So, What About Arranged Marriages?: What Benefits and Drawbacks?

As we approach wedding season, June being wedding season for some and May being for others, I’d like to briefly but candidly point to some things parents should know about forced arranged marriages versus compatible marriages versus love marriages.
First of all, let’s look at our culture. We are experiencing a real crisis when it comes to the meaning of commitment, love, and loyalty, three essentials to a strong marriage. In America, it used to be that you were so committed when you were married, and it was long understood that divorce was not an option. Today, with the advent of online dating, the increased understanding of domestic abuse, and increased understanding of mental consequences of this abuse, divorce has risen up by 50%. In American society, marriage should be something wanted by both parties, but a woman should look for signs that her man is not Mr. Right. Among these signs is possessive behavior, inability to treat his female family correctly and with respect–and there is a right way to treat a female family member or nonmember–and these signs may leave a woman wondering why she married the bastard in the first place.
In American culture, marriage is viewed as a pure sexual license, subject to being called a “social contract.” Well, it isn’t. God designed marriage for loving couples, same gender or otherwise. I don’t care what church anyone belongs to. I have same gender lover friends who are perfectly able to love, period. The nonacceptance of same-gender loving couples is paramount in American society and in particular, in evangelical circles. Hence, I do not wish to be associated with the nonacceptance of people at all, and there is a lot of it in these places. Flatirons Church of Boulder recently came under fire for barring a transgender woman from women’s events. This shows nonacceptance. I don’t care how and what view you have of God’s children. God obviously made that lady a man, but she wasn’t happy. God gave her the ability to transfer all that to a female body, so two words for that church: shut up … let her be a lady I say. She could also get all the good stuff that comes with an American wedding, including a dress.
In a culture like that of India, however, marriage is about a few things: taking care of one’s daughter. The daughter must bring a dowry, this including jewelry, money, a good family and other items of desire for the groom’s family. Arranged marriages can sometimes but more often be a breeding ground for abuse and throwing a bride into a state of helplessness. Arranged marriage comes in two different flavors: mutually arranged marriage, which is about something of love and a contract as well; or forced marriage, which is more often the choice of rural parents who are so desperate to feed the family. A forced marriage then takes on a dangerous trend, child marriage, which includes a child bride that may or may not be raped to the point of pregnancy and diseases far worse than the mind can comprehend forever such as AIDS.
A child bride is usually eleven years old at the youngest, but I’ve seen it happen where a five-year-old marries. For more on child marriage in Yemen, I’d look at Nujood Ali’s book, I am Nujood, age ten and Divorced. Nujood was forced to marry a man three times her age, and she was only nine. In Yemen, there is a very perverted proverb, “If you want good luck, marry a nine-year-old girl.” Well, oftentimes the men who marry such girls lie to the bride’s family’s face and touch her even if she is a little child. A child’s reproductive organs are not developed, so raping her isn’t going to help matters. Usually, such a bride is sold for this or that much currency and then, she is bound by sexual desire of her husband.
Parents, with the advent of the Internet, arranged marriages become more dangerous. It is obvious that the arranged marriages on Punjabi Nuptials and other sites may not be a good idea. Who exactly are you marrying your daughter or son to? Did your community’s matchmaker, gataka, or whatever actually approve of a good person or just a username? While we’re all tempted to think we are taking care of our daughter when we marry her to someone, we have to remember that she is her own person, and she will balk if we act in a way that she doesn’t like. Breaking her spirit by abusing her sexually whether by way of your own body or the body of her husband is not a good idea. If you are able to access the Internet and you are in a culture like this, I’d remember that marriage doesn’t always then bring love. Love brings marriage in this global society. Kahili’s marriage to me would be out of love, and trust me, we love each other. … That’s all I can say for now.
Beth

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

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