What I Believe About Marriage and Disability, Our Government, and the Community

Dear readers,

I was once again given pushback for posting about my wedding on Facebook. People expect too much from me, given the following scenarios and situations I’ve been in:

  1. I was in guardianship Hell for fifteen years, five of which was spent being punished, enslaved, and isolated by my family. They wanted a chore girl if I couldn’t work outside the home, and if this were the nineteenth century, they’d have put me in a group home or institution, or married me off to a husband of lesser quality because of how they tried to view me as less than them.
  2. I’ve been called names by a girl I will not name here, but I am and I swear to God, I’m not a slut or what she called me, and I won’t take the names lying down.
  3. Because of my parents’ misuse of therapy and begging the therapists to make me less of a person, tell me to obey my parents at all costs, etc etc, like it was for my own safety, I will never allow my parents to attend my personal ceremony for myself and Trenton. They totally misused my therapy appointments and the relationships I would be having with therapists, which would primarily be therapeutic in nature, to benefit their controlling ideological bullshit about disabled women. Now they have an elder who is male and has stage I dementia, and he needs constant care because of how dangerous he could be. Males with demential symptomology might become aggressive or worse, tear things up. Awful, right? But my grandfather only has stage I. This is important to know, but he can no longer ride or drive his motorcycle, and who the hell cares about me anyway? It’s him they have to look after now, and an age related social worker might have played a part in helping him and his wife, my grandmother, move to an assistive living facility for elders in Jacksonville, Florida. Bear in mind that Florida has the worst cases of guardianship abuse on record, and if my Papa ends up in solitary at a nursing facility, it’s death to anyone who hurts him. He needs to be as close to his family as possible, but keep this in mind too. Because of his diagnosis and his wife’s health too, I’m out of the picture except to serve as a possible advocate against possible elder guardianship abuse. My parents cannot misuse the therapeutic relationships that both Papa will need and I currently have. It is important to take this into consideration because therapists are supposed to make you feel better, not put you in dangerous situations. I’m sorry, but the therapists at LaAmistad put me in a dangerous situation, and it could have been more dangerous. See next item.
  4. I was told never to see  Orien Henry because of a so called mental health crisis they made up. They also did the same to Michael Bonhomme, and they could have done this to Trenton. Sorry, people, but Loving V. Virginia was decided in 1979, and this is 2020, so you can’t ban me from marrying the person I love, guardianship or otherwise. You need to understand, quite clearly in fact, that the whole idea of not allowing a person to marry gives the guardian an opportunity to accuse their victim of stalking and harassment, both very serious charges. Trenton and I are close enough, but what if Orien had actually done what he was supposed to do and actually took me to prom? Instead of a church service, I should have had the highlight of a young lady’s life, prom. And it was denied, along with grad bash, because of disability and people being stupid and ableist and … should I coin another word for it? Behaviorist. There’s a parallel between me and my friend Clayton’s high school experience at graduation. Clayton was flat out denied the chance to walk the stage because of ableist bullshit and propaganda that could be described as anti freedom of speech, purportedly because of his rap music. Well, I would have been happy to take Clayton’s and my own complaints to the school board and said, “Give me my prom gown. Let me dance. Let Clayton walk the stage, and the principal’s fired.” I would have fired Clayton’s entire school faculty if they agreed that rap music was a threat. It’s not. Do you want to know, people who see this, what Clayton’s life was like? Almost as weird and turbulent as mine. So there you now have it.
  5. Because I have to go to counseling once a month, a dental exam and many other problems, there will never be time for work to screw me up and fill my schedule. I want a work place willing to let me go to Soar and DWC practices, not make me choose one or the other. Soar is Wednesday nights, but then you have to factor in transport. Ugh. Also, Access a Ride tickets will cost more and more each year, more so than the wages I could earn at a place one man recommended. Goodwill has had a bad rap with the NFB, and they have tried and so far been somewhat successful in trying to get rid of Section 14c. I don’t want a section 14c job, and it’s demeaning. So here’s another reason I can’t have these 14c jobs:
  6. After my ceremony, I plan to take the first time home buyers course my buddy Art recommended a billion times. We’re just friends, so we just talk a lot about stuff. But here’s the kicker: first time home buyers have to have good credit history, and first of all, I do. I’ve paid my damn rent every goddamned month on time, only once because of Trenton’s bank snafus did we miss rental payments. I have had absolutely no problems, however, paying rent. But thirty per cent of that entire gross income will go to rent, and we could lose more dollars in rent than we’re supposed to. See next item for more on the other bills. Rent sucks, and we can’t modify things in the apartment we currently have, including not have smart lights and such, and we want more control over our lives. Tech has given us that.
  7. On top of this, bills will pile up. Power is important, but if we get a house, we could do Leap. We’ll think about it.

Thanks in part to the comments I received on FB, almost nobody who commented is invited to the ceremony. I have to go now, equity and so on.


Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

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