Work and interesting stuff

Dear Diary,
At work, I hunted for jobs of interest. Seems like the only job I’d be qualified to do, if anything, would be a job at Easter Seals, Johnson Adult Day Center. What? I’m like, really? I’ve done reception work before, and it wasn’t the best thing to do. I have to work with the frail and the elderly in this job. But I’d prefer to play music for people. I love music, but it’s too iffy. Too iffy indeed! I remember years ago while driving home from Parochial school, my dear mother said, “You won’t make it in the entertainment industry.” Then she said that the Britneys and Christinas were all TV talk and music by ten. Well? I could be a music teacher, but you have to have a bachelor degree in music to do that. How much money have I spent on that degree and not gotten results? And as a second rhetorical question: how much money do you honestly think I’ll have to spend with accessing research and print documents? College is a bear for some, and for some others, impossible because of the location and the policies that some college–Atlantic Cape Community Mays Landing, are you listening?–some colleges have against the blind. I’m not going to a college if they hate me. I’m already nerve wracked about my audition, and I want to get away from my apartment and get a second and better apartment. I want to get rid of my poor girl clothes and wear something else, Freedom’s clothes. I want to be able to do things that rich people do: hire a cook to cook for me, hire someone to clean my house, someone to wake up at night, someone to … whatever. I’m done being poor, but yet I want to be able to get a job. Even the well-to-do have limits, and even the rich have limits. I’d rather be rich and donate my money to projects and help the homeless rather than BE the ones who can’t afford to replace your own clothing. Speaking of which, … more than three garments are missing in my laundry. I already called my church’s secretary while sitting with a coworker at lunch. He’s awesome, a great friend, wise and perfect in almost every way. Well, nobody’s percect, but … So I asked the benevolence fund’s amount, and Kris the secretary might have some. Please, God, I want my clothing back, and I want something nice to wear to the audition. God, if I am slated to be a musician, then your Will Be Done. Thank you for the gift of singing and the gift of all things singing.

Choices for an Audition Song for the Voice, My Thoughts As Well

Hello, everyone.
It is time I told you all this, but I’m auditioning for the Voice, and it’s taking place on the DU campus. I’m looking forward to it, so all of you should know that I’m probably going to sing something country. Maybe not a Miranda Lambert song because if Blake Shelton hated me for it, … well, I don’t know.
I’ve been seeing stuff about bringing back girls from Nigeria. Well, if I could, I would bring them all back singlehandedly, but the Boco Haram people need to bring them back because they took what wasn’t theirs. God, the things we learn in kindergarten.
I learned a long time ago that taking something that isn’t mine isn’t a good thing, so I won’t take Miranda Lambert’s husband no matter how tempting and hot he seems, but Adam Lavigne isn’t for me. He’s weird. Just weird, I don’t know why. Usher is hip hop madness, and he can’t sing worth a shot of liquor because he’s a hip hop guru, and I don’t sing that stuff. Ewwwwww, please let me have Blake Shelton stare at me all day. I want to be a country legend, but hey, if I was poor, I might or could stay poor forever so that nobody notices me. What if the fickle producers don’t do their job? What if they reject me based on income, connections, the lack thereof, etc.? Those producers need to allow me to go on because guess what? Matthew Orts may not have the kind of voice that needs to win. Even if Matt and me competed for the winner’s trophy, I think I’d be the one to get it. I’m sorry, but Rocket Songs dot com isn’t the right place to practice singing. Dang, I don’t know what to do next.
Ok, maybe I was being a little bit sarcastic, but I’m sure that I should write a bit of a note to Blake Shelton only the day before the audition so that he notices me, … if not on the stage, then on twitter. Right. As if anyone would notice me. I don’t think the producers know who they’re messing with. They’ve got someone who’s better than Aretha Cadner, some lady on American Idol, and she was named. She didn’t have any thing but a poppish black vocal style which didn’t surprise the producers, but she was allowed through. Darn it. I hope I can get past everybody. I have to win so that I can do something with my winnings. I’ll take some and use it for myself, like a nice house for me and Blake to live in, and then the rest of it will go towards building communities and rescuing girls and … and and and and. I don’t know what to do. Any thoughts in the comments would be nice. I need ideas on also what to sing. I was gonna sing a song from a movie, but decided to do a Katie Perry song, but what about Blake Shelton? What about Blake Shelton’s barn and grill and all? I want to find myself with him in a room, staring at him all day. … What ever. Let me take a selfie.

Introduction to my Career

I’m going to go further and tell you readers what I’ve done so far.  I’ve set this whole thing up to connect to LinkedIn, FB, Twitter, and possibly Tumblr.  I love Tumblr.  I absolutely love to share Flipboard stuff on there, and it works!  Anyway, I want to tell you guys that you are welcome to follow me any time.  I’m happily open to comments and stuff, so just go on. … I was born in Orlando, Florida, September 20, 1986.  I was born with only my blindness, but nobody suspected anything would happen beyond that.  I won’t really go into my life.  If any new bloggers want to know more about me, do ask.


I ACED THE A PLUS 802 TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy moley. I aced one of the tests! What was I thinking? I actually aced a test! For once in my life, I actually feel I am running along smoothly. I could be a tech instructor for the blind, but how! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I aced an 802, but the question is, what about the 801 stuff? I can do Windows command line, but what the heck. I’m great! I’m so gonna tell Blake when I get home, and when I ace more tests, I’ll be good.

My Work So Far

Dear Diary,

I pulled a 96% on a test I was taking for A Plus practice.  For one, I’m proud of myself, but for another, I’m not sure.  I wanted to be a singer for the longest time in my life, and here’s a coworker saying I should sing at progressive megachurches.  But what would Blake say?  “Um, women shouldn’t lead.”  Well, women should at least not be elders or preachers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t lead worshipping minutes in church.  Women should not submit.  I’m not that way.

As of right about now, I’m sitting here, writing about a real brilliant thing.  I wanted to be a singer, so for the fun of singing, I’m going to audition for NBC’s The Voice.  So what if Kimmi Kardashian gets all the attention?  I’m gonna do it, and there’s going to be a record deal.  No money to be paid until the recordings are done, and if a CD is done, then we can worry.

I can only imagine what NBC’s The Voice will do for me.  I hope I can pay Jason, my ex, back for all the stuff we did.  I want him and his current love to have a good life together.  I want, most of all, for me to get out of the projects and go to a nicer area of town, live in a house, not a cubicle.  Thank you very much, HUD and SSI for limiting me to bad areas of town.  Sorry, but I’m done with that for now.

Thoughts about Blake being gone

Dear Diary,

Only if Blake moves here will I ever say this, but what will I do?  I’m not sure what I can do with all my money, and if Blake moves in, I’m pretty sure my SSI checks will be affected.  Help!  We need each other more than anything else, but we need to be able to marry in order for any kind of family to be had.  I’d rather have a family of my own, a family where everyone works with one another and where there is no heart idolatry, where there’s always someone available to talk to the person who needs it.  I don’t know what to do now.

It always reminds me of what my parents used to do.  They wern’t the best, but then again, no parent is perfect.  Perfection is bad in my mind, and it will always be bad.  Blake will message me sometime later on, but the truth of the matter is that I want Blake and no one else.

I honestly think his own mother could be scrupulously using his SSI checks for her bills and groceries, but they need to be used for him and him only.  I don’t know how to say this clearer, only he should have control over his money.  That’s him, not me.  We will have a life together somehow, and that’s what I would like somehow.  It’s only a matter of time before he says he’s leaving Arizona and coming here.  Denver is a place where there’s no transit boundaries and limits.  No, it’s a paradise for the blind.  I suppose Denver is wonderful.

Easter thoughts

Dear Diary,
Easter hasn’t always been a time of resurrection and renewal, but most of all, my parents would go with the pagan rituals of Easter eggs and bunnies to try and fit in to the world. Unfortunately, Christians don’t always see it that way. Muslims never celebrate it, but the Jews have something else, Passover. Of all the religious sects I’ve seen, Islam is so boring and there’s no celebration except for Eid. Sorry, but the Eid Festivals and so on don’t really add up to what Christians are free to do. We’re free to choose our mates in most cultures, and I don’t know about choosing mates, but I chose Blake because he has the same disability I do. Here’s my pastor telling me that I have to do things the way it says right there in the big book, but how can you! How do I get to know Blake without doing anything physical? Sex I can understand, but the whole hugging and kissing part? I don’t get it. I simply do not get it.
As for the thought of celebrating Easter, my parents always went to Grammy’s house. I call my dad’s mother Grammy, as the other men have done so to their grandmothers. My dad’s grandma was Grammy to him, and that’s just the way it was. Grammy’s house was usually packed full of Italian food, family, fun, well, I don’t know about fun. Egg hunts were a part of the family rituals, but I don’t know if I want to do Easter egg hunts with my own children. Can you imagine the girls/boys hunting for eggs in the yard and not getting the kind of eggs they desire? That can really mess with their minds. I don’t mind jelly beans, but still, I don’t know. I’d rather skip the whole Easter egg hunt thing, after all it’s a pagan rite and does not apply to Christians who truly understand what Sunday is about. This current Sunday is about Jesus resurrecting from the dead. Catholics are not always believers in Easter, but Easter was not mentioned in the bible, is not ever involved in Biblical times. Pagans, of course, have their holidays. The new year is October 31. It’s weird, but that’s what it is. It’s drawn from Celtic traditions.
My Easter celebrations have always been about some thing or other I’ve done wrong, so I don’t know if I can celebrate today. My own family would not make it a holiday for everyone, just the boys. Usually, I would be punished for something or other, and it wasn’t something I even cared about. My dad would tell me not to do something or other, and I’d have to get out of my room. Well, disobedience if not outright defiance is something I’d have to do at this point because for one, being in the living room with people who don’t even care to talk to you is downright bad, and for two, the people in the living room don’t really want to do anything but watch a race and play around on the Fan Zones, watch the television or be quiet. They expected quiet from me, and all the while there goes my brothers and parents talking away about Jeff Gordon’s new paint job or other. When I told Blake this, he was furious. Blake is furious with my family, totally furious with my Dad among other things. Blake deserves to know what’s up. I didn’t really like going to Grandma’s house very much during Easter, not as much as Christmas. Grandmas usually don’t have the best food on Easter, but it’s usually good at weddings and Christmas. That’s it.
My parents don’t seem to see the point I’m trying to make. The humiliation and so on that I faced during Easter is not something I can deal with. Not being allowed to listen to my stereo system because of one infraction or another is absolutely horrendous, and I can remember one occasion where my mother had to scream at me because of what she described as “horrendous” behavior. Well, behavioral difficulties or not, there is no excuse for hitting a small person.
This brings me to another thought I had. As a parent, I do not think it wise to hit a small child. My parents think it ok to belt, spank, cuff, or threaten a small child. Well, the smallness of the person doesn’t make a difference in the way physical violence is dealt out. There is no way I can justify spanking or belting or whipping a small girl. Is rape a proper punishment? While that is extreme, some grandfathers have been known to do this. I have a friend whose granddad raped her, and she got pregnant. Guess what? She had to take care and be a mommy because of him, and she never left her baby’s side. But she eventually blessed her relatives with her, and the baby’s doing fine. But to say the least, Grandfathers have a responsibility not to do things like that to their granddaughters. I’m not saying all, but there’s no place for an older guy to have a younger girl like that. No place, none.
As a parent to be, or a potentially good parent, I want nothing to do with physical punishment because kids will be traumatized or become mentally ill as a result of parental mishandling of discipline. Disciplining a child for even the most minor infractions with major punishments is wrong. I will never do this, never. I wouldn’t ban the practice of discipline altogether, but there has to be careful monitoring of what happens. If, for instance, Blake decides to hit his son for not being man enough to do something manly, I’d have to yell at him and say, “No you can’t do that. Now you go make peace with your son, and do not ever do that again.” I’d have to show Blake exactly what he did to his son, and I’d use physical force, brute force, to tell him that making a boy a man is not a physical act of violence.
This is leading somewhere. During holidays, discipline should be administered, but no physical punishment of any sort. There’s no place, I will say again, for a big person to hit or even smother a little person. Just because the kid is little or smaller than you does not mean you hit the person. If, for instance, a six-foot guy hits his little two-foot toddler, there’s something wrong with that. The toddler learns that physical force is ok. Physical punishment makes bullies out of men, passive slaves out of girls, and ruins families all around.
As if that is the only thing I’m thinking about right now, I remember my parents telling me what to write, or risk being punished. I was told I couldn’t write about a certain guy I had a crush on, and they made it impossible for me to express myself in writing. Well, there should be laws banning the depressing of teenagers, and we should reiterate the first Amendment. I will express myself in writing as much as possible, and so here goes:
\I read in a book about Islamic families and how they are bringing their culture to us in America that physical punishment and violence are a really integral part of Islam. And the Muslim culture? Well, ask Ayaan Hirsi Ali. She said frankly, schools always taught that violence was ok and acceptable. Like I said earlier, however, there’s no place for physical punishment or violence in homes. There’s a treatment Ayaan discusses in her latest book, the Itha Shansu treatment. Something about the chapter in the Qur’an that talks about the judgment. They do this in a certain Somali or Kenyan religious school she went to. I don’t know the name, but if a girl or boy was bad, they got the treatment, which involves the girl or boy who was bad being swung around in a hammock while the class hit the person with willow switches or something. All this was done to the cadence of the chapter in the Qur’an that talked about the judgments. Physical violence is not ok, no matter the situation.
I can give an example of another instance of physical force. Ayaan talks about a lady who hit her for getting her math sums wrong. Um, the way to do it is simple: say this is wrong, get the sums right. The answer is whatever it is, so try that again. You’ll see if it’s wrong or right.
If it really was what it was, the child wouldn’t need physical violence in order for homework to be done correctly. Asha Artan always had an abusive streak to her according to Ayaan. That was always a part of the family. Religion, however, overtook everything.
As a Christian, I want to make it clear that holidays are a time to celebrate, not be traumatized by something or other. If a child is sick, go visit him/her. IF a child is or has been traumatized or abused, help him/her. Holidays and Easter time especially are times to bring people closer to Christ. Christ is waiting, so I know what the world wants, but Christ needs his bride. We, the church, are his bride. Men can’t really relate as well as women, but Glynn said this clearly. Pastor Glynn is amazingly awesome, and he helped me to understand the Gospel, and the whole thing was amazing. I will hopefully be baptized in the near future as a Christian, not as a Catholic. Catholic people accept only “one Baptism for the forgiveness of sins”, but it’s usually done in infancy. I will never do that to my children. I want to be Baptized in such a way that the decision is mine. That is it. Blake will never need to worry. That’s all.