Qualities of a Good Leader

Dear Readers,
I want to first give a correction or two to myself. Domestic violence, as my friend Jennifer said, does not only occur between married couples or just men to women. Yes, some of us women can’t hold down what we’re so mad about. Yes, even kids do this too. However, I do think that a domestic violence prevention class is in order for all married couples, both homosexual and heterosexual, preparing for marriage. I wouldn’t mind seeing that as a requirement in all churches, and men being required to, as the so called heads of families, listen as the qualities I’m about to name are exhibited or shown to them. Men sometimes don’t know how to lead a family or can’t for whatever reason. I’ll talk more about that later.
However, domestic violence prevention classes and trainings should indeed entail that all the married couples learn who’s at risk, what the facts and figures are, and so on. I’ll tell you who’s at risk: African American males are at risk because so many of them end up in prisons for one reason or another, including domestic violence; disabled kids are at risk of being abused victims; white women married to African Americans run the risk of being abused due to some men’s perceived enslavement of white women as being a good thing; some white men in extremist cults such as the one until recently operated by the notorious Warren Jeffs and group; parents and children in poverty have a significant risk of falling into the domestic violence’ grasp. Now, to do some of the class, I think the ones who are likely to be responsible would need to be taught the following qualities of a good head of family:
1. A good family head should listen to his family under people. He should look at what his people have. He needs to ask himself in all purchasing decisions: “Can my disabled kid use this?” Or he could ask, “Can I afford it AND will the disabled kids use it?” Or can this piece of equipment not get in the way of disabled guests and friends? Most of the time, accessible stuff is good for everybody, not just disabled kids and adults. We learned this in the NFB, and it really does make sense.
2. A good family head never hits his wife and children.
3. A good family head, if alcoholic or addicted to drugs, always goes to meetings about said addiction, and if need be, comes in with a relapse prevention plan. I’ve seen this firsthand.
4. A good family head does not put himself above every other person in his presence. For example, I made the tough decision not to be with a sighted man. Why? Because sighted men drive cars. Sighted men can buy things and get jobs, but a blind man doesn’t often have those things. Sighted men could use gender and disability to force his wife to do as he wants. Blake, time and time again, has proven that he is better than the sighted. Why? Because though he can’t drive a car out in the highways and without a license, he knows that the kind of location is important to me and him both. It helps that Blake is on the playing field with me in a sense of equality. We both are in terms of blindness equals, and because we are equal before the law and ourselves, Blake does not see that the pretty house is better than the practical house. However, sighted men may say, “This has all the beds and baths we need. I’m buying it.” Well, you need to figure out where things are, check out the bus service in that area, etc. I would never buy a house unless I knew it was in a location near my work site, had all the access things a kid or two needed, or guests in wheelchairs could come and mingle in the building. I would never walk a narrow street again. A good leader understands this, and I learned in girl scouting that a good leader listens to her folks being led by her decisions. I wish Hillary Clinton would be the better person in that thing with her weird husband Bill. Why is she sticking with a man who so claims he’s unfaithful to her? A good leader doesn’t put up with that. If I were President, Blake being the first Dude, I’d never let him out of the First Dude’s office. Not without telling me he flirted with girls, but if he started having affairs with other women, I would confront him first. Something like, “Why are you lying to me about this lady?” What if it were a Monica Lewinski lady? Someone blonde and worse yet, a white house intern? I’d be darned if I heard Blake tell me he hated me, that he’d rather be with some intern with blonde hair and big boobs. I’m just using Blake as an example. IF he pulled a Bill Clinton, I wouldn’t put up with that. This happens so much in families with political standing. And yet, Hillary is putting up with Bill. Oh, Mrs. Clinton, do something before Bill does it again. HE better be faithful to you or else. The good thing is that the daughter, Chelsea Clinton, has nice hair and good features and a good career ahead of her. She’s having a baby!
Ok, but those qualities of a good head of family go further. Another quality is that heads of family do not have to be male. True heads of families should possess the qualities I just went over. And one more thing, no head of family should put up with unfaithfulness or be unfaithful as in the case of Bill and Hillary. Hillary scares me, honestly. I’d rather vote for Elizabeth Warren. What a woman!
Anyway, Mary is about to walk in the door.
Beth

How Can We Best Curb Domestic Violence?

Dear Readers,
As I was listening to the sobering ad in the Super Bowl lineup, I was not surprised that a lady in a 911 call was trying to order pizza in order to disguise her true motive, to turn in her abuser. The emotional abuse of loved ones is prevalent in our culture. We know that domestic violence affects lots of different types of people. Mostly, it can affect vulnerable ladies and gentlemen. Domestic violence affects, more than ever, disabled, black, and some white women. There are many wives married to police officers who ultimately batter the wives. This isn’t good.
You may ask, how can we best curb this? Well, I have a plan. We need a big cultural makeover.
1. All men, regardless of age, should take a Domestic Violence prevention class at school or whatever. This would be the same class that Chris Brown had to take as a result of beating up Rihanna, and Rihanna still cared? She should have seen right through it. However, the domestic violence prevention class would cover all the subjects dealing with violence. If a man owns and operates a gun, he should be taught some things about not using the gun (if he’s a police officer) at home with his wife unless it’s to protect her from harm. That’s it. Some men just don’t get it.
2. During said domestic violence prevention class, men should be made to watch videos of women calling the police against their husbands. They should also be made to watch trials where men confess they battered their wives. The trial evidence should point at the events of emotional as well as physical abuse.
3. All people, men and women alike, should take mental health and wellness training and awareness classes. Part of these classes should involve emotional and physical abuse prevention. As part of the curriculum, said attendees of the classes should be made to watch videos of therapy sessions, well, not therapy sessions, but doctors and others talking about said sessions. In therapy where domestic violence is the topic, the social worker should be more aware of how these domestic violators act. Sometimes, we overlook the men who emotionally abuse their wives, force them to have sex, force them to do what they are told regardless of what the wives want.
4. As part of health and wellness training, all women should be emotionally “vaccinated” against domestic abusers by way of a symptom checklist. I’ll write the checklist right here:
If the man hits you, it’s bad, and it should be stopped.
IF you feel like there are too many rules in the relationship, it won’t work. It could lead to physical violence against you.
If you are not being allowed to call the man lovingly as the first name or some other name, that’s a clue. He could make you call him Master. Except in a martial arts atmosphere like Tae kwon do or Karate, Master is not an acceptable title. Lord is also unacceptable. Women calling their husbands Lord or Master are being emotionally manipulated or abused.
5. Ok, those obvious signs go out to the victims. The social workers need to change the way men think. We need to also change the way women are viewed. I’ll explain some more, so here goes:
Ever watched movies and seen how the women are portrayed? It starts when you’re little, so let me explain. Princess movies like Frozen depict women as pretty badass and daring, while other movies depict the women as submissive and timid. I would watch the historic stuff like Gone with the Wind only for historical purposes only. The kids should be allowed to watch character strengthening stuff. I wouldn’t mind Frozen so much, but there are other princess movies I would not condone. For instance, children as young as four years old need to be taught while watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs that girls are not only beautiful, but badass to. I would not allow them to think that a princess had to be pretty and frail and timid. Here’s another example: in the Little Mermaid, the Sea King demands that his daughter stay away from humans because they’re all fish eaters. While the Sea King’s logic is there to protect his own daughter and family, he has just put in little kids’ minds the concept of prejudice. “Don’t associate with him/her. He/she is a scalper/warrior.” That’s aimed at Native Americans, and such a logical statement could be the result of a prejudicial learning. “Stay away from the Chinese. All they do is make you made by not speaking our language. They eat us.” What? This is all a result of YOUR CHOICES and wrong thinking about people with regards to the Sea King’s statements about human beings. Ariel fell in love with a human prince. Big deal, King. So why are you trying to portray all humans as predatory when some of us don’t like seafood? Well, bad news for you, Sea King, I’m a seafood lover, but guess what else? I don’t eat mermaids. So stop thinking that I’m gonna eat your daughter. Your statement just told a lot of people it’s ok to portray others with bad thoughts. “Stay away from her. She’s mentally ill.” “Stay away from him, he wears the wrong style of clothing.” These quotes come as a result of your bad thinking in a movie!
Ok, that’s what your kids are watching. Movies with weird statements like that could lead elsewhere. Here’s another problem that needs to be solved: kids in black and otherwise less affluent communities should not watch violent and sexually violent movies. While hard to do, this measure needs to really apply to all kids, and all communities as well. How can we prevent this? Why not do a labeling system on DVDs? Place a green label on movies that are good to watch with kids, like Frozen. Place a yellow label on those movies that have suggestive content, perhaps the PG and PG-13 ones. On R rated movies with action and violence, not including but not even limited to Star Wars or Star Trek or other sci fi thrillers, put a dark red label on it. On each of the colored labels, I propose we write, “Appropriate for this age group, does not contain suggestive content.” For yellow labels, write, “Suggestive content is present such as sex, violence, or light amounts of bad language.” The yellow labels should have different shades to mean different amounts of bad content. No child under a certain age can watch movies with said labels on them. They must be taught this from a very young age. Even when watching a green labeled DVD, parents, teach your children that some of the stuff, like the King Tritan’s prejudice against humans, is bad. Saying to his daughter that all humans are bad promotes stereotyping in a watcher’s brain. Let’s continue.
The red labels should say, “Warning: no child under the age of eighteen may watch this. This film contains violence, sexual content, heinous portraits of women or girls or vulnerable peoples, and other forms of suggestive language and content. Parents, please watch the film with your children.” The labels should be light red for R, a bit darker red for even worse, but R still, and then dark dark red for the most vile content. Ok, that’s a good idea. I hope the Classification and Ratings Administration will jump on board with this. Imagine a world of movies with those said basic labels on them. You’d go to a store with your kids, and they’d go, “Why can’t I watch this?” As a parent, you say, “Because it has a red label on it. It’s bad.” In the mind of a four- or seven-year-old, this makes a lot of sense. I would never let my kids watch R rated movies. Much less anything not G rated or E rated. The same thing applies to video games. Grand Theft Auto would have a red label on it, and it would say the following warning, “Do not watch or play this material if you are under the age of eighteen. This contains horrific sexual content, violence, and suggestive language.” However, the E rated games with racing cars in them would say something like, “E. This game can be played by all ages and does not contain violence and suggestive language.” The problem with this culture we have is that kids are getting a hold of the what would be the red labeled games and movies.
I think the biggest problem that can lead to domestic violence is that a lot of parents don’t realize that their fighting and squabbling can lead the kids to believe that it’s ok to beat up Mom or Dad, meaning their own significant other. It’s ok to fight with your friends, pick on them, bully them.
Another problem we must teach is the prevalence of bullies and bullying online and in the real world. I’ve read countless accounts of where a vulnerable person, mainly a gay guy, a woman, or a disabled female or male is bullied, and nobody listens or does anything about it. If you’re a teacher and reading this, you know how it goes. Bully says, “You wart head. You have an STD. Get away from me or I’ll kick your ass.” You say, “Stop it, little kid. What do you honestly think you’re accomplishing by doing this?” Most domestic violence doers are former schoolyard and internet bullies. This has been scientifically proven and should be obvious by the way most of the trial evidence pops up. You find the prison psychologist is overrun with, “My client bullied people and had abusive parents and was mentally unstable.” Well, had your stupid clients had a class in domestic violence and bullying prevention, maybe this wouldn’t be as bad a problem. Part of the big problem in colleges with sexual assault so common in their partying atmospheres is that men are not taught that men can’t do these things to women., Here’s what I also propose we do to the roles of men and women.
Men should be taught that women, whether you like it or not, get the results of sexual activity with them. Women get pregnant. Duh. Right? Well, some men think all disabled women are sterile and don’t need condoms with them. That’s also wrong. I have all my parts working just fine, but no man is allowed to mess around with them. Men need to understand the sacredness of women’s roles in the family. It is the women who carry kids, and as such, they are the ones who should be given all the respect in the family. Men must be taught that a woman in labor could literally break down. It’s not even funny. If I were in labor, I’d scream at my partner if the partner was choking me. That’s an obvious thing. I’d also scream at my partner if he did something I didn’t want. When you’re in labor, you’re totally lost in the moment, trying to give birth to the little one. I’ve seen this written down, not the words exactly, but a woman in labor is someone to be reckoned with because of the fact that her role is sacred, her act is sacred, and her intimate parts are revealed in the hospital. Nurses and doctors will tell you that a woman and a female animal do the same things, and both have the same attitude with regards to their young. Both care for their young, and we must adopt said attitude about our women as well. Men as head of the family has ultimately been the worst mistake, not that big a mistake though. Saying that only men can head a family is a means for men to ultimately usurp power from women and say that a woman is a step above the children. Well, women must not be beaten, so if a child is bad, the child can’t be beaten either. In my view, there is no place for any vulnerable persons to be handled in this way by the upper subgroup, mainly the males.
I hope this domestic violence prevention class and the cultural makeover will work. It’s more than just labeling the media, but we need to also control carefully and teach carefully. Teaching is great, but mental health screenings should also tell the patient and caregivers what the patient’s potential is, for instance the patient has this disease and could be rendered a serial killer if therapy and counseling are not done. IF the patient screened has this other disease like drug addiction, patient is likely to do the domestic abuses and so on. Statistically, most drug addicts and especially alcoholics have a tendency to do battery towards women and vulnerable others. This sort of behavior is not condoned by society, but unknowingly, by not screening potential patients in the community care system, we condone such behavior. Not everybody needs a diagnosis or label on them, especially children. However, if a person is acting truly irrationally, threatening vulnerable others and wanting to kill animals other than wasps or bees and dangerous other things, then the person’s mental health should be called into question. This along with the other measures taken together should probably curb domestic violence. Then, we don’t have to worry about women calling 911 and delivering pizza to operators, but in fact she wants to get rid of an abuser. The last thing I’ll say is that women should not be afraid to tell off their abusers if this still goes on. For instance, someone should say, openly and without remorse, “My husband is being abusive. He beat me for the last three days. He is making me call him strange things. Blah blah blah.” Even before a 911 call is issued, a woman should look carefully at the man behind the mask. IF a man is charming, like my ex was, he might likely be a domestic violence initiator. I was fooled by the man’s charm, and he therefore abused, but it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t see. Now that I know what it’s like to be in such a bad relationship and what it’s like to feel ashamed, I will never do it again. Ever.
Beth

The Sanctity of Human Life: The Elderly and Their Plight Explained

Dear Readers,
It is often overlooked that the elderly have a sanctity issue in their lives. Oftentimes, we picture the elderly in our country as being either crotchety, charming, or both. Well, we also picture them as decrepit old people with no abilities. Some of this is true for only some people. Take my Nanny Wade for instance. She and those who came after her will all have bone density stuff going on. My grandma is already taking medications for this. My mom, as pretty and fit as she is, will probably develop hormone induced bone loss. My friend Amanda has some form of bone loss, the beginning stages of it, due to medications she took. Sadly, that can lead to problems later in life. I admit I hate milk, but I would like to find alternative sources of calcium.
that’s just a small portion of the stuff that plagues elderly folks today. If you look at the guardianship abuse page I posted on a previous entry, most of the victims of guardian abuse are elders and children, both vulnerable groups of people. Infants are the beginning, but if you take a developmentally disabled adult or young person and abuse them, you will likely not be criminally charged as hard as it would be if you did this to a normal infant. Elders, however, suffer the most when it comes to guardianship abuse.
I worked once at a nursing home. I was the activity assistant, so I got to do a lot with the residents, and the activities coordinator and job coach did scheduling of stuff with the elder residents in the home. They would do all sorts of activities to keep the residents happy, and I would do the most awesome stuff on piano for the residents. IF I were to become like them, or to lose the ever present memories of them, I’d have to think back at one thing: the Ice Cream Man Song. Yeah, it was really the Maple Leaf Rag, but I played it on the higher section of the keys to mimic the sound of an ice cream truck on its way. Well, the ice cream truck was the way I decided to go about letting the residents know that, once per week, their ice cream social was at hand. I enjoyed talking to some of the residents, I would say lots of things to try and ease their pain. A lot of times, the elders are abandoned at homes so that the families can “get them off their hands.” Sadly, such abandonment is not good for the family or the elders in question. Blake and I discussed what we might have to do when one of us is old or incapacitated. Blake says he wants to keep me with him, which is the right thing to do. If we have any survivors left behind, we need them to help us make decisions about our golden years. For instance, daughter or son may say, “But Mom, you are retired now, do you want to live in a retirement community?” I’d be the first to say, “Heck no.” My son or daughter may get married and have their own families, but I’d stress it to them. Mothers and fathers and elders are important. There are a lot of things we can learn from them. I learned a lot from my elderly grandparents and great grandparents before they died. I carry such messages with me in my being, and some include the ice boxes in the 1940s. Grammy, my dad’s mom, used to talk about the stuff they’d do in the ’40s. She married at a ripe young age of seventeen, which is uncommon without a divorce or break of the relationship before ten years is up. Today, if Grammy looks at it this way, the divorce rate is too high and technology has overpowered the way we live.
Elderly people can teach us about the simple life. I like the life I live. I have no TV in my apartment, and that’s the way most of your grandparents lived. Grammy probably didn’t see much of a TV until sometime later in the ’50s. Colored TV was not prominent till that time. Imagine the eldrs’ complaints about school. Did they experience bullying like we do now? Abandoning such vessels of wisdom is awfully bad. When I worked at the nursing home, I talked to and comforted many people. The memory care ward is great, but some of the people have since died, but I’m serious, those people have so much to offer. Some of my relatives are nursing home patients past. Mary Taurasi died at the home where she and her husband James Taurasi I. Both Nanna and papa Taurasi had great lives, but unlike so many elderly people, the Taurasi relatives had people visiting them. We in my family make it a point to visit constantly with our elders. So many others don’t. The thing to do is … well, visit your elders. Even my friend Elizabeth did this with her mom who had Parkinson’s Disease. Elizabeth cared for her mom, and even if her mom hated her or whatever the thing was, Elizabeth still did care about her mom. If I were an elder, I’d want my end of life issues to be handled by my living relations. Life insurance? I think it’s a rip off because there’s such a thing as a will. I plan to do a living will. If I have to do anything, I’ll confess, I’ll help my parents put together their end of life stuff. My mother and dad, as much as I hate the things they did, will get some of what they ask for from me. IF, for instance, my mom has the bone disease, I’m going to see that she gets the proper care she needs. In her home! I don’t like nursing homes, and I don’t care how expensive it is to get an in home nanny. I would get the Granny Nannies to deal with my mom or dad if need be. My parents and brothers and I would all have meetings over the phone and determine what will happen as the end of both parents’ lives draws near. As a younger person, it is hard to imagine what it will be like for me to lose my nerves, become elderly, and lose capacity to do things. Blake swears he’ll do all things for me if need be. IF he’s gone, well, let’s hope not. Since I’m significantly older than Blake, chances are I’ll be gone first. Blake will have to take care of me, and the surviving progeny will do the same. My family will never dump me in a home. Not even if there was any bad blood. Honestly, a home for elders is not a good idea, and group homes for people who don’t share common interests is not a good idea either.
I’ll say this much: elders are important. Memories are important. For the sake of prosperity, I’ll say one little memory here before I close the post. Delmar Eldridge, Blake’s dear grandfather, was the King of the smoker before he lost his abilities. He was able to light up when I was talking about stuffed peppers and mushrooms. Gosh, we all know what that does to us.
I’ll say something else, something a lot of people forget. Auschwitz survivors will tell you how hard it was, deadly in the camp. An elder Japanese American will say the same of Manzanar. The point is don’t leave your elders behind. Respect and give a place of honor to those at the end of their natural lives.
Beth