Social Security is Social Indignity for the Physically Handicapped and Disabled Americans

Dear Readers,
Kahili and I are having problems a lot with people not supporting us. We’re also not surprised by the U.S. government supporting more money for the church’s so called sinful relationships outside the context of marriage. I’m sorry, but I cannot fathom what God had in mind for Kahili and I. But the convictions as stated by John Divine, one of the Pastoral staff at Grace Community Church (name has been changed to protect privacy) was that I could not live with Kahili. But his mother, Amadi, (name has been changed to protect privacy), decided to throw him out. In my view, she forced a rush in our relations. Kahili and I are both aware of one looming penalty, however.
We realize that SSI checks aren’t everything. We want to earn. And work. However, Kahili and I need an opportunity to put our good work ethic on. What we see in the disabled community bothers me most.
Amadi is a data entry clerk with temporary career prospects popping up right and left, but Kahili does not have that opportunity and nor do I. We both face a 70% likelihood of lifetime rejection and unemployment. What churches don’t realize is that it may “cost” to be a “Disciple of Christ”, but what Christ they worship isn’t the true Christ in the Bible.
Jesus in the Bible forgave sinners, not convicted them necessarily. My friend Britney (name has been changed to protect privacy) has told me that even in the beginning of our friendship, she cared about me. Honestly, Britney is stating a big box of bullshit about something that a lot of others do. The churchpeople I have seen for the past few years are too perfect, both in body and in some soul aspects. I’m not worthy of Baptism according to them, and Kahili gets stoned for even making a home with me, and outside the context of marriage. When I marry him, he is going to lose some and so will I. Deemed spousal income is hard to calculate. But we need all the support we can get.
We ask that you readers consider this as a rhetorical, thought-provoking question. What if we GAVE to disabled couples who truly wanted to be together? We should reward the blind couple who’s been told they can never marry, but they do it anyway. We should celebrate marriage, a covenant with God that never should end. We should celebrate love, not sex and the girl’s pussy meeting boy’s dick in song and story. We should ring the bells, sound the pipes and drums of wedding regalia. We should always be festive when a real wedding is held. We should give more money of course because children cost and we know it.
So you might be asking, but Beth, your Highness, your Royal Majesty, what on Earth is the benefit? Well, think about it. Children in poverty are not given opportunities to learn a trade or special skill. Kahili and I would pay handsomely for our baby’s formula, then move on to pay for something a child likes. Our daughter or son would be able to know how to play the piano, and we’d pay for professional lesson at a discounted cost if possible. Kahili’s daughter or son would also be able to get a sportsman uniform at a low cost if we were given a “marriage grant” as it were. I would have an application process, and it would vary from family to family who gets what.
For instance, a blind couple in their twenties would get free parenting classes, $4000 per month to get a house and we’d have to give said blind couple free access to a loan or the opportunity to sign up for a home equity loan so they can get a down payment on a comfortable home. This would decrease the chances of the children of said couple being taken away from the parents, and if we as a country truly care about our children, we need to keep the strongest families together. I bet you buttheads in the church who think I’m not capable of bringing a child into the world that yes, I can raise a Midori or Einstein or Leonard Bernstein. Do you bastards get it? I”m talking to the dirty politicians in Washington who are sitting pretty in a mansion and not thinking that we blind couples wanting marriage are stoned, judged, and hurt. We’re at the bottom of the bottom of the pot of your stupid little lives. So here’s what else we should do: add about a couple thousand bucks per child born. The initial $4000 marriage grant would get a blind couple out of the badly in need of HUD category, and put us in the good stuff. Children will need a comfortable and safe place to play and run. I would smile happily as Kahili and I sit by and watch the kids (prospective ones mind you) play around in the backyard. We’d have them a dog, a golden one with a big fluffy tail. How many disabled adults are actually thinking carefully about what should be done?
It’s not that the blind are owed things, but we need safer and better housing. One of my greatest friends, a guy named Ben Reed (name has been changed), was recently forced to sign away his five or so children by a previous wife. Reed told me he had no choice because of social services taking away his family. He can’t even leave his home state. I’m upset that anyone would do something to any blind father. Reed’s home state abused their powers to abuse him and say, “We’ve got the kids.” This is also a common abuse tactic with disabled divorcees and I’m not one to leave Kahili.
Readers, I’m sorry I went off on a rage, but please take what I say into consideration. A marriage “grant” instead of the current penalty would make children safer, the disabled become better parents, and would allow the church to stop judging us so much.
Thank you all.
From Beth and Kahili

Who is God?

So readers, if you’re a churchgoing person, read carefully. If you’re blind, read carefully. If you have SSI and have a relationship you wish to fulfill, read even more carefully. If you’re all three of those things, then read on.
I got back from Grace Community Church, where I spoke to associate pastors about what was up. I was told not to do Behold Our God devo groups. Fine, fine and dandy. But then what? Sadly, my boyfriend, Kahili, had an empathic attack when we got back to my place. He literally balled his eyes out, and rivers of salty tears poured out. The church pastors tried to reason with me about the not living with the boyfriend scenario. But again, since guardianship has damaged any and all opportunity to marry and live a regular mundane life at all, I’m seriously trying to shut them up. If they poke and pry, I’ll just have to say no. Of course, we have decided as a couple that this church may find itself not in line with the philosophy of helping others. With a complicated membership system, the church is asking that you fill out a multipage application to be a member. You must attend Gospel Centered Life Care Groups, and all that, only to find that you have to even meet with the pastor or the pastor and his wife. Then, you must take a Focus seminar. This church seriously does not believe in accepting gays and lesbians, does not even know where to start with acceptance of disabled people. Yes, I have two blind friends at this church, but there’s a problem. If Kahili wasn’t with me at the moment, he’d be sucked dry each month and not able to date me at all. We’re seriously going to leave it up to the both of us, and I say this church may be wrong. For one, the new associate pastor just added to this church’s staff said that there is a conviction that Kahili and I should not live together. Sadly, we are not going to line up with folks who do the foolish thing of thinking that we disabled adults must remain pure and dependent. I’d rather be impure and independent. That’s all. I’d rather we be able to do what we wish, take risks in life, then have to hurt even further. Kahili and I love each other to death, but we do see a need for counseling. The only thing is that counseling may cost us. So what if being a disciple of Christ costs? Well, it’ll cost me all the things a mundane Christian life entails. What is the trade off and opportunity cost? Let’s see, the trade off is don’t live with Kahili and risk being alone and attacked mentally, not have someone to hold me or talk with me during a real crisis. As a mental health system is failing all over the nation, I can’t afford to lose my sanity. The biggest cost would be ever knowing Kahili again. The cost of staying a member of this church is clear: I will be judged, Kahili will have more empathic attacks. God is watching us from a distance as Bet Middler would sing. However, my kind of God is this one:
God in my view is someone who doesn’t give a hoot about politics. Obviously, you shouldn’t do things wrong. God has a moral guiding light around him, something that not all things have. The one true Yahweh who led the Israelites from Egypt is indeed a jealous God who never gives up. But there’s something clear about the God I speak of: Yahweh knows my heart and knows what crises I’ve been through. I’ve been through enough crap. Kahili is the one I want to live with because God knows the irate females I’ve dealt with are no good. Too many females I’ve lived with up and left. I’m done. Done.
Who is the God that this church worships? Well, all of the things I spoke of are correct, except that their God is the God of dependence and purity, self loathing, absolute obedience. I will never hear of this God nor can I. Yes, there’s a certain level of obedience to God I can take. But due to mental health triggers and emotional issues regarding how I am to live my life, I’m as of right now taking the church to some level of accountability. This church, a church I valued for so long, a source of friendships and fellowships and all that, is not the church I wish to attend any longer than I should. This church endorses Republican politics which, given my circumstances, is disrespectful and offensive to the disabled community. My Kahili and I are both blind and Kahili has mild CP in his legs, one being shorter than the other. His balance, therefore is weird. He also may veer into oncoming traffic. No church will accept a blind and mentally ill or blind and physically ailing couple. We’re in a rock and a hard place. However, the pastoral staff at the Sovereign Grace church I attended for a while actually won’t listen. They’ll never even look at Kahili’s face when they even see what is happening. I’ll have to explain his empathic attack he had was a direct result of how not only I was feeling offended by that verse in Proverbs but also the way the judgment went down. God doesn’t care as much about the disabled in their minds, but as a disabled woman, I am not able to obtain friends. I’ve been pained and shamed one too many times. God is love, and all who live in love live in God. Caring for someone should never result in an empathic attack like that exhibited by Kahili. He was literally balling so hard. He ran right into my garbage can. We’re seriously going to need to rethink the whole Baptism thing, and I may have to be Baptized somewhere else. We’re both concerned about checking out other churches for fear of unaccepting people. First Mennonite church is the only one close here. So we were also thinking Christ Our Redeemer African Methodist Episcopal church. Kahili played drums at a former congregation in a Denver AME church before. So I wanted to go with what we could do. The problem with a lot of these Christian assemblies is that they don’t approve of living with a significant other, and in our case, it’s a lot more complicated.
We beg you, Denver based readers and others, to please consider coming and helping us out. Kahili and his empathic attacks are a clear sign that I can’t leave him alone. I still think church would be a great option to meet others in the community of Denver itself, but I don’t think there could be any closer churches than Grace that will accept a blind person. Selena is a friend who attends the church. I may simply have to explain. She may have to speak on my behalf to the pastoral staff and explain that the empathic attacks are important signs to check out. Kahili’s symptoms of emotional empathy are not bad things, but they are good signs that he can be deeply connected to someone. Right now, he lies asleep in my bed. I live currently in a studio, about to upgrade two times over to a two bedroom. So there you go.
Anyhow, the God these evangelical churches believe in is a God that does not care about rape survivors, rape victims, and teenagers molested by their families. Babies come first. Not even the mothers’ bodies are valued. Kahili values my body as anything else. I plan to get birth control so we don’t conceive early on in the relationship. We want to do the responsible thing and go for it. Kahili’s mom is also willing to pop over to Old Chicago to hang with us. Anyhow, the other things wrong with evangelical version of Yahweh include the stealing of disabled adults’ finances when married, unaccepting the disabled adult’s desire not to live in a bad part of the city, not realizing that guardianship is antiquated. Since when did I need that? You all are lucky I blocked some folks on Facebook, that is for sure.
Readers, if you have any comments, please feel free to comment. We’d like to thank Frijolic14 for commenting diligently on later posts.

So Is Living with a Significant Other Before Marriage Really a Sin?

Dear Readers,
Recently, I was bashed and supported, loved and hated, rocked with the possibility of living with my boyfriend, Kahili. We wanted to wait six months, but his mom threw him out, so we decided well, it’s her bed, she should lie in it. So Kahili is here now, and we’re looking forward to the new place. We’re literally in overdrive and excitement is building as far as what budget we should put together, painting a picture of our place. Kahili and I both have ideas about what the place would look like, what we’d do, but there are some people who just don’t think we should live together because, being the ultraconservative Christian folks they are, they believe we will have babies outside of marriage. Well? Kahili and myself are both the following: unemployed, blind, and on disability. We are both aware of the combined income and budget issues. We’re both very aware of a lot of things, including that my parents have stolen marriage from me so they could have guardianship. Their so called permanent guardianship has made all dating and living arrangements a so called sin, and … well, Kahili doesn’t feel that this is right nor proper.
Let’s be clear: Bible stories are great teaching tools. However, there is no justification for bashing folks who live together outside marriage. Let’s also make another thing clear: because of our disability, blindness, and other associated disabilities such as a mild case of cerebral palsy and for me, mild mental trauma disorders and border line personality, we cannot just wait a year or two and go buy a house or public housing or just go get a market based apartment. We just can’t. Given our checks, we also needed time, but thank God the two bed came up for us, so we’ll get it. However, Kahili’s mom used his check for her, almost all of it going to one big bill. I don’t think that’s right, and neither should anyone else justify this.
What’s sad is that my whole family thinks he should stay with his mother. Well? Respect or otherwise, the disabled community has a solid and God given right to make choices, and the Biblical standard for making choices has been totally steered the wrong way. Let’s talk about the Bible and its views and why it’s absolutely not in line with God’s true word to tell others what to do with their lives.
First and foremost, remember that women in Biblical days were promised, not just married, but promised to men who were ten times older than they were. Mary was given to Joseph in a pledge when they were kiddos, about eight years old. Well, Mary had to go through with a ceremony at fifteen or so and maybe even younger. Pure young maidens were married off at such a young and pliant age that they knew nothing. That was the rule in ancient times. What’s obvious about the Bible’s female characters is that none were blind and none possessed talents or skills like music and or poetry. Men and women who were blind were bashed and criticized in the early church because they were feared, and blindness was considered contagious. Very contagious diseases could cause blindness.
Blind people were considered indigent and still are in most places. How do you expect a blind person to marry, one might ask. No maiden in the Bible’s stories’ time frames were ever married. No young maiden of blind kind could ever be allowed to take part in household and social life. Think about it. We’re not justifying any bad things, but look at where the reasoning for bashing and nonsupport comes from. There is no justification for telling blind folks what to do. Kahili and I are excited about the new place. I plan to do responsible things, things like the use of birth control and no, not an IUD. I’m not getting surgery to prevent pregnancy. Kahili and I eventually do want to marry, but true legal marriage is closed to me because my parents are as stupid as play dough and they’ve obtained the guardianship for their own personal gain. My parents, shockingly enough, have not filed paperwork in four years. Of course, they won’t surrender peacefully. They want to hold on, smother, protect. But that’s not stopping Kahili from wanting to marry me. We’ve even talked about common law marriage, and it seems that is the only way we can go for now since the way the government views us is stupid. We lose income for legal marriage.
We believe the government should increase, not decrease, income for legal marriages involving two parties with disabilities. We would qualify for better housing so the kids can grow up safely. At least we live like right by a school. However, we really need to be able to save up for furnishings. With a legal marriage, it becomes a barrier for us. This is ridiculous. A penalty for being married is unacceptable. Why not reform disability pensions so that all pensioners like that in Australia and the United States do not lose one penny even after they get married. Let’s make legal marriage more acceptable, but also more rewarding. Living in a state of so called sin is not sin at all provided there is the circumstances listed here. Thank you all for your reading and consideration.

Moving to a New Place, New Chapter, No Way!

Hello, readers. It has become apparent that my little shack is about to get waaaaaaay bigger. Altogether, I’m pleased with myself. My boyfriend … yes, I got a new one, he and I decided on a whim because of his mother throwing him out of her abode, we’re moving into a two bedroom that became available and I’ll be so happy. My boyfriend, a young man who is African American and plays a drum, yes, he’s a drummer, is probably the best I’ve ever had. We swore we wouldn’t leave each other. So we decided to take the two bedroom. Kahili is a real cute thing with the hottest looking feet in the world. He’s a total sweetheart. For the sake of blogging, I won’t reveal Kahili’s identity here. But some of you may know him as a native of Denver, and he and I have totally gotten together and bonded pretty quickly. Yes, it might have been too early to move in, but think about it. His mother is simply going to have to let go. This isn’t so much about exploitation of disabled adults, but the woman in question should know that Kahili wants to be with me, live on his own, be a man for a change. We will be talking with the mother very soon on Sunday. We would love to do this as it would be great and awesome. Maybe the two can make peace. At least enough so she understands that when you make such a grave choice and throw a man out of the house, you get what you get. At least the law doesn’t have to be involved. We were both worried about small claims and other stuff, but if the lady cooperates with us, we’ll have some to pay off my bills. I’ve literally drained my bank account trying to make it so we can be fed. Some foods we could not obtain due to lack of transport to the store and lack of assistance finding foods in the store. We also needed help with laundering but food and laundry matting were in conflict. Luckily, the mother was asked to bring the drum case. I was worried I’d have to bring a drum case or buy one. But now, my bank is drained. Drained to the point of insufficient funds. It just keeps bouncing. And with a man like Kahili to support me, it’ll be wonderful. We can at least have more headspace in the budget.

Help for a Couple In Need of a Home and How Our Government Is Cheating Us Both

Hello readers, this is normally not my place to beg for charity. But it is not something we can do ourselves, and that is find our own one bedroom apartment. Yes, I have a boyfriend. Yes, he is living with me now, and we’re sticking together. He and I are sticking it out in the long run. But there’s a problem: we’re both blind. He’s also black, so with the recent police incidents involving African American youth and adults who are male, I must act. So here, fellow blog readers, is a link to a GoFundMe campaign that I did not know I could add. This is for our initial home fund. Please donate.