It’s a BOY!!!!!!!!!!

My Dear Son,

I’ve got your name picked out but won’t write it here in the blog because it’s public. Just so we’re straight here. So now, let me begin.

Sigh, I wasn’t expecting this. You are someone I want to meet, the spirit so chosen to be my dear son. I have so much to greet and so much to tell you. Perhaps the vision I had was of you a few months back. See, I was crying in one of those moments where confusion and sadness meets hope. You were invading my thoughts, and here you are.

I’ll tell you this. Daddy has your first ever pictures. You’ll get to see those when you are ready. Just ask, “Where do babies come from?” Every little one will ask that question, and you will ask me many more. If you have any such questions, your dad and I will do our darnedest to answer but let me warn you of something. Caution: just because we’re grown up doesn’t mean we have every single answer to every single question.

Right now as I type this, you are only ten ounces, and you weigh in perfect and you’re growing just like the flower grows from a seed. You will one day probably rip yourself out of my birth canal, hint hint it has to be head first, okay? You will come slithering out of my body and your dad will catch you, don’t worry, while I’m pushing like hell to get you out. When you do come out, you may greet me with your musical cries, whimpers, whatever you want to do to say, “Hello mommy, it’s your son. Feed me!” Whatever it is you want to do about things, just do it. Let me tell you more about the world you will live in, maybe you’ll see this dated December 8 before you were born and think, what was Mom thinking she’d write?

First, this world is a tough one. It’s a doozy. Men everywhere don’t have it easy, but to be fair, women don’t either. Trust me, you’ll understand when I tell you. I will probably have a thousand times the pain of just stomach aches, and that’s childbirth in a nutshell. Your father will never truly get it, like he doesn’t have the same innards I do, so he will know but he can’t feel the same pain I will. Please don’t talk to me when you’re here about the pain of contractions, I don’t want you to worry, only listen. I might scream like a banshee, warning of death and destruction, or I might let out a low scream, who knows. Don’t get any ideas from TV and films, just when you’re ready, I’ll see what I can do to show you how you got here.

Men have it harder though these days because everybody says stuff about them which half the time doesn’t make sense. There was a five year old boy in Canyon City who was almost charged with sexual harassment for giving someone a hug for crying out loud, but trust me, you’re like just a little boy. Hug me as hard as you want, and you can hug all the kids in your class, and hugs are good for you. Don’t worry about the PC weird teacher types who say, “But boys aren’t supposed to touch girls this way” or “your son hugs everybody” like it’s a dirty thing. But that’s not the only thing.

you might come across someone in your play groups that might call you names, try to take your stuff, kick you off to the side, so you will have to learn to use your head, your heart, your words, and as a last resort, your body and feet and hands to say, “Stop it, you don’t have a right to treat me like this.” you will learn diplomacy before any physical stuff, that’s how an ex of mine learned it.

Your father and I want the best for you, and we see a bright future in a tough as nails world that doesn’t like just anyone. You will have a loving set of people, including your parents, who will cuddle you, but not coddle you, love you and hold you, but not overdo it, and we won’t ignore you because that’s just us. We love you. When you’re older, my son, you will near die laughing perhaps because this post is just me trying to be tender and at times funny, and if you do end up being a comic, just try to crack the whole world up. Just beware you’ll have to clean up some raw egg yolks afterwards. You’ll need a towel or a few fresh rags, trust me I know what I’m talking about.

Along the way, you will meet girls and some guys. Let me tell you about girls. girls are cool, you have nothing to be afraid of for the most part about girls. Just be wary of the preppy ones, the ones who get everything handed to them and just sign up for the cheerleading squad. IF you should dance, don’t be afraid to lift your ballerina partners up off the stage platform floor, and let her twirl. One thing I will say, however, is that if you see a girl in need of some Playtex, pads and such, just go buy them for her. IF you don’t have enough dough for that, boy, just let her borrow your coat and put her in a safe spot. Girls like that, and we will be forever grateful for this action if you decide to do it. If your hair grows long, I promise you, my son, you will be as hot and very Bohemian as your father. He is quite the musician, and he will show you a lot. We will teach you to play the keys, but if you decide you’re a drummer, we’ll still smile and congratulate you. IF you should conduct a symphony, we will be forever proud of you.

Just do us a few things, favors, okay? One, be a strong and faithful man. If you like having a lot of people about you, just let them feel safe and special with you. When you come out initially, you won’t probably remember all this, but believe me, when you turn the age of majority, you’ll thank us in the end. My son, if you should ever see your father and cross swords with him, think as if you’re Luke Skywalker. Always remember, both of us have good in our hearts, and you will never want for anything. I have a miniature anecdote to share with you.

Some months back, I wrote a letter to the fat guy, yeah Santa Claus. You will one day be thrown in the lap of such stranger, with our permission and agreement of course, and the guy will likely have a huge beard and white hair, probably will be in his eighties, whatever. IF he asks you what you want for Christmas, you can tell him you want a skateboard. You can say you want pink clothes, real guys can wear pink honestly, and you could say you just wanna fix Mommy’s rosebushes and all the other crazy stuff you can come up with. I’m not purchasing a Paint Ball gun though, please don’t ask me or anyone else, my brother did that and got a firm no from Mom, and there’s good reason for that. Trust in our wisdom, you will understand.

Also, Christmas isn’t about getting. Remember that. It’s about giving rather than getting, right? Just when you see Sally from the Peanuts gang even mention that, you’ll laugh your head off. I can’t wait to hear you laugh, because laughter is the best medicine.

Anyhow, I wrote a letter to Santa Claus asking for a child. I said the child will be raised to believe in him, love his mother and father, and it might as well be the greatest gift on Earth. My dear son, you are the greatest gift a mother and father could ask for. I would kill to have any baby, and I waited so long to have you. I’l tell you that story later, when you’re older and wiser and able to discern stuff better.

When you get here, first of all, your brain will have done some growing, and it’s awesome. You will be able to do the basics, including feed, poop, drool, burp and spit in my face, his face, all that. Don’t fret, we’ve got this.

When you are here, my dear son, I will make for darn sure you are properly named. We’re excited to meet you and hold your tiny hand, let it wave in the air. I wonder how tall you will be. I hope you grow to be taller than Dad, trust me, my male relatives are gigantic, that is compared to your dad. He’s only five feet ten inches tall, and when you grow to be about six feet, maybe a couple more inches, you will tower head and shoulders above him and all the rest of the basketball team. Speaking of which, will you be the kind of guy who likes basketball? I hope so, but if you don’t, remember your likes and interests are welcome with us.

LEt me just throw in a few small pointers but very important ones. First, if you’re quiet, that’s not really as bothersome as the fact that I and your father can’t see. Our eyes will only open when we want to clean out the sleepy sand. Don’t worry, you get the same scenario with your eyes, but if yours open and you can see, that doesn’t bother us really. But with us, we want you to be vocal and let us know if you need something. You know that when you’re hungry, just don’t worry just tell us. When you get to talking, talk all you wanna, we need to hear that. IF you wanna show us something, a brightly colored toy, a cup of some water, if you want something, in one way or another, tell us. We’re here for this reason. Just don’t sit and point at something, show us what you want from us, like if you want a drink, just bring us that tippy cup on the counter you like. That’s what we want.

We will enjoy every moment spent with you and it will be a grand life you will live, though interlaced with tough moments. There might be times you will be tempted to mess around, grab your punching bag fists and do something crazy, but you might also be tempted to empty my pantry or your father’s food stocks, especially when you have a serious growth spurt. I’ll tell you how that works, especially when you are older.

IF you’re super lanky when you turn fourteen, maybe a bit younger, I’m gonna be serious. Drink ensure. It works. My mother who thinks she’s not your Grandma, she did this to your uncles, both of whom were track stars in their high school days. Your daddy was a wrestling person, so you’ll get to experience a bit of that. Remember though, if you want to be big and strong like we are, eat something. Eat some fruits, apples are delicious, and vegetables, onions and broccoli included. Don’t worry about spicy peppers too much, not till you’re able to tolerate all the heat flying out of your mouth. Your dad is crazy about spices, but we’ll make sure you’re acclimated to as much and as many foods as possible. In the near future, I’m thoroughly looking forward to nourishing you with all the milk, as much as you would need, and giving you plenty of kisses and hugs, like way too many of those, I’m kidding, but promise I won’t smother you like a chimichanga or a burrito covered with red chili. You will enjoy all this, sure, the burrito and such, but I swear I won’t kiss you so many times you think it’s not cool. Let me know if something’s not cool.

Remember this though, when the time comes for us to part ways and you to live in the big world beyond my arms, my home, your father’s arms, his home, beyond us parents, we’ll just be a phone call away. Be good, promise us you’ll behave yourself and mind your stuff, p’s and q’s, all that. We’ll miss you, bunches and loads, when you go off somewheres, college or someplace abroad, and you can do whatever you want. If you join the army, I don’t know what I will think of it. Navy? Same thing, but there are so many things you can do.

When you meet your life partner or partners, just bring them on over and we will welcome both male and female ones with open arms. You can choose from any flower in the garden, any fish in the sea. Just be patient, you will be rewarded in this life, and when you do good things, change this world and revolutionize the way people do stuff, you will yield so much. Your father and I will be proud of you, that is so proud that you will be our baby. So no matter how far you go, no mountains or valleys or oceans apart from us will ever change how we will always love and cherish you. It might sound a bit childish to say this when you’re old and manly enough, not sure exactly, but remember if you get homesick, weep or long for my good cooking, hugs and kisses, and all the things I could say about you which will be nothing but good, remember that I might not always be there to hold your hand as you climb mountains, but you will always have a piece of both of us. Our hugs and kisses will be with you always. As in Star Wars, I might say, the force will be with you always. So will my embrace, my kiss, his big warm smile, all of the people in your circle. There will never be a day that goes by that I don’t think of you, that you will always be on your parents’ minds. I know your dad’s a bit scared of this world being tough on guys, but be yourself. Be you. Let us see what you will become. We can’t wait to take you to your first outings, your first fair, your first vacation and we will celebrate Christmas with you, sweet boy. We will shower you with love, some toys, but a lot of practical experiences. Feel free to tell your parents what you’d like to do, not just get, for your birthday and Christmas. My family honestly wasn’t that great with this sort of stuff, so you’ll be lucky.

I will never stop loving you, my son, and your father and I are so blessed to have you in our lives.

We can’t wait.

Love,

Your mother and father

The World is Going to be Too Weird In Ten Years.

Here are Ten ways the world could be completely unrecognizable from the world we live in now. It is currently 2022 so think ahead ten years. Ten things isn’t hard to find.

1. The Terminator will be for real. There is a prior post I wrote about automatic robotic weapons, and we will be getting them sooner than I would have thought. San Francisco police want to use robots to target suspects. That’s the Terminator right there. So someone could take that same tech that SFPD has, like the LAPD or the DPD in Denver, and use it to attack people. Oops, perhaps the UN should take a second look?
2. We will one day be able to search things by thought alone. For this and future items in this entry, see the book entitled Our Grandchildren Redesigned by Michael Bess, and you will see lots of great little tidbits about things to come. It was written in 2014, but still has a bunch of valid things to look forward to.
3. We might be able to experience sex and romance in whole new ways, including through thought alone. Scary? Yes, and there might be some ethics issues attached.
4. Some people say we might have ectogenesis, I wrote prior posts on this one, but then you have an ethical issue about attachment to the mom. How to get around those issues is a big task for a lot of people to ponder as we figure out what to do to negate the need for abortion.
5. Then there’s the thought of communication by brain alone as well. Telepathy would be good some of the time, but the ethical issue is it could lead down dark pathways which could lead to destruction of the human race.
6. Your kids and grandkids could rot their brains out using VR, virtual reality. We already use it today, but imagine you are using VR to play chess, do your science homework, and furthermore, go someplace you can’t afford to go. Total Recall anyone?
7. Food might be from cloned livestock. Ethical issues aside, I could care less, for me food is food.
8. Books and paper anythings will be obsolete.
9. There might be a way to build houses by 3D printing? We already do that to guns, so why not houses?
10. AI things are taking over stuff right away. Imagine you have an AI headset on your head that tells you what you are thinking, “Oh, you could benefit from this service or that” or “I know what you’re shopping for.” Scary? Yes, privacy concerns could abound.
11. Also, let’s talk about the ethics around smart guns. I don’t know if smart weaponry is a good idea. Smart weaponry perhaps to prevent a violent massacre might work, but there is a problematic issue in America about guns in the hands of mass shooting suspects.
12. TV screens might be big and huge, Fahrenheit 451 anyone?, and when your dad is on vacation, he could call your phone and you can already cast it to a TV, but imagine the TV is your phone and your dad, the life-sized likeness and all, appears next to you in VR which I mentioned earlier. We’ve got FaceTime, but imagine that. VR will take hold of everything.
13. Idk about you guys, but implantation of memories might mess you up big time. Total Recall? Yes.

These are the mostly ten things, but maybe a few more, things that would make this world totally weird. Just try to imagine those things in 2023, and you’ve probably got on target.

Beth

Letter to to my Unborn Child Part 3

My Dear child,

It pains me to write this. I want to ask you a little question. Yes, you will ask me many questions throughout your life, but I want to ask you, will you even be able to discern what love your mother and father have for you? Will you be able to say, “I love you, Mommy” in some way or other when you turn six? When will it be that I will put you to bed, tuck you in at night, and say, “Goodnight, Princess?” Or even “Goodnight, dear son?” What will I do when I can’t do those things? Your father wants to remove you from your mother’s care, and prefers me not to have anything to do with him or you. I have shed many a tear thinking about you, my partner, and me. You have a stepsister in Iowa who probably doesn’t know you exist, that you are about to be born in spring, and I don’t wanna lose you. Child, I don’t want you to leave my womb dead, please if the Gods demand I make a sacrifice on your behalf, it should be me, not you. All I want is for you to live, dear one, not lie in a coffin or a hospital biohazard bin because of being stillborn. I want you to be born moving, crying, yes even puking, pooping, sweating, burping, spitting in my face. Oh wel. I just want a real live baby, not a stillborn doll with no chance to grow up and be a tall young woman or tall strapping young man. I don’t know what you are yet, dear child, but I want to let you know that if I do find out, whatever you are, stay right there, come when ready, and trust me I have a huge amount of love to give, but the dad? Well, the way he talks about me, just ignore it. It just makes your mother cry, and I’ve cried enough. I’ve had enough of men, whether my own father, your grandfather it should be known, or your father or the men at workplaces, no, I don’t want any male or anybody telling me to be quiet. I want nothing to do with people telling me I run my mouth. Well, guess what? This is my set of lips, and if you accuse me of running it, so what? People can just go to hell already for the way they’ve treated females with disabilities over the thousands of years, still to this day, that they do. Your father thinks I’m worthless, perhaps, he said some horrible stuff about me I don’t want to share right now because your tiny mind wouldn’t be able to grasp any of this. You are just a young child, you don’t need to know this stuff till you’re ready to hear what your father has been saying about me. Okay, if you really get curious, I’ll try and break it down for you, but please promise me you won’t kick his butt because he doesn’t deserve to be hurt and I just want him to know he is loved, and loved by the mother of you, my child. I am your mother, and if he forgets to watch you when I call, then … I’m not sure how to say it without all the hate coming out from his mouth. I’ll tell you a little story, and I promise you it’s not super tragic.

Five years ago, I met this strong and noble guy online. Okay, you won’t be able to use the Internet till you’re a few years older, but anyhow, I met this man on the Internet, he was supportive of me. We became friends. He wanted to honor me as a queen, and trust me, I wish he would still do so. I love him so much, but anyhow, he came over here to Colorado and moved in with me in May of this year, four or so months before you planted yourself in my womb. I was happy to hear that you were growing in there, and you would have had a sibling, but oops, that one vanished. Perhaps Goddess didn’t want that, or Goddess was not happy with that arrangement, so she took the other one back. You’ll understand. Anyhow, you are a child I wanted so bad. I had an ex who failed at getting me pregnant, I won’t name him for his own sake. Your father is a very intelligent, but still a troubled soul. When he moved in with me, there were things about him that came popping out. See, if you’re a young lady, you will know that men like to charm women and some men, feeling manipulated and duped by a woman’s disability, go on to become abusers, become vindictive and abandon the woman. I think your daddy wants me out of his life, but I won’t allow it because we have a child together, and I want to add something else. I was adopted by another man, not a man who was blood related. My blood father abandoned me and my mother, much the same way that this so called Prince Charming wants to throw Cinderella in the garbage or the ashes pile. No, child, promise me if you’re a male, don’t do that to any female, especially one who can carry your children. IF you are a male, whatever you are, do not, I mean it in the nicest possible way but firm as well, do not ever abandon a woman you love. Don’t say the words your Daddy will surely say to me in the time you might have to spend outside in this cruel world. I will do my darnedest to protect you, darling, and I won’t let you get your eyes yellowed up like Satan’s kid, and you are no child of Satan. Though we’re not the Woodhouse family, got this?, you are a child of Clayton not a child of Satan. Hear me out. I haven’t had a crazy craving for raw meat, trust me I watched Rosemary’s Baby and read some of the novel it was based on, but you will always be in my heart forever and ever, and you won’t ever need anything else. There are kids who don’t particularly care for their dads, but if you are a girl, and a Daddy’s little girl, trust me, I want to see you dance with this man at your wedding day. Fathers and daughters have a special relationship, and your father will one day get to dance with you while you’re dressed in white. Or whatever color you like. If you find someone you love, trust me she or he won’t have to go to a father for permission, you are nobody’s property. Just introduce the male or female potential suitor you want to your father and say, “Daddy, I want to marry them.” IF he says he doesn’t like the way you guys interact, maybe he’s jealous. Or it could be that the significant other you chose is using you for a punching bag. I don’t want a cyclic familial issue where the father constantly has to abandon a child, or worse, I don’t want you to do things in the wrong. I don’t want you to be a punching bag or a taser target for some fool who doesn’t know how to love. You think I don’t know what’s best for you? I don’t think so. I do know that what you need is a loving set of people, people in your life who will accept you and care about all of us, you and me, and this man probably doesn’t think so. While your spirit sits on that balcony in Heaven, please tell him to love me, change his mind about moving to that other place, and tel him to hold me while I cry because I need to cry a lot. I’ve shed too many tears about this already.

Please tell your Daddy I love him, that he will never be wanting for anything if I could just fly away someplace. IF I’m not there to care for you because I die, your daddy will take care of you. I promised him that if I died, he’d be the one to care for you. But truthfully, I want you to be loved by a whole village of people, not just me and your dad. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I don’t know where that village is quite yet, but I’m working on building such a thing. It’s not just a collection of huts and a big building in the middle. Your village is not just a field where corn and mealy leaves are grown, where you are called constantly to pound and hammer the leaves and make flour out of it. It’s not a place where your old stupid aunt decides to marry you off to some stranger, being a girl, and sell you to a wandering spirit. It is not a place where you have to live in constant fear of a guy such as Faez Ali Thamer, who raped and perhaps threw away a little ten year old who was forcibly married to him. You will never have to worry about that in your village. Your village will be love, and if someone tries to hurt you, one of the villagers will be there to make sure you are healed good as new. When you get sick, I will make sure you get well, I will hold you while you cry or whimper and your fevers are burning you up like a log on a fireplace, but you will not burn to ash. Darling, when you are ready, the villagers will introduce you to a whole new world. When I can’t be there with you all the time, there will be someone there to make sure you can do things, whether or not they hold your hand is not what I’m worried about. I want the village I build for you to accept you, to love you, and to always remember who you are, never forgetting to tell you that your Mom and Dad love you tenderly, dearly and to the ends of this earth. While you’re up there, tell your Daddy that I will prepare a place for all of us, and we will all be free together, as a family, one day. Tell your father that all I want is a family, one that loves and forgives and makes up. I want to fly, tell him I want to fly, but truthfully in reality, I will not gain real wings till I’m dead. Then, we will all be like angels over water, flying as high as possible. Please, darling, you are not ready to come here to be my child just yet, but I. had a vision of you, and in response wrote this letter, not this one in particular, but I wrote several.

My beloved child, you don’t know what I’d do for you, and I’d do anything. Hell if I have to sacrifice anything, I don’t know what it would be, but nothing short of my own life. Tell my friend Crystal Henry I said hello, oh wait, Mrs. Campbell, right? Just tell her I said hello, just before you come to this earth and in to my arms and the whole world spins while you’re on it. I worry that I may have to join Crystal myself, but don’t want to because I don’t know quite what her husband, her widower, is doing and going through. The newborn child she bore two weeks before she died, that child will never know a mother’s touch. Please, I want you to know a mother’s love and stuff, and I would stop at nothing to make sure you have all that you need and want for yourself. No, not toys, you’ll know what’s important. You want me to have someone who loves and cares about me? Well, I don’t know if I’ll find that. Perhaps you could write Santa a letter in your childhood just asking him to give us back your father for Christmas. I don’t quite know. But truthfully, I love you to the moon and back, and I wish your father nothing more than love, joy and happiness, but only if he just stops and lets you and I be part of that joy and happiness. Maybe you would write a letter to that same white haired guy in the sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer, if such existed, and say, “Dear Santa, please bring Mommy some stuff she’ll need but give Daddy a ride in your sleigh back to us. We want to see him for Christmas, and we want to be able to spend time with him.” Or it could go further, “Santa, please give Mom and Dad a marriage license, perhaps you have some way to show them that love is what makes a family a family.” I don’t know many five year old kids that think this way. There was a seven year old boy whose daddy beat up his mommy, so he wrote Santa something like this: “Dear Santa, I wish that I had a Daddy that didn’t beat up Mommy, and that we could have a safe place to live, with a couch and other things.” Child, I wrote such a letter, but not the same way the boy did. This letter said, frankly and without question, that I wanted a child, you, in my life. I wanted a child because my body could have grown old, and all the sacrifices I’ve made, all the stuff I’ve done, the supports I’ve martialed up, all of that, I’m doing what is best.

I love you.

Beth

Thankful I’m Not in an Institution

Dear readers,

While I understand that some people with real fragility and medical issues need daily care, I want to highlight what all of us disabled people should at least be thinking about. Imagine not having Thanksgiving with your loved ones this year. Imagine you can’t have visitors, can’t even eat good food, and I’m serious, nursing home food is bland as hell. I’m someone who worked at a nursing home and it seemed a bit depressing, a lot of napping residents about, and there were smells like the catheters and such, just the whole experience was eye opening. I worked at Daytona Health and rehabilitation for a short time doing a work experience with the Rehabilitation Center for the Blind and visually Impaired. I was the one you saw on piano for a while, doing all kinds of things to make the residents’ lives better. There were residents I could not see, some room visits just weren’t allowed. For one thing, I can’t imagine living like that.

Imagine what you know about Thanksgiving. You sit with your family, your friends and loved ones, and you gather around the table, amen. At a nursing home, I don’t know if that’s a good idea honestly, it might not be appropriate to say so. My great grandmother, Rose Gravina, rest in peace, spent her final days at a Bradenton nursing facility in Florida. She had a good life, relatively good care, all that, and she had visitors. Her family would visit her, and I did, at least. Nursing home patients often suffer from dementia, and psychotropic drugs are not fit for dementia patients, even if behaviors are undesirable. I didn’t want to take psychotropic drugs even before such a condition could pop up, but they are still not to be prescribed to such. I don’t know if my poor Mimi was taking any such medications, but I do remember some of the last things she would ask. She’d remember when she herself could comb my hair, and ask if I did it. She did this repeatedly, but still, dementia patients go through memory lapses, and I understand all this. Memory drills are common in memory care wards in places like these.

But what if you’re not old as she was? Rose Gravina was 93 or so when she died, and was very frail as she spent her final days in both a nursing facility and in hospice. It was depressing and sad, trust me, it was. Some people in nursing homes are simply disabled, developmentally disabled or otherwise. They are young enough to have children, they are sometimes prevented from doing so. So what are a patient’s rights in such facilities?

According to a recent Disability Rights New York podcast, all patients at such places in New York, of all places, have a right to communication, and visitors have a right to visit within reason. The patients in a nursing home in most places should have that right to visitors, but my biggest concern is that patients don’t get enough visits. There was one poor old woman who was dropped off at a nursing facility, Daytona Health and Rehab to be exact, and she was virtually abandoned because. her family refused to care for her. Nursing homes are not supposed to be dumping grounds for elders and such a place is just a big assembly line care factory. You have people lined up who have to go from room to room doing various things with residents who need so much assistance. There are some who need assistance with stuff like walking, bathing, dressing, all that, and some need feeding and other things. my beloved grandmother, let’s call her Judy, she spent her last Thanksgiving on a feeder. When I heard about it, I was devastated. Judy, known to us as B Ma, had all the fixings in a good Christmas or holiday dinner. She was a force to be reckoned with, so to hear of her having to spend her last and final year of her life on a feed tube in an assisted living place just broke me. This was the same lady who said, “You can’t bitch if you don’t vote” and offered people subscriptions to The NY Times, which I was always part of her daily rounds to pick up the Times whenever she was active and up on her feet. B Ma would pick me up from big events, show up to a lot more stuff, stand in for a godfather and godmother for Baptism, a lot of things. But I could go on and on but I’ll shut up here. B Ma’s final year seems a bit depressing, but even so, she had visitors, my mom and family were able to provide visitations for B Ma and her now widower, Papa as we’d call him, Rod Hebert to the rest of the world. Both of these people needed visits and care, and that’s what all patients should exercise a right to.

So what can we do this thanksgiving for our nursing home compadres out there? Well, let’s start by volunteering at facilities that will allow it. While volunteering, look, listen and smell. Look at the doors. Do they open? Are there lockdown areas? Who is residing in these places?

If there is a resident who is abandoned or feels in need of a visit, do go ask to visit that resident. As a volunteer, you can brighten these people’s day by providing a visit and perhaps giving them a favorite dish they liked that they can consume. Thanksgiving and Christmas should never be a place of depression, a time of nothingness for anyone, and nobody should be alone on such holidays.

Thanksgiving and Christmas aren’t the only times people should be helping nursing home residents at all. Oftentimes, nurses and orderlies steal things from residents. One young woman in a nursing facility in Illinois had an Echo Dot stolen from her. There are violations that nursing homes should take into account. For one, elders and other kinds of residents have rights to be safe in the home, not hit or kicked or worse, neglected or not fed, not changed if applicable. They need care from a family preferably, but these days, families don’t respect their elders.

Why do we even have nursing homes? We know that our elders are a window to the past. Talk to your elderly loved one about things they grew up with, recipes they liked, the black coffee. The nursing facility people might recommend reminiscence as a way of bringing back some things. If you have an old person living with you, it would help if you hold on to the treasures they give you. Why dump them in a facility because they’re “too old?” I wouldn’t dare. Not even my kids will dump me in a facility. I won’t let them.

So what can we do to care for our elders at home? This is where it gets interesting. Home and Community Based Services is a community care thing that lets you do various tasks, and sometimes hire caregivers to help with various things. There are waivers that let you hire your own person, that also let you develop skills. I am hoping one day to be able to develop skills, redevelop them in comfort and yes, safety. CCB where I graduated from in Littleton has had its share of safety issues, including but not limited to some first aid violations, perhaps, I’ve heard a couple stories. They’ve also come under fire because the top levels of their parent organization have had some issues with sexual abuse of their students and clients. It just broke me to read half the stories. However, it’s a different post for a different day.

My thought is that when someone loses capacity in the physical sense, as my Nana Taurasi, better known as Mary Taurasi, did, they should be cared for by relatives at home or with a daily care plan with HCBS. A nursing home could put all the Grandmothers we know at risk of dying early, being beaten, etc.

HCBS helps a wide variety of people, and it should do so and keep disabled people in the community. In the community, a disabled person can do more, be free, and be safe from someone who would like nothing better than to say that the person in question deserved to be forgotten. Nobody should be forgotten like this.

This thanksgiving, pause a moment and remember your loved ones who are currently in residence at a nursing or assisted living facility. Pause and remember those who can’t remember your name. Remember your dementia inflicted loved ones, remember the ones who need it most. When they forget your name, repeat that your name is so and so as many times as you can, hold the hands of these people as the long goodbye progresses. These folks need us more than we think.

Happy Thanksgiving 2022.

Beth

Men Start Fights, but Ladies Finish Them: So Who Done It?

Dear readers,

I have been pondering this for a long while. IS it necessary to say that “patriarchs build societies” while “matriarchs don’t?” No offense, but most of the worst disasters in history were ignored and or perpetrated by patriarchal figures. However, women and queens and queendom leaders have been known (with the exception perhaps of the Elizabeths in England, maybe a couple crazy scientists and some sadists), but the good queens they’ve done some peaceable things. I can come up with a few. Here’s a list, however, of the guys who started fights, and then we’ll cover the ladies, who finished fights, perhaps defended castles, and had prosperous queendoms. And yes, leadership outside queendom/kingdom lands.

1. We can begin with Ancient Egypt. LEt’s explore all the pharaohs, and see which one might have caused the worst catastrophes in Cairo and other places in Egypt, but in this ancient kingdom, it was Memphis. No, don’t get that mixed up with the state of Tennessee. LEt’s go over the worst Pharaoh, Ramses II, otherwise known as Ramses the Great, or the Tyrant, depending on how you look at him. With a harem of over 200 wives, and predictably, about 150 plus kids, this guy was pretty busy. Who knew what he was doing! Ancient religious texts say that Ramses II, the Pharaoh in the B.C.E. Exodus era, was responsible for the enslavement and captivity of the entire, not half or quarter, but the entire Hebrew population. His dad, though not quite as bad, was still bad. Ramses’ dad was responsible for an Egyptian decree that said all the little boys in the Hebrew tribes had to be killed, but only girls would live. We all know Moses’s birth story. His mother and sister put him in a basket, for those unfamiliar with this story, and a lady from Pharaoh’s own household picked him up and raised him as hers, but paid the original mom to have the kid nursed to full health. Good job, more on that later. But Ramses didn’t like Moses much after it was discovered he was helping the Hebrews, and when Moses says to the Pharaoh the famous words in the book of Exodus, better we say them now, “Let my people go,” Ramses said no. HE tried to justify the complete enslavement of a whole entire race of people, the destruction of the same people, and so on and so forth. HE didn’t perpetrate the ten plagues, as it says in the texts, but he was asking for all of them. I won’t take the time to name them all. Ramses II tried to recapture the Hebrews post Exodus, but nope, he didn’t make it. Oops, that was horrible, right? So let’s move on.
2. Going forth in the Biblical texts, we have a bunch of folks known as Romans, the Romans were also famous for lots of building things. The men had this thought that killing their daughters’ boyfriends was a good idea, right? Well, further along we have a people who had the pleasure, or the bad luck perhaps, of conquering same said Hebrew people, now living in Judaea, like what’s now Israel, and the Emperors, known as Caesars, would conquer them at this point in time. The Emperor of Rome would knowingly and willfully allow his soldiers to rape the conquered peoples’ women. And among which, we had Caesar Augustus, no doubt he was pretty bad. The Christmas story starts probably with a Roman Legionaire perhaps raping a young Judaean maiden, a fourteen-year-old Mary, in Aramaic, her name Marium, and she gave birth to a son. While the story does have some bends and twists because of the culture at the time, there is a possibility that Mary was raped, and the big thing is that since her people were conquered, I think that’s a high possibility. This stuff goes back to Ancient Greece, even. But in Rome, I think we had a special desire to take over the world. Caesar Augustus also decreed that everybody go to an ancestral home for a census, and … you know the rest. While Jesus, son of Mary, taught us to love our neighbor, probably never touched a lady or got married, etc., you had Caesar Augustus and his heirs causing mayhem among the Jewish people. They also handed Jesus over to another patriarch we’ll discuss later on.
3. King Herod, same time same place, wanted to actually kill Mary’s son because of the Judaea’s’ so called promise of a king, and if you forget the Biblical story, I’ll summarize it here. Even in Xmas songs, Herod the King is known to have wanted to slay ALL of the Jewish boys, including infants, but like they had to be two years and under. I saw a claymation, or some recreation in a movie about this long ago in school, but truthfully I thought Herod was awful. Yes, he built some marvelous buildings, Archaeologists say, but society isn’t just a marble palace. Herod’s buildings housed some awful stuff, including perhaps the dungeon I’ll discuss in a second where John the Baptist, yes, a Biblical story again, was held before his head was cut off and given to Herod’s spoiled evil princess of a daughter. I will not bother discussing her.
4. LEt’s discuss a further down historical guy who wasn’t quite a king, but let’s call this guy Pilate. Governor Pilate in Judaea was the very man who decided that a perfectly good guy had to be put to death. He wasn’t Jewish, he was Roman, a governor who believed in the Roman gods and such. Jesus was declared a heretic because of this guy, and was subsequently crucified. I won’t discuss the stations or the whole passion here, but this is what Pilate is responsible for. Not his wife, who would have said Jesus was a gift to this world, and she’s right.
5. Further along, we have some pretty unfit weird kings in the Medieval times. Sometimes you had queens, Eleanor of Aquitaine, for example, who bore King John, don’t get me started on Robin Hood the outlaw. We won’t go too far there. However, let’s just say that the Medieval kings weren’t the greatest, and certain ones who ruled in the Holy Roman Empire were kind of out there. Through these times, you had some Popes too who broke their own rules and laws in their own church. I heard a story once of a Pope who tried to pass a bull, which is like a decree but Roman Catholic style and done by a Pontiff only, that said a certain girl he was messing with had been and is a virgin, and he was just way the heck out of line with the orders he should have followed. The minute a Roman Catholic priest takes Holy Orders, he does not get to touch any sexual flesh, including those of women and boys and even his fellow guys. No sex, period. He can’t just earn millions either. I’ll go there in another post, but the point is that Medieval popes have been kind of out there, and it didn’t help that Bloody Mary Tudor was in line with one such. I can’t remember every pope’s name, but he inspired, this pope I’m thinking of, he inspired Mary Tudor to commit acts of violence against Protestant people. She’s one of the most sadistic English queens I could name, and she died of a tumor in her womb. Don’t know what to say there.
6. Among the Medieval Scottish and English kings, let’s meet Edward the Longshanks. This guy? He was crazy enough to introduce a decree that went something like this: Whenever a Scottish girl gets married, we English people get to take the girl into the beds of our lords and have the guys there have sex with her. Um, Latin phrase here, prima nocte which probably translates to “first night.” It’s a horrific practice that you would see clearly if watching Braveheart, sorry Mel Gibson, but it was Edward the Longshanks, a really old guy, who decreed that Scottish brides get to be raped by British lords, and it had a lot to do with taxes and such, and he was upset that the Scotts weren’t paying their fair share of taxes. Okay, there are a thousand ways to ensure you get taxes, right guys?
7. Further down the road, let’s jump to the Colonies. Yeah, I don’t want to discuss too many King Jameses and such. I do want to discuss George III. This guy was kinda messy. Well, to put that mildly, he was a big mess. King George III taxed the colonists for no reason, and he instigated a lot of people to write some really deep and powerful pamphlets, including Common Sense and the Declaration of Independence. While these were both written by very famous guys, this English king was awful. HE tried to force the Colonists to pay up, and he may have done nothing about the slavery going on in the ancient United States, as it were, the colonies already had been trading in people for some time. It was this third king George who tried to be nice, tried to put on a show but the colonists saw through his foolishness, and the revolutionary war came on and … the U.S. was born. Big mistake number one: don’t agitate your subjects if you want them to stay.
8. While the kings of Europe are a messy lineup to deal with, I can think of some crazier people. Before the Revolutionary War, we also had Oliver Cromwell, who tried to mess up things for the Britons. Oliver being as high and mighty as he was tried to ban old holidays, and his dictatorship was like a poor sorry Afghanistan in ancient times, but maybe that isn’t a fair comparison. Mr. Cromwell inspired Puritans to either thrive or leave. I never learned too much, but I had the gut feeling he was a ruthless one. He banned Christmas at one time, like who bans that holiday? It could have been worse.
9. Okay, so let’s skip ahead again, to the United States, and let’s meet George Washington. While he led the Continental Army, he also was a slave owner. Not good. Martha Custis Washington wasn’t much better, she owned a slave or something. I came across that information looking for some books. So what if Washington didn’t tell a lie? I am not lying when I say Washington was not much better than the next guy you’ll soon meet.
10. Thomas Jefferson wasn’t much better. I don’t know what to say because while he did free Sally Hemmings and her kids, it had to do with favors and his late wife Martha. Slaves were often entangled in white families, seen it too many times with a repeated surname in Louisiana, Hebert being my own maternal family, and because of this, there’s a child of a slave in my lineage. There you have it. But Mr. Jefferson was pretty sorry, but I will give him credit for one thing and one thing only: he had a Qur’an, and he had a Bible. He wasn’t just one religion, and he was a pretty spacious ball of wisdom in that regard. But that’s about it. Not like the next guy you’ll meet. Read on.
11. Andrew Jackson, oh boy, I’m on a roll here, had a school named after him in my locale in Florida. Jackson did some pretty stupid things, including remove all the Native and Indigenous nations and what have you from their land, and he was responsible, wholeheartedly, for the near destruction of the Cherokee Nation, the Trail of Tears, bless this nation because they didn’t deserve that. He also was responsible, if you dig deeper into Florida history, for the Seminole Wars, god bless Chief Osceola, and others, but Jackson was a jealous little brother who wanted to take all the sisters and brothers’ toys. That’s what these guys think like, but in a larger scale and in a grown up sense. Imagine you’re sitting on a couch, living in a house with a group of your friends, when a big group of people who don’t even speak your language walk to your door and demand you get the fuck out of your house. Or they could kill you. That’s what happened. Then you get thrown out of your own shelter, your stuff gets trashed, and your furnishings demolished. That’s what Jackson allowed. He was Florida Territory’s first and worst governor. I wonder why Florida is as funny as it is now.
12. I could go on and on about the American government officials who would likely own slaves, side with slaveholding states, and many other problematic peoples who were white who did a number of atrocities in the nineteenth century, but let’s go on. There’s many dictators we are seeing in the twentieth and current centuries that I wish people would take a closer look at. LEt’s say that when the Kaiser of Germany during WWI tried to be all high and mighty, he got his lands taken away, and then came Adolf Hitler. Hitler has a body count that stands at more than six million, some twisted writings, and worse, he had all kinds of problematic doctrines and philosophies. At the cost of so many lives, he tried to “build” a society based on the superior Germany he wanted. Oops, he committed suicide along with his little buddy Joseph Goebbels and Joseph’s wife, Magda, and who knew what happened to Magda’s little kids? I saw this documentary about Magda Goebbels, and she was a mess too.

Okay, and the patriarchs we want to hail as the builders of society could go on and on, but I’ll go back and analyze a few good women who’ve done a multitude of things.

1. LEt’s start with queens in ancient times. Greece didn’t have much of that, but I will give a shout out to the descendants of Spartan women. Yeah, the boys were vicious, but these girls had every right except the vote. But no queens here.
2. There was an ancient woman in Egypt who was discouraged from ruling in her own name, see the Woman King if you haven’t already, Hatshepsut, a queen in Egypt, ruled in peace and did a lot for the country. She had a lot set up, and as far as I could see, she wasn’t doing any harm to Hebrews, but she was also tutoring her daughter and thought that would work. Point is she ruled, and Egypt in that time period did awesomely and prospered in a lot of things. She had diplomacy all over and she worked together with people, inciting good trade and good agreements that helped the country thrive.
3. Could I add that while I’m not too big a fan of the Elizabeths in England, both were pretty all right. While both had some issues with colonial crap, I won’t go there because it is covered in many of the black media, I will say that at least Elizabeth II didn’t start fights. She would do as ladies often do, finish them. Elizabeth I, way back in the Medieval period, she had an offer from this weirdo king in Spain, “Oh, will you marry me?” Um, if this queen says no, you better not mess with her. She fended off what looked like an Invincible Armada, not so fast right? The Spanish fleet was defeated by the Queen’s armies, and she ended up pretty much stating her claim. “No, sir, I won’t marry you.” She also did some diplomatic dealings for the good of her people.
4. Whenever a female leader is in charge of a place for good reasons, there is usually calm and peace around her. I can name a few Latin American females out there. However, I think there are tons more. I will say that there was a good Ancient Chinese empress, I can’t remember her name off hand, but under her, ancient China had it all. This queendom survived while the lady was at the helm because all the people were very creative, she tolerated folks, and she did a lot to do what her people wanted. There didn’t seem to be much in the way of wartime shenanigans.

I could name some women who did great things, women who take part in Council in cities and towns across the U.S., and they build and prosper places. Men are good strong carpenters, builders in physical things, but sometimes you have the sadists, both men and women, who try to destroy the good in those buildings of marble and wood.

I could go on and on but I’ll throw in a few notables.

1. I’ll start with the backward order. Maybe I could skip around, but the Hellferinen jump out at me first. They were Hitler’s female Nazi attachment in the army, and they were responsible for all kinds of mayhem and … btw, Germany still paid a price.
2. There’s this Irma Greese woman who worked in concentration camps. This lady was responsible in part for Hitler’s body count. She was sentenced to hang at the Nuremberg trials. Oops, poor girl. Her last words were some ruthless German phrase I can’t recall.
3. There was a lady known as the Stamping Mare. Why did they call her that? She would stamp her feet all over the heads and bodies of victims, which gave her that nickname. She hid for a long while, but was captured and tried as a Nazi war criminal. This lady was put in jail for her roles in the killings of so many. Sorry, but when you do bad things, you have to pay the piper, even if the piper is in Germany.
4. Lindy England tag teamed with some guys in her regiment/brigade at Abu Ghraib prison, and you could see that poor sap of a lady dragging an Iraqi prisoner on a leash. Like, I was mortified about this part.
5. LEt’s not forget Mary Tudor, Bloody Mary, whose name has become synonymous with haunting mirrors, a drink, and worse, her role in the killings of Heretics and Protestants being considered so. Queen Mary Tudor was a bad lot. She had a husband who was out a lot, but worse, she thought we’d be happy she was supposedly with child, oops, she wasn’t. Mary died of a big fat tumor in her womb as mentioned before. She was awful, barely missed by the British perhaps, and this Mary was the daughter of a guy who wasn’t too happy he had to kill all the women he divorced, but he established the Church of England. We all know him, Henry VIII.
6. While I have covered queens, I should perhaps tell you about scientists and other occupations where women made a bigger difference. Both the good and the bad should be noted. One scientist that jumps out at me for the good side is someone I read about years ago. Rosalyn S. Yalow, a Nobel Laureate, and she did some pretty important things. There were women who discovered DNA, DNA! for crying out loud, and Rosalyn was among those. Malala Yousafzai is my favorite Nobel Prize winner of all, because she may not be a cautious or caustic science major, but she really wants girls in school. Who doesn’t? Well, okay, the Taliban 2.0 is kinda out there too. The girls education initiative things that Malala is doing currently blow a lot of us off our feet. LEt’s hear it for her. There are many Kamlaris, young girls in Nepal who end up as housemaids to masters, who break the cycle. Then you have Haitians like Hope, who end up calling the right people at a time she was desperate to get out of a horrible human trafficking situation involving a guy she was forced to live with. You’ve got Harriet Tubman, who freed thousands from captivity in the American South, and then you have lots of the women in places like Nigeria and Moldova and the Eastern European bloc who work tirelessly and run far and wide to escape things like the trafficking, forced marriage, and a multitude of abuses. These women are courageous and strong. I don’t hate the men who do these policies, but the policies themselves allowing such abuse should be duly noted.
7. There are sadists among women, but they quickly get outed. Dr. Germ, the nickname of one such, she’s one to watch out for in replicas like this other MIT scientist known as Lady Al Qaeda. Both of them are a mess to look at from the inside out. Both tried to use their intellect for evil, not good. Then you have all those Jihadi Janes out there in Syria, the ones who point firearms at women for not veiling. I can go on and on, and there were European women and American ones too who would be lacking the empathy and energy to do something about slavery. More on that later.
8. As for the women who were for abolishing slavery, we have a lot to name. LEt’s start with my favorite. Harriet A. Jacobs, born in Edenton, NC, she was pretty badass for escaping a cruel and sex hungry master who just wanted to do nothing good in the lives of the women he supposedly owned. She took her kids, was concealed for seven years, and fled. She alone could protect her kids, and she did what she could for her children in a time when a lot of families like hers were separated. She occupied body space with a white lawyer, against the master’s wishes of course, and said she wasn’t gonna put up with him at all. Dr. James Norcomb gets to be on my patriarch wall of shame for this and many things he was doing to perpetuate the enslavement of Ms. Jacobs and her family. Harriet herself went into hiding, went north, and while she didn’t do as huge a splash as Harriet Tubman, she still created a big ripple. She was able to take a little girl she was caring for to England, and at the behest of a young Quaker lady and a bishop, one in Philadelphia, she wrote her Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, perhaps making a bigger splash over a longer period of time. She also reframed people’s thoughts on what a woman and her body are worth, even going on to warn others of what slave women endure. Her narrative is the most durable of that done by any female slave or freed slave. This book she wrote is probably the most definitive and complete of any female slave narrative I’ve ever read. I’m proud of this work, she told all.
9. Before I close here, I also want to remind you guys, not every man is bad, not every woman is bad. I don’t think all men build societies the way we expect. While many ancient kings built their castles of marble and stone, wood and iron, they probably would never have guessed who truly built the inside parts of society. A house is built by the hands of a strong man, but a home is where the heart is, and oftentimes behind every builder, there is a person who is either male or female who puts the insides of the house together, making it more homey. Okay, so even if the ancient kings did one thing, the ancient queens finished off the things the kings did.
10. I hope this brings a little more light in the dark, but for now, I’m headed off to dreaming world.
11. Beth

Why Consistency is Highly Important in the Medical Profession

Dear readers,

I’d like to address a couple of things, but mostly want to address the history I’ve dealt with since I moved to Denver, Colorado in 2010. LEt’s just begin with a history of me in the medical professional system in Denver, beginning with the place now known as “Well Power.”

First off, I had a therapist called Mary, then was moved out of her caseload for some reason, and I remember meeting Mary in something like 2012 or so. I had a psychiatrist I wasn’t truly connected with, she would redirect me excessively, and I was uncomfortable with that. For this reason, I won’t write her name here, but she and the other two doctors I’ve had were medical resident students doing their college degrees, not certified doctors doing the work as professionals, already hooded and such.

My five therapists at what was known as MHCD were as follows: first there was Mary, for a few months or so, then there came Steve, John, and later Jennifer and then I quit because of inconsistency. Also MHCD didn’t offer couples therapy which I would have liked because I was not able to maintain a relationship.

My psychiatrists, mind you they were resident students and they weren’t all the way certified.

When I left MHCD, I also got a few doctors, but thankfully, I have one therapist I’ve had for years. The trouble comes when your favorite doctor, therapist or nurse practitioner leaves, retires or resigns their position. What you don’t want is a repeated passing around of the patient like a hot potato. That’s where it gets interesting.

Now I had a couple primary care doctors who were cool. One of them, a male, kinda left and hung me out to dry because when we went to look him up to get some paperwork done, his name showed he was no longer working at West Side, my clinic near me on Federal Boulevard. I am happy with my current primary care, but then when I had some complicated wart treatments, she couldn’t quite treat the big giant warts on my hand. Okay, I get it, it was beyond her skill to heal, but she did the right thing by referring me to a dermatology clinic, and we completed the wart treatment there. It worked.

When I enrolled at Lifestyles clinic, a service of the West Side, they do weight loss and the like, I was of course given consistency with the doctor, but I got to know some cool people but some left. Let’s be straight, they were in every way able to handle what was going on. Then Covid struck. I can’t believe how Covid struck so hard, everybody staying at home and such things as being isolated becoming the norm. I couldn’t walk around my city neighborhood without having a mask on, it was scary times indeed. More on that in a second.

Because of Covid, I had the option of telemedicine, which could consist of virtual stuff and all kinds of video or phone visits of any sort. It all became surreal when I was talking to my longtime therapist by phone or video, and I enjoyed what advances technology would bring. Medicaid, however did not. They still require me to do in person visits. Okay, but I can do a line item list of costs associated with in person visits if you’d like, and I’m fine with those visits, only I still have to show you the line item costs at the bottom of this post, perhaps that would help?

Covid stay at home orders meant I couldn’t visit too many people, and some states were pretty arbitrary about people “not visiting friends” according to one state’s governor. I won’t name the state or the governing body head here.

Covid stay at home orders also scared me because I could have lost friends, lovers, loved ones etc. Pandemics are unpredictable, but the comforting thing was at least my church had virtual connections, and I was able to meet friends that way, but it wasn’t the same and I couldn’t do anything still.

Then came vaccines, which scare people, I get it. My thing was I was required to get the full vaccine because choirs wouldn’t accept if I didn’t, and I wouldn’t have been able to partake in any outside activities. What a way to force people to get your arm poked. Divide and conquer was in full swing, what with Covid and all, then my current moved in at the tail end, or what should be the tail end of a pandemic that ruined everything.

April 2022. I was settled in with a new life, sort of. It didn’t help that my therapist was kinda encroaching on some things, not others, but we still had a working relationship. What bothered me was that a month or so ago, I had to move psychiatrists twice. One retired, the other left. So now I have another. I was supposed to have someone else, but she said she had too many patients. Okay.

Fast forward to about September 8 or so and I found out I was eight weeks pregnant. So the fun begins. See below.

With every doctor and midwife I’ve seen, I’m very scared because I want a familiar face besides my partner, who would act as birth coach and such, and a doula of course, but I want a familiar doctor or nurse helping me out with birth and delivery because that’s highly important. I wonder if I should chat with my primary care because what I noticed about the clinic I have to go to because of the risks, I don’t want that to be the case for all women like myself. Here’s what I’m upset about.

1. The people were not too together in the way they handled my prior visit.
2. They were late coming into my exam room, which the appointment was supposedly scheduled at 9:20 A.m., but they didn’t show up till about 9:40 a.m., that was after I got my vitals checked, and had I gotten up, as a patient, I shouldn’t have done so and shouldn’t because my blood pressure reading could have been compromised. That’s happened before, don’t ask me how many times. With my blood pressure readings at least somewhere closer to normal, I didn’t want to mess that up. Plus my partner had to poke his head out the exam room door. The excuse for the lateness was, “We have a busy clinic today.” That’s a lie.
3. We got home after the visit, but that was a rush job. When the examiner came in at 9:40 a.m., she listed off all the lab work that needed to be done, and I said, matter of fact I said I didn’t have time because of advanced transport booking and a cab was waiting outside by the time even we found a fetal heartbeat tone to examine. I knew the procedure involved jelly on the belly, okay. So I was lying on the exam table and the examiner was deftly trying to find the baby’s heartbeat, but it was quite normal she assured me because I am about fifteen weeks six days as I type this. I think I’l be sixteen weeks, and counting, soon. Anyhow, …
4. I now have an excessive appointment due to the begging of the docs for lab results, which I’m considering punishing these folks with “I’m not doing the lab work because of your handling and such of x and y.” However, I don’t know how else to hold these folks accountable for the above mishaps.

I also want to add something I should have spoken a bit clearer about. In my prior post, I would have liked to have delved into inaccessibility of at home medical device kits, including glucose monitoring and blood pressure reading stuff. Let me explain what needs to be done here in order for these things to be made accessible for all people, including blind or visually impaired and deaf/blind people too.

1. Blood pressure cuffs must talk or have some attachment that allows the reading to be displayed in Braille or what have you for deaf/blind people. Deaf persons are a no brainer on that one.
2. Don’t assume with a glucose monitoring sensor that someone sighted lives with me. My partner and I are both just about totally blind, and the manual and getting started things were kind of confusing diagrams, not straightforward instructions, step by step, which I’ll address in a later line item. But with glucose monitoring devices like Dex Con, you do have to stick a sensor on your arm, which has a little bitty microfilament on those things. The thing I want to say here is that my brilliant partner had the network of blind people including a diabetic contingent who said clearly that the D Con sensors are more accessible for use by blind individuals, not the Libre Freestyle ones that I was mailed by Medicaid to my apartment.
3. What I discovered about my glucose meter was this: I had to apply with some funny bulky domed applicator, and I tried. But I ruined a sensor because of it. I’m considering begging a diabetic nurse for the D Con, not the Libre, because the other sensor has more accessibility and app features than the Libre does, on top of which, Medicaid should cover it. The ones I don’t want are the ones that you have to do a blood test for. The reason is that you have to poke your finger with a needle, and the blood sample has to go exactly on the test strip or you’re screwed.
4. Medicaid must pay for things like this blood monitoring thing or even a talking or accessible in some way blood pressure cuff because of reasonable accommodations, and if they don’t want to cover it, there has to be a valid reason. Not enough funds, unwillingness to pay or we don’t know are not all reasons to not pay for something accessible. There are a boatload of medical devices that can be made accessible by voice, Braille, or both. That should be done, and if it isn’t, why is it not being addressed already!

With the issues I’m facing in the medical system, one wonders where my prenatal care journey will take me. We enjoyed a class run by two doulas, and they taught us some things about car seats. That’s a topic for a whole other post. The next thing I wanted to address with them would be something about the lateness in the clinic exams, but the big thing I want to address right here, and this is more the main event, is the being passed around majorly like a hot potato at any stage of life in medical clinics. I was lucky in my childhood to have a pediatric doctor who was consistent, he was the town’s most known doctor, and he went to our church, which didn’t help things. However, everybody had this guy and raved that he was great, but then I got older. A pediatrician you are familiar with or a clinic with a set number of people is the best way to go for kids, but adults need the same consistency.

I was lucky to have found what I thought was a good match for a midwifery clinic in the West side, but then discovered I was high risk, so had to go to the downtown clinic, and that is where things got sketchy. One appointment I saw one doctor or nurse, then another one saw a male doctor, I thought he was cool, but not the same as the first. The last appointment, I had a totally different physician assistant and a doctor/midwife who wasn’t familiar at all. This can be a bit scary. What I want to do is make sure that every single stage of my life has some form of consistency, and that is because familiarity helps the healing process go quicker and easier. IF you’re passed around like a hot potato, you’re gonna probably not heal as well or recover the way you should, let alone be relaxed enough to open up or talk to the doctor or therapists about what’s bothering you. The whole team should not consist of a thousand doctors, just maybe six. Maybe even four or three. The less people I personally have to deal with as a patient, the better for me and my crew.

To the hospitals and doctors reading this, take note. IF your patient needs a referral to someplace that is consistent, take serious notes about why. Your patients deserve not to be passed around like a hot potato or god forbid left hung out to dry repeatedly and struggle to find a primary care or specialized care they need. Don’t tell me insurance says this or that.

IF you haven’t read this or even if you have, do better.

Consistency Consistency Consistency

Dear readers,

Imagine going to all your special doctor appointments and seeing a different doctor every single time. Imagine having a therapist you liked for a few months and then, suddenly, you’re handed over to another therapist for some time you don’t particularly care for, then handed over to a so so therapist, and so on and so forth for a few years. This pattern is all too common in Medicaid patients and their lives and community clinics. Well, it doesn’t help.

When I got to a place where I could get mental health support services, I was first using Mental Health Center of Denver, now known as Well Power, and let me tell you, I had three psychiatrists. I had two medical students, and actually, I had three of them during my tenure. I wasn’t happy with the inconsistency. I wanted long term relationships with these doctors so I could have them easily work with me and have a chart in front of them and let them know of any changes happening in my life. But no, just as I was getting to know one doctor or therapist, and my therapist count was five or so, I basically just got sick of it. I had to leave MHCD now known as Well Power because they don’t offer other counseling services for couples, and I chose Denver Health’s Behavioral Health because of insurance. What a mistake in one way. I had four psychiatrists, two of them medical intern/residents or students, one moved to Canada, I don’t quite know what happened to another. I am trying to do consistency with these doctors because of the same reasons. Now, fast forward to this year, September 8, 2022, I come home and announce to my partner that I’m pregnant. Clay gives me a big hug and kiss, all is well, or seems well until we start going to appointments, as required because of prenatal care. The prenatal care at best for Denver Health is crap. Why? Every single person in my high risk or medium risk OB clinic I’ve seen was different. First, I went to West Side, but because of age, they decided to require me to go to the OB clinic in the main hospital. Ugh. Let me tell you, there’s so much inconsistency, I wonder who is going to do the birth and delivery of my baby. This is unacceptable. On top of this, the Denver Health pharmacy people are expecting sighted supervision, as if I’m not an adult or a whole person, who can do all the medical put togethers for me. I’m beyond fed up. There’s something you need to understand about consistency. It’s required. For Medicaid patients, and patients in community clinics, it should be law and required and mandatory. Why? Because I don’t like being ping ponged with strangers and have to accept help with birthing a child from a complete goddamn stranger. Denver Health also has had not too many patients last I was in the clinic for a very important checkup for baby, all checkups were important. They are begging me to do an EKG and all of this other bullshit to see if I have thyroid problems, which I’m not going to allow because they are inconsistent and not providing me with a comforting and supportive care team that does not change change change constantly. I want to see one doctor, one nurse midwife, and one or two doulas, got it? I’m not going to be thrown to so many strangers in nine months’ time so my baby doesn’t have a consistent thing going on. I wonder what will happen to my West Side Pediatrician or what will occur when my child’s best doc has to resign and there is a high turnover at the West Side clinic. I had a Dr. Kenneth Hung, but he quite literally, no pun intended, HUNG me out to dry when he left the clinic. I got Dr. Dominique Verreccia and she’s cool but what will happen when she leaves the clinic? There was some inconsistency in the healthy lifestyle clinic too, especially with one girl leaving and then another nutritionist/behavioral health person leaving I actually liked. Relationships are not to be taken for granted, and doctors should be consistent with patients 100% of the time because trust me, I’ve seen both sides of this battle, but tossing me around in a vulnerable time in my life, pregnancy and birth, is unacceptable. The doulas at Alma will hear all of it, the inconsistency with pregnancy and birth and all of that, all of my stories of inconsistent bullshit going on in medical system circles. You weren’t busy, Denver Health you were gabbing around. That is lazy and unprofessional, and from what we blind people know, we’re not stupid, but we’re upset and sick of being in a genocidal system that would prefer that my baby died rather than lived, that I get too anxious during birth and pregnancy, and my baby could be forced into a what’s happening to me, too fast of a Caesarean where the baby is ticked off because you had to carve my womb open like a turkey. And you would steal the baby. I won’t hear of this.

For what it’s worth, I want certain people in my delivery team, and consistency is key to a best practice with pregnant women, and I want someone who is familiar with me doing the delivery and birth. That’s it. This kind of treatment is moderately annoying with mental health patients, but this is truly a dangerous concept for birthing and pregnant women. Do better.

Beth

What Will Happen to Our Country Under Another Trump Administration?

Dear readers,

It is with some concern that I write this post. Donald J. Trump wants to write himself in the history books and come back to the White House. Well, not after a bunch of suspected White Supremacists took over the capitol building in Washington D.C. those times last year in order to disrupt a lawful election. I wanna also say I’m embarrassed to come from Titusville because of this Kenneth guy, some Oath Keeper gentleman associated with Stewart Rhodes. That guy has his name plastered under a sign marked, insurrectionist. He joined the Oath Keepers and perhaps led a group on some dopey mission to interrupt elections, even if he wants to present a bullshit statement that says he was supposed to have these folks do bodyguard work. Nope, what you did doesn’t lie, sir.

If Trump gets another term, he and this Kenneth Heraldson or whoever he is from Titusville will be among many pardoned for their evil deeds. Excuse me? Please pardon the black men posthumously who were executed for being black, the blind people who have to deal with literal shit on toilet seats, the people being thrown into prison for stealing small items, and make Louisiana put all its white ass supremacist sex offenders in prison, not the guy who couldn’t give back his neighbor’s pruning shears. Excuse me but that’s what I’m outraged about.

Trump has his priorities backward, honestly. I have no doubt that swallowing bleach is bad for the body, and I’m fifteen weeks plus pregnant, and and and, I’m not even a med student and I know enough to make sure I don’t eat poison. Excuse me, trust me y’all, but that’s what I’m talking about.

Also, Trump would pardon none other than Harvey Weinstein, who I swear to God should never make movies again, and the false allegations theory about women, women who know that they’re being sexually harassed, that’s all bad. The worst part of Donald is the manosphere. Yep, thanks, Laura Bates, we need our boys to see a man of integrity in the White House, someone like … if it were a Republican, it would have to be John Kasig, some guy from Ohio, and there are good Republicans out there, but let’s face it, I don’t want a dirty old man sitting there, portraits of Andrew Jackson and all the awful ass White people around him. Please note that I’m not endorsing Republicans only. Democrats are beginning to lose it royally. The Democratic Party is beginning to feel like the We Don’t Care party. We don’t care about blind people and tangibles, they say. But then again, if Republicans win big at all, women will be doing petty point and not reading or writing blogs like these. I could be in danger of being slaughtered by extremism of the Christian sort. I don’t say that all Christians agree with this evil sentiment, but if we repeat Donald’s administration, who knows what and how far this country will fall to the dogs? The United States is a country, not a corporation, and we must be run like a country, not picking and choosing who will get healthcare which reminds me …

I want to say something to any hospital or clinic caring for blind mothers to be. Make sure you’re prompt and don’t give me we’re too busy as an excuse to be laying around and gabbing away with your colleagues, It’s unprofessional and unacceptable. Blind people have to advance book transportation for all medical appointments, and Uber sometimes will cancel on us if we have guide dogs or service animals, including “hearing ear dogs” and diabetic alert dogs. Think about it. If a blind mother to be doesn’t have a big enough support system, guess what we’re gonna rely on? Uber or Lyft. Not good if a car seat inspector has to inspect the car seat and make sure it’s anchored in correctly and taken the right way the first time. “Read the instructions.” But we can’t. We’re blind. So if you’re a hospital or clinic, here’s what you need to do to make your care and support of me, and other blind women and their partners, way better.

1. Be no later than the time specified on the appointment schedule. That means if you’re scheduled to be in my exam room at 9:20 AM, I expect you to be there promptly at that time, no later but early is fine.
2. Consider transport in all aspects of care. IF a cab has to sit there for hours while you poke me with your stupid needles, you’re not considering not only my and my partner’s time, but also the driver’s money and time.
3. Also make sure you’re prompt during birth. I can only imagine the unprofessional attitude extending to labor and delivery. You will not do this at all. If I have to have a delayed push or gentle Caesarean, you will be prompt and you will be there, and that means at the time specified, NO LATER.
4. You will not prescribe meds that are not safe for mother and baby, especially if this blind mother queen being needs to be cared for in a manner that she wants. I want a live birth, got it?
5. You won’t demand all manner of lab tests, and if you do, I want no part in having to transport all the way to a clinic or pharmacy for any reason whatsoever for too long a time and because of cab driver availability, I have to book when and how I have to book. Consider that.
6. Don’t lie to me at all.
7. IF my child dies, expect a lawsuit from the parents, and you’re paying my kid’s funerary expenses, even the casket, flowers, and I will have a cautious memorial service for a child that didn’t get to experience life. I’m not letting you scientific bullshit people keep a stillborn body for science reasons, you give that body to us and we will lovingly bury it. I will then with that money purchase a spiritual statue to commemorate the baby and what it could have been. Japanese folks love their kids more than us Americans, and I am not Japanese, but truthfully I love this child and I will love every baby in my womb, so stop while you are behind.
8. I’m lucky my baby heart beat tones are fine. So this is what you’re gonna have to deal with. You do one thing wrong with my baby, you’re gonna have me to deal with. Yes, I’m going all Mama Bear mode here. Forgive me readers, but this mama ain’t takin’ crap from anyone. Not even doctors.
9. Also, go force Medicaid to pay for accessible devices only. I am blind, and you expect me to have a sighted supervisor because I’m so damn “helpless?” Give me one reason why. I want to read my blood pressure readings, and your stupid insurance people won’t pay for it? Well, they should be required by law to do this because that is a reasonable accommodation under law called the Americans with disabilities Act. I’m so shocked you even want me to use a diabetic glucose monitor that has accessibility problems known to other blind people, and you guys, if Medicaid wants to argue that they don’t have the funds, and won’t cover it, make ’em do it under threat of a lawsuit from us, because I am at high risk of preeclampsia because of your stupidity and my family’s guardianship and forcing me to wait, and a very uncommitted set of men who refused to put their fertility in me earlier in my life. Now I’m 36 and at risk, thanks to another system that needs to be sued for the possible death or disability of my kid. My child must be a live birth, I pray that my baby lives to see her eighteenth birthday, or his eighteenth birthday God willing if he is a boy. We dream of having a girl, my partner and I, and I want to hold my prince or princess like I treasure the baby, and I will. You guys are lucky I’m getting doula support. That’s all. But yeah, you guys need to do everything in your profession to make Medicaid accommodate all accessible devices under the law, the Americans with Disabilities Act, and stop discriminating and victimizing me.

This blog post is approved by Beth Taurasi, the Denver Queen, and is not here to make any promisees, but if we get Trump Care, who knows if I will need a surrogate next go round???

Cat Wonser: Let’s Do the Time Warp One Last Time

My Dear Cat,

Thanks for the memories. I’m writing to you while you’re making your grand entrance into this world far beyond our own. You left behind a pair of beautiful children, they called you their mother, and I can’t even imagine what they’re feeling right now. I love you dearly as a sister, and hearing that you left us so suddenly makes me sad. I was in the middle of preparing dinner, only to find out that you died, and my partner stormed out of the apartment. He refuses to come back sometimes when he does this, but I love you so much, Cat, I wish you had been there to tell me things would be all right, that my partner would come back, that life is good again. You loved my FB videos, and we had a friendship, despite what was going on with another mutual friend of ours. I found out that you died from a friend’s mom, and it made me so shocked, I had to and am crying right now. But there is a season and a time for everything and a purpose under the stars you now live in. There is a time to be born, a time to die, a time to reap and sow, all that stuff. Is there any time in one’s life that I can stop and remember you though> I can’t stop thanking you with many thanks and praises for your kindness and love and your willingness to help with things. You helped me adjust a belt clip I was working on, you joked with me about the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and you had a love for the song Sweet Transvestite. Holy hell, I’d rather tell you we could do the time warp together, naked, in the sky above. You really made me happy in those moments I thought were lost to me. Cat, you hit me knowing you would never call or text me again, your loss hits me just as hard if not harder than that of Aaron Carter, for he was famous and out of reach though left me with one small motivational gem. You on the other hand actually talked to me in person, well online in person, and if it weren’t for you, I would have no way of putting together or knowing how to put together my belt clip. You could have done other things, sure, we had a life. One of my other friends talked with you not too long ago. I regret having last words to say to you before you died, that’s all. I want to remember you as the lady who had a crush on half the famous men in the world, even if you couldn’t have a chance with them, that’s the fun of it right? I love you, Cat, I will never forget you. Please, tell Aaron Carter, my grandmother, and all the other dead in my life, my friends Cari and Chad Tucker, all the ones I can almost certainly remember the names of, tell them all I love them and I said hello. I wish my partner were here to hug me and stop fighting with me and just let me breathe and grieve you for a while. IT shocks me that even the loss of my friend LaVonnya long suffering as she was, she lived in Maryland, but her loss devastated me too. Then there was a friend, some guy called Robert Peck, who believed in God, but he was a good man. Please, find comfort among the souls of those departed, and please, I beg you, watch over your children, my children, and all the little children whose mothers have had hard times, or who are orphaned for whatever reason, watch over the children of this world. You don’t know how strong a woman you are, maybe you did, but in Heaven, you will never have to stress about anything. I see it more as a token of appreciation if God gave you that mansion in the sky. You don’t know how much it hurts thinking about where I might be if my baby pops out wrong, or my body says, Beth, you give this baby life now you’re fucking done.” IF my body does that, I’m gonna scream inside. I want to be there for all eighteen plus years my kid will be alive, to see my kid take their first big steps, their last big steps, all the steps big and little. Cat, I love you dearly, and you were always the kind who loved and cherished your kids. I will not let anyone forget what you did for these precious lives. I will miss you always, and you are forever in my thoughts. Please, help me become a mother in Heaven or on Earth, and I pray that you will be all right wherever you are. You make my life special, and you make everybody who knows you feel that way too. Hugs, rest in peace, and rest easy, sister. You’ve done your job, so please, make it plain you will watch over the children as a guardian angel. Thank you.

Love always,

Your girl,

Beth

Letter to Nick Carter, Tribute to Aaron Carter, Dec 7, 1987-Nov 5, 2022

Dear Nick,

Yes, I’m writing you concerning your reaction to your brother’s death. Nick, when I read your reaction, you know what happened? I cried. I cried heavy and I couldn’t stop. It did not exactly help that my church performed a requiem mass today by Gabriel Foret, a famous composer from France. The requiem was gorgeous, I will say that, but it reminded me of all kinds of deaths. Death of your brother scared me, it scared me loads.

My condolences go out to you and your family. Nick, I would have probably not ever imagined saying this, but hugs to your wife and kiddos. Take good care of those little ones, whatever you do, just take care of them. Hold your loved ones close, because you know not what will happen to those little ones especially. Your wife is smart, I heard an interview you did with Jon Tapper. I liked it, honestly. Also, I liked your Backstreet Boys Christmas album. Like really, I did. Aaron is now finding his peace up somewhere high beyond. I love you too much to say I would have never cared. I didn’t get the notification about Aaron’s death until an ex of mine walked in and said it out loud. The real villain as you said was mental illness and addiction. I tell you, Nick, I’ll have to tell you my story in person one day, but here’s the long short of it.

I had mental health breakdowns because my family would not allow me to socialize with people I cared about. IF there’s one thing I can’t deal with, it’s my family. They were Roman Catholic, but a high school crush of mine wasn’t. So my parents also said because he was black, though they never used said wording out loud, I swear they wouldn’t let me marry or be close with my prior high school crush. I never imagined that now I’d have a blind partner who has blessed me with the gift of his affections, a baby on the way, holy God, I didn’t know any of this would happen. I am very sad to hear that you and Aaron had a complicated relationship, but trust me on this, he will be watching over your children as a guardian angel. We all have those, right?

IF there’s anything I want you to know, it’s this. I wish we could have sung a duet in Aaron’s honor. I wasn’t gonna steal Elton John’s words to Candle in the Wind, all that was done for Norma Jeanne or whoever that blondie was. And he did another one which he won’t do ever again for Princess Lady Diana. Sorry, but Aaron wasn’t a candle in any form of just a wind, perhaps he was like something of a candle in a hurricane or storm like that of Florida. You know he was born there, so I bet you that his life was like a candle or a lamplight in a hurricane. The winds were so heavy and fast, that they tore his life apart, but he held on best he could. I don’t quite know what my words would say, but your voice would really really light up this empty spot where Aaron left both of us wondering, why. When I told my partner about this, boy he was a tease. He goes, “Oh, you had such and such sexy dreams about sucking dick in the back of a limo.” I had to laugh, that guy is a tease, but he’s just playing around, he had no idea who I was back then. Adolescent crushes aren’t the same as the real teenage or adult fulfillments we later get. I wanted no sexual overtures with Aaron, but I would have probably married you had you been a bit more on the willing side, but it wasn’t to be. I guess the winds of change turned everybody’s life in many circles. But the truth is, Nick, I share in your grief for your brother. He was like my brother, too. I would have liked to have Aaron as a brother, truthfully, someone about my age, maybe someone who could sing, someone whose voice would complement mine in some strange way. As Aaron’s best love song goes, “I’m all about you. I’m all about us.” But it’s not you Nick I’m singing about this time. I’m all about my partner, Clay, but I want to sing that last song with a few words changed, a few small edits, but then, I’m not sure when or what else. Aaron would have probably sung that one to me if I was younger, a younger version of me would have crowed. Aaron had haters, but then I do too.

Nick, if anything, I wish I could just walk up to you and give you the biggest hug you could have used that moment. Aaron needed to go, and it wasn’t really his fault. He wanted to live, but as you said of mental illness, it is a culprit in his death. The Judd sisters’ mom, Naomi, I think that was her, died by suicide too. I don’t want to let too many cats out of a bag, but my intuition is usually always deep and correct on these things, don’t get me wrong. Nick, just close your eyes and let the memories relax your soul for as long as you need to. Grief takes you at times, but you will always remember the joys you and Aaron shared. I saw you two crazy brothers at a concert in Florida, not far from my home in Titusville, years ago. You really lit up my life, and so did Aaron, but I wish with all my heart you could have seen who I was. So what if I couldn’t see? My blind partner is a better choice, no offense, because you have too much in your purse. I couldn’t have imagined being with you after you slept with a big hotel heiress, you know the one, Paris Hilton. *laughs out loud*

But the truth is, Clay and I had a stay for a couple nights at a Hilton so what gives. *grins*

Nick, with your permission, I want to write Aaron’s song, but please, I don’t know if I could sing it as well as you could, but also with your permission, I want you to edit and add things as you see a need for it. Rest easy Aaron, you’ve done your job fighting. Nick, I hope that you can be assured that I am just as shocked and saddened as you are, and I wish I could have been there for Aaron longer.

With love and your friend in music,

Beth Taurasi