Ok, My Needs Revealed

HEre I am, sitting here, bad taste in my mouth AGAIN! WHat in the world has happened to me! I am stressing out to the point of being sick, so here’s what I think is causing it. A stomach virus keeps popping into my stomach and causing me to barf into the toilet or have to do so. I tried taking pepto bismol, but to no avail. I had to throw my guts out, and it was awful. Blake had to leave to watch a football game, and he never came back that night. I thought he would, but still, football is a favorite sport of his. Honestly, I’m proud that I’m doing fantasy football with Blake in his NFL managed league. What’s weird is I just found out my cousin Robert is doing a fantasy football league and I hope it’s on NFL dot com. Robert is awesome. He’s a Broncos fan. Well, yeah, so am I. They beat the Seahawks, a well deserved beating they got after they beat us in the Super Bowl, so let’s beat them again, … and again … and again! The Broncos were not playing like ponies, colts. They played like … well, broncos. The funny thing is that there’s a team in Indiana called the Colts, which is synonymous with a baby horse. A male to be exact is termed a colt. and a female babe is a fillie. I use such terms as technical.
Well, honestly, I am so stressed about not ever seeing Blake again. I wish Miss Cathy would listen, not just barrel into herself and feel bad for herself for losing the other boy. I’m sorry that the other man in her life left, and I’m sorry his girlfriend committed such a horrific act. It doesn’t make sense that someone would do that. Chad should’ve been a gifted young man with more potential, but then again, musicians are the ones with the highest rate of substance abuse, early death, mental illness, bipolar and so on. Musicians and artists are the ones to be labeled “crazy” to be frank. Here are the things I’d like from Blake and his dear mother:
1. I want physical contact with Blake, regardless of how one feels about me. I’m not one to harm Blake in any way. I’ve never committed a crime, but when you, Cathy, make it impossible for me and Blake to have physical contact, it makes me feel like our relatoinship is worthless and unattainable. I need to see Blake so bad, and I’ve been prevented from having physical and direct contact with other guys before due to people’s misconceptions about blindness and disability. Jason Lawrence, a guy in my high school, is a classic example. I was only a teenager, and I was offended by Jason’s nonchalant way of dealing with me, and worst of all, one of his friends was not a good person in the situation. I won’t name him, except by his initials: C.N. C.N. did not like me for some strange reason, and called me a “bitch.” My time in high school could’ve been worse had Mr. Lawrence not shown me a way to overdo things: smack C.N. in the head with a mallet while he was hiding under one of the timpani covers. That served him right, but Jason still did not want to associate with me. The same went for O.H. I’m not naming him here because I don’t know who’s reading the blog. It was prevention from having a relationship with a guy that ultimately landed me in “psych ward.” Sorry, I hate to reveal this stuff, but it serves the purpose of telling Cathy that preventing me from seeing Blake is ultimately going to stress the hell out of me.
2. I aspire to marry and have a life with Blake away from Cathy and out of her nest. Yes, Cathy, I know Blake needs you, and I know you need him, but you can’t sleep with him. You guys are too old and developed to co-sleep. It’s weird to do that. Adult sons don’t sleep with their moms, and that’s just way Freudian for me to think about. So watch that please, and realize that I want what’s best for all of us.
3. What would happen if I didn’t get what I wanted? I would have to find an alternate solution, find another guy. I’ve tried to do this on dating personals sites, and that was before Grace Community Church, but I don’t want a guy who doesn’t understand about blindness or doesn’t have a predisposition for a positive view of blindness and compounded with the mental stuff, it really makes me upset when I can’t see someone. Perhaps this kind of stress is making me sick, and it can’t be the food at all. I hate throwing up, having fevers, other symptomatic things that run the gamut betwee something light and minor like a stomach flu to something more serious like … um, a bacterial infection that keeps coming back. I had one of those in 2007. A throat infection that landed me a cough was detected by a doctor in my old hometown. It’s important to know that the doc got it, and then he prescribed antibiotics. If I can’t have Blake, Lord knows what infections might plague me as a result of me not being able to have a fulfilled and happy life with someone I desire, with someone that can voice a positive view of blindness, someone who won’t abuse my kids and ultimately make me miss them more. What if my husband was antihomosexual so much so that he’d kill his trans son? What if he actually did kill my gay son? I’d h ave to file for divorce, not fall for the brainwashing, and take the bad boy to court. Blake is not a homophobe in any sort of way, though it is not biblical to be in a gay relationship. Blake would not take life because life isn’t natural to him or anything, therefore he’s a candidate, probably the only one. Please look over this and think on it.
Beth
P.S. My stomach feels weird, so I better hop in bed again.

Author: denverqueen

My name is Beth. I'm blind from birth and enjoy the blogging atmosphere. I am a creative person, a musician, a writer, etc. This is me. Take it or leave it.

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