Letter to Another Lost Friend, Or So I Thought Was A Friend

Dear Ms. Sayegh,
As a person, I feel lost and degraded by your comments about my disabilities. It is one thing when a sighted and able and mentally “stable” person says I must have guardianship, and it is quite the same if a judge said this. However, when a blind woman like yourself, prone to the unmarriageability that most of these women are prone to, says the same thing, it is so degrading I just about fell apart. Mary, do you need not see the look on my face? Do you not want to see the tears that cascaded down my face as I write this and before then when Art walked into my apartment building? He walks into my room, only to see me asleep almost. I was exhausted after a rather productive and interesting day at work. Bill, my boss, was out. He went to the field to do various stuff, and I was in with another lady in the office. The business I do work internship for is great, and the way you said that I’m lucky because a blind man is my boss was terribly degrading. For your information, Bill is a good guy, does his stuff, really wants me to change some stuff about me, but he is not going to trash me like, “You need a guardianship. Stop messing with your bottle of pills.” Bill has the good sense to tell it like it is, and he was obviously ok with some of my misses due to illness. Apart from sickness that could have resulted in bad vomiting and so forth and a laundry mishap that All State Home Health is responsible for, I’m floored by your inability to understand and have empathy for people in my position. Blake had to literally educate people on why this all took place. Because of your nasty comments, Mary Sayegh, I literally fell apart. I cried to Art, and this is after having left a message on his phone, his home phone that is, and Art nearly had to call 911. Why? Because he thought I’d overdosed on meds. For everybody’s information, I NEVER OD on medications I have taken for the last ten long years of my life. For your info, Mary, what you did was wrong, and you must pay dearly for this. That means, I am afraid, you owe both me and Blake apologies beyond belief. Not only in words, but in clear and present actions. Actions are required to show that you are a genuine and empathetic person. Empathy is important, and though I was abused emotionally and somewhat physically at a young age, I did not use this as an excuse to not feel empathy for others. I do not use my blindness as an excuse to prey on individuals or make up rumors about Blake’s mom. Kathy is wonderful as a mother, but it is almost her time to put some of her mothering skills to rest. Well, she’s put a lot of them to rest, and those include wiping buttocks, changing diapers, holding babies, etc. Maybe she’ll hold her grand babies, but we don’t know just yet, Blake and I. If you had it your way, however, I would be a single and locked up individual who is bathed much like M.P.R. I would be tossed away in the Devil’s palace which burns daily. I would not be allowed to see Blake because my parents don’t like the idea of their “poor little” daughter getting married. Mary, what you did was a stupid thing. You made many stupid choices while we were friends, I mean WERE friends. You made up lies about Kathy, who is doing her darndest to keep Blake and myself alive. There’s a line from the Phantom of the Opera that might add up to what is going on inside you: it’s in your soul that the true distortion lies. Hard to admit, but you have a distorted personality that needs help and guidance through the rough times you’ve put yourself and others through. I bounced back, but there’s still a fog in my brain right now. Why did you say the things you said? Why didn’t you just look inside, see the beautiful person I truly am, and look inside yourself and say, “Well, why don’t I have as many accolades, blessings, and so on as Beth does?” MS. Sayegh, I have a bone to pick with anyone who would dare question me about my ability to do things. The dishes are a minor issue compared to the degrading … dare I write this … shit that you said about my disability or conditions I suffer on a daily basis. Do you not realize that my parents don’t get it? Yours don’t, but unlike yours, my parents don’t deserve to see their daughter because of the way they handled Jason Lawrence and Orien Henry. I will almost never forgive them, but all I can do is stay at a distance and pray. Blake thought you were friends with him, but because he is with me, you see him as a cursed man by association with me. Mary, that is not fair. Blake is a good man with many good qualities, and the way you treated me with Matt there, and FaceTiming him while he was spending time with … oh yeah, for your information, MY FRIEND, ART YOCHIM! You butted in to Matt and Art’s man time, if you know what I mean. Men must stay men, and be men if that’s what they so choose. I have nothing against transgendered people, but if you choose to be a man, you have to at least hang out with fellow men every so often. Blake does, for some times, hang out with Joe, his stepdad. Kathy has been his lifeline, so he has been hers. What you said about Blake and Kathy was absolutely abominable, and because of this, Mary, here’s your punishment. Take it. This is what you must do:\
1. Write a letter of apology to both me and Blake. IF you come across this, you will find that I am not giving out emails in this post because you’re going to call and ask me about those. You will both call me and Blake and email us as well. You need to show empathy and genuine care and compassion for both of us.
2. You will come to my place and clean dishes for a month. IF I had it my way, at least. You will have to clean the floor properly, do the dishes, and the rest can be left up to the care people at all State Home Health since the mail and laundry machines are both visual in nature.
3. You must write Kathy a printed or emailed letter of apology whether she knows you or not. In this letter, you will confess to Kathy you said the bad things you said about her. I forgot exactly what wordage you used, but in Kathy’s note, please apologize to her and say you won’t do it again.
4. To ensure you do not do this again, you will sit in the back of the church during me and Blake’s wedding, and you will hear the vows that I write for Blake. You will see how much we care about and love each other even in the face of the adversity that you yourself created for us. Since you made such an evil choice for yourself and others, I also ask that you seek counseling and group therapy. I will be talking to Richele, and she won’t be happy with what you did. It’s bad enough when anyone degrades the disabled, but a disabled and destitute person doing it to another equally destitute and disabled person who ought to be in the almshouse is so disgusting it hurts. I’ll say this, if you don’t follow these instructions, Mary, you will regret it. This is not a threat, this is a promise. I promise I will never speak to anyone in cahoots with you and Mr. Orts, the man responsible for the FaceTime call and lying about it.
The aftermath of this incident goes like this: Art literally walks in and sees me like this, has to literally comfort me, which doesn’t take long to do considering Blake was there, whether in the online sphere or not. IF Blake had been with me, though, Mary, I’m sorry, you would have been yelled at. Not necessarily butt kicked, but you would have been confronted. I’ve never been so mad at someone in my whole life until M.P.R. trashed me in her stupid blog and then you run along with this crap about me. Then, you have that Cat lady who doesn’t even want to talk to me and has a weird personality and doesn’t think before she acts. Gillman Gal and M.P.R. and yourself are all examples of people who just plain don’t care for or even like and appreciate who I truly am. I can’t waste my time with any of this, but the words are hard to get rid of. Thanks to you, Mary, I may have to switch medications and go up on one or another. I could’ve been emergency called, and here I was with Art, and he thought I OD dosed on my medications. For one, I never would OD on anything. Overdosing is not good, and I am intelligent enough to not do things like this. Am I stupid? Mary, I would not want someone like the Gillman Gal or M.P.R. bothering me, and here you were, the girl I met in person. Why has this woman left me?
I have a few questions that are ultimately bothering me: why are you evil? Why are you acting as evil when you truly are a good woman? Mary, where was the lady I was so hospitable to? I went with whatever you wanted, and we ordered out. Every time we ordered out, it was great. What happened to the conversations we had? I’d like to watch August Osage County, but find it hard to get started on it. You introduced me to that funny scene, and here you were, sitting in my house. God, I think I’m falling apart once again thinking about the same young woman who said, “I love the D Backs (diamondbacks. Arizona Diamondbacks that is.)” Blake really caught on. This was the same person I thought would never leave. Mary, how dare you think this is funny I’m writing you this letter. How dare you think it funny to watch me fall while you hourself have the same distortions that Christine Daie sings of in the Phantom of the Opera. The Phantom himself has a distorted face, and yet Christine says, well, that he doesn’t. That he has an ugly personality, and he finally sees it and crushes the mirrors while she runs back to her handsome young love, Raoul. Can’t you see this scene as a teaching moment for yourself?
I better stop writing before I fall further down the pits of despair, and count my blessings. To Blake, I will never leave you. Defend your dear mother, and don’t let anything stand in our way. To Kathy, I hope you will see the reason why Blake and I must and will have our independence. I am counting on you to defend me, not throw me out like a lamb for the slaughter. I appreciate your greeting and acknowledgement of my existence, but we must get to know one another more. I thank all my readers for all the love and support you’ve given me so far.
With love,
Beth

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

2 thoughts on “Letter to Another Lost Friend, Or So I Thought Was A Friend”

  1. Beth, I really felt for you when I read this post. although I’m glad my blindness or my disability was never degraded I will make a confession. There was a girl who was in grade3 when I was in grade 6 at primeary school who I wrote a card in braille for and she thanked me for it. We were friends then but when I went to secondary school I lost touch with her until mid 2009 when we caught up again in a supporting people with disabilities course at TAFE. Turns out we’re good family friends with their nextdoor neighbour.
    She gave me her mobile number so I could keep in touch with her.

    The last contact I’d had with this particular girl was January 2010. January 5th to be exact.

    After this I tried ringing this number on and off for months getting no response.
    I wasn’t sure if she was still around what have you.

    I contacted a friend of hers at the time and she said she’d see what she could do.

    When I heard nothing I took matters into my own hands and sent a couple of very nasty emails to her email address which was the only contact I had because it was obvious she had changed her number and nobody else knew about it.

    I’ve since repaired things between us but I’m often afraide to ask for mobile numbers
    1. because I fear rejection,
    2. because I’m never sure what these people are like and if I do get their mobile number I’m worried that I’m going to be left in the dark pardon the pun particularly if they change their number and nobody knows about it.

    Like

    1. As you said in your last comment, you don’t know who your friends are anymore. And not necessarily on this post. But the letter to miss Siyaj was evident it was evidence that she was not my friend. I wish we could repair things to be honest. & I just don’t get why people are throwing me away like garbage. That’s about all. But that was a lovely comment about the girl, I just wish you could at least pay attention or at least see what’s going on. Will not you but others. At least you pay attention to what happens.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.