Dear Readers and friends,
I’m sorry to report that Blake and I are in a snag to seeing each other. I bought two plane tickets with two airlines, and I will not cancel the tickets fares reservations whatever you call them. They were over $200, and I had no caregiver on Friday, and I refuse to say that the person who bought my groceries had to spend whatever it meant to spend on Groceries. I will not give up on spending time with Blake because of finances, that is a stupid reason to give up. Mark 10:9 may only apply to married people in the churchpeople’s minds, but Blake and I will someday wed and bear children, and I wish people would see how much I would spend to be with him. I’d rather spend money to see him, but his dad was supposed to pay me back. My parents are unsupportive of relationships because of the Jason curse and other silly matters. I will do a Gofundme if I must because I don’t see why anyone would tell me to OWN IT. I”m sorry, but I”m being told I’m obsessed, and Blake doesn’t know where to go. I want money and a job. I must be lifted from these circumstances because it’s simply not good for me mentally. I’m not going to give Blake up because of something my parents want. In fact, I’m not going down to Florida because of my parents’ uncomfortability with relationships and treating me as though I was Katie, the dog I had when I was about 2 to 4 years old. Katie is in Dog heaven now, probably chasing balls and squirrels with Jesus and other dog companions. God bless Katie, she was probably God’s most loyal creature ever.
I’m not even kidding. There’s this funny poem called I will call you Dog My Friend. Jesus didn’t know what the creature was that followed him around and stood at heel with him, and he said, “I will give you my name from front to back, and I’ll call you Dog my friend.” Well, dogs are man’s best friend, and we are made in God’s image and likeness. How can I own anything without going to Phoenix? I can’t pay lyft, and I don’t wanna be in a negative $500 or whatever, and I won’t be able to refund the tickets without penalty of a significant amount more. So forget it, I”m going. IF Mr. Norris, Blake’s dear old man, would please pay me back, I wouldn’t have to go this far. I wouldn’t have to go so far as to do a Go Fund Me crowd funding source to do fundraising to get my bills paid. Some people want abortions with that, but I’m not paying for the murder of my dear unborn child. I’m serious. I would never pay for that. I just want $300 to pay my bills, and if there are working people who could please help me go on this vacation, I don’t care what my parents say. I want funds to do it and I can’t get a job at this point. I’m sick of staying alone at my apartment. I’m sick of just staying with family whose blood children aren’t my lovers. I want my lover, Blake, and I want him … now. He doesn’t really like dogs or cats, and I wish he had a dog. Doesn’t he know I’m as loyal as any puppy to him? Ok, I’m not the dog, but if I were Blake’s guide dog, God I’d be treated better than this. I’d work my daily rounds with Blake for a cup of kibbles and bits for God’s sake. IF only I were a butterfly, I could fly to Phoenix faster than the speed of sound, and I’d drop on Blake’s shoulder and turn back into me. I’d never want to lose him for that moment, in that moment, from this moment on.
I know that my mom and dad would be angry with me, but I must go on a vacation and Blake’s dad was supposed to pay me back, but then I spoke to two friends from my church, who said I can’t give you anything. Sorry, but fine. I’ll find some other way. I must have money, and it must be $2000 per month, I don’t care if that adds on to six figures, I need the money so I can pay the rent for a fair market apartment, pay for my wedding without going into debt, etc. I don’t care!
Please, my dear friends, help me. IF you live in the U.S., I’ll have a Go Fund Me site up soon, and if anyone can give $10 … if I had thirty people give ten dollars, I’d be happiest. I don’t care if only one person gets me a few, but this money will ease the burden of having to pay bills, ease Blake’s dad’s burden, I don’t care. I just want to see Blake again, and it hurts me to hear Kathy scream like this, “Why did you do this to me!” It hurts me to see Blake upset because he can’t go anywhere from here, can’t come to Denver, etc. It hurts me to see myself upset because I never will see Blake if I can’t prove his family wrong. I expect a reward for being so damn loyal, and I wish God would give me the strength to be a more loyal person, but I may be a bit too loyal. I’m not leaving Blake in Phoenix until I die. I’m not going to stop loving my boyfriend till I’m dead. Not till the day I drop dead.
IF I could tell myself at six how it felt to be abused, I would say, “Bad.” Just a three letter word for something so horrendous: “Princesses are not real.” Give me a break, family. I want a prince in my life, and all the other boyfriends were frogs, and Jason was … a rotten toad. He was too rotten for me. Blake is a frog that I kissed, even in my mind, and according to Czech legend, if you kiss a frog and it turns into a prince, you’ve found the right one. A lady named Erika told me this, and I’ve believed it somehow. Well, not real frogs. But personality wise, a lot of men are frogs. Blake is not a frog. He is a handsome prince. He became my prince when I laid my hand in his, when my dreams were infiltrated with a longing unlike any other. When he said he loved me, I stopped thinking about Jason. Blake, when I hear you say, “I love you.”, it makes me feel as though the world stops turning. When he says he loves me, I feel like the Queen of Denver. I feel like I’m the Queen of Denver, and I am someone valuable and special. It’s not in the roses I get, it’s not the diamonds that other men might buy me or my body with. It’s the words. Words are like weapons, but there are purr words as Hayakawa might have said. The great philosopher Hayakawa said things about “snarl words and purr words.” When you say you love me, my Blake, the words, … feels like a purr of a cat. Isn’t that a good thing? I’m not kidding. When you said you cared about me, I felt so valued and loved, I did not need a single rose. I don’t care if you are poor, penniless, you at least have a family, you’re not those weirdos on the street, etc. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again, but my heart beats your name every night. Blake, dear, you have so many things to tell me. I don’t want to be angry with you, I”m not.
It just helps me to say I’m in tears writing this entry, I’ve lost potential lovers with my family around, and now there’s you. I know the perfect song for you:
“There were bells on the hill,
But I never heard them ringing.
No I never heard them at all till there was you.
There were birds in the sky, but I never heard them singing,
No I never heard them at all,
Till there was you.”
Wonderful quote there.
Guys, if you really cared I know you’d all read this and respond accordingly. I know I should OWN this, but I can’t own this and go financially downhill like this, I can’t afford to lose my house and stuff. I must go, and I can’t lose Blake, but he’s more important.
Thank you all.