The following is a very important bio that I want Britney to read, and Britney, if you’re reading this, this is my message to you. You will be all right, and I hope you will take the time to love yourself and get up on your two feet and walk away from your father’s control.
Britney, if you didn’t know me before, you will know me now. I saw you in concert in Orlando, so many damn years ago, I was in middle school, you were a cultural icon then, and the milk mustachios were a big damn thing. It was a cute sticker that perched on my upper lip, as though I drank the Got Milk thingy. I didn’t, of course, but I love the songs you sang, and you even had a Britney wash. Herbal essence was amazing with you, and you had a great time performing I could tell. Britney, if there’s anything i want to tell you, it’s that my life was almost like yours is now. I had a guardianship at age seventeen, and I lost all or some or most of my rights, and my dad told me not to be with so many people. Like your dad, my dad was a total dickhead. My dad wouldn’t even let me marry Trenton, my partner, should he see that Trenton was darker than all the boys at Titusville High school. I hate that school because the professionals there would not leave me alone, and I was denied my chance to go to prom, have a magical experience, all that. My life was thoroughly ruined from birth, perhaps, and I should tell you I was emotionally abused for wanting to see the Backstreet Boys in concert, meet them, and be in the spotlight. Well, now I am going to write you a song. I want you to let me sing this because though you might be called a bad singer or actor, so what? You can still be an author, you can still be a thing to be reckoned with in the circles of corruption and those corrupt idiots in California and Florida have one thing coming. us. Britney, I’d suggest you get a book and read it, go to law school, or volunteer as a paralegal or something. Hey, you may not be blind, and you’re so damn beautiful, so you can get jobs easier than I will. But if we team up, well, I want to show you that it’s okay to be you and you need to fly. Spread your wings and fly, why don’t you. Just cut your dad and his pinions off, and go for a flight. You’re an eagle, fly as high as you need to, and let your voice be your guide. Just be yourself, and I’ll be there watching you spread your wings, flying like the bird on the wing you are. Britney, it’s high time you knew you’re a grown woman, and your daddy doesn’t deserve one iota of your wealth, so let’s get ‘em, okay?