I Don’t Hate Men

Dear readers,

Disclaimer: I do not hate men, and I’m still feministing and being cool, but let me make one thing clear, I do not hate men. There are good guys and bad guys, and I’m gonna talk about both, so here goes.

First and foremost, I see you good men out there. I see you who don’t wanna hurt your wives, kill your girlfriends, or shoot up college campuses all in the name of a sexist societal change. I see you guys who open doors, pull out chairs, and talk serious about letting your female colleagues advance in companies like the tech companies and the ones serving us today like those in restaurant chains and the like. I see you good guys out there, the ones who are truly mature enough to see that some of your actions are wrong, and I see you guys who own up to violent encounters, and without use of faulty manasphere thinking, you do your part to change your life for the better.

The reason I write this is because of men I’m about to cover. I see men online who write terrible things about me and other women, men who don’t take ownership of their responsibilities like for example, this paraphrase from a dude in Colorado even, “She put a DV (domestic violence) charge on me if I didn’t pick up my kids.” Really? Did you really abuse your ex wife, sir? I wonder, are there any others I can think of that are just nasty? I have too many names in my mind, and they’re all blind or physically disabled. This is just one category, but there are millions of unnamed guys I don’t know in extremism communities, including MGTOW, incels, and other communities in the big wide “manasphere.” Thank you, Laura Bates, for writing a great as hell book about this subject, and now I have a healthy respect for good males and good males who don’t do bad things. Laura Bates has lots of examples of how misogyny is dangerous, and she doesn’t have to look too far back or forward.

I have a great partner who actually thinks Bates’s book is great, and we both do not really support the manasphere, and we both understand gender inequality like nobody’s business. Look carefully, especially at some of the disabled community. There is sexism, white supremacy, and all kinds of wrong in the disabled community, and sadly, it’s perpetrated by disabled men, especially the ones living at home with their parents, or the ones who openly admit to denying paternity over children, and those who sit there and complain they don’t get the sex they want with women.

Socially awkward men scare me, and I thought I found a kindred spirit in a man I knew only online and let me tell you how it worked. I thought that “Jason”, the name I saw on the Skype request was indeed a genuine recording “artist.” I quickly added him, and he and I had some talks, fell in love, and then … sadly, but in some weird way, we met. Jason seemed like a good guy at first, but then the trouble started when he was isolating me from good guys like my ex, Deq, who has beliefs that kind of clash with mine, and he needs to get his head straight with certain groups of people, truly because these people, these people including sheikhs and others who have certain incendiary things to say about women are dangerous just like the straight dudes in the incel community are. Either way, Deq respected me, but tried to control which authors and books I read, but who cares. I had to hide certain aspects of life from him because he didn’t get it. Jason was worse, way worse, in that he had some perpetual racial stereotypes about African Americans, Somali immigrants, and so many other types of individuals he had a whole novel he could have written. Jason was calling Mexicans a popular immigrant slur and was suggesting to me that “All Muslims are terrorists.” Not true, and I’ve met some peaceable Muslim folks since, people who actually realize that some of Deq’s incendiary commentary wasn’t cool. That was part of the reason I broke up with Deq, but another reason was the brothers and I had to put Islam away in a box marked, memories. The memory of Islam is not that pleasant, but there are pleasant layers of the sisterhood in Denver, and that’s fine. The brothers were the problem, and my future depended on me leaving Islamic communities behind, but not leaving my support for a peaceable observance behind. What Jason did was lie about Islam being a religion of the sword, not surprising because in the Bible Belt, including Florida or Georgia, churches with such hateful rhetoric against Islam abound, also the churches somehow get away with preaching nasty stuff about gays, women, and simply everybody who is not Evangelical Christian or white or making less than $4000 a month.

Jason gave me two sets of jewels when I met him a second time, but by that time, he had been isolating me, controlling me, picking my friends, hosting all my Skype groups, all of that plus cheating and lying and stealing while at the same time, we had some relations, sexual stuff, but it wasn’t all that satisfying knowing that this man is capable of being awkward and cheating on me. I had been cheated on also by another man in California, but Jason is a glaring example of a man to stay away from. He’s been stalking girls on the Internet, demanding sexual relations with one or two at a time, perhaps he’s telling all the Jessica Sara and Britney girls he stalks, and I’m saying Sara Jessica Britney because I’m talking about this in the same way you say Tom, Dick and Harry, but he pretty much tells every Sara, Jessica and Britney out there that “You’ve signed your death warrant by being friends with Beth.” Picture Jason as the President of Panam, the country in Hunger Games, and you see what I mean. If you were friends with me and Jason knew it, he’d strike you with thet National Guard, and that’s the kind of guy that started slowly coming out when I returned to Denver after our first rendezvous. It was painful to see him do this to Jennifer Weaver (she died in 2015), and worse yet, to other girls I cared about. He finagled Caitlin, another girl I truly did care about, to stop speaking to me, and now she’s joined awkward ranks and told me not to speak out against Jason, but who cares. Jason is someone you don’t want ruling your newspapers, your companies, your household, your country’s government. Jason is not just the man I dated, he is a monster that comes in many other guys as well, including that Bryan Laundry dude who killed Gabby Petito, and now guess who’s after him? Dog the Bounty Hunter, and I’m actually very happy that’s happening, for Dwayne the Dog Chapman has a pretty good thing going and he’s considered a legend.

If you’re Jason, you’re bad. And the words that read, you have signed your death warrant for being friends with Beth, those words hurt. Just because I somehow forced Jason to break up with me, well I didn’t want to at first, but others have told me just what a blessing it was for Jason to abandon ship, and I learned later about the warning signs of domestic abuse. All I can say is, in any way I can without being mean, thanks. Thanks, Jason, for not acting like Bryan Laundry, evading the authorities, but no thanks for the relationship because you cheated on me and you tried to weaken my whole spiritual experience. No thanks for telling me that all Muslims are something that they’re not supposed to be. So yeah, no thanks because you made Jennifer cry her brains out, you said I could die or my friends signed a death warrant and no, don’t run for government office because you hurt me. You really did hurt me, I don’t care if your disabilities did this. They didn’t. You hurt me so bad I cried for days after you broke it off. You even wanted me out of your life, well I’m living with scars, and these scars remind me that I ain’t done fighting for women’s safety in relationships. Thanks to Laura’s book, I have a better experience and understanding of guys like Jason and the composite sketches Leigh Baker also used to help parents learn how to detect sexual predators. Jason is not just the Jason I dated. He is the monster under your bed, the pounding pain in your head when you don’t want it, so you take Advil to get rid of it. He is the guy you see lurking on the Internet, or even in the bushes, waiting to yell a nasty comment your way. Jason is the guy who lies, cheats, and steals, and tries to upend democracy as we know it. Jason is a guy, but he’s also in just about every bad guy I know. HE is a recent ex, recently barred from advancement because a lady said he touched her. He is a guy who didn’t budge when his girlfriend called me a “dog in heat.” He is the guy you don’t want to meet at a bar, but you do anyway and end up messed up in the head because you feel slighted. He is the guy you can’t believe got you pregnant, and then tried to get custody of your baby, and all the while facing criminal prosecution for your rape. He is the type of guy I chose to date because being that I was born blind, and locked out of life like a child, I had no options. I had no decent men in my life. Until Trenton.

I want to take a few lines to honor Trenton, my partner, who might as well be a husband, but we won’t legalize things till this SSI thing is settled, and Congress, I’m counting you in. Get this passed, please. As Trenton is a good man, I’d rather have him a hundred per cent. Trenton is someone I’d call respectable, honorable, and a gentleman after my own heart. He and a buddy of mine named Clayton in Arizona, though they’re both different, deep down they’re good guys. Unlike the Jasons in the world, Clayton has owned up to his actions, owned up to everything really, and he has made a good life for himself, has ambitions, has desires, wishes, wants. Who knew if this or other good men could be the key to ending violence against women? In any case, I want to make something clear. Feminism is something that any man or woman benefits from, and I have written plenty of things regarding my relationship woes. In any case, I better get to bed.

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.