I would like to start the year end review by apologizing for the hurt and problems I might have brought to anyone mentioned in the posts dated 2015. The last quarter of the year has been a doozy. A major doozy of a year for me indeed it was. In each of the twelve things below, I will highlight what happened that month.
January’s winds might have been cold, but warmth and love was felt throughout. I was able to hang around with my church friends, but little did I know that a storm was brewing, and I was the center of it.
February was fine, the winds dying down. But the wind in this month as far as emotions has been harder on me than average. My pc began to show signs it needed to be put into retirement. Who cares! It’s Dell Tech Support.
March came and went the same, like a lion or a lamb. I had been doing things with Voc Rehab, and I will never do things with them again due to use of low quality professional evaluators against an American Muslim convert. I began thinking about filing complaints against Dr. D., the psychologist. Because there was a complaint against him, his identity will be kept private.
April, this blog became a storm for some of our readers. Particularly one family that has since made me into the center of controversy, and resulting in stuf that happened months later.
May, the two years since I was dating my best friend came and went with little pomp or pageantry, but only us and God knew. AS if it were any special occasion at all.
June, as it were, became a lonely summer month. I could have visited my then boyfriend, but because of misinterpreted wording in this blog, it was a closed door.
July: The fireworks went off, no pomp there, and of course, I fell into a deep depression, having not been able to visit the love that I truly loved. I can no longer speak his name in any form of writing. Awful.
August: Could have planned a visit, but I never even saw a birthday card. The promises were broken.
September: While the leaves changed to pretty colors outside my window, and while my blind eyes never saw them, my best friend was pushed slowly away. I cannot tell you how it hurt when he broke up with me the first time.
October was a cold and stoney month for me. The man I had dated for two-and-a-half years finally said goodbye to the love he could have had, my life was wasted away as it were. I ended up in the psychiatric ER with constant unsupportive comments from this person’s family, all of whom will not be identified here. Of course, I am responsible perhaps solely for this breakup. In radio news, the Denver Delights was officially defunct and I tried a new experimental venture, the Royal Flush, but it was under a producer who tried removing me from the station. Twice. I was not able to deal and the funny thing was that the station’s server administrator stood his ground and had me reinstated wice again.
November: It became apparent that the broken up relationship was no good sign. A new girl took my place, and I was given the rudest awakening, people ended up talking rudely about me and my friendship with this guy. It was awful. Thanksgiving was particularly depressing, and I was told I CHOSE that depression, which is exceedingly invalidating for someone with mental health issues.
December was a time for miracles, positives, learning lessons, and reminders that God is always there, even in the hard times. For one, my personal vision for a radio station is coming slowly to life. Open Road Radio launched on December 11, but due to gossipping Gabbies talking badly about the management and the automation, complaining that there needs to be more “variety”, I lost several members of my team. One girl sent me a particularly hateful and painful DM on Twitter stating that she “hates” me and that I “divided the KJSC radio family.” I have some words for this statement: I do not take responsibility for any divisions in this house. Further on down in December, I decided enough was enough and went out of my building. It was a snowy night, the streets and sidewalks covered in snow as all Denver visitors and residents know well. I trudged through snow, and reached the Sam’s No. 3 Diner on 15th and Curtis Street right by the mall. It was so crowded, and by luck and … perhaps I thought it was God’s way of scratching a lottery ticket on my heart, I was seated beside a young man called Joey and … well, here’s the rest.
Joey is a young blind guy who was firmly grasped in Federationist stuff. The thing is, I don’t know what happened that night that could possibly have led him to say he fell for me instantly. I and he both needed hugs, so while we were outside the diner, I sat there and texted him. Well, I just felt something pull me to him. I could not for the life of me stand all the hurt, fear, and hate. I was done. One online acquaintance who I’d rather not mention decided to team up with one of the radio network DJ’s to compete purposely with me and steal my listener base, which I swore I would never let happen. Also, because of the problems surrounding the online blind drama crap, I have decided that we’re going to need support. Listener support is vital for Open Road Radio. But the biggest thing I am asking is forgiveness on all sides, what from my former boyfriend’s family, the new girl who took my place, and all others who think it funny that I am not a loving or caring person at all.
To top off this month, I was removed unfairly from a mental health group because of allegations of harassing a girl on all hours of the night. It was never backed up with data and log files as I requested. Then, sadly, I lost a dear friend who I wish not to name here because she thinks I’m not for her liking or something.
I almost cried telling Joey about all this stuff, and he just told it like it was, do not be afraid, do not worry. I just hate to be the one to put the world on this young man’s shoulders.
As many of you on Facebook know, we decided to take it slow, but we’re official. We love all the supportive commentary we’re getting, and we will support all of the friends who liked and viewed the life event. We’re sorry we can’t thank each and every one of our supporters and friends and family. We want you all to know we care deeply about you all.
Today I’m thinking about this year, the miracles I’ve witnessed again and again. My former love has told me again and again he’d be friends with me. And that’s fine. I just can’t tell you all what pain it is to feel that others tear at me like knives, but I know since Joey is going to relocate here to Denver, we will have no problems dating and making it happen between us. I may have been one thing or another, but I need physical relationships, better opportunities to have intimate time, which does not include sex, but can be broadened to include the powerful hugs and kisses factor. A love without those things is not love at all. I remember countless times when my attempt to reach out and say “I love you” to people was met with no appropriate reciprocal response, thus I began to lose myself in depression. I want to apologize again for those who felt hurt by me, but let me say this once and only once: I do not hurt others. I have no intntion of hurting anyone. Open Road Radio variety is great, but let me say I personally hate One Direction and Bieber. Any low quality bands will not be played. Period. If the track doesn’t catch the liking of enough audiences, then it cannot be played.
Also, DJ Starlight’s Christmas Madness was awesome. And to top things off, Open Road will combat gossipping Gabby with this approach:
- If one has a problem with a radio personality on the show, I will ask that they go directly to that person and email them privately. IF there is a general problem with station staff members, you may then write it in a public way, but all things will now be a written thing. I refuse to lose members of my team because of gossip or drama. It will not be tolerated.
May you all have a safe and happy New Year. And one thing, Joey, I love you.