Since the dawn of time and human records, we have had questions about love, life, and how to do things. Cave paintings depict us making food, the women putting the camp together, men shooting bows and arrows and bringing back the kill for the woman they love, but one thing that organized religions and today’s modern society struggles with is the definition of true “purity.” Nobody talks about male purity, but there is so much talk about women’s purity, and this is sadly a very divisive issue.
Disclaimer: Any names in this post have been changed to keep victims of assault or any current online figures private for legal reasons.
Recently I was wrongfully judged for having had “illicit sex outside the context of marriage.” Excuse my French, but that’s the very act that got me put on this earth. My mother, in all the stuff she has been through, will still to this day not tell me the name of the asshole who did what he did to put me on this very planet. I wonder to myself, was she at a college party? Did the dude slip something in her drink? This could be possible even then because this is now so commonplace on campuses, but women hate that. Should we ban parties? No. But we as a society tend to judge females for an act that either they did because they did not like what place they had in their families or it wasn’t their fault. In the latter, rape is not the woman’s fault, and if something is slipped into a lady’s drink, especially a blind lady’s drink, a man would have supposed license to rape and assault her. Men will do anything to mess up women’s lives. Either that or the general outlook is to “get some” as the street talk says. The truth of the matter is that such a thing is disrespectful to a woman. Since women are the carriers of children, there is no place in this current world for men and boys to be exempt from being good to mothers, sisters, friends and aunts, cousins, etc all female. My family has suffered this fate, not only with Mom, but my aunt. My cousin was sadly assaulted by a man my aunt mistakenly said would be the girl’s father. My cousin and aunt were both innocent and defenseless women at some stage: cousin was only six, and the aunt was in some years pregnant with other kids. This appalls me that some families are like this.
My aunt probably never could love herself after a huge public divorce ensued between her and the man who was supposed to be the kids’ father. My aunt later dated a man she loved, but then he killed himself. Today, my aunt faces huge challenges as a woman with children and mental illness combined. I love my aunt, and because of this, I’m keeping her name off this blog post, and private as well.
The woman guilty of judgment about my “purity” should check out a book I’m about to name by a fame feminist scholar, Jessica Valentin. It’s entitled “The Purity Myth”, and it literally reels out the history of the worth women were given according to the males in their lives, particularly also if their hymen was intact at ancient times. In Biblical times, if a virgin (defined as a female with a hymen intact) wanted to marry a man, parents had to make sure she was worth her weight in gold, particularly if her hymen was intact. That was how you could tell if she had sex back then. Before Jesus came, prostitutes were prostitutes, and the customers of said prostitutes were not judged because they were male. When Jesus arrived on scene and about thirty years later, he forgave an adulterer in his famous phrase, “Let those who have not sinned cast the first stone.” Guess what? Jesus was progressive in his view of women, and when he spoke that statement, that was his way to shut the crowds up. They realized they were wrong, and they left the woman and Jesus standing together. Jesus also said women were the model on which the church is built. He said the church was “his bride. Bride is applied to women.
Valentin would be pretty happy with Jesus’ progressive view of women for the time it was, a time wen the “purest maiden” was selected to marry at a very young age, fourteen. Mary was said to have been scared to carry God’s only son due to the worldview of women with babies outside of marriage. It is, however, God’s mystery.
Today, Jesus would be even more progressive. Valentin’s book shows us that women and men alike in church circles are guilty of judging those young girls and women who choose to or are forced to have sex outside marriage. What we know of Jesus’ life is that he respected his mom, Mary, and Mary was sinless in some Vatican documents. Jesus himself was angry at times, but I would justify his anger because the actions of the people were stupid. What were they thinking while the money changers sold things and livestock no less in what Jesus viewed as “the Father’s house?” Women could now be counted among the things people sold, and even today, Valentin writes about times where young girls and their fathers go to stuff called purity balls. What would Jesus say about this? Perhaps Valentin and Jesus would share the same view: it is a bad idea for any young girl, especially at six, to go to any sort of purity ball. I would say I’m against them. Valentin writes that her dad saw a video of a ball, and he said, in Valentin’s words, “That’s just fucking weird.” Again, just a quote from the book.
Jesus might be angry while standing in one of those government sponsored “virginity movement” balls. Just imagine if your little girl, those who are fathers, and you the daddy, go to a ball like this: you are dancing around a wooden cross. Then you and your daughter join a throng of other daddies and their special sugar pies and pledge that the daughter will “not have any sexual activity before marriage.” What good does that do if the girl is at the youngest age, six? I had no clue what sex was at six, so yeah, I wouldn’t go to said balls. Think of this: what if you, daddy, have to face a guy who rapes your daughter? Then what good is the virginity pledge? Why not look at your own lives for a second, males, and tell me if there’s anything wrong with what you currently see or saw in high school and middle school, and look around your workplaces. How many cohorts of yours have dared you, a male, to go do a woman outside of marriage? It doesn’t always appear this way. The male cohorts in your workplace might say, “C’mon, Man, you can be a man, you really want some pussy?” They might cajole you into walking in on a man raping a woman, then they might say, “Your turn, buddy.” What do you do? I know that a lot of men in my circle of churchgoing men, elders, reverends, associate pastors, etc. would not condone such behavior. If such actions involved any of the real men in my life, I would see the problem. Suppose John walks in on a party of a bunch of men and women. A guy called Scott sitting beside him says, “Oooh, look at that lady’s nipples. They are like so hot they are the size of silver dollars.” First thing that flies through Jon’s mind is the upbringing he might have, the things his sisters and mom taught him about women being respected and how to avoid this sort of thing. John then sees an unconscious girl on the floor being prepped for a rape, some guy pulls down her panties, but then John jumps up and kicks the would be rapist aside. This woman is out of it, disoriented. He takes the lady aside, puts her in his car, then drives her to his house, then puts her on the couch, then calls the law enforcement. He informs the police that there is a party at a location and a group of college buddies were preparing to rape an unconscious and disoriented female. John would state the address, just wait what happens next. There would be arrest warrants issued, but this does not happen enough.
The judgments that are handed down to rape victims are stunning. One young woman, Lucille, (name has been changed to protect privacy) said to me that people judge her because of others’ intrusion in her life. At ten, family members molested her, and for years after she was molested by the same male family members. I have known such people to be either superb and strong through said things, or they could fall into crisis and want to commit suicide.
Is a girl’s worth really about the tiny flip flap of skin between their legs? I say no. Jesus will never measure a girl’s worth that way. Who says that I, woman who is the center of controversy and ridicule on the Internet, am a dirty woman? This is not true, and if anyone says such things about me, they should be thinking about the consequences of defaming people’s character. My parents might have called me out on this, but to even discuss that in court to get rid of the current family guardianship in my view might render some defamation of character things. I might put that on the lawsuit tab. Currently, I think I’m going to use intent to abuse based on evidence in a forensics report, and I think it’s all about me. They intended not to guide, help, and steer, but the real truth was they did not want me to grow up. They wanted the perfect little girl, single, untouched, but then I was and still am playing catch up.
Whatever. But to tell the truth, I was and still sort of am playing catch up because I was emotionally and psychologically and verbally abused even after my eighteenthbirthday. Therefore, intent to abuse in those categories will be the bulk of the lawsuit and emancipation will be another part of it. I may also add damages, lost opportunity for employment, lost future and present wages, etc. They have no clue what hardship I have had due to college debt, monopolized services, and lost jobs I could have had. FSU’s accessibility barriers did not really help much, but another friend sued them so many times they now have to pay her and her boyfriend significant amounts of money. If I hear one word such as, “She will experiment sexually, and we’re afraid she’ll get STD’s and pregnant outside marriage which we will never give back”, I will stamp defamation of character and illicit evidence tampering into the suit, and I’ll ask for even more. I would like a gag order during a hearing so that the words about my sexual life are not spoken once. whether I did or didn’t, it’s nobody in my family’s business whether I did or did not. I have to tell doctors I work with, nurses who examine my pelvic area, etc., that my parents are not allowed my intimate history because of the danger of my character being defamed in the reports they put out. IS it my family’s business or anyone online or off line’s business? No. Nobody should put sexual details about any woman out in public, hence why I changed people’s names and used others as suppose things.
I digress. But if you want to know the truth, we are trying to force virginity on all young girls and women. Not all women are bad, and the bodies of women are not all sexually attractive. As for me, nobody on this interweb will have any reason to judge me. I thought I was over the things I did, but when I heard those things spoken about me, I had to sort of act in the same way as a wife would if a second wife gets between her and her husband. Let me say this: Christ is my husband. Nobody gets between me and Christ, and yes, the Bible is his love letter to me. I have seen it right in front of me, someone tried to give up on me three times, but then God’s light shined through and this man, whose name I won’t state here, decided to do what God has done for over two thousand years. The Bible is a story of God’s wish to give up, and the repeated pattern of God then realizing that one person, namely Moses, Jesus, and Hosea, three characters who either tried to stand in for a wayward soul, or in Jesus’ case, gave up his fleshly existence for all wayward souls. Who remembers Hosea’s plea for … was it Gomer? He pled with her to come back to him, and he said he’d still love her tenderly. How many guys do that? I’m sorry, but it’s I who saw both human instinct to give up and yet it was the same God who never gives up who showed this particular man how not to give up. He still gets defensive about another girl, but sadly, I don’t think she’ll understand that I could feel the whole thing unfold, even without looking at messages that said, I would advise you not to message me again. Okay, God said he would not join his people, but Moses, Hosea, and Jesus all never gave up, and we know that in Jesus’ case, he forgave and reconciled the very people who nailed him to that cross. He gave himself up because he never gave up on me, the guy next door, everybody. So guys and gals, let me just state that there is no place to tell me my love and relationships aren’t real, they never were not real. I always loved all the men I was with, so there went the judgments. Jesus said that if you cast the first stone, then you haven’t sinned. Guess what? I’m a broken woman, broken beyond repair, and God and Jesus are the only things that can fix this problem. They have paid my debt, at least Jesus has erased it on the cross. Thank you for being bored to death or enlightened. I am happy for anyone who read this.