Dear Readers, I’ll never forget the loss of dignity I experienced when my mother said, in a threatening manner, not even regarding the fact that I was a person who had a right to feel the way I did, “Forget about Orien and I won’t go up on the meds.” Medications and threats of chemical restraint was eminent in the home while I lived there. It reminds me of stuff that Blake told me, stuff I can’t cover here. I want to make one thing clear: I’m not snotty. What? I’m not. I am a person, and as a disabled woman, I find it hard to live in the world. Please if you may, go to the Jacobus tenBroek Law Symposium agenda for this year, and read the theme. We’re disabled, Blake and I, and we have a right to live in this world. We have a right to basic things such as the right to freedom of movement, which was denied me so many times. Both of us can cook, clean, manage a home. We worked hard for the money, so we won’t have it taken from us because we’re disabled. When I was told that Blake’s spiritual health could be in some way affected by some of the tragic events of last year, I felt like a memory and a bit of a mini flashback surfaced, a memory of my mother’s words. I pulled them out into my little mental screen: “Forget about love and I won’t make you take a higher dose of medication.” At nineteen! Well, even with guardianship, it allowed chemical restraint to occur. As I am someone who does not believe that chemicals are a good idea, the only reason I’d chemically restrain someone in my family is the following: sexual offenses, criminal drunken or drugged behavior, and wild mental illness such as schizophrenia and things, tendencies to wish to kill somebody, or in the extreme, abuse toward a spouse or children that cannot be contained unless chemicals are used. For the sexual offenses, I would never, ever want a male running around and preying on kids. Therefore, even if it were an uncle, my own child, etc., I’d get the guardianship of that person, then put them under chemical castration. Sounds weird, but that happens to men who are serial rapists and predators and so on. They are treated in this manner, and if they are caught wanting to do things with kids, they get an up dose in the castration meds. Oops. Well, you can’t tell me or Blake to stop making each other happy. We can’t stop loving each other, and in this way, restraining him or myself is a felony. I’m free of my parents, almost, but poor poor Nick. I must say, he is probably being restrained unnecessarily. IF anyone in my circle is falsely imprisoned, including myself or Nick or Blake or even my dear friend Haley, who is the sweetest person in the world, I would say press charges of felony false imprisonment. This is something I can’t even get done to the attacker. My personal character could have been compromised, and I’ll just say one thing regarding those incidents Over the past week. It’s been a rough week, and I need help, friends, prayer, and encouragement. At least I took a shower this morning, I went to work, and had a hundred page document to file and remove tractor feeds for. My boss was great, but I forgot about what was supposed to be separated. Oops. Then, oh the joys of computers. We had a router problem, and it happened just twenty minutes before I was to leave. I had to leave due to the fact that the computer and internet was not working properly, and now I have projects I have to do over all again. Ugh! I was going to do links to searches I would do for price comparisons on items the boss needed, and he put me in charge of it. Well, after the recent stuff, I could barely touch the keys. I was sitting at my desk, the stuff running through my head, and the court’s verdict was no comfort to me or anyone in the same situation. I am trying to get through all this with grace and dignity, but I want to see Blake for Valentine’s Day. I know, Mom, you are concerned that he has the same issue that your lost son had, but it’s a different angle. One note for my friends in Camp Verde, I love you all, and all we need to do is stand with each other and help Blake with what he may need in times of crisis. He has spiritual wants and desires like all of us. Blake has a dream of moving here, and that dream will be true one day. Well, it could come true sooner rather than later. I’ve already worked with him on what to do. I have a prayer I will write in the bottom of the blog entry for a few minutes. No, a few lines. Let me say though, those awful and humiliating words don’t leave my head. What if I were in Florida and my poor mother, embezzling my thoughts like leftovers in a pot, extorting love and emotions like it’s garbage, says, “Forget about Blake and I won’t make you take a huge dose of medication.” Just take that same thing she said about Orien and replace it with Blake’s name. Oh, … God, I know you made me the way I am, but restraints with chemicals are not necessary. When I went down on medications, I found that my womanly mark returned. Yeah, it means a mess on the chairs, laundry, stuff on the back of one’s skirt and so on, but it’s better than worrying if you’re 28 and already going to be 80 or 40 years old, and worrying if your body is broken already due to fat and stuff. Ugh! The doctors tested my blood and found sugar in the urine sample they had, and those docs said, “Prediabetes.” Really? I don’t believe it, and I think the extreme and undue adverse feelings I had after my attacks and all the work I had to put into getting some situations taken care of caused the undue illness which led to me canceling my last show. Wow. Let me say this, I won’t write exactly why the words I am remembering are fresh in my mind. Just because you live with someone doesn’t mean they will own you. I don’t want to live with anyone but Blake and our offspring, should we have any at all. Let me also say this: I don’t think that God is happy with some of the stuff that we’re going through. I wrote this poem about a crucifixion. Writing such a poem should not be illegal, right? IS it right to write my opinions, my feelings, in a blog? What the heck is wrong with me expressing freely the fact that such attacks made me feel like I was dead for three days, ill for another, and Blake was the only protector I had from the sting of Hell. I want to go ahead and lift my friends in Camp Verde up in prayer, right about now. For Kathy, I lift you in prayer. God, please come to her. Reveal yourself to her in ways she can understand. Speak to her, however you feel it should be done is how it will be done. Lord, Kathy needs you as much as I do too. Lord, Blake adores you, so protect Blake from any separations from you. Protect Kathy from temptation, and I will say this much too. Please, reveal my true self to her as well. I’m lifting my new friend Pattie, my Blake’s “one true Pattie” up in prayer too. Give her the wisdom to know the way to help all of us involved in the situations we’re in. Lord, please help Kathy in all ways. Shower her with your love and peace, let her know that I do not possess your son, dear one. Why am I saying this! Continue to give her the strength to grieve her lost son, and with Chad at your side, give her the peace of mind to know that Blake is in good hands with me every time he goes. Blake wants to be with me, so Lord, help her to see the things she cannot change such as feelings, emotions, things he will and can do, and help her to see the things she can change such as her own problems. Let me help her, and let us help each other. God, I feel sometimes like no one is listening to me, and I am being threatened with forfeiture of “privileges” on the Faith-talk list for NFB Net. I was recently threatened because of the attacks I suffered just for helping my dear friend Nick. I feel like nobody cares, and nobody wants to talk about it with me, and because some other people post rude comments to me, I want your help. You are the only one who can help me, Lord. Help us all please. I praise you for the sky, the dawn, the sun, and Blake’s laugh, Kathy’s sweet voice over the phone when I accidentally called her like twice. Lord, I want you to use Kathy and Blake for good things, and help us all survive this tumultuous time in our lives. Lord, as Mary said, your will be done. I am the handmaiden of the Lord, may it be done according to your will. Amen.
Unfortunately, we have a serious case of internet crime on our hands. We do not have any way of restraining the girl responsible for all the trashy comments, impeding my job, getting my confidential information, and smearing my character. Well, she has not won. Even if the court denied the restraining order, I want to make one thing clear: the manipulations, stealing of confidential information, and getting involved with MY rehab info, is not allowed. All this being said, any preadolescent attacks and bad writing will be found and copied and I will go after the author of said writings for slander. I bathed whenever I bathe, and I will not be accused of doing otherwise. I’ve got photos that state that whoever did this does not bathe, does not brush her hair, and so on.
The same person thinks she’s the Queen of everything, but let me make another thing clear: I’m not all that either. She’s not gonna come near me at all. She can’t. Not if I do what I think I’m going to do next.
The next strategy is to let the Colorado Center know what kind of trouble the girl caused for me and some friends. The kind of stuff she wrote on Twitter was not imminent danger. Oh yes, I know, it may mean you can continue to torture me, Queen M—-, but I”m sorry, you can’t do this. If you continue, you could indeed land me in the pits of a grave. I could die if you did the wrong stuff. For more information, I’d watch the movie Cyberbully. Listen carefully to Taylor’s reaction to the fake profile in the film. Listen and choose what you think you would like for your life, Queen Bee. See if you can figure out what this lady in the film was exposed to. The girl, Taylor, was approached by a fake male profile. Now, I have to write a Colorado Congressman and see if maybe a certain antibullying and antiharassment act can be passed to include online out of state contacts. You say you’ll leave me alone, but you also said, in clear words, to “suffer for all you’ve done.” Calling me a bitch is wrong, and I have the stuff and a file on my computer, and I’ll collect more stuff to consider. Consider my feelings about this matter, Ma’am.
You could be a fake person, or you could be real, but if you were a real person, threatening to kill or maim me, you could land yourself a restraining order. Especially, I must add, if you’re at CCB and trying to cause damage. For now, I’m going to say this: victory will be mine because I’m going to do some more monitoring. I will not respond unless you are threatening me, but calling me obscenities and lacing my tweets with such things will get a retweet. Any threats? That’s right, any threats and that’ll be it. Threats to kill or lock me away are stupid, and I think you and others involved should be evaluated for psychological reasons.
Saying that someone doesn’t want to associate with me is stupid. You won’t win, and you can’t, even if the order was denied, you still lie, slander, and steal confidential information about me from other people or you could do it from Colorado rehab itself. So stay out of here, don’t come here, but if you do, I’m sorry, but you’ll be doomed. I’m sorry, whoever you are, the Queen of Everything will lose everything. It’s not funny and don’t think you’re reading the blog to be seriously desperate to get rid of me. IF you wanted to seriously get rid of me, I’ll tell you what, Congress here will decide what happens.
Say hello to the true Queen of Denver, me, Beth, and you’ll do what I want, what I say, and everything will be fine. You say I’m bad? Well, you messed with me in my voicemail, on my Twitter, on my Facebook, everywhere. Speaking your mind is not the same as cussing people out, threatening them, calling me names, you’ve done this long enough. The effects don’t linger much, but I will see that any younger personalities are protected. Anyone under seventeen reading this knows the lingering effects of bullies and their stupid stuff. If this lady were in school with me, I’d automatically do the right thing: get a restraining order, kick her out of high school, etc. She needs to take a bath, eat food that is for real, and date only men in her locale, that’s it. No more Jeremiah Ticket, Blink Nation, and so on. Just stick to the old home boys in your hometown, and I bet somebody will clean this person up.
Sorry, if anyone wants to tell me why I shouldn’t be alive, write it here. Otherwise, I’m breathing, I’m walking, talking, and yes, I’m actively seeking to get rid of bullies and Queens and so on who try and manipulate and steal others’ friendships like they think they’re in middle school. It’s over, and I won’t go back to court unless the Queen Bee approaches me.
Love to all my fans,
I went to work today, thinking I could not do a thing. I got an email from the boss supervisor saying I needed to do price comparisons, well, I found pretty low prices on stuff. That’s all I can say about work.
I”m sorry, but the recent attacks not only caused me to break down on an audio tweet, but it affected my sleep and concentration at work. Bullying, harassment, and continued threats to “get the authorities on you” will not help the situation. Let me explain, I do not have serious mental illness. When I contacted the officers in Denver about the recent attacks, I explained that the persons responsible did not seem to have any psychological diagnosis, and had made some illicit and untruthful things about me public. Let me say it again: I bathed. But I’m about to describe what happens when you don’t bathe.
First off, if your hair’s curly like mine, your hair becomes knotted and tangled. Little girls get this, and so do women, but tangled hair doesn’t look nice. What am I? Some rebel lady or biker babe? Oops, I forgot, I’m not.
Let me say this again also. Anything about the incompetence order or incapacitation is not public knowledge for all the world to see. The public mentions were proof that whoever is responsible for the attack had no regard for human dignity, no regard for human freedoms, etc. The Constitution says clearly, and I quote and paraphrase slightly, that no citizen shall be denied liberty, life, and the pursuit of happiness without due process of the law. The attacker did not have any regard for all this, and has she read a social studies book lately? Or the Constitution, has she read this yet?
Well, that’s all.
Company has arrived!
By Beth Taurasi
I have carried this cross for 28 years,
I hear the crowd’s roaring through my ears,
“We want no friend but Her, we want no God but Brahma,
Visnu, Ra, and other gods besides, we want drama.”
I am feeling the weight of my sins upon me,
I am crawling to Galgatha’s Hill,
I feel that I’m being martyred because I’m not able to see,
It’s my fault that I’m mentally ill,
My Blake is weeping, profusely with the tears
And I wipe my veil across his beautiful face,
The print of his face, engraved through the years,
Says he will love beyond my death, beyond time and space,
I’m beaten by a girl with long black hair,
Holding a whip in her hand.
She says, “You’re a witch and a bitch and a snitch,”
She says she’s getting me banned
From all my life, not just Facebook and Twitter,
But all the things that connect me to Blake,
And while he weeps for the loss of his bitter
Cold tears pouring into the lake,
HE screams like a man and a banshee combined,
“Let her go, or I’ll throw the whip upon you.”
The black haired witch keeps throwing her wand,
And says, “I’ll crucify you too.”
I lay on the cross, engraved with a snare,
Swastikas, hearts, and a dagger,
“She bossed Blake around, she does not bathe”
“She has nothing but a body like a dragger.”
Blake lies next to me, no cross beneath,
Weeps so hard, he can’t speak.
He touches my dying face, etched in blue with a sheath
And opens my garments and takes a peak.
He takes the rope in his hand, throws it around.
The black haired witch stops and says,
“If you touch that dog on the cross tonight,
You shall join her round and round.”
Blake says, “You are false, you goddess of Hate!”
The crowd does not hear his cries.
The crowd stands around me, saying the same things,
“If you think you’re all that, stop telling lies.”
I say, “It is finished, Blake, go to your mother.”
But Blake throws himself on top of me.
HE wants to pull me out of this Hell that I’ve seen,
And says, “I love you. Come to me.”
His dear mother, standing close by me,
Says, “This witch who killed my beautiful girl,
She will pay for this in the pits of fire,
And we won’t see even a curl
OF her long black hair, the hapless hag,
She does not know what to do.
She only will sit, boast, and brag,
That she killed a woman like you.”
The woman comes to me, then taps my side.
But one of the men in the crowd,
Pulls a lance out, and strikes my waist,
Saying, “Get her a torn, black shroud.”
My body is buried, somehow in a tomb,
Blake stands by me, crying his lament.
HE says, “You horrible, falsehoods, lies!
Why would you be so malcontent?”
The next hour dawns light, my day breaks through.
I hear a voice, though you might think me dead.
“Beth, I am your Lord, your Savior, your King.
They did not do this just to you.”
They crucified my Son, Jesus, for you,
So you don’t have to feel the devil’s sting.
I’m doing what your dear husband has said once again,
I’m taking you out of this mess!
The black haired witch who tried to harm you,
I’m taking her away from the press,
I’m putting her under, I’m setting her down,
She will never be my Bride,
I swear to God’s right hand, her wedding gown
Will be torn as the shroud you hide.”
I stand up, the cloths fall off of me,
And Blake wonders what has happened.
You think the tomb is open, … what? I”m alive?
There, on the empty cross, Blake says,
“I shall burn this, the charges will no longer stand
Because the Black Haired Witch is banned.”
A bonfire burns, a grate is open,
Blake hands me his lovely dark face,
I stroke his head sweetly, and I cry too weak, to open
My dry and bloody lips, I say,
“Blake, I heard the voice of my Savior cry out
That the witch will burn, will never see me again.
She tried to kill me in the name of Drama,
And left me to die in the rain.”
I love you, Blake, you are my only link
To the world I could never imagine I’d live,
But I wish the witch would have some reason to Sink,
And in to the fire, she’d dive.”
Blake suddenly cries out, “My lover, my life!”
His tears calling to God with joy.
The rain begins to fall, and he takes me in his arms,
Unlike the others, the ones who act like a boy.
He says, “Come with me, my lady of love,
I will take you into my arms
Forever and ever, no witch does destroy us,
Black hair and brown, or any charms.”
For three days, I’d lain there, asleep in the night,
But when my true love’s kiss came near,
I arose like the princess who had seen her knight,
And the kiss burned my heart like a flame!
Blake said, “I will kill every dragon, witch, and goblin
That ever flies near your domain.
And no, not a single evil thing
Will ever leave you to die in the rain.”
I take my lover’s hand, and lead him away,
We dance in the rain all night,
And I can sense my true Lord smiling,
My jesus, the King of the light.
To Whom It May Concern, and All Readers of WordPress,
There are a few things I’d like to discuss. Namely, I’d like to point a few things out.
The author of a certain slanderous post I’m about to cover in this particular entry said some bad things, lies, about me. I will say this, I apologized to said author of the post, and even after she supposedly accepted, she went off on me AGAIN! I have two documents of DM’s and tweets that detail how I’m supposed to “rot in hell” and so on. She cussed me and God out in both Tweets and DM’s, but the worst part comes next.
1. She identifies me as Beth T. Nice try, but does anyone in my blog circle know how to spell Taurasi? What is so hard about writing my last name OUT? I have more letters in it than just T. God, somebody help me. Lord, help us. It’s like I try and identify Blake as Blake T. What about ucker? Blake Tucker? Um, a disgraceful way to name someone, but that doesn’t quite narrow it down. IF you want to identify me, spell out my last name for Pete’s sake. Please, people. Look me up on Google, I’m right here.
2. This post stated I did not bathe and had unacceptable behaviors on the Internet. Well, no. First off, as a matter of fact, I took a shower this morning, and as a matter of fact, the author does not know me. She never smelled me, never went near me in person, so there’s no business talking about hygiene on a blog post. As my friend Silvia writes, “Ewwwwww, TMI.” I’m proud that someone got the picture.
3. The post further states that I shouldn’t be on social media. Um, no. I’m gonna stay on social media, and one woman can’t get me banned from all things social media because she wants it her way. I’m not getting my way, but slander and libel, is that a big word?, are both illegal and cannot be accepted. I don’t accept when after an apology, after blocking numbers and user names and handles on all kinds of communication lines, she STILL has the audacity to write such a horrible thing about me.
4. The post was redundant. After stating all the bad stuff, including, but not limited to the dishes part, which I’ll cover in the next item, and the dissociation of some people from me because of her actions, not mine, she goes back right around and does it again. Three times in a row she states the same things! It’s like talking to a preteen girl, not a young woman about to graduate high school. Or better yet, an accomplished musician who’s had two years of All State Choir, SATB (soprano, alto, tenor, bass) chorus, many years of piano training, two years of university study in piano, flute, guitar, etc., … well, not flute, but piano and some beginning guitar. All this, I’ve done. What has the slanderer done? Nothing significant that she deserves an award for the role of Best Movie Villain of 2015. I would say she could get that as an Oscar nomination, but I don’t know whether she’d win an award.
5. She says I’m mean to “a good friend of mine” and names Blake in the post. I”m sorry, but Blake is not bossed around, is not manipulated, feels fine. If so, he’d not be with me at this time. We saw each other in person more than twice, and we’re gonna see each other more than fifty billion times over. A note to slanderers and harassers in the online community: do not be so redundant. You wrote all these points, be done with it. Do not slander someone unless you think it’s ok to do so and you know them in person. Just a general rule: slander and libel, written lies and stuff, is illicit and unlawful. Word of the wise: don’t lie about someone. For example: Obama has warts on his face. Does President Obama have warts on his face or not? I can’t say because I can’t see his picture, so I don’t care whether President Obama has warts or blemishes on his face. I could say, in some form of a respectful tone, that “I’m a bit concerned about President Obama’s weird little hairy mole and I saw it while he was eating a waffle.” Oh Lord, the Obama waffle on Ebay would be a hit if someone said this, ok? Back to my topic.
6. The post that slandered me says I “make” my caretaker do the dishes. FYI: you’re not understanding the point of Medicaid’s Long Term Care services. This kind of information is confidential, and the Care Plan cannot be released to the author of that post. I don’t make anyone do my dishes. I can’t have a dishwasher in this stupid studio apartment, and I’m serious, it’s cramping up on me because I have lots of stuff. I so wish I had a dishwasher and a laundry unit in here, and of course, bookshelves.
7. Dissociation from other people is covered as well. Well, the author is a Queen Bee. Let me put it this way: Rosalind Wiseman has a beautiful book about “queen bees and wannabees.” It says so in the title, and the book is amazingly awesome, and it’s for parents. It’s about helping your adolescent daughter survive cliques, gossip, boyfriends, and all sorts of high school … drama and hoopla. The author of the blog post I mention earlier claims that she has “evidence” in “emails.” Who has a right to say this? Ok, let me tell you how this is gonna end:
1. Slander will be looked for, and I will find it all.
2. I would like to remind readers and all the WordPress community that I might have said something, but even after we apologized and agreed to leave each other alone, the slanderer decided to do this awful deed and write a terrible selection of tweets and steal things and friends. Calling my defensive behavior “unacceptable” points to a need for submissive friends. Well, Blake doesn’t submit. I won’t submit. Submission to someone like the writer of the slandering post is unhealthy and unsafe for all people.
3. Libel and harassment charges may pend. I may need to get this post as evidence so that I can show a judge that this person, whoever it is, needs to leave me alone. I’ve said this in a Tweet before, tried to avoid looking at my call logs, and so on. Next thing you know, someone’s gonna be contacted by a police or principal or authority figure, and the picture won’t look pretty.
I seriously hope that all of you look carefully at the redundancy of the slanderer’s words, and report this. I”m not engaging any more in this stupid war. I just want to live my life, go out, get a job, have a family, etc. I don’t need jailtime, I don’t need to “suffer the consequences” as was repeated in the tweets. It seems nobody is responding the correct way to this wicked thing! I’m being called really bad names, cussed at, told to “go rot in Hell.” And indifference is how most of the community responds? This post, whatever I’m responding to, is complete slander and will not be tolerated. Please, whoever this is, take it down! Otherwise, keep going and you’ll probably end up in a bad situation, and that’s no threat. When someone writes lies like that in public, and online is public after all, that person will or one way or another way have to pay for this. It happens all the time with celebrities, like Jennifer Lawrence from Hunger Games. After the big Hack of Sony Pictures, Miss Lawrence had pics of her exposed all over the Internet, pics that should not have done their crawling on to the Internet.
So please, all you harassing people, slanderers, don’t make war with me anymore. Stop writing me bad stuff, stop reading my blog, the comments you leave on my blog concerning me will get spammed anyway. So why bother reading this? You know what you wrote, and it’s a bunch of lies. The person who will probably tell you this is Blake. He knows me better than anybody.
Anyway, not to be redundant or repeat myself, but I’m staying on social media, and that’s that. I have done nothing after the apology, but because of the slander that was done on the Twitter account and the WordPress blog, I have to respond with dignity and grace, telling the world that I do not have most of the issues. I don’t have “major mental issues.” What needs to be rectified anyway? I took meds for eight years and my body got out of whack because of it. Happy? Well, no. The medications that I’m taking now are not safe for some kinds of states for women, and I am finding out that stress and possible prediabetic symptoms could be causing the awful fits of illness I get repeatedly. I have had ten missed circles around, and I won’t have any more. Since the slanderer is not a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, etc., she has no right to diagnose me with any “behavior issues.” It is she who has them, and after I promise to leave this girl alone, she’s doing this! And I’m getting a lot of indifference from my community. Help me.
Sunday. The Holiest Day of the Week. I could barely sleep, so I was finally able to find the Phantom of the Opera film from like 2004. Wow. It brings back lots of memories for me. I loved that play, and I’ll tell you why. Christine Daiye is the daughter of a Swedish violinist, and Raoul is her lover. He’s a viscount in France, and Christine loves him, but then the Phantom of the opera is weird and the play gets weirder when the Phantom falls for her. He hates Carlotta Judicelli, this Italian diva girl who tries to sing this weird stuff and do weird things, tries to throw Christine off the stage. My favorite scene is when she says, “Your part is silent, little Toad.” Well, the Phantom, watching from a balcony, says, “Carlotta, perhaps it is you who are the Toad.” And believe it or not, someone sprays Carlotta’s throat, then … wow. She tries to sing, and it turns deadly. Well, not quite that, but she’s weird. She ends up off the stage. She tries to play the Countess, but then Christine sings that role. All because the Phantom loved her, he made sure she got all the lead roles. Raoul, of course, loved her too, but the love triangles are always amusing. I love the Phantom of the Opera. Honestly, there are many Phantoms and Christines out there, and I don’t know how to say it, but … well, I couldn’t sleep. I love the part at the end where Raoul puts the music box, a collector’s item by then, into Christine’s gravesite. Raoul loves her too much by that time, then you see a rose at the end, Christine’s engagement ring tied on to it with a black ribbon. There’s a pattern, a visual you don’t see till you hear the descriptions. They were wonderful.
Anyway, whatever I do here stays here. Btw, I just got out of the shower. Felt good taking a hot shower. Yay!
Twenty Important Things About Me: Setting the Record Straight
It has come to my attention that there are things about me that are bad, that could potentially destroy my character. I will not say where these things come from, but some information that was given me is a lie.
Let me tell you what people said about me, then set the record straight.
1. She doesn’t bathe. Well, I do. I didn’t for two important days of the week this week, but I also was a bit awkward this month. It seemed I didn’t shower because of the supplies money and stuff. I’m working on this, and I’ve bathed a lot. I bathe when going out, normally. I bathe a lot and especially when others are around, such as Blake and my caregiver, and there is something else to say regarding that.
2. She makes her caregiver do the dishes. Do your own dishes. Well, I’ll say this. Don’t think I ‘cannot do the dishes, but I’m sick of doing dishes by hand. Family sized dishwashers aren’t allowed here, and I’m averted to washing dishes because I’ve done this under duress whether by Center people (I won’t say who) or roommates who were sighted. Again, I will not say who. I was judged for not washing dishes or was forced to if late for appointments or training. I don’t feel that’s a good way to teach punctuality because I had a memory surface about my mom and dad using my opinions as grounds for punishment. I tried to write something like a story or whatever. I was punished by way of taking the computer away. When I got bruised on my lip once when I was seventeen, I emailed a couple of trusted adults about this, resulting in the same thing. Well, there’s no excuse for anyone in authority to brutalize someone in the submitting position. That includes, but is not limited to, prisoner and warden, parent to child, teacher and student, all that stuff. There’s simply no way I would hit my child, student, employees for not doing something I would like done. And FYI: the caregiver was paid for by Medicaid, and such funding is not available for readers only, which I would prefer so I can have my mail done. This leads to the next thing.
3. She’s mean to Blake. What? I would never do anything harmful to my Blake. I love Blake with all my heart, and I think his mom oughta know this. IF I were mean to him, he’d know about it by now. I’ve been told by someone that if Blake weren’t with me, she’d take him in an instant. Well, there’s a book called Queen Bees and Wannabees. It talks about such things as the boyfriend as status symbol thing. Well, Blake isn’t a status symbol. Blake is my special someone, my dear friend, my lover but still, he is my dear special friend. He loves me still, even after I write what I write, do what I do, and try to defend myself.
4. I have also been told that I poke my nose into other people’s business. If there’s something that I see, and that includes dignity issues with people with disabilities, I will poke my nose in there. I’m sniffing, as a matter of fact, and smelling some bad stuff going on with stuff. I’m honestly not happy with the way people are thinking about me or treating me. I”m a person, and I have rights to write stuff under the Constitution. Did anyone know this? Ok, let’s see. Here’s another thing I was told.
5. I’m going to say this very delicately without naming people. I feel unsafe around some people. I’ve been told that so and so will not associate with me and I don’t deserve friends. Well, whoever did this, I don’t care who said they hate me, you can hate me all you want, but it doesn’t change the facts. Next item really bugs me.
6. You have major issues that need to be rectified. Well, I’m honest. I have a mild mental illness that stemmed from parental abuse, both emotional and psychological. I was told many years ago not to date or have a relationship. In high school, such relationships are sometimes not sincere, but depending on the persons involved, such relationships can be genuine. Blake never had a date in high school, except for a girl in prom. I never had a prom date or the chance to go out in that beautiful gown. I’d like a beautiful gown this time, and when Blake and I do anything special, I want to dress up. I enjoy dressing up on dates and such. I enjoy that stuff because it’s just the thing to do. Issues? My God, I do have some, but it’s not to the degree mentioned in the comments. I don’t like it when someone says all this to me, and I feel like I’m not safe on the Internet. I have a plan to make it safer for all of us.
I can’t write about any other things I am doing in my life it seems like. There are bugs that are literally crawling around the Internet, looking for more ammo and saying that my opinions and some facts don’t matter in the world, that I’m not a person, that I’m worthless, and I’m sorry, not bathing is not the issue. Nobody says this about me, so telling people I know about me in such a trashy and horrible way? I can’t deal. It has been brought to my attention that I am psychologically impaired, which is not true. I have no instabilities, and the tests at Mental Health Center of Denver say so. I’m planning on further assessments to see whether any parental control is needed. Incompetence is not appropriate for me because, look guys, I’m writing! I can articulate my wants and desires on the Internet. How many incompetent individuals do this without broken grammar, bad sentences, and … bad spelling? Yes, it’s great to know Braille, and learn Braille with a display or paper. I look at Braille documents all the time. Sometimes, a screen reading software will pronounce things the same even if the word is misspelled. That’s where spelling comes in. I was 13th place in my county’s spelling bee. I won the school’s bee, which at least sent me to the county. I’d like my son/daughter to compete one day in the National Spelling Bee. I’d love that, but will the dumb ones, the bad ones, the incompetent and cognitively impaired people do this? I don’t know and I don’t think so. I was not in Exceptional Education for mental and developmental disabilities. I am not living in a group home. I’m living independently and on my own, and this will stay that way. Blake and I plan to have a life together, and I’d love that, but we need to make sure that people do not get envious of us. We’ve got a solid relationship, a solid friendship, something nobody or nothing can take away. I have a few notes to say to his dear mom:
I love your son. I am not mean. I am not crazy. I’m trying to defend myself against bad rumors and bad stuff. Being told that I’m not worthy of someone’s friendship doesn’t bother me as much as someone trying to fantasize about my badness and craziness. Well, Kathy, I love you a lot, and even if you were a strawberry pie, I’d still care about you and love you a lot. You have Blake and you’re lucky that Blake found me. We’re a solid couple, and we plan to stay that way. Whatever these things floating around about me say, they’re lies. I would bathe, and I know how to. I don’t ever go a day or even three days without it. I am not a sick person in this manner, and I want you to know that I’m not going to let poisonous snakes near myself or any person who says they care about me. Poisonous snakes are bad, and there’s a little poem about those things: I think it’s red or black on yellow, you’re a dead fellow. Red on black, you’re ok Jack. I hope that’s true. Readers, correct me if I’m wrong about the snakes and all. I have used the poem I learned about snakes to help stay away from poisonous rattlesnakes at camp and stuff. In Florida, we have coral snakes. Ewwwwww, they’re really poisonous, and their venom is not easy to get rid of.
Well, bee venom is not easy to get rid of either. Yellow jackets are terrible, so are wasps. I know because a girlfriend of mine at the Center got stung by one. It was weird and scary. This young lady was out trying to eat a pork chop she grilled. But that darn wasp, dang it, it landed on the pork chop, and she wanted to get it away, but guess what happened next? Yep, she was stung in the lip. Since she’s allergic, the Center people had to call 911. That’s easy enough, but when I walked outside to grill a quesadilla, I heard sirens. I was like, “Uh oh, sirens? What the …” I learned later that this girl had thrown up, had a bad reaction to the venom, and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. Oh no! She was attended by a firefighter or two, a rescue truck, and so on. I thought this was scary stuff, and the bees and wasps around her were instantly killed by the guys in the truck.
In daily news, my ex, Deq, my dear friend, has the coolest uncle in town. I learned that his uncle drives paratransit vehicles now, and my friend Art talked to me about it. Art’s amazing, sweet, and has been dear to me as of a year ago. We met at the NFB Colorado Denver chapter Christmas party. Now, Art’s getting married, and it’s going to be a really great wedding. But now, Diana, his dear fiance, needs post operation care because her hand was operated on, and she may not use it for four to six weeks. I said, “Recommend her for All State.” They’ve been too awesome with me for me to say no way to them, and I’d never know any other company. I’d not go with anyone else. Anyhow, I think I’m done for now. All of us, take care. Thank you all for your support.