Another Audition, results, and Blake and I

Another Audition, Results, and … Blake! I Am Here!

Dear Diary,
It is now October, and I’m sorry I haven’t written you in a while. I auditioned for Actors, Models, and Talent for Christ, but was told to do a pre prep workshop before I could perform. Darn it. Honestly, what if they teach me to polish a look? I can’t do that sort of thing if I can’t see myself in the mirror. Ewwwwww. I can’t see myself in the mirror, and that is a bad idea. I’m not in favor of basic modeling, and of course they’d want me to be the very best, but as a blind woman, I can’t make eye contact with the camera. They’ll demand retakes of all my pics, and I’ll never know what they all look like because I can’t see. This is stupid. I can’t see why they’d want me to do modeling and acting, which is both inappropriate for blind people and in the case of modeling, insufficient to let a blind person do what he/she wants. I can’t, for instance, say I’m looking good enough to model for a car company. I can’t do that. I can’t model for people because I don’t believe I’m good looking enough. The Voice rejected me because of blindness, I swear it was blindness. They should have taken me on and allowed me. Also, it was because of my body image and they don’t want that kind of “image” on stage. What if this happens at the pre shine workshop I’m probably gonna register for? What about the Bridge tuition? I need more money for that, and I want to see where this goes. Idk what I’m going to do. I’m just not good looking enough, and as a disabled woman, I’m probably undesirable to a lot of people, except Blake. Blake wants me because it’s my insides, but what do sighted guys want? Looks, looks, looks. I’m not going for that. Envy is a plant that should never be watered. I’m not trying to say I shouldn’t look clean and groomed, but if my body is the way it is, I can’t change it. I can’t get a tummy tuck and plastic surgery because it’s not covered by insurance. My parents might even tell me I can’t walk around in a certain gown and so on. Well, they could tell me no even if I’m 50. So I’m out of their grip, and I”m gonna stay that way. But for Blake, there’s more desire in me. Blake desires me because we’ve both been through hell with family stuff. I can talk about family probs with Blake because he supports me in all ways. Jessie, one of my newest friends, is from Florida, and I’ll have him guard me when my parents walk in to the hotel room. I’ll just have him say, “You’re not welcome. A performer is in this room, and you aren’t allowe4d in.” IF that doesn’t work, I’ll call the front desk and say they’re not welcome guardian or not. I want them gone, out of here, whatever. The only time they can be welcome is if they promise not to take me to Titusville, and they will sign a paper that says they can’t do so. That’ll do it. But what if they disobey the rule? Jessie is blind, and they could just say one thing and do another. I’ve had many people do this to me, say one thing and do another. That drives me nuts. But Jessie is not like that. He’s sweet, but he’s not the sort of guy who could possibly steal me from Blake. We talk, but it’s not like we’re gonna date. I have no interest in dating Jessie, just being friends. I’m setting the record straight. Jessie and I have no interest in anyone seeing text messages and phone calls between each other. That’s bogus. I would not be surprised if a hacker breached my phone and saw the texts from say, Blake. Blake would say, “I love you. Baby, I wanna feel you right next to me.” I’d go, “Oh, baby. ❤ I love you." Blake woulod throw back at me a message or something loving and stuff, and people would see the texts and go, "Ewwwwwwww. Scandalous." But the big thing is, I am not taking nude selfies. I don't want nude selfies to appear online. I would NEVER take such pics. I'm not stupid am I? Cathy would kill Blake for seeing me nude. IF she saw me in the Nude, she'd probably shoot me silly. So, in light of what I'm about to do, in the singing business, I'm warning you all, do not ask me to send you nude pics and so on. Naked pics are not my thing. I don't send any kind of nude pics, I don't want provocative pics either, revealing clothes, etc. I have a much more modest look, and my body is special. Blake doesn't care if I'm fat, thin, or really plump. I'm going to get plump again, so if Blake doesn't desire me, so what. He has to, I will be his wife, and if he doesn't become attracted to me, then what is the point! I would rather have a guy be attracted to what's on the inside. Blake loves all of it, inside and out. All you modeling agencies out there, don't ask me to model sexually provocative Lane Bryant stuff. Ewwwwwwwww. Don't ask me to wear feathered bras, and don't do it to a toddler near where I'm standing. Ew. Yuck.
Ok, rant over. I'm done here. I just am going to pray and hope that the pre shine Bridge thing works good. They've had broken links like hell, and I'm having to offer to help them keep compliance with the ADA since they could find the next Ginny Owens, who is blind. Peace.
Beth

Ten Good Things About Being a Friend or Two Thigns ABout Being a Boyfriend

Dear Readers,
I have to say I haven’t blogged here in a while. But there are a few things I’d like to talk about that bother me a bit. Seems that all the times I’ve blogged here, it’s been about stuff that’s bothered me. It still bothers me that I’ve had to lose a friend because of my ex. Jason has hurt me more than anybody I know, and took my friends away because he could. Well, Jason, here are ten things you forgot that friends/significant others do and don’t. Yes, five do’s and don’ts. There you go.
1. Be respectful. There are times when I don’t think anybody is respectful to me at all. Like this time, I can’t go to the movies and dinner on the twentieth of September, my own birthday! Ruined! Because why? Because my friends bailed out on me for a camping trip that I wasn’t invited on. Something tells me this is all a joke, right? Well, it’s not respecting my friendship with these girls if they continue to bail me out.
2. Don’t talk about sex in public, especialy when it pertains with me. Uh, this doesn’t apply to the girls here. But that applies to Jason. Don’t talk about the forecast versus foreplay thing. That’s just … um, gross. I’m not talking about that further.
3. Don’t roll out embarrassing or dirty laundry in public. That in any case includes sex, but could go further. IF you want to be my family, that means no baby pics and stuff. Don’t roll those out. I’m going to put butt pics on my blog if that occurs. lol
4. BE available when I need you. That includes birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, etc. If Blake and I are getting married, Bethany, you’re a bridesmaid, so you have to be there.
5. always be sensitive to my faults and failings, and realize that we’re all sinners. Don’t hurt me. Not at all. That means not hurting my chances of being married to Blake.
6. Don’t throw me out like garbage. That means tell me why I’m not being invited along with you on some things. I haven’t had enough experiences with social things, people just didn’t include me on things year in and year out. I wasn’t even allowed to go to birthday parties, and if I had any, couldn’t invite a single person. Damn it.
7. IF you’re a boyfriend, don’t expect sex when I say no. No means no. That is all.
8. For friends and mates alike, I hate flowers. Well, I love flowers. But flowers die after a while if cut with a shear thing or two. Therefore, don’t give me real stuff. If I’m feeling down, I want a visit or chocolate or some sort of funny joke or something.
9. For mates only, don’t expect me to wear a ring that is cheapy and turns my fingers green. Furthermore, if you do so, your gifts will be for the … four calling birds, three French hens, two Turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. …
10. Don’t be two faced. Do not try and be my friend, yet have some fluffy vendetta against me. I won’t be friends or mates with someone who has a vendetta against people here. And one more note.
Parents Take Note: IF you think it’s funny to write bad things about me, think again. I loved Jennifer, Jason’s ex, and I wished she’d stay. You don’t know all the mistreatments I’ve been through. It was mostly verbal when I was little, psychological by middle and adolescent childhoods, then just plain maltreatment by adulthood. I will not be in Florida btw for Christmas or Thanksgiving. This will continue until all forms of incapacitation or guardianship are removed. Regardless of what you want, that has to go. You will keep it at all costs, mandatory incompetence and all, because you want my tax returns. Bye now.
Beth

The ComentsAnd Rules for My Blog

Dear Readers,
I”m afraid I’ll have to put some rules on my blog. These will ensure that I, the writer, am not put in some sort of danger and for the safety of those readers who want to read this blog but don’t know how to respond to it sometime.
1. Please keep comments short, sweet, nice, supportive, and to the point. Someone wrote a nasty comment saying I have to keep my distance from her daughter IN A PARENTAL demeanor mind you, and that demeanor is not allowed on my blog.
2. Please feel free to ask questions.
\3. Do not trash me or hate me. IF you feel like doing that or threatening my life and livelihood, do not comment at all.
4. Let’s have stimulating arguments. Like, for instance, should someone who is a “veg” be allowed to die without a living will? That’s a hot topic. Or what about abortion? We can talk about that too, as long as we’re all nice and polite about it, but the argument has to stimulate thought.
5. No parental directives on my blog. Again, this is aimed at people who think I am their daughter. Excuse me, but even if you are my mom or dad, do not write parental directives like, “You’re not going here or there”, “No this” or “No that.” We don’t write stuff like that on my blog. Even as a joke, none of that will be accepted as a comment on my blog.
6. If you’re following me with your email, please feel free to write a wordPress of your own. Let’s talk and have a nice argument or two, but the rest of my rules are common sense. Don’t post if you know it’s gonna hurt me. Follow these rules and you’ll be fine. Oh, and one more thing, any exes, like ex-boyfriends who want to put bad stuff on my blog, do not even read this darn thing. It’s not for you to read. Sorry, J.O. You’re not welcome to read my blog. If you continue stalking me and reading my blog, I’m afraid I’ll have something or two to say. Ok, I’ll say in another post why I don’t like this guy. Maybe I should say it now.

I filed a police report on my ex, and they said if he harasses me, which he could have done and I’m looking at my email constantly to see if any weird stuff comes up, I’m going to report that. Honestly, I need more support than this. I don’t need parental comments on my blog. What I need is a friend. This goes to show that H., another girl who’s isolated and probably never will see me at all, needs a friend. H.’s mom commented on the blog and said something pretty stupid mind you. What I need, C., (the commenter on my blog), is for you to realize that H. needs a friend. She needs good friends, friends who won’t betray her and call her names and stuff, like J.O. It’s pretty sad when I have to be dumped on in this blog and he isn’t. Why is HE being praised for bullying people? Why is HE still lurking about, looking for more “fresh meat”, as my bf Blake would put it? I don’t want stalkers and stuff on my friend circle. I need good friends and a boyfriend, who will eventually become my husband and friend for life. Blake is my partner, and we are not getting involved in this gossip about me. You can say any darn thing you want about me, but it won’t work. Try me. Call me the N word. Dare I say it? No. Call me the F word? Dare I say it? Failure. But I must say that there is no way you or anyone else on this blog post is going to pull this on me again. Blake is a sweet guy, and he and I think it would be best for H. to live in a home out west, a group home with support, twenty-four-hour home care with nurses and people who actually care about her. Medications would be dispensed. She’d have friends to talk to, musical time, therapy, stuff like that. I”m not suggesting a home for old folks. IF there is such a home, I’d find it anywhere but rural Georgia. Massachusetts has a good set of those. I have a Spina Bifida friend who lives there. Well, a friend who has spina bifida, J.G. She lives in a group home but it’s a good home. She has friends, nurses, people to attend her. IF H. lived with me, then I’d make sure she had long-term care, a watchful caregiver who could provide a personal assistance thing for her. I’d make sure she doesn’t wander off, whatever the case, I wouldn’t let anything happen. I’d have to make sure that since J.O. is in sight of her state, I’d say, “She’s moving to Colorado, so go away.” He knows I’ve got the law on MY side. I’d give H. rides to her appointments, attend her at all times if possible, I’m not kidding. We’d hire her a caregiver, Blake and me. I’d see to it that bars and rails go all over the bathroom, etc. Are you kidding? I’d do it all. I’d also save a lot of big Benjamins on group homes if I could. I don’t like group homes, except J.’s. J.G.’s home is good. They do have regs and rules and such, but they allowed her to marry a disabled man or something. B.W., that’s his name. He’s sweet, doesn’t mess around. J.G. and I have a lot of talks on Skype and such, and she is awesome. Her man, who I got to meet, is amazing. They had a honeymoon and she can leave and come back to her home at all if not any time she wants. Jenny Hatch, unfortunately, was isolated from friends and church because of the guardians and her group home. Jenny said, “No.” Isn’t that a powerful word? Well, Jenny said no to group homes, guardianship, and supervision. Face it, I cook too many things on my own. I’ve done a meal for sixty or more people. Is that enough to prove that yes, I can? Well, it should be.
I am done. Rant over.
Beth

Analysis of a Wicked Comment

Dear Readers,
It is nice to get comments, but there is a comment I had to trash. A comment from one C.W., I won’t name her. This woman claims that my behavior is unacceptable and I must keep a distance from her daughter. Well, C.W., I’m sorry, I can’t tell you how mortified I was to find that comment. I have a problem with the way you worded it, and J.W., your daughter, is not someone that I can mess with, I realize that, but she needs friends and support. My parents have prevented me from seeing various people, and the Bully post was supposed to say surprise surprise, northern Georgia is a bully haven. Why? Because of People such as J.D.O. Sorry, I can’t say it anymore. I”m not doing anything bad just by talking to Jennifer. I live in Colorado, so you will not, cannot, and should not think that jail time is good for me. It’s not. Women’s prison is wrongly distorted. There’s a lot worse issues to think about, such as someone killing someone else. Oh, and Joseph Coney needs jail, and why? Because he started the LRA. What is the LRA? The Lord’s Resistance Army, an African resistance group that specializes in enslaving girls for sex, making boys fight like men, and so on. I am not Joseph Coney, or Joseph Duncan, a sex offender who blogged about sex offenses. So Mrs. C.W., please refrain from commenting on my blog unless you are saying something nice. Isn’t it wonderful that I, and only I get to moderate the comments? Yep. That’s right. I have the power now, and I moderated the comment so that no one can read it. It is not something I want anyone to read. Let me analyze this comment so that the world can see that this is totally ridiculous.
As I was writing a piece on bullying, the comment went like this: “This is Jennifer’s parents you’re dealing with. Keep your distance from Jennifer. Your behavior is unacceptable.” What? What have I done! I know I wrote a name in there, but for the sake of the comment’s brevity, I did it. I”m not writing hate mail, and J.W. does not need to be given any more attention in my blog. So, C., do not read my blog. This comment, according to my analysis, is trash. It’s not going on the blog bulletin. I”m not putting such comments up. If you want to email me personally and let me tell you how much parents with disabled children sometimes make me sick, and it’s not something to kill over, then fine. Let me tell you what my parents have tried to do:
1. They tried to bully me into staying at home.
2. They said I’d be in jail if I were “Baker Acted”, which means to be put in psych ward for two days or so.
3. They prevented me from seeing other people. They did not allow me to have a boyfriend even in high school. So why J.O. and J.W. get to date I don’t know why. But Blake Tucker and I are really close. He’s a much better man than any man I’ve ever met, and if I had gone back down to Florida where my family lives, they’d just lock me up and not let me go back in time to get rent and stuff done. What will I do!
Here’s my final conclusion. Any comments from people saying that my behavior is unacceptable will be trashed!
AS for the rest of you people who are reading my blog, I am sorry you didn’t get to see it, but I had to write about it because this will help the rest of the WordPress community understand my position on such comments.
Beth

Hamas executes 18 ‘spies’ – 7 of them in busy public square

Hammas is sick. Let’s corral them in a room and give them heavy medication, castrate them so they can’t rape, and tell them that what they’ve done is wrong. But more importantly, we can’t let them chop off heads and arms and such on the street! In front of innocent children! This post says it all.