So Here We Go

Hello all.

How many of us are in the process of getting married? How many of you wedding couples, and this also applies to those same sex ones and others, how many of you all use a site for planning your wedding? I found one that may not contain apps per se, but I find it easier to write stuff on a computer.

The website is the attached little bitty compared to the many others it has. This is called MyWedding. It’s a pretty comprehensive site, and the best thing? It is indeed blind friendly but I wish there were more platform apps to play with.

When you first log on, the site presents you with loads of labeled graphics, described and with full detail, and a bunch of links. There’s several buttons, one of which is “sign up.” If you are the bride, you should think about using this site because you can also connect the sucker to Facebook. This makes the fill out process for signup just awesome. I filled in the information it requested, and all this includes both your name and your fiance’s name. Let me warn you all, you must pick a design. I picked a Celtic theme, but still, not sure.

This website is pretty straightforward when signed in. It is helpful to have a bride and groom fill in all personal info. My personal profile shows birth information, all the stuff about my fiance, Kahili, well, yeah should I even write that! It has Kahili’s main email connected, and then it won’t edit that at all. Kahili and I explored a bit, and I was shocked. Initially, this website has the potential to be quite helpful in getting a few things down.

One, I think the wedding budget will realistically have to exceed our monthly income level. The average wedding with lots of guests usually runs in the five figure mark, about $20,000 pplus. Muslim weddings are stupid expensive because of the number of guests, all the special crap that goes into serving men first, the curtains so that nobody has to look at the women, all that. Jewish weddings to me by far seem like the most fun, but depending on which form of Judaism you practice, you could be looking at separate gender seating again.

Before I share the wedding link with you guys, I’d like to just let you all see some of the ideas and the guidelines I’m setting up:

The wedding must be held in a safe and inclusive environment at a safe and inclusive time period. The ceremony would ideally take place in the morning, but any other stuff that happens should be done in a proper venue of course. The ceremony stuff is probably the bulk of my worries at this point.

A gown must be purchased for the bride, and for me, I want a gown with a modest look to it. This means absolutely no intimate parts of the body (not talking about one’s vagina) can show. No cleavage will be allowed. No excess in lace, and I won’t wear any face veil.

The dress I would like to purchase in person at a store, free of any altering. I cannot afford a dressmaker to do alterations on anything. But I do know we may need a small intimate thing ceremony and all.

Kahili says he won’t wear a tux, and that could have ranged from $100 to a large six figure amount, especially if you’re the Donald. And if you’re the Dumping Donald, and you wanna preen all over Ivana, her dress must be a famous fashion collection covered with an expensive jewel.

For me, I have always wanted a dress that accentuates my features. Mother once said I looked good in pale colors, but brides are often told by a church to wear white. I do not like this because white is a color churches talk about that supposedly frees the viewer of sin, or is free of a sinful black. But unfortunately, I see white as not only a mocking color for me as a bride, but it is a mournful symbol in some Asian countries, and it stains too easily anyhow. Ask some people who have worn white T shirts before.

Not sure what to do with bouquet of flowers. But I will say this, no way am I doing a flower toss to the single ladies because of a thing that openly happens in Denver’s immigrant communities and in other places around the world. I want to honor brides who really didn’t want to be married, didn’t have a choice. I was originally going to do a bonfire, but if we hold a spring or March or cool temp event, no way will I do a bonfire. We also do not have support to the point where we can find a venue. I wish people would just give a damn so we can do it right, and get it right.

The next huge expenses were cutting out. No cake or photos, guests and crew. Sorry, the cake would probably aggravate some people’s cleft palates and diabetics won’t eat it. It would have been a three teered cake, but again, I’m wanting inclusion of all guests and party peoples. I will also cut photographer expenses because both of us are blind and can’t see photos. There are much cheaper ways to do photographs these days. Someone we know personally could take a video. If there’s someone who is willing to do a photo shoot for Kahili and me, please tell us about your experiences and stuff.

Now, budgetting this event is going to be a challenge, and realistically it will have to be four figures. I don’t want a little ramshackle paper signing at some dull and lifeless courtroom. What will that really say about our relationship? We’ve weathered enough harm and hardship. I’ve dealt with stuff that ran the gamut from no food, rotten and dangerously sick food, pitiful comments regarding my ability to obtain food, nasty stuff about me and Kahili, and downright austerity toward us from a church I once called home. The austere reaction we got was something like this: the associate pastor in training, Anthony (Tony) Walsh, a longtime minister who is so decorated I can’t count the stars and garters, and Mr. Keith Daukas, both met with me concerning a number of things, including Baptism. I explained what happened with Kahili’s mom at the time, the family dispute having probably blown over by now, but love being bigger than money, Kahili’s mom cannot change his mind about the marriage. We’re not waiting for the mother to die so we can have a wedding. By then, we’d be too old and weak for a family, probably too old and weak to continue doing the great work we’re going to do. Marriage is in the design of the human race by the Lord God, but the way Walsh brought the situation up, he was talking like a person who uses spiritual gexts to manipulate the situation in question. His Bible references were totally off, and I was highly offended because Walsh and Daukas made the book of proverbs seem like a book that had one clear message: don’t touch a hooker. Am I a hooker?

Walsh’s words when he spoke the sacred mockery of my sudden situational overload were these: “I have a conviction from the Lord saying you will not be with this man for long. You should not be living together before marriage.” Well, Walsh does not realize that for one, marriage ends too quickly. My parents do not know when to stop imposing their beliefs on me, and Walsh’s “conviction” only spells out disaster for the church, and I’m not saying only Sovereign Grace Ministries, on whose shoulders the book rests. Kahili says he won’t look at the ancient book, but the Biblicality of marriage suggests a few things: the man is the head of the family and a wife must submit; a man shall leave his mother and be joined with his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. First, the head of anything, whether it be a group, business, or family should never under any circumstances be a male at all. Though Kahili is male, he has a personality unlike any other. He’s kinder to women than most.

Also, when Walsh and Daukas commented frequently about the sacredness of sex and marriage, I wanted to personally pulverize every written page of the bibles they might have had sitting in front of them. Thinking back, I should have. For one, God and the Bible do not fit in the government’s perspective on marriage. SSI will be affected, and even after trying to tell Nathan, a friend I had there, that I was not happy with the way the church treated Kahili, he didn’t care. All he cared about were the inky black and white letters of a book, though both in Print and other formats, does not speak to someone effectively enough about how to deal with disability, being treated like trash, and not being given positive media attention.

Walsh and Daukas have since not been called or contacted, and Kahili and I cannot go to this church. Grace Community Church and its subsidiaries around the nation refuses to grant membership to someone like Kahili because of a perceived sin. Sex with contraceptives cannot be classified as such if a lady has a medical reason, or in our case, the couple cannot waste finances on spoiled rotten kids. I want my children to have a better chance of toppling the country than this, and a church that refuses membership in any group or body of believers is asking for the wrath of their God. Someone once told me, “I love Christ, but I don’t like your Christians.” This applies here.

I’d like to inform you all that Kahili and I will be receiving in the future some counseling so we can be prepared for the possibility ahead of us. We’ve got the boat, but since we are blind and have no supports due to disability and hardships and a church who probably spreads lies about modern relationships by blasting the people with the book, we need a good guide. This boat is rocking too much, and Kahili can do nothing almost to hold it up. A counselor might be associated with the concept of a whitewater raft guide. I went on the rapids, and that’s what life is. Rapids are all over the place, but sometimes you do need a good helpful guide to get the boat over the rushing water called the difficulties we’re facing now.

Without further adieu, I would like any positive ideas about our wedding site. Disclaimer: no negative commentary allowed or your comment will not be approved, and if it is approved, it will sit for a short time.

Thank yo8u all for reading.

P.S. It’s time for me to just say it. Someone revealed Kahili’s identity on this blog by accident, but someone else tried to smear it. My big fan Kyle Cogan is deeply apologetic if mistakes are made, but this is important. Kahili is the nickname I gave a Trenton Matthews, and those who know him should know the guy is a sweetheart. I had to use his real name in that link due to legitimacy. Please visit the site and offer only constructive and positive stuff and offer ideas.

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

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