from day one what their body parts are. Like some people learning to drive a car, the body parts are really important to know. Blake would have to know, for instance, what the heck is behind the hood of a car engine before he drives so he knows how that car operates and how to fix it, right? Even as a blind man, he still needs to know. I know. I watched car videos and stuff.
2. Middle school years were difficult for me. Relationships in middle school, according to psych docs and nurses and therapists I have spoken to and taken classes with, say that the relationships are more a status symbol. That would have been the case had I been sighted. As a blind girl, I can’t have relationships in middle school because of societal views of blindness as a breaking of the person. I went to a Catholic school, but that doesn’t matter. Let’s use one of my private schoolmates as an example of this scenario. Say I had a crush on Shannon Khan, one of my old schoolmates. Shannon might say, “Ok.” But the father I had when I was in Florida might say, “No.” Shannon’s parents, if he was the opposite gender might say, “Shannon, this is a broken and crippled individual. Blindness is a tragedy.” It wouldn’t necessarily be spoken in words, but is rendered every time the Khans, for instance, give a blind man a few coins in a tin cup. Remember the tin cup incident in one of my previous posts?
Let’s try a blind boy, a fictionalized blind character named Shawn in the private school. Let’s take one of my old girl mates, Isabel, and put them together. Shawn and Isabel develop a friendship. That is, if the kids don’t tell her he’s broken. Shawn, in the fictionalized scenario, is in a wheelchair and blind and can’t do some things. In Isabel’s parents’ minds, and in her middle school head at this time, Shawn is a broken and crippled individual and should not be so considered for a date. How would he pay? See next item for more on the traditional dating script.
3. High school, tough as it was for both me and Blake, has its heinous crimes. Date rape is becoming a problem in both high school and college because men just don’t get it. See previous post on the distorted view of manhood. Men don’t rape women in college to prove manhood. That might be an excuse a suspect might give for a date rape trial or case where he’s accused of acquaintance rape. IF this occurs in college or high school, he’d say, “Well, I wanted to prove I was a man in front of her. I thought she liked it.” That’s one case. Sexual assault in both school levels is such a problem, and it is so especially for disabled girls. Parents are so afraid to let their daughters explore themselves, but now you think that it’s ok to pierce your daughter’s genitals so she’s not sexually appealing to boys. Well, Moms out there who would do such a horrible thing, it’s stupid. Not all disabled girls are at risk, but it would be better for a disabled girl to learn that she’s at the peak of her fertility and realize that a boy’s awful penis should not be sitting inside her while she’s in high school. Same for all girls.
4. College is the storied situation where you have these frat boys who say, “I’m gonna have a girl for dinner.” Sex for dinner, death for breakfast as Miranda Frost says in James Bond Casino Royale or Die Another Day. I think it’s Die Another Day. I’ve watched Bond before, and he doesn’t have a good example of relationship building.
Maybe that’s another post for another day, one about James Bond and why he’s probably not the best human being to be called a hero. Boys who watch Bond should know that he’s not a hero. He’s more the antihero, playing cards and kissing multiple women. I hate that. What does this say about us women? The Bond girls, so they are called, even include Hale Berry. Well, that’s just the beginning. Disabled people in high schools get the same ideas as Bond does in movies, and this applies mostly to young boys. A girl’s father might say, “I’m not going to let my Doe marry a deer who is crippled.” Well, even if Blake had a date in high school, I’m sure Ashley, his last crush, might say, “I want him.” Father might have had reservations, and even if Blake got to know her on a deep level like that, there are still issues. Parents’ concerns might lead Ashley to choose a sighted and able guy. It’s just the simplest form of oppression for us disabled folks. It dates back to ancient times.
Adulthood and job settings are about the only times adults find mates. Mating as an act is no problem for anyone, but if Blake and I made ourselves available to each other in a job setting, maybe the family issues wouldn’t be so prominent. As I’ve said before, however, experiences with sex are not allowed in the faith. Nathan’s words echo in my mind so much so that I do trust him. A brother in Christ is a better form of counsel, and Joe’s advice is probably not welcome at this time, and that’s because Blake never really asked him. He’s not against me, but I feel Joe’s comments stem from a secular world. It’s worldly and not religiously centered as our relationship is.
My Saturday was basically full of enlightening. Church is canceled because of the snow, so yeah, I’m not going.
Thank you all.
Beth

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

5 thoughts on “Frozen Saturdays?”

  1. I have a lot to say here beth so sit back and enjoy the ride. lol. As far as self exploration goes it’s perfectly normal whether you have a disability or not. One thing that I have thought about myself is exploring a woman’s body in general but I’ve got a story to tell about this that goes back to when I was about 5 or 6. One of our long time family friends who works at our local hospital and used to work where my father used to drive trucks for a living was once pregnant with her first child. When you’re a 5-year-old you don’t think it’s an issue you’re near a woman’s breasts but I had the idea that the breasts were large signalling that a woman was pregnant. Christ! I actually got into trouble for that because this idea I had with one of the school teachers I knew when I was in primary school. I don’t think I could forgive myself for that but it was embarrassing to say the least. y first kiss and subsequent cuddle was with a second cousin who was a distant relation and ironically, my 6th grade teacher was a distant relative owing to her maiden name was athison who in turn is related to my mother through her aunts and uncles. I thought this was wonderful until said teacher gae me a lecture about how inappropriate it was but this girl I speak of was family in a distant way of speaking. You can understand now why I long for that long awaited proper opportunity to cuddle and kiss without fear of being given a lecture and without anybody else around.
    I’ve been going to a workshop which talks about relationships a majority of the time and when they bring out the visual images of a lady’s bits I’ve actually said that models and images well images don’t work, models may work but I feel it’s better to explore the real thing but that is just me3!!! I’m reluctant to ask for consent because I fear rejection and I fear I’m looking over my shoulder each time somebody walks by. And how does one know if a woman or girl has been in a bad relationship because they flinch and shrink back.

    Only reason I’ve sometimes got a warped idea of what some body parts look like is because of the lack of opportunities to find out. For instance, my idea of breasts is they’re not big it’s just the brah that makes them big and sorry if I’m really opening a can of worms here and if you feel this is almost at the brink of a personal attack about the body image thing but I do have a right to say what I feel and to voice my opinion of what I don’t always understand. but if you feel offended by what I’ve just closed with don’t be angry just be gental about it and try to be impartial.

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    1. As always, great comment. Sorry if this is a little late coming, but I had some girls in a Skype call. Anyway, you know, it would help if you actually had some real 3d models because looking at a girls body itself is not going to happen until you actually have a wife. But if you really want to know some of the parts and if you’re a guy and you want to know the different parts in anatomy of a woman. Well if you do, I should probably say taking anatomy or physiology class in college. Ask for a tackle anatomy atlas or something. However, I guess 5 year olds have this weird idea of what’s what, but sometimes parents don’t quite teach it quite the way they should. .i was lucky my dad taught me some things, my mom did too. But again, disability does have some say and sway in the way things are done in the household and how they are talk about the body. Self exploration and curiosity about one’s body is completely normal.

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  2. I probably should have said this in my comment but i’ll say it here. firstly, don’t apologise for your response being delayed.

    I go to workshops called the up close and personal workshop which talks predominantly about relationships. it was on the last day of the most recent one I was asked if going to a sex worker might help unjumble my thoughts in my mind and try to eliminate some of the confusion and I said I might think about that.

    Only one thing if I do decide to visit a sex worker I have to swear myself to secrecy that nobody is to even know a word about it.

    Anyway that’s just what was hinted at anyway.

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  3. Hmmmmmm, going to a sex worker? Weird. You don’t have to tell me, but going to a sex worker might be a bit misguided. Wives are bound to you in a commitment, and I don’t mean to be judgmental about this decision, but I believe that a sex worker is just plain weird. For example, now in some countries in Europe, disabled men and women are given “sexual assistatns.” What’s this about! Honestly, sexual assistants are not a good idea becasue the disabled person would do much more than sex. they might take advantage of that person. It would also mean a sexually assisting male would take full advantage of the disabled female. That sort of thing. Disabled females in state care have a statistically higher rate of sexual abuse than the males like you and or Blake. Think a bit deeper before going to that hot sex worker in the bar somewhere in .. Australia? Oh God, I”m so glad we illegalized sex workers in the U.S. except on the Vegas strip. Sex to me is no tradable commodity. It’s a thing you do with someone you love. I don’t mean to say you’re doing the wrong thing, Kyle, but just think about this before you do it.

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  4. I hated the thought of visiting a sex worker but that was only because I heard mixed opinions about them and the legalities of what they do.
    And as I’ve said to you before, I’ve always had a tendency to believe what I’m told and nothing will often change my mind.
    So in other words, I have a habbit of taking what I’m told as gospel and have a hard time forgetting it.

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