Defining Slavery: Kanye West Gets a Lesson on What Slavery Did to His People

Dear readers,

Let’s go back in time, to the 1700s while we’re at it, and watch the harbor in Africa. Imagine for a moment you see a huge group of male and female Africans being chained up and thrown into a cramped slave ship. Imagine the harrowing and horrifying voyage and the consequences thereafter. Reread the stories of the latter slaves who were born slaves in America. Due to the recent comments by none other than black rapper Kanye West, I’d like to paint a picture of slavery that only my African American studies professor would approve of, though none of us are proud of it.

What if Kanye were along for the journey from Africa through the Middle Passage to the Americas to work? Kanye would have been separated from the women of his lineage, and the whole idea of separation of men and women was according to the history of benefit to the sailors. Mulana Caranga writes in the book we used in black studies that the sailors raped the women. I’m also paraphrasing the lecture the professor gave us. Kanye would have to have suffered among piles of men, men who would later be branded on the butt, chest, or other part of the torso such that the white masters could dehumanize them. Kanye would have been sold and forced to take the last name of his master, but worse, he’d have to work in the fields as a carpenter, plantation picker, or perhaps a livestock tender. Kanye’s ancestors were renamed from their African names because whites wanted it that way.

The sad thing about this disaster called the Slave Trade, in all seriousness, was that great men like Cotton Mather owned slaves. Cotton was the son of a Great Awakening preacher, Increase Mather. The Mathers owned Onesimus, a Gurumantes slave who was purchased by Cotton’s church congregation of all things. UGh. How could a church purchase slaves!

Now, in cases like the male ancestors of Kanye West, their fates could have led them to death.

What of the slaves of the antebellum South? First, if Kanye had skipped down to 1858 which was two or three years before Confederates waged war with the perfect Union, Kanye would have witnessed many of his ancestors being beaten and raped, and imagine his reaction to what Master Brodas’s slaves called the Big House. Harriet Tubman was born a slave, and her sisters were sold. OF course, her master was Edward Brodas, but he and his young son died, so Harriet was sold out a few times. The master and mistress tried to hire her as a cook, a child’s nurse, etc., and only at 7 years of age. Neither of her employers, or potential owners, were people of quality. THey expected Harriet or Araminta Ross, as she was known at birth, to do chores around the house automatically, as if she had been programmed, and without pay at that.

What if Kanye looked through Harriet Tubman’s eyes? IF he’d only understood the great lengths she went through and traveled with her on the Underground Railroad, he’d understand the risks she was taking to free her people. She even freed her parents, Ben Ross and his wife Harriet. Yes, Harriet’s mom was Harriet as well, but she was called Old Rit by the others. IF only Mr. West would have seen how many bounty hunters were after escaped slaves, the Fugitive Slave Law and its aftereffects, the wanted posters for Harriet Tubman and others, he would have then reevaluated his comments on slavery. Slavery was not a choice for yet another famous female named Harriet Ann Jacobs, born to a carpenter and his wife, born a slave herself. She was bequeathed to Emily Flint, also known as Mary Matilda Messmore, who married a man named Daniel Messmore. He was about to take home Ms. Jacobs, all could have been bad for her, but the Willises, who employed her, namely Nathaniel Parker Willis and his wife, freed her by having a group purchase her. She had fled north obviously because of James Norcom who was her master at the time. She had no choice in the matter of James Norcom and his advances, he was ruthless and tried to make her succumb to sexual abuse again and again. Suppose that happened to someone in Mr. West’s family? If that did happen, Kanye would have had no choice but to watch as a sister dies in childbirth and the mistress looks on and says, “Cost of doing business.” It’s life that should not be taken, and the black woman who dies in childbirth is not a write off for doing business.

My family had a mixed lady somewhere there. Hebert is a common bloodline in Louisiana. There are black and white family members who would find Kanye’s comments about his own people disturbing. If he thought the interracial marriage laws were a choice, they were only for the white slaveholding families who wanted the race pure, and for the family I deal with every day who doesn’t want me to marry an African American Florida Seminole Blackfoot whatever else is thrown in there. Racism exists today in the form of brutality against Kanye’s own people, and now he owes these descendants of greats like Harriet Tubman and Harriet Jacobs a full and decent apology. Not only that, he must accept punishment for bad deeds done as a result of said comments. No more playing Kanye songs on certain radio playlists, and this is already happening. I will never think of Gold Digger the same way again, and Mr. West ought to realize that his comments came with a much higher price. It’ll be a much much higher price than his ancestors were worth at the auction block. If Kanye himself had been betrayed and sold by “Mass’r” and he had to answer to a new one, he would not be feeling this way. The only reason why I empathize with his or should I say my people is because I am descended from a slave as well, and so is Trenton’s ancestry. We both have splashes of many different colors in our family, which is a lot to say for the slaveholding whites who married cousins. Look at Gone with the Wind.

Scarlett was not the best mistress of slaves, and Prissy was often whipped if she didn’t do her thing. I wouldn’t want to live like Prissy, Scarlett’s maid. I wouldn’t want to be a forced “Mami” which was a joke word later used in an animated Disney short about dolls of all things. The “Mammi” jokes just kept coming post Gone with the Wind.

Kanye should watch and then perhaps talk to his own daughters about why they even have Kim’s blood in their veins. Slavery and race division was no choice of Kanye’s people. Kim would not have been allowed to marry or adopt with Kanye not long ago. Now, look they have two girls, and those girls better learn the right stuff in slave narratives and books, and Solomon Northup’s book Twelve Years a Slave should speak a lot. Mr. Northup has a very good definitive slave narrative that was made into a movie. I hope that my children someday watch this without trying to cry or ask too many weird questions, but if they do ask questions, they’ll get answers,, lots of answers. Anyway, all of this should be taken into account in selecting a proper punishment for Kanye. He should be made to perhaps live as a refuse slave, a disabled black person who was usually thrown on an island to die. He clearly doesn’t get it, and should be made to see this post and look back at his own family tree.

Sincerely,

Beth

WHy Women Should Rule the World and Not Men

Dear Readers and friends,

The following is a list of reasons why women should rule the world, even including during those times of the month, and not men. Over Facebook, it was brought to my attention that our brains are wired differently, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do tech and leadership. AS many alt rightists might tell you and is implied every time they march about carrying their tiki torches, or the way they hurt others, is that women are not fit for leadership. Quite the opposite, though. Who needs alt right supported research to prove this? We don’t, and below are reasons why diversity and a safe and inclusive world where women are in charge is crucial to the human race:

 

  1. Women bear the brunt of childbirth pains, and it’s not even about the book of Genesis in the Bible. Before then, oral traditions gave women sacred positions in the family hierarchy. We brought up the babies, sure, but there are loads of pieces of literature and legends of Native lore that elevate the position of women’s lifegiving powers. For instance, Cherokee legend has it that seven women in their moon times took the life of a powerful being that tried to decimate the tribe. So for you guys that think arrowheads are the solution to every problem, think of these Cherokee women who took down an all powerful male being. There are powerful stories of women choosing their own mates, making decisions politically about who represents them, so much more evidence I can share.
  2. Women have more empathy in nature than some guys do. Women as leaders have to learn to listen to their constituents, thus gaining an understanding of what the people want. This is lacking in our current system. When a woman runs for political office, she shouldn’t be subjected to sexist rhetoric about her body image, or worse, her sex organs etc., because if we did this to men, then what would happen? The men currently in power aren’t listening to the poor, the disabled, or worse, the single moms, the hungry, the downtrodden among us. Leaders can pull us through by listening and carrying with them the emotions and requests of their people, thus women should be leading because empathy wins over more people than apathy. The current patriarchal nonsense we have in place is only doing what’s best for the privileged class, the most beautiful, the pale eyed people, the rich. Imagine the Amazonian powers of womenfolk in action doing the opposite of what is being done now.
  3. It is a matter of world peace and prosperity. When a man is in power, war starts and ends badly. When a brutal man is in power, whether politically or in a company, most of the time according to observation most company workers or constituents leave, rebel, or revolt against him. There are examples of companies that haven’t had this, but could still benefit from a highly empathic woman in charge. Apple, God bless their product and executive at hand, shows us that even the small marginal groups have a say in the production of their products, even with the current executives in charge. There are women who present on stage, and then you have their true commitment to hiring disabled folk like my friend Clayton. THere might be some empathy here but he just might get the job after all the rigor of the questions. He seems to be doing well, so there you have it. Apple will likely hire more blind people as the need arises for those people to fix products related to our condition. Why and how does this have to do with a woman leading? THere are women who lead departments within the company, and their empathy is essential to prosperity within the company itself. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Tim Cook, whose leadership and awesome stuff has led to the creation of Apple watch, which thankfully has had Voiceover in the first generation, which is essential again to its prosperity and sales numbers. Geez, why didn’t Google put their screen reading software into their wearables in the first generation releases? It can’t be numbers or viability, it had to have been misconceptions about blindness or inability to figure out how to implement such things. I say if Apple can do such things, so can Google, no hard feelings on either company as Google products fall into my iPhone 27 fold. Women leading in any setting promotes more of a peaceable environment, a place where creativity and systematic numeric thoughts can be shared amongst the company members, and such thinking can lead to great things happening.
  4. It is a matter of the capabilities of men. Men have had their place in leadership become a thing misused. Men do not realize half the time that the woman under him/them are impacted gravely or in good ways when they make decisions. For example, women in Saudi Arabia are forced to marry men who treat them half the time like animals trained to cook and clean, I should know because I’ve read memoirs on this subject. Men like Mr. Saga, who kidnapped his American born daughter Sarah should never make decisions for their daughter. Sara was subjected to abuse and denial of education, a forced marriage, and separation from her children because she wanted to leave Saudi Arabia but couldn’t. Her husband by the forced marriage refused to take her kids to America, and she didn’t want to stay. IF a woman led the Saudi royal family, this would not be an issue. Try reversing the decision making powers, and having the ladies be in charge of how many children they produce, what job they got, and with whom they have sex. Things are a lot better, and women are believed in cases of rape and sexual assault versus now in the manly world of wife beatings, spousal rape, and male privilege. Women in SAudi Arabia bear an average of six children per household per lifetime, according to an article I read in National Geographic, and that number goes higher when a girl is married young and is forced to live her life pregnant or nursing, cooking, or having sex since a ripe young age to perhaps fifty, after which a man can marry another woman but a woman is the back door to divorce, which means abuse is tolerated, beatings happen, and sadly, no empathy on the part of so many men in that region of the world. Religious freedom is nonexistent in Dubai, or anywhere in the UAE. Why? Because men are in charge, and Dubai being a playground for rich privileged people doesn’t help matters. Imagine if women ran the Middle East. The whole Israel Palestine peace process would go forth and be solved in less time, and with empathy in the picture, female leaders will make it possible for Palestinians and Israelis to hold hands under the same banner of love, no divisions or that kind of thing. Israel had Golda Meir as its prime minister for a time, and she led the people through through the Yom Kipur war, which was shorter in length than some of the other wars that divided the people. Heidr alAbbadi in Iraq can’t seem to figure out how to target illegitimate militias called Isis, but with a woman in charge, Isis would be defeated by the powers of womanhood, and a more accepting worldview of women’s leadership.
  5. Creativity is essential to technology, something that guys forget. Guys sit there and code in tech companies, but have they forgotten that a woman’s artistic side can blossom in any tech arena? Women come up with weird but logical ideas, such things being more usable than guys’ ideas at times, for instance, a guy invents a porn site … like we need those. Women like me and others could, for another example, design an app that allows you to rate doctors and practitioners according to empathic traits, disability access barrier presence or lack thereof, and willingness to work with disabled women in childbirth situations. Such an app should be created because disabled mothers are numbering larger than ever before, and such a lucrative thing can guide the decision making powers of new and returning mothers, or just women in general. Another idea for an app would probably be one where moms and aunts and those who take care of children can rate things, review things, and not just toys either. Women and guys alike would benefit from an app that would show you deals or links to certain items such as baby feeding equipment, knives for cooking, or perhaps software for keeping kids safe in the world. women have ideas that go beyond household stuff, thus we can create tech that aids and assists in quicker results for blood sugar testing, for example, or one thing I’d like to see is medical bracelet type tech implanted in the wearable of choice that automatically tests your blood sugar levels and in simple language tells you to “get something to eat.” With such technology, my friends who are diabetic will never use another needle again. Needles suck, I know. And this sort of creativity is something that could come to fruition in Apple’s watch, but the next thing I would want to see is a synthetic pancreas so that any type of diabetic would never poke themselves with needles or use inaccessible insulin pumps again. Insulin is also in shortage, oftentimes coming from livestock, pigs and such. Again, I read articles on the subject. I hope that a woman’s or strong empath’s leadership will result in such creativity and that medical devices like the one I suggested are covered by Medicaid 100%. Diabetes is just one health condition we humans must tackle, but it takes empathy, creativity, and good listening skills, all qualities women have.

I hope you find these items crucial to what we in society need to do to change. Women’s worth is not only in the home, it is in the whole world.

Beth

First post on the Chromebook in a while. …

Dear Readers, I highly doubt anyone will miss this blog. I have no intent to stop writing in here, but I’ve had to call out a number of people for being degrading toward women and such, all of these people I won’t name, all because women must be protected. Women carry the nation’s children, so why is it okay to rape my friends, guys? I’m not saying all the guys I’ve written about here are rapists, but there are quite a few men both blind and sighted who are. I must hereby swear that if anyone accuses me of slandering men, listen up. Not all men are bad, but one raunchy and wrong move toward any blind or sighted friend of mine and you’ll be called out here. It is abominable that on Vorail and other social media platforms, I’ve also been silenced or blocked because of the guardianship of a young woman or two in Kentucky. THis is reprehensible. The young woman in question has been adopted for the sole purpose not to be guardianized by her parents and a healthcare provider, but to be loved, which probably didn’t happen. THis is despicable, the isolation she goes through, being isolated and kept away from the man who truly cared about her. I won’t mention names here.

If you’re a man who abuses women for gratification’s sake, consider yourself duly judged for your actions not by me, the Denver Queen, but by the deities or deity in monotheistic terms that you worship. God judges all fairly, therefore it should be duly noted that even in polytheistic practices, there is a code of conduct. I do not wish to harm any of the guys I’ve been accused of “slandering” here. However, how will a man learn to keep his hands, arms, and penis away from friends of mine?

Thank you all for your understanding.

Beth

Autis Acceptance: Explained!

Dear friends,

Autism is not in any way a real disabling condition, except by society’s standards. I don’t see it that way. In this post, I want to pay tribute to autistics, both past and present, and talk about what we need to do to accept them as they are.

Born and raised in Maryland, LaVonnya Gardner was autistic and blind. She was also partially hearing impaired. What I remember most about her was not the bad stuff, the rumors people said about her, but her weirdness, her energy, her enthusiasm for God and his word when Christianity was an interest to me. LaVonnya composed her speeches and communicated while she was in public using apps and tools like Dynovox, prolacro, and other things that would enable her to form words, words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, paragraphs into full fledged speeches. LaVonnya died several years ago, but it wasn’t because of autism. She had a really bad concussion. That’s all I know about her cause of death, and she left behind a daughter, Briana. I don’t remember sometimes that autism for her was a way of life, a difference, but when she left this world behind, I felt like I hadn’t spent time enough with her. I didn’t think about the autism part of her, I saw her as a close friend and companion online, and many other Facebook buddies knew who she was.

Here’s a few stories that might inspire you to understand acceptance, namely one sshould I say? Lavender Eliabeth Darkangelo was born under a different name, one I won’t write here. For her sake, I won’t write it no matter what people think. Lavender spent the first seventeen or so years of her life being abused by not only sighted parents from Laos, but sightless siblings! The interesting part of it was that Lavender’s siblings were all married and giving birth to children or taking care of children, but because Lavender is an autistic, they did not want to accept that she had to learn things differently. Her dream has been to sing for bands and stuff, which she has done. She was later adopted by the Cormier-Darkangelo family. I want to say that this family accepts Lavender for who she is and what she does. Lavender’s example is how abusive nonacceptance became acceptance with another family. Lavender legally changed her name and found a personal care attendant who helps her with daily living tasks she might otherwise have missed out on, and the PCA is patient and awesome with her. Lavender, if you’re reading this, the spiralhead will always have a box of pasta with spirals waiting for you when you decide to go skiing in Vail or whatever you’d like, otherwise, shoot me a plane ticket to Boston and I’ll hang out with you along with my future husband.

There are many ways that autistics live their lives. However, because of society’s nonacceptance, autistics are prime targets for exploitation, guardianship, institutionalizing, or worse, death. One such lives in Kentucky, and is currently off the radar. I was blamed for causing problems with this woman and her friend, and I won’t write her name here. She had a job and everything, but was sadly not really accepted by her family. She was guardianized two years ago, and has since been isolated and possibly drugged. Not much is known about this woman’s situation.

How do you accept autism? First and foremost, get to know autistics who are successful in your community. Do not use the terms “high” or “low” to describe function. I learned from a woman on Twitter that autism doesn’t truly affect function, only it affects how stuff is done. LaVonnya’s use of technical tools to communicate and sign language are two such things nonverbal autistics can use to overcome barriers to social integration. What about reading social cues, you ask. Who needs eye contact, I say. Being blind, I resonate with autistics because they generally don’t use eye contact, which can sometimes be seen as threatening to some people, even nonautistics. I think autistics and the lack of eye contact does carry a very impoprtant link to why society is so messed up. My fiance doesn’t do eye contact either, and neither do his friends and some others he knows. However, society thinks eye contact means something. Autistics don’t prefer to use eye contact, and it’s not because they’re “shy” as some may call it. It’s their way of staying within a safe space as I’ve studied in some things and pieces of literature I’ve read. One way to accept an autistic is to realize that eye contact is a no no.

While nonverbality and lack of eye contact can drive both sets of parents and grandparents bonkers, there’s something else that needs to be said of autistic people. They are usually the best types of people to handle things like … well, anything. Albert Einstein’s brain was funny shaped according to some who have studied it, but he was autistic. He became the greatest scientist and discovred the theory of relativity. Autistics connect with animals, and an example of this can be found in Temple Grandin, who happens to be living in my backyard as a professor of biology or something at a university in Colorado. She has iinnovated ways to humanely slaughter the livestock, although not everybody takes her seriously. I would rather eat a humanely slaughtered cow, however, rather than Popeye’s chicken because of the animal welfare policy(s) or lack thereof that this chain preports to have had. It was reported on the petition site Change.org that Popeye’s Louisiana kitchen does not take good care of its chicken supply. I also signed one on the same site for Eggland’s Best, telling egg workers to treat their eggs better. Professor Grandin would have tons to say about this stuff, but really. She is highly accepted at her work, and I ought to read her book so far.

What is the bigest thing you cannot do to an autistic? Do not send them to institutions, guardianize them, prevent them from integrating, marrying, etc. There was an autistic couple I read about that got married, and they learned how to engage in intimate activities in special ways through a support group. A lot of amazing friends came together for the couple’s special day. Even the harpist was autistic. What a wedding! When two people with disabilities marry, however, the government takes back their SSI by $200 plus. This is unacceptable as disabled people need the extra money for food, bills, and supplies, and ppossibly to pay a provider to drop by their home and do what is needed, like reading the mail if lighting sucks where we sit. I absolutely hate the idea of expensve OCR apps to read the mail myself. Sometimes, a provider is needed for the sake of cost savings such as time and money. Time, what is time? Money doesn’t grow on trees. When autistics marry, the same things should be said of whether they want or need a provider or not. Some autistics do fine without attendants, others don’t mind a little bit of help especially with some supports, tools, and other sorts of techniques to better integrate them.

Note: I do not and cannot support Autism speaks. It does not include actual autistics on their board, in their group metings, or in their spokespeople. They actively try to cure autism, something you really cannot do. Some autistics manage to speak after a while, but others don’t. We can’t rush their development or expect a therapist to fix our children. Autism should be accepted, and one organization I do support is the Autism Self Advocacy Network. This group alows autistics to excel at advocacy work and provides support groups run by such persons. Autism is not a disease, not a disabling condition, rather it is the way the brain interprets things differently in the environment. In memory of LaVonnya and others who’ve died, let’s strive to do better and accept our autistic friends as people with a difference. Let’s not make a big huge deal out of nonverbality, rather I’d work with it. Autism may affect one in every three babies one day, however, the stats are coming from Autism Speaks, which is highly irresponsible and does not seek acceptance. Thank you all for reading this. More to come on Medium.

Beth

Tribute to Katelyn Reichert

Dear friends and fans,

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. I want to tell you all that a dear friend I met years ago on the blind mental health list on groups.io has sadly passed away with no supports, no real place to call home, and no real family who cared enough about her. She was a dear friend to myself and my fiance, and I wonder if she was murdered. Katelyn’s death was awful to report, and I remember with great joy the last time I spoke with her. She had such a beautiful sense of humor, and she showed me weird videos on YouTube. She had shown me what life was, and it is she who inspires me to revolutionize even more. Katelyn will be surely missed, and I plan to cut a track in her honor because she was this important to me. She deserves a track for her because I tried my best to save her sanity, but couldn’t. Katelyn’s life was difficult, but her father and mother seemed to be some of the few who cared. I was introduced to a friend who shares her middle name. Katelyn was so sweet, and the last I checked, she’d had an Android phone. She had plans for her future, living independently. Who knew what happened to her!

Dear Katelyn,

I miss your sense of humor in the time I needed most,

Now I write this thinking that all you became was a ghost,

You didn’t seem to have a lot of friends, but you meant to lot to me,

You were all I really cared about, and though you couldn’t see,

I stayed your friend and even though we had a falling out,

Now that you’re gone, I want to cry, sob, scream, and shout.

Katie, I miss you terribly, it torments me mentally, you left me with a void,

I remember we talked about things like your living space and Android.

Trenton will miss you too, girl, that’s not a practical joke,

And you truly deserve better than the broken wheel spoke.

I wish we had more time to speak and laugh and even cry,

You had a funny laugh, oh Katie, why’d you have to die?

Where’d you go so soon? You just up and disappeared!

Now I lost another friend, and you met your end in a way I often feared.

Rest in peace, my sister, the revolution is yours,

And may one day come when we meet, life is ours, mine, and ours.

Beth Taurasi

My Fans

Dear Fans and Readers,

I’m beyond concerned that WordPress users and friends refuse to read my blog articles. I’m writing on a platform other than WordPress to spread myself around. Hhowever, after four trolling incidents, someone impersonating Blake, and many other things and my viewership looking bad, I’m considering organizing my blogging routine a bit differently. On Medium, I’m writing informational articles only, but you’ll see more poems and personal crap here. If you want to see more of me, check Facebook, Twitter, and my website.

Who’s Lying? #metoo and Blind Women

Dear Readers,

Last week, I completed my first choir spring retreat, and the week before, something miraculous happened. The ex that everybody seems to hate that hurt so many women and girls, known as KO, JDO among others, seems to have been locked up. WHoever tries to bail out a monster like that should think twice. First, he blames his victims and the victims are mostly minority blind women who submitted to any number of things, and Jason prefered weak minded souls. But none of the girls were weak, not even Jennifer, on whom may God and his mercy rest, not even myself. As one of 150 girls in a courtroom said to Larry Nasser, and this also applies to Jason, “Girls don’t stay little for long. They turn into strong women who will return to destroy your world.” The man had porn on his computer, both Mr. Nasser (to use his former title would be an insult) and Jason, both had problems with abusing little girls. Jason devalued the girls for their disability or should I say the plural, disabilities? HE even devalued poor Jennifer, and thankfully, the #metoo movement put a stop to many a man’s hard fist against a woman. Jason did lay a hand to former girlfriends, made them cry, manipulated us until we were completely under his control. Now he will have to sit and think about it while in solitary.

As for me, my wedding date has had to change because of finances, and unfortunately, nobody supported the October date. We need a date to commit to, but social security, lack of jobs, and finances are prohibitive of us having even the smallest gathering. Even that would be written off as a fake fairy tale in the eyes of my parents, on whom the devil rests because of their abusive and negligent guardianship. I learned that the late Marie Mannigan loved me, and left behind a husband and children. Sometimes, I wish there was something I could do to bring her back. But alas, I cannot raise the dead. Her friend Mary got in touch with me, and during a Facebook live stream, I heard about how it happened. It was sad, I won’t reveal the details here for fear that many Titusville High alums might find it offensive. But may God open the door to Marie and a graceful mansion shall await her in the Heavens, she will have a balcony on which she can float around and watch all of us, every single person she’s ever touched. Marie is with Carrie and now Stacie Fulford on whom God shows mercy even when the torment of her mental state killed her. Stacie and Marie, you are both in my prayers, your families are both in my thoughts and prayers. Walk in the way of God now, and bless me with your presence every night in bed. Reminding me of the Hansel and Gretel prayer that I ended up singing, that Charlotte Church so graciously recorded, “When at night, I go to sleep. Fourteen angels watch to keep. Two are on my right hand, two are on my left hand. …” You get the picture.

It makes me sad to see all the people I care about, who cared for me, who loved me dearly, these people are dropping like flies. Am I a curse to these people? Or are my parents wishing death on my friends? What is going on? My parents cannot wish me killed, ill, or dead. They could never try a tactic like this on Trenton either. I won’t let their cold evil spells which got them the right to abuse their powers, treat me like a burden, and isolate me; these evil spells that might have killed Stacie and Marie. Marie left with a hero’s homecoming, she surely might have saved my life from being wrecked. Mary has a home of her own, a relationship, who knows? But I have no job, no support from family, and no one will donate to the GoFundMe account that will go toward wedding expenses. 10k for a wedding, that is all I ask, 5k for fifty people at least. I want to be surrounded by well wishers, not evildoers. I lament not being able to call or speak to Marie before her death, and I’m not trying to sound superstitious, but the wrong words uttered by a warrior whether in prayer or otherwise could cause harm to another. Perhaps my parents might get something back, something that tells them that my life is precious and should not be taken from me. I want to die an old lady warm in her bed as Jack said in Titanic, Leonardo Di Caprio playing the part that went down as a love story for the ages. Caitlin Winslett and her character were meant for each other. As Rose mourned the loss of her lover, families broke apart beneath the sea. For me, that ship sank with the tragic words, “We’re gonna get guardianship so we can take care of you.” What did this all mean? What it means is, “You are not a valid person. You are less than, as inferior as the handmaids in Margaret Atwood’s book. You will die alone with no children while Danny and Tommy are showered with estates of gold and silver, their wives teeming with the choices of a boy or girl, all sent to private school.” Well, listen up, I’m not the only one who was able to see through this foolishness. Mary saw it, her friends did and so did Emily. My dear friends in Titusville should see an open door that Denver could be. That town is lost, too Conservative, haunted by the ghosts of those who’d passed.

AS Trenton tries to sleep peacefully, I am not willing to fall into sleep. IF I did, would I have dreams of death or falling? I’ve never had these nightmares, but I don’t want to be the victim of sleep paralysis for long. Nor do I want to be the victim of drugs, side effects of drugs, or lies about a mental state that is just a bunch of hogwash to make sighted superiors feel good about themselves. WEll, as for the rating the family gets for not supporting me, not giving me money for wedding expenses, not supporting my dreams instead of a market I can’t fit into you deserve a poor rating. Don’t tell me you are superior. No, you didn’t treat me like as the Turpins did to their poor children and now the adults are in jail, their kids separated into foster care for the minors and assisted living for the adult victims. You didn’t starve me, but you starved me emotionally, deprived me of individuality because I was a girl who was blind. You also wasted your pennies on private religious school, where it should be spent on orchestral lessons and not Catholic dogma. I do have good friends who are Catholic, but my experience was negative in Florida. I saw my friends in the church get married, both blind, Catholic, but they’re liberal in a lot of ways. They both have diabetes, and they manage it with loud voices that don’t take the crap from anybody. Sheltering me in Titusville will not help the situation, and I lament the loss of friends not to Mom’s fantasy threats, but to possible superstitious and evil witchcraft on the part of people who supported them. If I could reverse the damage, I’d bring back the dead ones, bring back Emily’s lost child, and I’d bring back my ex’s brother if only to tell people that they are the witches Salem won’t admit to their borders. And witchcraft in the way of warlocks is evil according to wicca, which is a pagan Celtic religion. Wicca believes in doing good, not evil, as so many might believe. But wicca rituals I have seen are similar in part to the “hoodoo” rituals that Zora Neale Hurston writes about in her books. But it’s a lot more powerful. If I could choose a faith tradition, it would be the way of the Native Americans, as they treated disabled people as one of their own. Historian Kim E. Nielsen writes that a deaf Native woman could find a partner, have and raise her own kids, and participate in spiritual society. Navajos are no exception. They would have a sing not to cure blindness, or deafness, or the inability to walk, but to combat the spirit or imbalance around that person. Sing ceremonies were common for healing, but for curing disabilities and ailments like blindness, it was not the case. In choir, we’re singing a Navajo prayer, and I hope this prayer will overpower the negative energy that my family has flashed at me like a naked body of a grown man. Father Sun, and Mother Earth, those are the natural parents of animals and humans and plants. I hope to return to as the Natives put it, to the earth, Mother Earth, when I die an old lady having fulfilled my business.

Beth