For the Gentlemen, How Men and Boys Must Act in Society, and What Must Change

In light of the recent offensive comments about Blake’s “boyish” behavior, I’d like to go ahead and say this: he’s a man. He’s more of a man for standing behind his mom. When your parent’s been with you for like seventeen years or more, has had a tragedy occur, and is empty in places, well, when the mother is empty in places I won’t say how, Blake as a man is standing by her and defending her. That is manliness. What is wrong with defending the less able, the women, the children? Isn’t that chivalrous? I like that, and I’m about to talk about what the state of our men in society truly is.
Every gentleman, from President Obama to the littlest boy in the family, should read this. This is a post dedicated to males who’ve dared to cross my line of fire, and males who think manliness is defined by macho manliness, committing acts of violence, etc. This is completely untrue.
As a fighter in the martial arts, Blake learned that respect is key. I love how he takes it seriously. How many boys and men do karate? Well, if your son or brother did karate, read this. I’m about to start defining what society viewed as manhood and relate stories of false definitions of manhood.
It begins here, in the United States, in the Colonial era. Boys were breached at a young age to “break them from the female world.” Men in ancient Greece even had some manliness definitions. Spartan boys had to act like violent warriors, and they were ultimately responsible for going in and fooling around with their women. Women in Sparta were trained to defend themselves, but they defended against violent things the men did. When a Spartan boy graduates from the lifelong boot camp he is subjected to, he must kill or have killed a helot, a slave that passes by, and to the boy’s group, seen as worthless. I’m not saying slaves aren’t worth anything, and slavery is illegal now in the thousands of years later. Anyone watched the movie 300? The definitions of manhood in that movie are completely distorted. I never watched it myself, but it was about 300 Spartan men who had sons, and the way Sparta, the famed warrior city-state, was portrayed was obviously historically accurate. When a boy is born, he is made to do things that are violent and never cry. Men are not supposed to be like this. Anyone born with blindness, birth defects, and other weird issues were left in the hills to die. Sparta was literally the first city or state or civilization to weed out imperfect children. I think that’s accurate.
Today’s Spartan definition of manhood goes beyond just weeding out those who are imperfect since we have abortive technology. Imagine if so many boys who were imperfect weren’t allowed to live because such a person wouldn’t do well in the violent world that Sparta inspires. I don’t like Spartan definitions of manhood because of all this. Men in some other civilizations are told to beat their wives, use them for what they have, etc.
Let me tell you guys, manhood is not supposed to be this way. I will uphold what is known today as a dead art, the code of Chivalry. In the Renaissance days, when knights and ladies roamed the palaces, knights became knights only if they upheld the code of Chivalry. This meant that they had to respect all living things, people, etc. This included, but was not limited to, women and children. He always had the respect in mind. Geez, if Sir john and Lady Rose wanted to get married, Sir John would have to be nice and loving toward his lady. I just used John and Rose as examples here, no real names mentioned.
Now, here’s another definition to consider. In the Oriental countries, the definition of manhood is similar. I wasn’t too pleased in my school days when I read about suicide pilots in Japan who tried to destroy U.S. targets. They used us in bayonet practices as targets. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they are bad today.
The Japanese are today are a great example of respect and the definition of manhood and respect for all living things. Shinto Buddhism promotes this, and there are some Shinto Buddhists who believe that you can’t even kill a cockroach. Well, while I think this is a bit weird as to not killing roaches that are literally overrunning your house, I do think that we should respect all the living things around us that don’t pose a danger. For instance, the big dog we saw in the neighbor’s drive. Cats have a role to play in our society, and so do some forms of insect life. Example: ladybugs eat aphids, which can destroy plant life in our gardens. In the Shinto Buddhist thought, all the living things must be respected, and nature’s way of dealing with problems is used, not poisons. I hope I said it right.
In Korea, things are a tad different. While tai kwon do is a great art and there are the very same respectful things about it as there are in karate and other martial arts, I’ve done this little bit of studying in my Intro to International Studies book, and there was a chapter in the book about Korea and its culture. Korea espouses to Confucianism, which does not really include women much. The Chinese did this in ancient times, and its rich culture lends itself to many different dynasties, and so does Korea. I’m not a fan of North Korea, of course, right, Santiago? I have to laugh because that dude is kind of funny, he kept on and on about North Korea this, North Korea that. It drove me nuts of course.
Well, I tell you what. Korean martial arts, like all others I’ve studied, have the same protocols and respect and all that as European chivalry. One must bow to instructors, superiors, and so on. I wish knights of European lore did this. What a difference that would make in those guys. They did bow to kings and such, but I don’t remember if they bowed to women superiors and such.
The United States has totally done away with a monarch, and while this is good, I do think it has its flaws. America is a breeding ground for cult life as we have banned persecution due to religion and stuff like this. Buddhists, Christians, Jews, and Muslims can all hold hands and live freely. However, the definition of manhood in the U.S. is absolutely distorted. Romance movies, the media, soap operas, etc. all cloud our view of manliness. Manly behaviors are not bullying behaviors. We are just now opening our eyes to this fact. I can’t say it enough, Mrs. Kerry Goldman wrote so many good things about manly things in her book on bullying. I would never condone my son’s bullying behaviors if I saw this happen. IF my son cried, I would tell him, “You’re not an idiot.” My son cries at a funeral? I am not going to say, “You’re worthless because you cry.” It’s ok to do this. I’ve seen grown men cry, including my ex. It was weird, but I saw this man cry because I was leaving him. Well, what happened after I won’t discuss.
Here is society’s true definition of manhood: a man must leave his mother, not interact with girls as a boy, etc. Men do not cry. Men wear manly clothes, do not wear jewelry, and if caught wearing clothes that are deemed unmanly, they are punished and will be punished by the father. Manly men do not clean their rooms, wear sweaty socks, which is evident in the smells of the first floor of a college dorm I explored. Manly men have facial hair, they beat their wives into submission, and if not beat them, they distort the true nature of love. Men do not stay with parents, blind or otherwise, for the rest of their lives. Men do not act so assertive like women, they don’t use soft words, they use hard wordage to talk to each other, their womenfolk, etc. Sadly, this definition is distorted for several reasons: every man is different. Manly things are not bullying behaviors as I said earlier. Now, here’s my definition of manly.
A manly man protects his fellow men, womenfolk, and children, and those less able to protect themselves. Manly men cry and weep with those who mourn. Jesus did this. Manly men care about their own mothers, widowed wives, etc. Manly men care about their daughters and sons, each with the same and equally weird qualities about them. Men who are truly manly are supposed to spot the danger and when they care about their wives and children, they listen when wives say, “This doesn’t look right.” A true manly man stays with his children he adopts or births through his wife, never leaves them, pays up if he does, and if he wants nothing to do with anyone in his life, he can’t say so in the meanest possible way. Real men wear pink. Real men can wear a dress, and some men may wear skirts. Kilts, for heaven’s sake. Men are not only willing to admit their weaknesses but are willing to seek help if needed. Men must admit to their problems, love their problems, and seek help immediately. For instance, my ex should have admitted that he hurts women and girls. Manly men must never under any circumstances lay a hand on a wife or a child, boy or girl. Don’t expect the boy to be a “manly” man in the distorted view. Boys cry, and so do men. Even Fergie would say this, “Big girls don’t cry.” But you wanna know the truth? Big girls do cry. Big girls and big boys must be able to cry so much if they’re feeling bad or sad. It’s a pretty weird situation when boys and men don’t cry. Studies have shown that boys and men who don’t cry so much are more prone to committing violent acts. Crying is good for your health, so if you’re feeling sad at the moment, fine. You may have a good cry.
I’m off my soapbox for now.
Beth

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

4 thoughts on “For the Gentlemen, How Men and Boys Must Act in Society, and What Must Change”

  1. Yet another well written post beth!
    I know men are allowed to show emotion but I refuse point blank to accept this fact.
    As I said to you ages ago, when I listened to one of your audio tweets the minute I started to hear you break down I turned it off because I didn’t want to tear up myself.

    Only time I ever had a good cry was when I lost my first kidney due to kidney cancer.

    After that I pretty much just allowed myself just to hold it back as fear of judgement is always inefitible.

    Same goes for dealing with grief.
    You think I’m going to deal with it openly and publically?
    NO damn way.
    I’d be too ashamed after that.

    It’s not that I don’t care it’s the fact I’ve taught myself for so long just to hold it in I’m used to doing it but sometimes if I’m upset I have a slight tendency to become a little defensive and that’s not good.

    I read many times in the papers that if somebody’s still dealing with grief even 2 weeks after it’s going to be labelled as depression.
    I’m a guy who refuses to show emotion because I was always told to just get over it.

    Case in point.

    After one of our neighbours died almost 12 years ago I knew I wasn’t coping 6 dadys after and when I spoke to one of the teachers it was like pulling teeth and I never like to remember the affect my suicide wish repeated back to me had.

    was as if I had been punched in the chest but anyway,

    I’ll stop dwelling on the past now and get organized for dinner and say a very appropriate post talking about men and what manhood should be.

    Like

  2. Kyle, I do understand your issue with showing emotions, but let’s ace this fact: holding it in is gonna eat you alive. Same goes for women. Men should be in a social context that allows them to do what they must to keep their bodies healthy. This includes but is not limited to crying occasionally. Kyle, you’re not bad. You did respond normally like any other guy would in that situation. Talking to Blake right now.

    Like

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