Decisions, decisions, decisions …

Dear readers,

I had made a tough decision before, to remove KO from my life before I met other people who would shape things in the future. I want to tell you all that another decision was made too recently that encapsulates what I’m talking about with regards to universally keeping friends. I’m very sorry to report that friendships can’t always last, and when I got with Trenton years ago, I lost a total of maybe a few friends, six in all. There was a Bethany, Elizabeth, Elise, Nathan, Chris, and another Bethany. These six individuals, last names left out, know who they are and I can’t support the faith they chose. Only one person, a very wise woman named Carolyn, is still sitting on Facebook but I have yet to grab her phone number and invite her to the commitment ceremony in May. She’s local, so I am very happy about that. But let’s face it, maybe I didn’t lose Elise so much, but the five others yes. This church had hugely rigid boundaries and some power structure issues not friendly to women, but their leaders were okay. For the most part, however, the leaders concluded that my relationship with Trenton up to this point would not last. The girl we both decided to block, and hence not name, does not understand I want a lasting relationship with someone who will put me number one in his life, regardless of the degrading comments of others, and those comments are not just the ones about my talents, but they are the ones about my revolving my life around them, or the world does not revolve around you and that sort of thing. Who else do I have to educate or cut off?

Thankfully, we have friends out of state who support us. However, most if not all of our out of state friends are poor, don’t work, and may not make it to the wedding. Commitment ceremony is two words, but the word wedding kind of encompasses what I’m talking about. Yes, Trenton and I may only have SSI and such, but we can’t have a paper for the certificate and all that. We just want a relationship that lasts, and lasts and lasts and lasts without interference. This means the trolls better stay out, and any person who might be caught flirting with the possibility of doing something to conflict with commitment plans is going to find themselves wondering where they are faster than their heads spin. I don’t care if I have to have a police presence at my own commitment ceremony so that swatting doesn’t happen. Swatting pranks have happened because of people making up stupid jokes about others, and we simply want to avoid the problem altogether. I also want to make a formal announcement. If you believe that Jesus is the only God permissible to worship, skip on and close the page immediately, but if you are interested in my real self, my beliefs, and supporting me, read on.

I have been battling with myself, literally in a debate with the brains and such, about my spiritual journey. Our commitment ceremony will take place in May, but I need to do some serious studying. I know some of you might think paganism is the worship of Satan, but that alone is not true at all. Satan, the Devil, etc., hurts people and does not want relationships to last. I am indeed thinking about converting to Wicca, and I will not be with a coven group as it is just too damn much of a burden for the group. I would have to take on too many responsibilities for things unseen and things that are costly. I’m considering a solitary practice, solo practitioners are oftentimes a bit more flexible that way. Let me try and debunk some of the myths and facts about Wicca that I’ve been learning so far, and before I do, it’s been a tough decision to write this post. I know that some of you might be like, why? You were Muslim, you were Christian, you wanted to try Judaism. But face this fact, I can’t believe in a patriarchal order of only one God commanding people, especially women, to have only lawfully married sex and to command people, especially women, to dress a certain way. I’ve been slut shamed, called nasty things, and many other things, and I won’t allow this to affect my decision. Now, to the myths and facts about Wicca.


  1. Myth: Witches worship Satan. Fact: the God in Wicca has horns on his head, so when Christians wanted to oppose the worship of many gods and or goddesses, they must have, and definitely copied the look of the Goddess’s horned mate, the Lord. This God’s horns have been notable in the drawings and sketches of Satan, but that does not mean Satan is what a witch worships. many Wiccans worship goddesses and gods, but nobody says, “Praise Satan” as in the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. Witches have to follow a read, and the read is simply: harm none, but do what you will. The key emphasis is below.
  2. Myth: Witches cause trouble and hurt people, cause demons to go into the house. Fact: The key emphasis on Wicca and witchcraft is very simple, but very powerful. The first two words I wrote of the Wiccan read are as follows: Harm None! I do not intend to harm people in my craft, only observe a spiritual connection to the Goddess and the three stages of womanhood, something Christians forbid. Maiden is my stage of life right now, and when I give birth, or even adopt, I will become Mother, and when I reach the stage of life where my body fails to move, I will be an old crone. No offense to old people, but crone is the final stage where a woman passes through life.
  3. Myth: Witches turn people into animals and vise versa. Fact: Most magical movies, Harry Potter included, use a combination of external magical tools and innate born powers to perform the magical tricks that the faculty at Hogwarts teach. But let’s face this: HP and Hogwarts don’t amount to what I’m talking about. Spell casting and witchcraft in a modern sense of things is actually a lot harder, but the magic is all within you. Every ounce of magic is within you, and unlike the distinction between Muggles and Witches/Wizards in Harry Potter and other magical themes of literature, we are all born with some form of magic within us. We all have a connection with nature, even in a sprawling city. And that means, oh yes, all it really takes is energy and concentration and a bit of belief that what you’re trying to accomplish is real. And unlike the Harry Potter or other kinds of magic spells in other literary phenomena, Wicca spells don’t have to be in Latin, Gaelic, or whatever. For example, in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, remember the Levitation charm? The way Harry and Hermione made objects fly makes it look like kid stuff compared to what you really do have to do in a magic spell, and it is altogether impossible for objects to be made to fly on command, of course. The two word incantation is wingardium leviosa, which gets its origin from the Latin word to “levitate.” OF course, to truly cast spells, you have to know a lot of things. Sure, Hogwarts herbology is a bit inaccurate, but in order to do magic, a reason and purpose for me is paramount. I for instance want to commune with Goddess, so how do I do this? I basically put on or don’t put on robes or clothing, and then you light some candles, and then, depending on the size of a coven group, you have to make sure everybody is in the circle. Using an atheme, a small swordlike device that opens and closes a circle, you would ceremonially open and close circles, and exert energy onto an altar. That sort of thing. I need to do more research on which craft I want to fully get into.
  4. Witches according to myth are evil, and get their kids involved. Fact: I wouldn’t want my kids to know too much about witches and witchcraft until they are old enough to understand the myths and wrongheaded viewpoints. My kids will not be allowed to dedicate themselves until they are either at least eighteen or can hide their identities from prying Christian eyes.

I’m thinking about meditating in this sense with wand and stones, and yes, I want to make sure that everybody knows, I am not interested in lighting and burning candles except the scented kind. I could get scented candles, just plain ones, in three different floral kinds. But really, guys, a solitary pagan practitioner is what I’m leaning towards, and here are the reasons why:

  1. No need to worry about going to a building. Hell, you can practice in the park.
  2. Hell, no need to worry about boring preachy messages about God or patriarchy and all that.
  3. People won’t make me lawfully wed someone I dislike or can’t trust.
  4. Judgmentality on the basis of who and what I love or am is a no no in Wicca. So I have a lot of lesbian friends who are Wiccan, and Wicca emphasizes no harming others, so LGBTQI+ people are able to enjoy their lives and be themselves, and all I want in chorus things is to see my friends happy like they should be.
  5. I’m not going to brag or not brag, but I find Wiccans more supportive.
  6. The solitary practice appeals because there’s not as much to do, and not as many things to worry much about.

Thank you all so much for reading this blog. And may I add, churches have demonstrated again and again and again that disabled people are simply unwelcome if there’s no money coming to their offering plate? That’s the impression I get from GCC. I’m sorry, people, but a lot of churches are like this. There are small ones, but the small churches really don’t have enough resources to help a blind couple navigate SSI and medicaid and all this stuff. With Wicca, I don’t have to worry about this. No building in an unknown address, no hobnobbing judgmental people trying to mess up my life, no “You had sex outside marriage? Oh okay, you’re out.” No, I won’t tolerate this.

Please, if you are someone who wants to tell me this is wrong to do, don’t. If you support me, I’d like words of encouragement. And I need ideas on where to hold my commitment ceremony/wedding. Thanks.


Beth Taurasi

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

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