A Modest Proposal As Inspired by Jonathan Swift

The Irish writer Jonathan Swift wrote a very funny satirical piece in which he proposed the selling and distribution of infant flesh to the rich diners. He was pretty explicit about the parts of the person that are the best, and when roasted, how the thing would taste. For some reason, with the Irish rivalry of Catholic and Protestant came this proposal, which was mainly aimed at Catholic women who kept having kids. Well, I find that ridiculous at any rate, but I have a proposal for dealing with people like the Fake Blog Guy, the man who keeps commenting nasty stuff about Kahili and me. Here’s how the proposal would work:

The premise I base this proposal on is pretty straightforward. I find it hilarious that nobody seems to know how to behave, and bad behavior in elementary school leads oftentimes to a criminal record, stuff like rape and theft are common. I knew a fellow named Brothers, who was a big fat bully and always picked on me and other people. He got me into trouble in the fourth grade, and as a result of his prowess in bad behavior, Brothers has probably been to jail multiple times, has been on parole, and has probably violated parole a billion times. Do you guys want to do the math on how much the chemicals for lethal executions cost? nobody will support this, but I do believe this new method might be viable for one reason: the subjects of this proposal are convicted felons, constantly violent parolees, criminals, people who don’t get it. This is another thing.

I find it stupid that people who kill and think violent thoughts are allowed to go about living on this planet and yet we have starving kids, starving parents, starving people who could benefit from further food assistance.

Most of the time, the radical Muslim population being among the worst of the worst, like that shooter in Orlando, they are not brought in to a tough enough position. First of all, I think the best thing to do with guys like these is … getting closer.

The justice system would have to be modified to accommodate the proposal. This is how it should be:

For those who are convicted of the following crimes, they should be slaughtered humanely and processed into ground meats and other things, and you heard me right. First of all, it is said that conspecific flesh is so good for animals who eat it. Consider the snake who eats a defective or dud egg. The mother snake will swallow a dead baby in her mouth that has not been able to hatch, and she can still maintain her health and wellness. Now, consider our race. We have starving kids in the Congo, starving kids here as well in America, kids who really need food to eat. Why not give the kids more volumes of the meat I am suggesting? Convicts like the ones who commit serious crime are not exactly going to be missed, so … why not reuse the flesh so that it is recycled yet again in the soil of our planet?

In order for the people to be eligible, they must be male, 26 years old or older, and have committed three of the following types of crime three times in consecutive months or years or whatever: rape; grand theft; murder; cyber related bullying or crime; sexual assault on minors; whatever child molestation is called in the United States territory or state you’re in; child abuse; dependent adult abuse; nursing home or elder abuse; tax fraud; tax evasion; or consipiracy to comit any of the above crimes. Imagine all the figures after having slaughtered at least a six hundred pound convict and feeding his conspecific meat to the weary human race who really needs it. We wouldn’t have as many starving people, and there wouldn’t be so much as a hint that a family is starving. Thieves would be discouraged if they knew they’d be eaten by innocent people, including their victims. Might I add that this might deter identity thieves?

There is only one way I would like to see this administered. I would consider the criminals in the death chamber. All you would want the executioners to do is simply lift the hilt of the dagger up and … bang. The dagger would quickly slit the person just the way the Hasidim do when they’re slaughtering cattle. I would like to see the convicts either get this or death by a stun gun like the conventional cattle and other livestock would get.

While I know some of you might think this is crazy, I do have my reservations about such a proposal. First of all, eating a family member would be illegal for all people. I know it sounds weird to do this, but the only people who would be actually slaughtered are the ones who follow the likes of Omar Mateen and other criminal tresspassers, shooters, cyberbullies, and people who commit harassment and are adjudicated, so eating innocent people would not be allowed. We would with this proposal in place be able to really amp up our justice system. Perhaps it would make judges a bit more leary of prescribing death to any criminals. I know that almost nobody would think this a good idea. However, if we really think about it, punishing a bad guy whose brain was useless and moronic and who could have performed a demonic chore of slaughtering innocents would greatly increase the distribution volume of food for the poor. If you’d like to make a comment, please use a legitimate email address and Facebook or Twitter. Please do not use profanity or obscenities when making your comment. If on WordPress alone, your comment must be that of a signed in Word Press user or else you may use Facebook or Twitter to comment.

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

2 thoughts on “A Modest Proposal As Inspired by Jonathan Swift”

  1. well to put it bluntly, the legal system in Australia is a bloody joke people who commit 1 punch attacks or who commit rape and other such crimes should never be allowed out on bail or released into the community on parole and as for sex offenders and paedophiles they should not even be allowed out of jail if their risk of reoffending is too high. I heard on the news a couple of nights ago that a notorious paedophile who was allowed to go out to an unnamed shopping centre was being encouraged by his supervisor to test his responses to comments about how attractive young girls were so even the supervisors of these sex offenders and paedophiles are also encouraging this behaviour.


  2. Oh my God, you gotta be kidding, right? I believe the justice system in England can be a joke too. The U.S. prides itself with such a really good system, but we’ve had black folk get killed like … Troy Davis. He was killed unlawfully by the state of Georgia. I wouldn’t really want death to be the penalty for Davis, but …


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